A story to give the girls longing love, a home.
|I lie next to the tall, thin, and warm body on the worn out mattress sprawled across the floor of my apartment. I can feel his gaze filling me with serenity even though his face is shadowed by darkness, I know he's looking. He puts his large bony and vein infested hands around my jagged wrist and moves his thumb, slowly, up and down my keloid scars.|
"Why do you do this to your delicate body Blanquita? Why do you chase the pain like a game of cat and mouse?" I blink rapidly to keep the tear forming in my eye in place, how am i supposed to answer to that?
"I get angry sometimes." I surprised myself, something about him made me feel, not crazy.
"Angry? How so?" his voice was low and concerned, it made the tear I was fighting for drop.
"I, I don't know. It's like, it's me or the person making me angry, I don't have the option to not choose because I get feelings I don't like, they eat me up inside until I can't take it and have to set them free." My voice is low when I speak, almost a whisper, almost hoping he won't hear me.
"By cutting? Oh Blanquita I'm so sorry..." He pulls me into a large hug and I break. His large brown T-shirt smelt of booze and cigarette ash, it felt so comforting nonetheless. "...I love you so much, I hope I never end up the cause of even a pinch on your stunningly beautiful body."
"Why? Why do you love ME, look at me im fucking mutilated!"
"Oh Blanca, there's so many things off about you I won't lie, but I don't care about a single one of them, I know there's a story for each scar, I'm not going to judge you, because I don't know that story." I can't speak back, he's said everything I've ever needed to hear and it makes those salty sad tears turn into happy and relieved tears. He loves ME.
I look up with the intention of landing a kiss on his cheek, but right in that moment my eyes widen and my tears disappear, this man, he has no face, instead a blur covering from his chin to his dark colored hair. I still hold on to him, I'm not scared, but confused. His hair, or what I believe is his hair, it starts to turn to ash.
This man, he, was never real. He was my mind playing tricks with me, another hallucination. There was never, someone to love me for me, not my body, not my heart, not anything. I'm totally alone in the dark again.