As Best I Can

As Best I Can
by Keaton Foster



I stand
I stood
Present
Or past tense
Matters not
When and how
Even less
Upon an edge
To myself
It was said
There it is
An end
Of choice
Of reason
The why
And how come
One step forward
Closer than before
Inches from
Nevermore
I would not
Without question
Continue on
Existence
The bitch cousin
Of truly living
The height
Far to great
The weight
Unequivocally more
I’d be alive
Then not
No fear finds me
No realities scare me
I’m here
On my own accord
I own the right
To decide for myself
And dare I say
Everyone else
Fear
A fools game
Pain
Equally lame
Hope
For dopes
Faith and fate
God’s upon
And within
Themselves
I have neither
And I have none
I am just alive
Living as sorts
As best I can
As worst as I must
I’ve done many
Terrible things
In the name of
Under the guise of
Surviving
What for most
Would have been
Not survivable
I have shame
I own such guilt
Like a knot in my chest
It resides next to
My foolish heart
Each beat is at risk
Each thump betrays
The need it creates
My lungs inflate
My blood flows
Autonomously controlled
By a mind that has
And always will
Betray what could be
With what I perceive
Reality is different
For a man like me
What is real
Is based off
What has been
And not what is
I can’t escape
Nor let go of
A past of absolutes
I was tortured
Abused
Used and trashed
Thrown away
By those who
For a time decided
My faith as well as fate
I am broken
Destroyed
I fight each day
As best I can
But I fear it’s a fight
Increasingly I can’t
And won’t ever win…


Written by Keaton Foster Copyright © 2008-2021