A Personal Essay, the night I realize my marriage was over.
Broken Trust No. II
Can you trust your spouse? During October 1986, I was married for six faithful, happy years. I had a beautiful wife and two children, ages six and three years old. Until one Friday evening when she visited a new friend, I never questioned her commitment to our marriage.
Pat kissed me before she walked out the door; five hours that changed our lives. However, upon her return, tension and silence engulfed the atmosphere. She darted into the kitchen and kept herself busy; she was scrubbing the oven at eleven O’clock at night. So, I called out to her; reluctantly, she entered the parlor where I was. She fidgeted and twirled her red hair continuously, her lips were like dehydrated fruit, and her voice was crackly. Also, there were beads of sweat across her forehead. Did she think I would not notice? Everything implied she was cheating and marriage troubles were in our forecast. As a result, I intended to resolve my suspicions so I could rest. I asked her what she did all night (up there) in a casual tone.
“Nothing happened,” she instantly replied.
I raised an eyebrow momentarily. It wasn’t playing cards or watching TV. No, it was an assurance and justification, which is always part of a cover-up. It was a lie! That was the rationale and mindset of a guilty person at work. Therefore, I imagined a robot running in circles and randomly swinging his arms about. All the while, he was yelling Danger! Warning! Danger! Warning! I knew she was as guilty as I suspected earlier.
Tightly, I clenched my fist! My breathing hastened; I too, was sweating excessively. My heart just shattered, akin to a broken stained glass window that left fragmented pieces behind. Because no relationship can survive without trust and faithfulness, there was nothing left to fight for; a notion that turned-out to be true.
Afterwards, I guarded my heart considerably more and I wasn’t so eager to trust others so freely. It had to be earned! Also, faithfulness, or the lack thereof, was a quality of one’s character. So, don’t ignore it! Last, take the time to know a person before you enter into a committed relationship or marriage.
Today, an old jazz tune played on the radio, ‘Getting Sentimental Over You.’ Slowly, a tear shimmers down across my left cheek while I reminisce. These days, I am more somber and angry, though more tempered, because of how disposable I was to her. Yet, I am reminded of the words of my late brother, Trapper, “If they’re going to lie about the little things then they’ll surely lie about the bigger ones.”