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Rated: 18+ · Prose · Comedy · #994150
Santa is on vacation. His Dad is not amused with the mice, the elves, the reindeer.
Number One Guy


Dear Klaus,

         Last letter you signed "Santa". What up! You died? Someone make you a saint! Not!!!! Your mother laughed for days. I'm still chuckling. Your boyhood buddy, Comet, crapped in the corner! Reindeer just can't hold a joke.
         Anyway, I got a complaint about your #1 guy. (No, not Rudolph; although, he kept me awake all night with that blinkin' nose of his.) To keep it short: HE use to kill mice, now all he does is shuffle paper! The mice once terrified of him are now terrifying me!! And he never shuts up about Blitzen. Blitzin' this and blitzin' that and then disappears with his friends all day. Frankly, I think they're having an affair ... Donner looks jealous, been off his feed.
         Between Rudolph with his nose so bright, those damn mice rustling in the leftover wrapping paper and fifty horny elves making up for six months of forced labor, I'm going NUTS! Hope you come back soon.

         Nick, Sr. (Dad to you!)

PS: Next time you need a vacation, ask your Uncle Easter Bunny to baby-sit!

© Kåre Enga 2003

This was printed in Foo Foo Wars. It was written for Guy Thomas who said I looked like Santa's father; hence, the letter to my 'son' about his number 1 'guy'. The reference to mice was due to the fact that he worked in Rodent Control putting down bait, but had just received a promotion working at a desk. At times they would 'blitz' an area that was particularly bad. He laughed when he received this. Hope you do too.
© Copyright 2005 Kåre Enga, P.O. 22, Blogville (enga at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/994150-Number-One-Guy