Some people feel the burden of 'time' They've seen it all before. Like a record skipping.
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FOR RENT: OLD SOUL
Nothing seems different today. But today can never be the same as the one that is now past. I feel like the same person that I was yesterday. But in reality, maybe not exactly. We are the product of our experiences, and there are new ones all the time. We learn something new, no matter how small, each and every day, so I am different, and yet pretty much the same. But something new has been introduced into my life. Something comforting and relaxing. It is nothing earth-shattering, at least not at the moment. But it may have me looking at many of the experiences of my life in a slightly different light as time moves on. I was introduced to the concept of an 'Old Soul' during one of my little research projects on the internet. It was a simple Pinterest post from Aletheia Luna through her site LonerWolf.com.
I am not sure exactly what caught my eye but after reading the post, it tugged at my soul. It sounded kind of campy at first, but upon reflection, and my life involves quite a bit of reflection, I just can't get the thought of other old souls out there going through what I have experienced in my little journey upon the path of life. Did I say 'others'? Yes, I am hooked. I have never really liked any of the labels I have worn during my life, but this is one I just can't seem to shake. I just may well be an 'old soul'. In fact, I don't believe that I have ever not been one, and I think that there is no matter of choice in this. You can't take a course or order it on special. You are or you aren't. Maybe you are and you have just not realized it as yet. It is a matter of experience. It is a matter of time. It is probably a matter of lifetimes. Am I kidding myself? Always a possibility. Not like I haven't been able to do that before. But there is something about the whole concept that just makes more sense with each moment of contemplation I invest in the idea.
In any case, whether I have found a small niche in which to reside, for a day or a few lifetimes, I wanted to share with you the post that I discovered on that day. Again, the post was 9 Signs That You Are An ' Old Soul ' by Aletheia Luna.
The 9 Signs That You Are An Old Soul
YOU TEND TO BE A SOLITARY LONER
YOU LOVE KNOWLEDGE, WISDOM AND TRUTH
YOU ARE SPIRITUALLY INCLINED
YOU UNDERSTAND THE TRANSIENCE OF LIFE
YOU ARE THOUGHTFUL AND INTROSPECTIVE
YOU SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE
YOU ARE NOT MATERIALISTIC
YOU WERE A STRANGE, MALADAPTIVE KID
YOU JUST FEEL OLD
You have to understand that most of these things have been used to describe me over the years, and usually not in a positive way. Some of them are my own observations, long-held beliefs of my attributes, difficult to decide if they were vices or virtues. It was interesting to see them used as a rite of passage, instead of a societal commentary of a miscreant.
The first comment, of course, caught my eye. I have always been a loner. There is no question of that. I say so, and no one has ever disagreed. At all. Ever. But not just a loner. A solitary loner. What the hell is that? A loner in a sea of loners? Now we are talking! Hit the proverbial nail on the head. Straight on. So they now had my attention.
I guess most people love knowledge, wisdom, and truth. Don't they? I find it hard not to. Everyone professes to, even though many do not really care all that much, or understand what it might mean, but doesn't everyone want that, really? Don't we need those things to make sense of the universe? To give substance to our lives? To give purpose to our path? I think I can make the case that these things are of some importance to me. Who tries to start a website based on practical philosophy who does not care about those things? They are fundamental concepts to my site and my life. Call me crazy, and that has happened as well, but this lady started with a couple of good signs.
My spiritual path has been one of discovery. Nothing earth-shattering like revelation or epiphany or anything. A slow slog through mankind’s insecurities and need to control. To something that doesn't need slaves to keep it going through the muck of human deficiencies and frailties. Something with a little less hypocrisy, and a little bit more rock and roll. Something more personal. Something more real. I was born a Christian. A catholic, as it were. Catholic school through high school. Church every Sunday. No exceptions! At least not officially. The family was not overly religious, but certainly believers to the best of my knowledge. Maybe a bit more religious than the norm, since there was an uncle and a brother who became priests. I even had a stint as an altar boy, but that was short-lived and probably not a strong aspect of my personality profile. But good people, all of them, trying to do the right thing. And successful most of the time.
I think I was a loner even before I understood what religion was. And loners don't mix well with organized religion. Way too rigid. Way too dogmatic. When I asked why? They said because. I don’t know about you, but that answer never really gave me much confidence in whoever I was talking to. So, not a lot of good answers. Not a lot of useful information, and eventually, not a lot of me. I read the bible. Good book. Bestseller. But like the religion, full of, shall we say, eternally divine bullshit. But don’t get me wrong. You could do a lot worse than live your life based on many of the principles set out in the book, and I follow many of them myself today. But all of them? Not a chance. I have looked at many viewpoints on religion, and spiritual philosophies, over the years. Some in-depth. I have chosen what sounds right and makes rational sense as well. Something has coalesced into my own spirituality. I adopt what my soul tells me rings true. So I do not identify with being a Christian. I consider myself an …. Independent, shall we say. There can be no religion for a loner, unless that be the religion of self. Destiny gives loners a unique opportunity to see life from a vastly different perspective. Embrace it and roll with it. It can be a good journey, if it doesn't kill you. But all paths end in death. Hopefully, it is only a pit stop to the next step. If not, what the hell, I gave it my best shot.
