|If you close your Heart and Think Blank thoughts you can survive. Too many things bombarding my brain is allowing me to Survive. Daddy left me just over 4 months ago and NOW momma is preparing for her own departure.
I cannot express my own emotions because I feel I need to be prepared to be support for other humans. I have been conditioned to limit tears. Beginning at age 12y I knew I HAD to keep it together. "Death is part of Life. If the departed has received Salvation then there should be no tears." I grew up with my Great Grandmother as an active part of my Life. Her death at a Ripe Old Age was obviously a given.
My paternal Grandmother was diagnosed with Breast cancer when I was 9yrs of age. Her Mastectomy was proof of the seriousness of her illness. I was almost 14yrs old when a case if pneumonia was found to be a Metastatic Mess. Everything happened so fast that there was barely any time to process this in my adolescent mind. I knew it was Bad, her children & siblings returned to Lacey to have their Final words with her. That day snuck up on me, I came home from a day of babysitting to a full house. Several of Grandma's siblings were gathered in our living room, I knew it was Real. I simply said a mere Four words with little intonation. "Grandma died didn't she".
My cousins cried while I consoled. I was told many times by some that I was Lucky that she was such a big presence in my life.
I am proud to have had such wonderful Women as part of my Upbringing though a part of me went numb, changing me irrevocably.