Why Moose Have Beards

This story begins with a caveman named Kevin. (His name is Kevin because that’s the name of my pencil I wrote this with.) He lived in a small cave in the middle of a forest called the Tomato forest. He had a huge beard, trailing 5 feet and 7 inches long.
One day he went for a walk to the edge of the forest, where an evil witch named Mathilda lived. She was very old, and she couldn’t see anything. She was gone for the day, collecting evil herbs for her potions. Kevin saw the house, and was very excited. He had never seen a house before, and he didn’t know who lived in it. In fact he had never seen a person ever. He had come into the world through a jellybean, dropped on the side of the road.
He bravely entered the house, which was filled with corked bottles, and potions, and brewing pots filled with smoking liquids. From the roof hung human skulls, victims of the evil witches potions. He stared, fascinated by them, until he bumped into a strange box with a lock on it. Kevin, having eaten rocks and sticks his whole life, had no problem biting through the lock.
Inside it was a strange hairy creature, which had a tail that wagged, and a head of a beaver. On its feet with claws, and its ears were very pointy. Kevin was scared of the creature, and when it jumped on him and started licking his face, he jumped up ten feet in the air and screamed.
The old witch, having very good hearing, ran as fast as she could to her house, tripping all the way because of her blindness. She had thought it was a cougar, which were very common in that part of the area. But when she got to the cabin, she found Kevin being licked by her pet, Snuffles! Quietly, she got a cage, and brought it over the head of Kevin, who had escaped from Snuggles. Kevin shrunk back in fear, and fainted.
When he woke up, he found himself in an even smaller cage, which was like a bigger version of a bird cage. When even he shifted, the cage swung. He realized that the cage was hanging 25 feet off of the ground! He shrunk back in fear, being scared of heights. The cage squeaked, alerting the old witch, who was brewing up some potions. She turned and showed him her ugly face, which was covered with warts and blisters from her potions. “Hello, lunch” she ranted. “You are going to taste very good as the main course of my next meal!” Kevin thought that she was very mean, and said “You ugly, nasty witch! Why are you threatening me with that? I will eat you for lunch!” The old witch became very mad, and she ran into her bedroom. She thought ‘He is right, he will probably eat me. But I can’t let him get away with that!’ so she hurried back into the kitchen, where Kevin hung peacefully, waiting for just the right moment to chew through the bars and eat her up. She grabbed her magic wand hidden under a fake plant (which she only used for emergencies.) She crept up to the cage, and, quick as a fox, she turned him into a moose! Now, don’t forget that Kevin had a long beard, and when he was turned into a moose his beard stuck to him. The cage broke under his weight, and he fell to the ground. He dizzily walked out of the house and for years, wandered about, until he found a female moose, without a beard. They mated, and when they had babies. The babies had tiny little beards, inherited by their father. And now whenever you see a moose, look carefully for its beard.
THE END