College football is king across the country, and pretenders to the throne are unwelcome.
“This is boring.”
"Whaddaya mean, boring? It's college football!"
"It's Texas State versus Arkansas State, Ted. It's the Sunbelt Conference, for cryin' out loud. You can practically see Ann Arbor - proud home of Big Ten football - from your back porch! They're chewin' up the middle of the field. This is boring."
"Well, I'm sorry the Michigan game's blacked out for our area, Ron! This is the only game my alleged 'sports package' is offering."
"Excuse me for not gettin' all pumped up, but the Red Wolves are down 2 with 1:05 to play, and they're on their own 37 yard line. The only field goals their kicker's made were basically extra-point chip shots, so they may as well go for a touchdown. Not too likely."
Completed passes of 14 and 9 yards, and a run of 11 yards later, Arkansas State's field goal team takes the field.
[TV announcer] "This will be from 46 yards. There's the snap, the hold is good, the kick is up, and...it's no good! Bless his heart, Brian just missed what would have been his longest field goal of the game, and the game-winner, to boot. Our final score from Centennial Bank Stadium here in Jonesboro: the Texas State Bobcats 24 and your Arkansas State Red Wolves 22."
There were a few moments of silence, then...
"Could've been worse, I guess."