The Dreamweaver Lounge - December 2021
He sat in the yard, surveying some land. Surely this might work. He would earn enough to buy this piece of ground.
“I will be a land owner. Hail Seth!” He laughed, then spied a railcar. Did the railroad run through his grand plan? He’d never noticed the railroad tracks before now.
Seth, having always wanted to be on a rail freight car, climbed on the back of one. The wind blew the prairie grass as if it were the sea. Caught up in the fantasy, he sat down and thought.
“Pirates, I could be a pirate. This is my ship, this grass is the ocean.”
Of course, the recent ingestion of some illegal substances didn’t help the reality of this situation. He sat and thought as the railroad car started rolling down the rails, attached as it was to the rest of the train. The wind continued to blow. The temperature dropped as it will in the wilds of the prairie in the winter.
Soon the drugged would-be pirate found himself adrift in the ocean of grass, without food or water, without proper clothes for a winter voyage across the grassy sea. He sat and thought some more about the situation.
The railroad train continued on its journey across one country and into another. The temperature continued to drop. Seth now found that he was securely fastened to the ocean-going vessel by the seat of his pants. He was frozen to the railcar. This was not in the plan. A day went by as he pondered this predicament.
The next day as the ocean liner continued its sinuous journey over the ocean of grass, there came other passengers to join the pirate. Vultures came to sit beside Seth. He thought for a moment that perhaps their black feathers would make good insulation for the paltry clothing he wore, but their fierce beaks and claws convinced him otherwise. Then he remembered that vultures liked to eat dead things, perhaps he was dead.
So Seth decided it was time to take action. Suddenly the motion of the railcar stopped while the wind continued its fierce gale. Seth made his way on frozen feet to the next car. That car started to move, then stopped. On this went for some time longer, Seth walking to the next car in line, the cars moving slowly ahead.
When Seth finally reached the head of the snake-like train, he climbed up and banged on the door of the engine room. The engineer was shocked to find a pirate on deck.
‘What in ***** are you doing here?” swore the engineer.
“I’ve been riding on the back of the train since Portland, Oregon.”
“The ***** you have! Get in here.”
Seth stumbled on frozen feet into the engine room and fell to the floor. “Where am I?”
“You’ve traveled 1500 miles. You are now in Alberta.“
So, would-be pirate Seth traveled on the back of a freight train from Portland, OR, USA, to somewhere in Alberta, Canada. He admitted his guilt, was taken to a hospital, and treated for frostbite and dehydration. After five days, he was given 24 hours to leave the country and was escorted to the border by police.
I met the defeated would-be pirate on a train which he boarded in Shelby, MT. He claimed
this is exactly what happened.
Well, maybe I made up the pirate part, because I think he made up the railroad part. But the crutches and heavy beard he used were a nice touches and made it believable.