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A new teacher faces nerves before the big day. |
"How you doing?"  I pulled a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I've been better. But I'm holding my own." "You will rock this, you know."  "Glad you have the faith.  I keep volleying  between believing I can do it and thinking I'm in way over my head. Who am I to think I can teach a class of 24 grade four students. They could eat me alive."  "They could, but they won't." I looked over at my best friend, Shawna and smiled. We laughed  . I was so glad she was here. "Thanks again for helping me with this... two weeks is not a lot of time to get a class set up and running. When you have never done it on your own before." "What are best friends for," she said as she folded up another box we had emptied. "It looks ready.... why don't I feel ready?" I said as I scanned the room. It looked pristine. The calm before the storm. "By the time the first day of school  hits you will be. I have faith in you."Scanning the room again, I felt another wave  of anxiety bite into me. I counted out my breathing with an inhale of 4, holding for 7 and them exhaling for a count of 8. This always helped to re-center me.  "Why do I feel like I'm on tenterhooks?"  I said after doing the breathing cycle a few times. "You have been planning and getting things ready since you took this job. I say we break out the bubbly and relax tonight. At the rate you're going you'll burnout  before the kids even get here." She was right. I knew she was right. My nerves were wound tighter than a string of yarn  . Had it been only two weeks since I had accepted the position? "I sometimes wonder  how I managed to convince the principal I was the best person for the job....""You are the best person for the job." Shawna told me with a confidence I wish I had. "I just had to prove it to myself. I don't want to not let her down. I would not let the kids  down.""And you won't. They will love  you.""How many nine and ten year olds do you know that still love  school  and their teacher?""You did. I did. There are always going to be the ones who do and there are always going to be the ones you need to win over, but I know you will be able to do that." When I gave her an unlikely gaze, she added, "you will because I know you." "Okay... so I won't show my fear  . I'll pretend to be confident. "They'll be nervous too." she added and I nodded at this. "Meeting new people...  has always made me feel off balance....""But you always settle in and knock their socks off." I wanted to absorb the confidence she had in me. "I have a job to do. I have an impression to make.... I intend for this to be the best school  year any of them have had." I whispered to myself. Shawna grinned over at me as she said, "Exactly. You will rock this."  "I will rock this." I echoed hoping I could learn to believe it before Tuesday. I knew I wouldn't be voted voted Teacher of the Year, but I would make a difference in the lives of these 24 kids. We were all in this together. School would be their safe space and we would all learn from each other. I could feel it. The roots of confidence began to push down into my soul. I could do this. "Let's get out of here." "Now you're talkin," she said as we hit the lights and headed for the exit. Word Count = 637. Notes ▼ |
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