Hotel COWlifornia

This is a parody of the classic song, Hotel California. No disrespect for The Eagles intended. I love the Eagles and their music.

Hotel COWlifornia!

by Hooves of Fire

On a damp cloudy pasture, swatting flies on my ass,
Warm smell of manure, wafting up through the grass
Up ahead in the barnyard, heard a distant cowbell,
Tail was tired from swatting flies, had to stop for a spell.

There she stood in the fenceline, almost swallowed my cud
And I was thinking to myself, 'Hay! I could be her stud!'
Then she flared up her nostrils, and her ears they flew back,
Saw ducks in the meadow, thought I heard them quack:

Welcome to the Hotel COWlifornia
Such a lovely place,
Such a lovely space, etc.

Her horns brightly polished, she’s got the ring in her nose,
She’s got lot of pretty pretty bulls, standing too close
How they prance in the moonlight, tickle and tease,
It’s a wonder they don’t catch, mad cow disease

So, I lowed for The Milkman, "please come get your cow," He said,
"Sorry, I’m writing, just can’t do it now"
And the dogs started barking, with a distant wail,
Wake me from this nightmare, you flies on my tail.

Welcome to the Hotel COWlifornia
Such a lovely place,
Such a lovely space, etc.

Blue lights in the rafters, cool water in the pail, she mooed,
"You’re a bull I could go for, I could make you wail!"
In The Milkman's chambers, preparing for the meal,
Presses the microwave’s buttons, not venting the seal

Last thing I remember, I was charging for the door,
I had to find my way back - to the bull that I was before

“Relax,” said The Milkman, “happens all the time.
Do just what I do, drink some milk,
Do "The Writer's Cramp"  , then you’ll be fine.”

Welcome to the Hotel COWlifornia
Such a lovely place,
Such a lovely space, etc.




This was written for a contest which was hosted by Chuckster in February of 2002 and it is my first song parody ever! Thank you so much to Choconut ~ House Targaryen for having a way to get a beautiful coin on this song, ~Minja~ , Hannah ♫♥♫ and The Maestro, Chuckster for the lovely awardicons and to all the many viewers (6,221) over the years.

Of course, Chuckster inspired this with his awesome contest so a special moo-out to my amigo of many MOOns!