Autumn Playground

NOTE: I recently reformatted this into a poem. Please review and then tell me which form seems best. I like honest, helpful reviews. Flattery does nothing to help me grow as a writer.

Autumn Playground

Brisk wind tangled my hair as I raced down the autumn-painted hill on my cardboard sled, adrenalin pumping through my body as the slope propelled me closer to the end of my carnival ride. I froze, eyes open wide, as it hit a cluster of round rocks rising from the earth and soared, momentarily airborne, then landed on a blanket of leaves, barely avoiding the huge trunk of an oak tree.

Continuing down the familiar playground, I heard the laughter of the creek that snakes its way through the bottom land at the foot of the four surrounding hills. The water beckoned to me as it always did. Longing to wade through the ankle-deep stream, I eased my big toe into the water. The chill of the water left me exhilarated! I hopped from stone to stone, then began digging my bare toes in the squishy mud at the floor of the creek.

I spied the huge rock that stood proudly in the midst of the meadow. Boulders relinquished themselves as my fort, and the creek offered itself as my moat. I gathered up sticks and stones as weapons from the plethora lying in the waving grass. With great ardor I kept watch for the enemy until my loyal followers brought word to me that the soldiers craved nourishment. My rumbling stomach agreed, and we climbed the hill that led home to gather strength for the battle.

Pat Nelson
October 8, 2009
Revised May 2, 2017

Autumn Playground

Brisk wind tangled my hair
as I raced down the autumn-painted hill
on my cardboard sled, adrenalin pumping
through my body as the slope propelled me closer
to the end of my carnival ride.

I froze, eyes open wide, as it hit a cluster
of round rocks rising from the earth
and soared, momentarily airborne,
then landed on a blanket of leaves,
barely avoiding the huge trunk of an oak tree.

Continuing down the familiar playground,
I heard the laughter of the creek that snakes its way
through the bottom land at the foot of the four surrounding hills.
The water beckoned to me as it always did.

Longing to wade through the ankle-deep stream,
I eased my big toe into the water.
The chill of the water left me exhilarated!
I hopped from stone to stone, then began digging
my bare toes in the squishy mud at the floor of the creek.

I spied the huge rock that stood proudly in the midst of the meadow.
Boulders relinquished themselves as my fort,
and the creek offered itself as my moat.
I gathered up sticks and stones as weapons
from the plethora lying in the waving grass.

With great ardor I kept watch for the enemy
until my loyal followers brought word to me
that the soldiers craved nourishment.
My rumbling stomach agreed, and we climbed the hill
that led home to gather strength for the battle.