So we are only through 3 signs and she certainly has my attention at this point. Even if she is crazy, she is interestingly so. Crazy people are rarely boring. I like that. The first 3 signs pretty much ensure that you are at least a bit introspective. This is certainly the case with me. Loners spend a lot of time with.......themselves. And they think. And they talk to themselves. Why? Because no one else is comfortable talking with them. I have heard the saying that those who talk to themselves are on the verge of genius. Or, they may be on the verge of crazy. Both make a lot of sense. Both are possible. Take your pick. For me, I believe that it depends on the season or the day of the week.
Introspection invariably leads to the whole concept of life and the obviousness of its fragility and shortness. Everything is here but for the blink of an eye. If we have but one life, it will be over barely after it has begun. Such a tragedy if this is the truth. I hope with my soul that this is not so, but it will forever be beyond my ability to discover the answer, at least during this life. Being thoughtful, or introspective, or even seeing the big picture, are all a part of what has already been said. So maybe there are only 6 signs, who knows? We can talk about other attributes like empathy and understanding and analysis. I guess you can think quite a bit and accomplish relatively little, although I find that hard to believe. You go through issues, over and over again, and ask yourself questions, as many as you can think of. You try and be open to new information and accepting of different ideas and concepts that may have been foreign at one time. You make an effort to consider not only the possibilities but the ramifications. This can only bring about some progress forward on your path, and enlightenment as to what is right and wrong, and how you should live your life and treat others. When you do these things, you have no choice but to learn, and to change, and inevitably to grow.
Being materialistic is always something we all have to deal with. Who doesn't like stuff? I love stuff. But what is materialistic? I honestly do not believe that I am materialistic but some might disagree. Do I have to walk around in a sarong in sandals to be rid of the mantle of materialistic? Why not be naked? That certainly makes a point. I like stuff. I have lots of stuff. But most of it is crap. Interesting to me, but probably not to anyone else. Most need to be repaired, in some fashion, and I will someday. Or at least I intend to. But we both know for most of it, it's the dumpster, right after I climb in. I do live in a house and drive a car. I try to buy quality when there is something I have decided it is needed. But luxuries? Not a lot. We don't live outside our means. We earn what we have and we try to enjoy life as best we can. We treat ourselves to a little something now and again. Life is tough. It is nice to enjoy some of the ‘unnecessaries‘ to take off the edge. But materialistic. Don't think so. No Joneses in our life. Just life.
It gets a little more up close and personal with the next sign. Just who does she think she is, judging me as a maladaptive. Don't get me wrong, not criticizing. From my point of view, you could not find a more maladaptive kid. I was it. I am just not sure that she can make that determination. Or myself, for that matter. It's not like my parents could afford to have me tested or anything. And what would that have proved? ADHD didn't even exist at that point, and if it actually did, it would have probably made me headline news when I went over the edge instead of the reality of what happened.
But there is a vicious circle that exists with all this. If you are different, in any way, as a child, you are put in the box labeled weird. Troublemaker. Doesn’t play nice. Problem child. Difficult to control. You choose. I have lived in all those boxes. Once you are different, you get labeled. Once you are labeled your life is changed forever. I believe that I would have been a loner under any circumstances. But children are cruel. It is a matter of self-preservation. I don't really blame them, but it is true none the less. If everyone is picking on somebody else they ain't pickin' on you. Better them than me. It is what it is. And when they put you at arm’s length, you are then officially a loner. And people who associate with loners are just as bad. I guess that is when you become a solitary loner. And you become a loner, whether you want to or not. You don't get to choose. And if you are not really a loner, and just a weird kid, it can mean your death, psychologically, metaphysically, or actually. Or the death of others. I don't know exactly where psychotics or psychopaths come from, but I think that you may find they did not have good relationships with their little friends.
I was lucky. I chose to be a loner. Maybe circumstance had something to do with it. But I never really fought it. I felt different. I never liked what other people liked. I didn't want to act as they acted. I didn't look for the affirmation they looked for. I realize as I write these words something I felt. I felt old. Very old. Unable to understand why other people did what they did. It’s not like I didn't try. I am not saying I was chained in the corner or stood at the edge of the woods in dark clothing. My childhood was happy enough. I played with other kids. I had my issues, but I knew nothing else. For me, it was normal and it was the way things were. But I still questioned why, and I continued to have a problem with understanding what made my way of thinking and doing things differently than pretty much everyone else. Maybe I am just doing some personality transference here to accept a tag of 'old soul' but somehow it seems different. Somehow it makes sense. But it really doesn't make all that much difference. I am still who I am, and will continue on the path I have chosen. Until I have no more choices to make. Step by step. Towards the light. Why doesn't that damn light ever get any closer? And yet another step.
So my life goes on. Maybe something like convergence is going on. Everything you do brings you to today. My life has changed dramatically over the last few months. It feels like it is going straight uphill. And you know what? I like it. Better now than it has been for a long, long time. A little more peace and a little less drama. I could always use a little less drama, but I will take what I can get. I am talking. I am writing. I am sharing, and that is certainly something different and new for me. So as I pick up this mantle of 'old soul', I want to wear it proudly, and hope to touch, and be touched, by someone who can understand, and maybe profit by, some of my thoughts and observations. So today I put out my new sign, and I am open for business.
For Rent: Old Soul
The cost is reasonable.
It's the only one you're in.
For the moment.