Valentine's Day

Hey boss, I have some ideas for Valentine's Day and a personal request"

"OK, start with the Valentine's Day ideas and these had better be good, we are suffering in this pandemic, jobs are on the line."

"Yes, pandemic...exactly, we are in pain."

"Err yeah"

"So maybe rather than going for pink and glitzy, like normal, we should be going for something that keeps it real."

"Why? Pink and glitzy sells, and over the top proclamations of undying love."

"Yes but this Valentine's Day many people are in lockdown, many singles have not had a cuddle, in well a year, and their online romances are the only thing keeping them going."

"So why change the format from pink and glitzy? I am not following you."

"When you are with someone, you are all too aware of bad B.O., stinky breath, food stains on their clothes and so, on Valentine's Day, you paint a dream of perfection, which everyone knows is a bit of a fib, but kind of works anyway, and makes people feel special."

"Yes go on..."

"But in a pandemic, well you've not smelt someone else's fart, or B.O., in a year, and you kind of miss that. You've been swearing undying love online, in the hope she will take her bra off on the webcam, and so...

"And so the thing you miss is the reality of sweat, smell, touch, with all its imperfections - that is actually not so bad an idea. How on earth do you implement that without being utterly offensive?"

"Good that you ask, I have some ideas.."

"Go on"

"For our picture cards, we could have a lady sitting on a toilet dressed like a princess, smiling into the camera, with a tiara, and the comment. 'It is the simple things I miss - smell you later.' Or a picture of a woman with food stains all over her blouse, bits of cake around her mouth, and a glorious smile with the caption - 'I am missing your mess this Valentine's Day.' Or a picture of a scantily clad man and woman mud wrestling in a pigsty with the caption - 'Looking forward to getting down and dirty with you later.'"

"Those are not actually bad ideas and what was the request?"

"Well boss, could you take your bra off now?"



W/C 387