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 |  Chaos is that voice at the end of the day that says, "Bet you didn't see that coming." |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "It turns out that an eerie type of chaos can lurk just behind a facade of order - and yet, deep inside the chaos lurks an even eerier type of order" ~Douglas Hostadter I imagine that chaos and order are like those Russian nesting dolls, and they fit together to some infinitesimally minute level at which we must just give up ever grasping what lies at the core. Still . . . if I had to bet, my money would be on chaos. "Our real discoveries come from chaos, from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish." ~Chuck Palahniuk I know that place well . . . every wrong, stupid, and foolish acre of it! I used to think it was a dead end, or worse, a complete navigational failure, but sometimes that place was exactly were I needed to be. So what does any of this have to do with me, my blog, or the entries that will follow? I don't know, but pull up a chair. I'll invite some chaos, and we'll see what happens. "It's a cruel and random world, but the chaos is all so beautiful." — Hiromu Arakawa |
| I've done the six word story thing before in my blog, but it is worth revisiting. Sometimes six words is really all the detail anyone wants or needs anyway. So here are six word summaries for each of the last six days. Last Friday - Tony is on his way home. Saturday - I kissed my honey . . . a lot! Sunday - What's with all the dirty dishes? Monday - Oh shit! Where is the money? Tuesday - Snafu? Yeah, I've heard the term. Wednesday - Deposit made. Our asses are saved. Okay, maybe six word summaries are a little vague.  Basically, Tony hadn't gotten paid anything for his seven weeks of active duty because there was some confusion around the funding stream and who was responsible etc. This has been a huge stressor in my life for the past month. It was supposedly all going to be resolved by Monday, but that did not happen and I pretty much freaked out because it looked like it might be September 1st before he got paid and I have bills to pay and back to school shopping that has to get done since the kids start back on Monday. It didn't help my state of mind that Tony kept trying to reassure me with "I'll get paid. Don't worry about that. It's just a matter of when."  Anyway it was a great relief to check our account today and see that a deposit was made. I immediately celebrated by paying some bills. Later I think I might go a little crazy at the grocery store. |
| I was in my office alone with the door closed when my chair started to shake. I was an unusual sort of shaking though . . . a sort of undulating, up and down shaking. It felt very drawn out too. It lasted long enough that I swiveled around in the chair to look behind me just to eliminate the rather unlikely possibility that someone has sneaked into to my office, hid under the desk, and was now shaking my chair as part of an elaborate joke. Of course no one was there. When the motion stopped, I walked out of my office to the cubicle area and asked if anyone else had felt the building shake. They looked at me like I was mad. "Either we just had an earthquake or my office is haunted." Another office door opened then and Ellen walked out. "What was that?!" Thank God someone else felt it. Not long after, my cell phone rang. It was Tony calling from home. They'd felt the house shake, and he was watching the news so I learned about the earthquake in Virginia. Based on this experience, I've come to the following conclusions: 1. Different people seem to have different levels of sensitivity to the movement. The quake seemed to be sub-threshold for about 60% of the people I talked to. 2. People are weird. Those who did not feel the quake seemed disappointed that they had somehow missed the experience. It is like when they are calling for a huge snowstorm and all you get is a couple flurries. It's kind of a let down to not be part of the action even when that action is of natural disaster proportions. 3. People have really short memories. Every time there is an earthquake on the East Coast, people are surprised to learn that there are fault lines here. I remember after the last earthquake -which I did not feel because I slept through it - people said the same things. "I didn't know we could have earthquakes here." Obviously we can. Commence panic. 4. The exhilaration of surviving an earthquake that only 40% of the office could feel is still enough to disrupt all productive work for the remainder of the day. 5. People look for patterns, and immediately connected this earthquake to the Colorado quake and hurricane Irene and, yes, even the pending 10 year anniversary of 9/11 as signs that the world is ending. I guess that just goes back to #2 though. People are weird. Anyway, I hope that if anything rocked your world today, it did so in a positive way. |
| One of the challenges of having Tony back home is the whole morning routine thing. Katie and I were managing pretty well during the two mornings per week that we both have to get up and go to work. Add Tony back into that equation and things get messy. Important facts necessary/relevant to this story: 1. I live in a house that only has 1 1/2 baths so we all have to work around each other. 2. Tony was going to drive me to work because his annual inspection for his car was due while he was gone, and I didn't realize it and get the car inspected and now he can't drive it legally until we get it inspected which was a bad thing since he needed a car today. oops. 3. I am not a morning person. 4. Tony is a morning person. 