The Opposite Side of the Seat

"It was a chair, officer."

"Yeah, like, a chair-wolf."

"A chair-wolf, sir?"

"Yeah!"

"That’s what we are saying, officer. A chair-wolf."

"Are you sure it wasn’t just a wolf? I mean, these are wolf tracks."

"Because the legs are, like, wolf legs, yeah."

"But the rest of the body was… chair, officer."

"Chair?"

"Yeah, just chair, dude."

"Bennie, it’s ‘officer’, not ‘dude’. Sorry, officer."

"No problem, ma’am."

“But yes. Legs of a wolf, body of a chair."

"But you said it was trying to bite you."

"Yeah, it totally was! It had a mouth!"

"A mouth?"

"Yes, it had a mouth, officer. With teeth."

"In the… wolf part?"

"Dude, are you listening? It only had wolf legs."

"Bennie! Don’t be rude. Apologize to the officer."

"Sorry."

"But no, officer. The mouth wasn’t on the wolf part."

"... on the chair part then, ma’am?"

"Yeah, dude!"

"Bennie!"

"Sorry."

"Yes, officer, on the chair part. On the opposite side of where you sit, more precisely."

"Okay. One question though... How did it try to bite you if the teeth were, and correct me if I’m wrong, facing the ground then?"

"It jumped, officer."

"Jumped?"

"Yes. It jumped very high and tried to bite our heads."

"Oh, um, it jumped... Right. Of course… And are you injured in any way?"

"No, we ducked!"

"Yes, officer, we ducked."

"And then we totally ran away."

"Did the, um, chair-wolf chase you?"

"Oh yeah, it totally did… chaise us!"

"Bennie! ...Yes, officer, it did."

"Was it… fast?"

"Well, not as fast as a wolf, officer."

"Faster than a chair, though. Right, mum?"

"Yes, Bennie, faster than a chair"

"Okay, so, I have a chair-wolf, legs of a wolf and body of a chair, that’s jumping around trying to bite people’s heads off with a mouth on the side of the seat that’s facing the ground."

"Yes, officer."

"Well, good thing you weren’t chased by a stool-wolf, huh? I’d imagine those ones are probably faster."

"Was that meant to be funny, officer?"

"No, ma’am. I’m sorry, ma’am."

"Not cool, dude."

"Okay. Excuse me. I need to process this at the station."

“Watch where you sit, dude!”

“Bennie!”

“Sorry, mum.”