Why I think I had to be wounded.
Years ago, I decided to leave my waitress job and devote my time to writing. I had the idea I could write picture books for children. I wanted to give myself time to explore this. After a month of staying at home, cleaning, cooking, shopping, and hours of writing, I realized I needed something more. I'd been working since I was fifteen years old with exception of my third marriage. Not having a job was driving me nuts.
Driving through my small Southern town, I passed an Assisted Living facility, located on Main St. On impulse (I wonder now if it was an impulse) I parked my car and went inside. I told the lady at the front desk I wanted to volunteer. She directed me to the activity center.
This department was responsible for creating activities geared toward seniors to help them stay viable. I started the next day and I loved it. Just smiling at someone did so much good. My main job was interacting with many of the residents. I was going to do such great things for these poor forgotten people. Since talking is my best thing, I was going to talk them into cognizance. I was so naive and selfish.
This was a Christian nursing home. GOD was included in every aspect of these people's lives. Every morning someone would read out of the Bible or a devotion, using the reading to invite interaction. I volunteered for this duty the second day I was there. I felt a connection. I started doing the reading for the residents or so I thought but I was getting more out of it for myself. I told my boss I wanted to do the Devotional every day. I, usually, picked a book by Billy Graham to read from, alternating with the Bible and I always walked away, learning more and more about GOD and myself. I thrived on it.
This morning I couldn't find Mr. Graham's book," The Journey", so I tried something else. My first choice looked good until I opened it. It was all gloom and doom, talking about persecution and guilt. These patients, struggling to remain cognizant, didn't need this. Neither did I.
Looking through the bookcase, I saw "A Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I picked it up.
As I opened the book and starting reading, an oddness crept into my voice. I read the first chapter, trying to communicate with some of the residents.
Then I started the second chapter.
The idea here was GOD knew me before I was born. HE picked my parents to give me the correct DNA that fitted into HIS plan for me. I started slowing down. Something was coming but I didn't know what. In order to achieve the purpose that HE wanted, I had to be born to these people known as my parents. I started choking up and couldn't finish.
I must have asked GOD why a thousand times, why did I have to go through all of the abuse?
When I read the words, GOD places you with your parents for a particular reason, I was overwhelmed. I needed their particular input so I would be formed as GOD wanted. Reaching this conclusion was very, very difficult. But going through all of this because two people felt like treating their children badly would have been devastating. HE had a purpose for me. And I could understand. that even if it had been a very rough journey.
Desperately, I had sought purpose and peace for so many years and now I feel both. I understand. GOD knew my journey, HIS plans for me. How I had to be for HIS purpose. I, finally, had the answer to my why..
I am who I am today because I went through all this. I can't change any of it. I can't go back and make it unhappen. But I think I'm supposed to use my experiences to connect the dots for the millions of people, struggling with whys. I can live with that.
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