5. Tony is a.) talkative, and b.) trying to make up for lost time. So here is the scene. Katie and I are both in the hall bath getting ready for work. Katie is brushing her teeth, and I was doing the make-up thing. Tony was in the bedroom doing whatever to get himself ready. The doors to both rooms were open and Tony was trying to carry on a conversation with us. This was tricky since as mentioned, Katie was brushing her teeth, and I can only make out bits of and pieces of what Tony is saying because I have trouble hearing with background noise and between the toothbrushing noise and the intermittent turning on of the faucet, I can't follow what he is saying. I kept telling Katie I couldn't hear, but she was brushing her teeth and not able to be my hearing-ear person and relay what he was saying. Usually this isn't a big issue because Tony is good at monologuing. But . . . we needed to make some plans so there had to be a little back and forth. Tony: "What time do you need to be at work?" Me: "Between 8:00 and 8:30." Tony: "Blurble blurb, blurb blurb blurble?" (Katie had turned on the water, and I have no idea what he said.) Me: "No idea what you said." Tony: "Do you need a ride home?" Me: "Probably not. I think Emma can give me a ride. Are you going to be around though, just in case?" Tony: "Blurble, blurb?" No idea, but it sounded like a question so maybe he didn't hear me since the water was on. Me: "Are you going to be around in case I need a ride?" Tony: "Blurble blurb blurb blurbilty blurbility blurb." Me: "I can't hear you. What did you say?" Tony: "Blurble, blurble . . ." well you get the idea. This goes back and forth a couple more times. Him talking, me not hearing. Tony finally appears in the bathroom doorway. He says, "Maybe you could hear me if our daughter would stop turning on the water every time you ask a question." "Oh," I said coming to Katie's defense, "that wasn't her that was me." He shook his head looking at me in complete disbelief. Katie was trying hard to contain her laughter so she didn't spew toothpaste all over. "If you can't hear over the water . . . " Tony said in his attempt at logic, "then why are you turning it on every time you ask me a question?" "I'm just trying to get ready for work!" Sheesh, what part of not-a-morning-person is so hard to understand. |
My other half has returned. I picked him up at the airport yesterday morning, and this morning I was picking his dirty plate up off the floor to put it in the dishwasher (he sets them down on the floor for the dog to lick and forgets them.  ) Life falls back into the old patterns that quickly. His mother, presumably eager to see him invited us to dinner tonight, but we are being selfish with out time this weekend. We can catch up with the rest of the world later.It was strange picking him up in the airport. He had traveled in uniform, and as we were hauling his bags out of the airport and out to the car, people kept waving, and smiling at us and thanking us for Tony's service. At first this was unexpected and kind of nice, but by the time we made it to the car and people were literally shouting "Thank you," across the parking lot. It was just kind of weird. Once we got in the car I asked Tony, "What the hell was that about?" He shook his head and told me that while waiting to board his connecting flight in Atlanta they had actually announced to those waiting at the gate that they had a "very special flier" joining them today and people had actually applauded. He was really uncomfortable with it. As he pointed out, there were potentially many other service men and veterans in the crowd and why should he have any special recognition? This morning, while I was on facebook, I saw that a friend had linked to this op-ed piece from the New York Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/21/opinion/sunday/americas-sentimental-regard-for... It was interesting to read in light of the airport experience. So, what do you think? Do you think it is possible that we really have over-sentimentalized our Military because it is the best and last bastion of American superiority? |
| I have some very strong opinions about things, and certain subjects cause these opinions to spill forth maybe a little too freely. In the end, instead of typing the required 400 words needed for my weekly discussion board assignment I ended up with around 1000 words on the subject of gender roles. I could have easily written 1000 more. It's just one of those subjects that gets me going. As I was sketching out my thoughts, I remembered a segment I saw on CNN after Elizabeth Edward's passed away. The male anchor - possibly Anderson Cooper, but I can't recall - was talking with a female political correspondent. Obviously I don't remember the exact words, but I recall the gist. The anchor said that everyone seemed to be remembering Elizabeth Edwards as having been tough. He asked the female correspondent if she felt this was an unfair characterization. Well, the female correspondent nailed his ass. She told him that Elizabeth Edwards was tough, and that remembering her that way was a testament to her strength of character and not in any way a negative reflection on the woman. Of course, if you do a Google search, of tributes to Elizabeth Edwards you will see a recurring theme. Nearly everyone says she was tough, but usually they say she was a tough cookie, or a tough lady. It's like there is an automatic need to reconcile the toughness with the femininity. This irritates me. Even if someone were to come right out and say she was a bad ass, they'd probably feel the need to say she was a bad ass broad. Gender never leaves the equation. Oh well, I really didn't intend to pop in and spew another 1000 words on the subject, so lets move on. Tony will be home on Saturday. This is good, but it suddenly seems like there were a million things I wanted to get done before he got home that haven't been done. Seems like that is always the case. He will only be home until October 1st which gives me about six weeks. During that six weeks, he is going to have to be away for two weekends. He has to do a drill weekend in September, and he also has to go down to Bethesda for a leadership conference one weekend. I think I may go to Bethesda with him. I haven't been to the DC area in awhile, and I'd like to visit Arlington National Cemetery. I haven't been there since my father's funeral and haven't seen his marker at all. I'd like to take Zack so he can see where Grandpa is buried. He was young enough that he doesn't remember being there. I also want to take Zack to the National Zoo and The Smithsonian. This is always the problem with DC though. There is so much to see and never enough time to do it all properly. LOL, I thought the boy was asleep, and all of a sudden he just went into the bathroom. As soon as the door closed, he burst into song. He's always been one to sing in the bathroom. One time several years back, I had him at work. It was August and I'd lost my summer babysitter to field hockey practice. Anyway, he needed to use the bathroom so I took him to the restroom across the hall from my boss's office. Zack went in and the minute the door closed, he launched into a rather impressive medley of Christmas Carols. That bathroom has a light and fan on a single switch and he hates the sound of a fan so he needed to sing LOUD to drown it out. Fortunately, the boss-man was amused. Hmmm . . . I'm trying to re-establish the blog habit, so bear with the disjointedness of thought. Hopefully things will smooth out some once I get back in the swing of things. Then again . . .  |
