How the French Invade US High Schools

Let me begin this essay by saying I have nothing against the French, per se, and it is even widely rumored that I have some French blood in me. But that is a discussion for another time. The issue today is what qualities the French possess that have our American high school students so fixated as to make them completely and utterly deaf to the norms of human decency. Lest you think I am presuming a bit too much, I am rather qualified to write on this subject as I have been widely read and much discussed several years back amongst my peers and anyone resembling an intelligent person.

American high school students have, since the 1990’s, begun to exhibit qualities that have any socially acceptable man or woman in a state of shock. In order to assess properly what they are, one needs to look at the obvious root cause – their home lives. In the USA today, everyone wants the nice house with the white picket fence, and they want the house to be gargantuan with 20 rooms, ten acres for a yard, and a dog, and 2 kids, and ten cars in the garage. Modest wants by any means. Really, to think about it, it is amazing the species has thus far survived row homes and bunk beds and bicycles.

People want for their children everything they did not have as a child. Children nowadays receive an allowance for being who are they are, so we can appreciate and love them and never make them feel like others around them may think badly of them. We do have to watch out for their feelings; after all, how did we learn to live in the world? Sure, I had to prove I was worthy to go to my high school, and had to study to pass tests, and had to pay to go to college. But can anyone please explain the logic to me of telling children – in today’s enlightened world – that they need to keep trying past the age of ten?? It is indeed a safe assumption we can all make that a child who displays promise at that young an age should not be pushed to do better lest he (or she) feels frustrated and gives up. Or, worse yet, fails once or twice and is then expected to learn from that!? It is amazing that people like that are even allowed by law to have children.

Cars are given as presents to sixteen year olds who can barely shave so they can go and have pre-marital sex at make out point like we never could. (Though in retrospect, I would have liked that, not that I would have done it since I am not a teenager today.) And of course we cover up the abortion or the adoption because while we want our kids to have the sex we never did, we do not want them to actually take responsibility for the child and the mother. We had to take responsibility, and we have worked hard to make sure our children will not have to suffer through life as we did!

Clearly, I think I have defended quite well the home lives of our children. Nothing wrong. It is the French. Wait; a moment. “What about the schools?” echoes in my ear. Ah yes, schools. Let’s have at them, then. We shall begin with the grade schools.

For heaven’s sake, must we go here? We have done a superb job of making sure that schools in our neighborhoods are free from the “criminal element”, and are funded so that the equipment is top notch, and our children can not help but learn (they are our children, after all!). To make them well rounded we make sure they read all about people all over the world. They may not know the sight of any other ethnicity, but by golly they can sure recite to you the history and value of regional dialects and why it is important to have at least ten percent of the school from some minority background. Diversity. It makes us all, truly, better human beings. From such a starting point, they are able to leap frog into high school and a better future. Of course, this is not to say we should not teach the criminal element, but in all honesty, people, if all they are going to be doing in ten years is changing my oil or handing me my fast food, why should I want to waste resources teaching them about the world and its history?? They are fine learning what they are learning and where they are learning. Anyone who says differently has been speaking to the French (or the British, I do not trust them either. But I digress.)

High school is now the issue, and it is in essence a non-issue. We, as parents, have so bothered the teachers and administrators, that they have given up. We can now go into classrooms and evaluate the teachers, and tell them what they are doing wrong for our children so they can fix it. Masters degree in Education and years of experience indeed! We are parents, and we know at all times what is best for our children. If not, we can make the schedule so the our children have teachers who are sensitive to their needs and will give them the high grades. What more proof does a teacher want than the student’s word that he or she really studied hard for that test? To assume that a student should do well on a test in a particular subject is so bourgeois. If they act out and cause a disturbance, we should not punish them, but nurture for they are merely trying to find themselves. Anything else would stunt their growth as people, and we as parents will not stand for that! Each and every time we will call those teachers as soon as we have the time to focus on our children.

Again and again, we come back to the French. It is from this silly country that our children’s minds are being warped. Think about, if you must, or find a book in the library (though they really should simply bring it to your house). The French peaked at Charlemagne, and that was what, back in the dark ages? They are a right wing, fanatical people, evidenced time and again with the Dreyfuss Affair early this century, the Vichy government, and with the near-election of a fascist candidate just recently. Is that a rumbling? I agree, the Vichy government was not a majority. Yet the people let it stand, to prove another point: the French are cowards. They would rather eat and drink wine than actually work. I urge you to call France, anyone in France, after lunch and find someone sober enough to do business. Lethargy, you argue, is then the reason that they let the Germans so easily take control. I grant you that. And concur and reiterate it! Let us not forget the cowardice though. What a marvelous people for criticizing others, without worrying about actually doing anything. There is no time for action, there is criticism to be given. The US should do something in the Middle East, just not what they are doing now. The US should not have the death penalty and they would not extradite an escaped murderer until the US acquiesced in that case on this point (who is the US to tell France what to do!?)

Let us summarize (for those who may be taking lessons from the French and skipping to the end). Our home lives are fine and we are trying to mold fine young adults to lead the world into the future. It is the French. The main points are these: they are whiney and critical without any real supporting facts; they are cowards; they rest on their laurels from eons ago (again, not to beat a dead horse, but if Charlemagne did not come along who would we hear about ALL THE TIME but Vercingetorix!); they are lazy and cowardly; they want to act goofy (need I point out the accent?) though never be penalized for it and yet still expect to be treated as mature (guess who has a seat on the UN Security Council? Though they do bring good wine and cheese.); and finally, they are ungrateful. This last point is like a bur in my dear Aunt Gertrude’s saddle. If not for the doughboys, the Euro would be the Deutsche mark, and France would be the cheese province of a boot-stepping nation. In spite of this, the French now have a national committee dedicated to French-i-sizing any new English word that may come into use. Well, I say if you do not have the brains to invent new technology or do anything else, you should just say thank you for the word, and be on your way. Imagine the ungrateful attitude! Eat your Le Big Mac and go on your way. (Goodness me! A thought: maybe the French were trying to throw the war so they could then argue their racist right wing agenda was not actually theirs but the Germans. Their smug attitude to Americans and their insidious plan to undermine our youth, then, is their way of retribution. It all makes sense, now. Talk about having your cake and eating it too! Maybe they have mental capacity after all.)

As we look at the facts, the simplicity of what is occurring is startlingly obvious. No one in his right mind would argue that high school students today are quite different then ever before in the history of human education. To say I am afraid for the world if they will soon be running it is quite an understatement, and yet that statement carries more weight now that I said than it did when Mrs. Pauliwicz mumbled those same words in a classroom way back in 1907. Or when Mrs. Webber said it to my class. No, no, today’s students are different. And I blame the French for it.

Signed,
JT Parral
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PS My real name is not JT Parral. It is my Nom de Plume. I, like the French, am much more comfortable criticizing than actually taking action. Baguette, croissant and Au revoir!