Surprise Ending

SURPRISE ENDING

“Going up sir?” said the bellboy as Richard stepped into the lift.

“Oh great, yes please.” Richard breathed a huge sigh of relief.

The bellboy punched the red button fiercely, staring at Richard with a smug grin on his not-so-handsome face. The brashness of his scarlet uniform did nothing to enhance his appearance and offended Richard’s subtle taste.

“So,” said the bellboy, “How’s the wife?”

Richard looked bemused. “The wife? She was fine the last time I saw her but I’m not sure how she’s feeling right at this moment in time.”

“And the mistress?”

Richard’s jaw dropped. “How do you know about her?”

“Oh, nothing escapes our notice, sir. We know everything about you, good and bad.”

Richard gulped, beginning to feel a little uncomfortable. “Is it hot in here or is it me?”

“It is pretty warm sir. It tends to get hotter the higher we go. Heat rises as I’m sure you know.”

Loosening his tie, Richard searched for a handkerchief to wipe away the rapidly increasing beads of sweat on his brow.

“And how’s the business?” The bellboy persisted.

“Fine, as far as I know. It’s in capable hands.”

“It is indeed sir. Pretty soon they’ll discover just how much money you embezzled from the company over the years.”

“How on earth…?”

“As I said sir, we know everything. A case of ‘beware your sins will find you out’ I believe.”

Sweat trickled down Richard’s face; he hadn’t expected this. “Well, pobody’s nerfect are they?” he joked lamely.

“Very true sir, but sometimes the bad far outweighs the good. Forgiveness only extends so far. What goes around comes around as they say. You thought you’d got away with causing that road accident after drinking, mutilating the neighbour’s cat and sacking your innocent secretary didn’t you?”

Embarrassment added to Richard’s discomfort making him squirm like a five-year-old caught with a hand in the biscuit tin.

The lift stopped abruptly. “Here we are then sir, your destination.”

“Then I must have done some good to be rewarded with a place up here.” Richard was eager to escape the unbearable heat of the lift and his unpleasant companion.

“You think so? That’s another human misconception I’m afraid sir. Sending prayers upwards assuming God’s heaven is above the clouds.” The bellboy shook his head. “No, His place is in the basement; this is where you belong.”

Removing his pillbox to expose a pair of large, sharp horns the bellboy leered at Richard. With an evil laugh he opened the lift doors and pushed his passenger through them.

“Follow the red path sir and join the queue at the gates marked ‘Hell.’ You’ll have plenty of time to think up some excuses and apologies, but I’ll wager there’ll be no transfer for you. Have a nice afterlife sir.”