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Rated: E · Column · Educational · #2254221
An essay with points on a subject of dating and its rules.
Courting—old fashioned? Maybe? Consider this.

Who ever said “ignorance was bliss”—was probably never in a relationship.

In a conversation with a person my junior by 30 years or so,
I made the discovery that she held that, in her words," the belief Courting was a thing of the past." and that "no one did that anymore! It was too old fashioned.” I realized instantly that she had had a number of misunderstandings about what courting was, its purpose and that of dating and the roles they do, and will play in any relationship.

Now I don't profess to be any kind of relationship guru but Ive had my fair share of bad relationships but, I was fortunate in that most of them for me were early in the game before things were explained to me by my Grandmother. So I feel obligated to share a piece of knowledge many have seemed to have never gotten or never applied because it was misunderstood or just unknown. So, Allow me to explain.

Ready. Dating and Courting are not things you do as much as they are important labels to determine where you are in your relationship.

Let me break this down further. First—Dating has two parts. Going out, meeting new people, having fun, exploring ones own gender role. It is now that you try new things but for the important purpose of learning what you like and equally important, what you don't like.

Which brings me to the second part. After all what are you dating for? Most women Ive spoken to say "to get married.,"and most men say "to have fun, till they get married."
In either case the second part of dating is to arm yourself with the ability to recognize the characteristics of such an individual.
Now it’s at this point, for many, that things go awry.

Consider, You've found someone your comfortable around, makes you feel good, special. You want to,"go steady, be exclusive, you don't want him or her to cheat on you. Am I right? If I am, then for you the the difference between dating and courting at this point will be important to you.

And here it is. There is no such thing as cheating when you're dating. Let me repeat that. If you are "dating" you can't accuse your friends if they decide to go out with another of "cheating" on you.

This can seem unfair and certainly without an understand of the purpose of establishing a courtship, seem even painful. Leading to headaches, fights or worse. But, keep in mind, a courtship is not a thing as much as it is a communication to your partner that you are ready and want more from them. It Is a declaration, yes, and an important one so the two of you can get onto the same page. And Being on the same page is the whole point. It's why cultures regardless of trappings have always been about both parties being on the same page. The parties agree, the parents agree. While the trappings have never been important.. The communication and its reciprocal agreement has always been the point. Now it's At this point he or she is now accountable to you for their actions.

And you can legitimately inflict all the rage you feel because breaking the trust given in a courtship is in fact, a betrayal. .

Let me further clarify what I mean by be on the same page. . You've been seeing him for a few months.You think of him as your boyfriend then one night . You and your girls go out and you see him with another. They see him or her too. Has he or her betrayed your trust? Yes, but only if the two of you had talked and decided to stop dating others.. If you haven't. then he or she is within there rights to continue dating. What do you do!

This may be hard but, Bring it up later with them. With this approach you can now know where you stand in any relationship. If he or she is resistant to being on the same page, you now know there is an impediment to moving the relationship forward. They’re not ready. They’re not sure of you or you are not sure of them, They just want to continue to play the field or whatever. It's now on you to break off or stay together, but the palette of things that can become reality are now squarely in front of you.

Keep in mind the overall purpose of courting or going steady or anything you want to call it is to consider the partner for marriage and building a family. It's not to cultivate any
belief that you have claim to the individual or any ownership.

You do not.

Its my hope that a renewed awareness of a very old yet time honored-understanding of Courting and its rules may ease some of the emotional stress that can arise when one is not on the same page with the ones they love.

By Dayna AKA Ironworker
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