remembering the time when i was younger and being horrified
This brings me back to the days of when my dad was living in the house. It was no picnic in the park being around my dad. It was sleeping all day and when night came horror movies were on. See my dad was the type of person that if he wasn't getting his way, he would make it hell for everyone who was around him. As a child growing up and young like I was, I wanted to be able to enjoy my summer days and be a normal kid. That was completely out of the question. My dad had a thing about always having to watch horror movies and making my brother and I sit there and watch them to. To be honest they frightened me to no end.
He would make us watch the Leprechaun movies, Chucky, Silent of the lamb and then some. Oh, the nightmares that I had those nights. Laying in my bed awake thinking that something or someone was going to get me, I pulled the blanket halfway up my face. What good is that going to do the monsters ae still going to see me. Inching back into the headboard as far as i could go and breathing heavy, I would suddenly hear a noise out in the hallway. Quickly pulling the blanket completely over my head, I thought that i would be safe.
What is a blanket going to? Absolutely nothing!
Me as a kid thought that a blanket was my safe haven, a place where no one can see me or even get me.
Peeking out of the blanket and the top of my head to my eyes uncovered I start looking around. Wondering why there was any kind of noise at all in the hallway. Thinking I am brave I get up out of bed slowly and creep to the door and shut it real quick turning back around and darting straight for my bed. Jump! Squeak! Parachuted blanket right back over me.
Did I do it? Did I make the noise disappear? Sitting there for a few minutes and listening for the noise I end up laying back down and trying to go to sleep.
Waking up the next day I decided that I wanted to play with my dolls. Nothing to harmful right? I am sitting there brushing my barbie's hair and my brother runs up and grabs barbie right out of my hands. Screaming at him to give her back, he turns and runs down the stairs and disappears somewhere. Searching all over the place for him I come to a dead stop in my tracks.
What is this? I ask myself.
Bending over and picking the object up I noticed it was barbie's arm. My brother had ripped the limb off my barbie. Oh, I was so mad at him. I take a few steps more into the bathroom and there in the tub lies barbie's head, shaved and her body on the bathroom floor. Oh, the horror. As a little girl that is really frightening for you to see.
I quickly picked up the pieces of barbie and tried to put her back together. I was unsuccessful.
What do I do? I thought to myself.
I run to the garbage outside and stuff her way down in the garbage so she couldn't get out. Oh, I thought that I did something bad and thought that barbie was going to come back to life in pieces and get me. I ran. I had to prepare for her return and be able to fight her off If I had to.
I am defiantly not a doll person after watching Chucky. Dolls give me the creeps and scare me.
My brother and I always fought and were always getting into trouble with our dad. So, our punishment was that we had to go to bed no matter how early it was in the day. If we didn't nap, we would get spanked and yelled at. I guess my dad had finally got tired of yelling at us because there was one night that we had made him so mad that he took us in a room and turned out the lights and showed us Legeand. Man was that scary. His eyes lite up and so did his mouth and I was scared shitless.
My dad than said, " If you aren't good Legeand will come and get you". Oh, no, no, no that wasn't going to happen ever. Since than I was on my best behavior. Nightmares apoun nightmares of the skull coming to get me night after night.
Legeand was a skull candle holder that when you lite a candle up behind it the eyes and mouth would light up. Could you imagine what that would be like for two little kids. Pretty damn scary. These are some of the horrible memories that I have from when I was growing up.
Another memory that I have is when I had gotten a porcelain doll for Christmas one year. It was so pretty, and I loved it, but after my dad made me watch Chucky the killer doll, I wanted nothing to do with it. So, what did I do? I stuffed it far back in my closet that way I didn't have to look at it. Somehow, I figured that the doll would come to life and kill me. Me thinking hiding it in the closet would help keep it away from me would work. Nope! My adopted mom found it in the back of my closet and pulled it out. She took it out of the box and placed the doll on my dresser. That thing gives me the creeps. I didn't know what to do except put it back in its box and hide it back where I put it in the first place. There will never be a killer doll next to me or near me I thought to myself. Now stay put i told the box with the doll in it, and I went on with my day. Not knowing that my mom would dig the doll right back out. I finally had to tell her that I feared the doll and told her I no longer wanted it.
All this time even as an adult I still get scared of the dolls. It is bad enough that I have voices and visions and thinking that the doll would talk to me and turn its head on its own.
These memories have stuck with me for all these years. Haunting me and creeping me out. To this day I have nightmares every night and must take medication for it otherwise I will be up all-night eating at my thoughts. I would lay there and imagine how they would torment me and take over my mind. I think that is part of my paranoia that I have going on as well. Things haunt me from time to time and it can be a real hard thing to deal with. It causes mt heart to race and my anxiety to go. Haunt me no more memories so that way I may move on with my life.
My dad caused me to have a lot of this in my life by doing what he did when I was a kid. I will never forget, and I dont think I could ever forgive him either. There are many other things that my dad has done that shouldn't have happened, but life happens and grown ups make stupid mistakes and some of them are so in denial about what they have done, but thanks to my dad and my brother I will be scared for life and always have these haunting memories.