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Rated: 18+ · Poetry · Contest Entry · #2294453
A nonsense poem in Shakespearean Sonnet form for the April 2023 Neology contest
Spring Returns To Manderley
Shakespearean Sonnet form / 14 lines / 74 words

In Spring I came at last to Manderley,
The house where I was raised so long ago,
What memories I had of this dear place,
What lay in store I really could not know.

Untidy gardens choked with snagglewort,
The unkempt lawns well-strewn with boghog shit,
Vampyristrelles a-breeding in the loft,
A money pit, thought I – to hell with it.

“One house for sale, a charming residence
But be advised – may need some maintenance.”

Part of speech: noun
Type and origin: a contraction of the words snaggle and wort
Definition: an invasive carnivorous plant originating from the jungles of Borneo. Easily recognisable by its rapidly moving tendrils that are capable of ensnaring rodents, birds, dogs, cats and small children. Top of the UK's list of undesirable plants. Failure to eradicate can carry a punishment of up to £100,000 and a six month jail sentence.
Sentence usage: Slash & Burn Gardening Services, specialists in dealing with problem infestations, including Japanese Knotweed and Bornean Snagglewort.

Part of speech: noun
Type and origin: a contraction of the words bog and hog
Definition: a colloquial name for a member of the hedgehog family indigenous to the South-Western UK, reflecting the pungent smell of its spoor. Can grow to six feet long from nose to tail. Considered a pest, populations numbers can be quite robust despite regular culling due to its 50 year lifespan and the ability of the typical female to produce litters of up to 20 hoglets three times each year.
Sentence usage: You stop right there, John Smith – you aren't setting foot in this house with those filthy boots of yours covered in boghog dung!

Part of speech: noun
Type and origin: contraction of the bat types Vampyr and Pipistrelle
Definition: a North European bat, once thought to be extinct but now known to have small breeding populations in Ireland, the UK and throughout Scandinavia. Protected under UK law, it is a known carrier of a wide range of serious ailments such as The Dribbles, Plunkett's Itch and Testicular Gigantism in the over 60s.
Sentence usage: It's a vampyristrelle bite - call for an ambulance right now and for God's sake get him an ice pack!
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