| I'm not sure exactly how to approach today's topic because I'm still reeling from the strangeness of it. I know that at times I come off all jaded and cynical like I've seen it all before and nothing and no one could surprise me, but nothing really could be further from the truth. I am constantly amazed by the amazing variety of interests and hobbies that are out there. Today I'm talking mostly about the ones that are really, really out there. Now, I probably shouldn't claim any high ground because let's face it, writers are an odd bunch. If you don't believe it, just skim through the message forums over on the Nanowrimo site and read the discussions about the best ways to kill a character using a peach, and how long it would take after the apocalypse for indoor plumbing to start to fail. Those were actual discussion not stuff I made up to illustrate my point that writers are weird. It also illustrates the other larger point of today's entry. Their is a lot of weird out there and if you search the internet long enough you will inevitably find something so captivatingly odd that you enter a google induced fugue and hours of your life can be lost exploring something so bizarre that you can't figure out for the life of you what the appeal might be. See the irony? Okay, so hobbies and interests . . . While some may be content to twiddle their muffs, the greater human tendency would be to collect them. I believe in evolution, and I believe that our persistent need to collect can be traced back to the days when our ancestors survived as hunter/gatherers and gathered all kinds of crap in order to survive times of scarcity. I wonder if the caves ever became cluttered with bits of useless crap. What would be the prehistoric equivalent of the twist tie? Maybe a long thin stem? Did anyone ever get pissed off that no one ever got rid of any of the long thin stems? Never! Not even when they broke and started weeping sticky sap all over the other long thin stems so that non of them could be used to tie together a bundle of what?... long thin stems? So we collect things because it is part of our genetic heritage, but it really doesn't serve a purpose in terms of modern survival. Seriously, in times of shortage, is it really going to prove helpful to have an entire utility drawer full of serial cables, unidentifiable electrical adapters, and chargers to cell phones that perished long ago. Somewhere, I'm pretty sure I still have the adapter to the baby monitor I had when Zack was born. ...I just lost 10 minutes trying to come up with a graph to classify the continuum of gathering vs. collecting vs. hoarding etc. I came up with a central Y axis with "functional" at one end and "dysfunctional" at the other, but then I got stuck on whether it referred to the collector or the items collected. I also go stumped on the X axis. Started with continuum of whimsical to pretentious, but got sidetracked trying to figure out where Pokemon fit. I'm not sure what my graphic efforts say about me, but it may just serve to further support the "writers are weird" hypothesis. Now, as I was saying, the internet is an amazing catalog of dysfunction and quirkiness. No big surprise, and yet... so very full of surprises. My daughter has a collection of Breyer model horses. When she was a little girl she went through a pony phase as many little girls do, and my sister in law began giving her model horses every Christmas. This tradition outlasted her actual interest in ponies, but that is another story. Anyway, at 16, she is more interested in money than ponies and decided that the model horses could be sold to convert the later into the former. So last night, we began researching these model horses in order to identify what she had and what they might be worth. In the process, I discover a hereto unknown (at least to me) group of passionate model horse aficionados. Don't get me wrong. I knew people collected them. What I didn't know, and was rather surprised to discover is that they also participate in horse shows, including photo horse shows in which collectors pose and photograph their plastic horses and submit photos of the plastic horses to judges who presumably award a prize to the best plastic horses. There were articles about what the judges look for and how to enhance your model horses. These were kind of weird. I also found articles on "How to name your Model Horse." The weirdest thing I found though was an article on breeding your model horses which starts off by explaining that "Breeding plastic horses may sound like something that you don't want anything to do with, but it really isn't as weird as it seems." (http://www.modelhorseguide.com/howto_pedigree.htm) Really? Not as weird as it seems? As my mother has always been so fond of saying, "It takes all kinds." |
| While I was away on vacation I made a big mistake. . . bigger than the skipping breakfast mistake. I washed a pair of shorts without first removing my cell phone from the pocket. I found it later when I heard it thudding around in the dryer. oops. Of course, everyone says the same damn thing. Take the battery out, throw it in rice and it'll draw the moisture out and save the phone. Everyone knows at least one person that this method has worked for. Okay, it saved my daughter's phone when she dropped it in the dogs water dish, but her phone was submerged literally for a matter of seconds. It didn't go through multiple rinse cycles however. Well, as I said before, we were on vacation with the whole fan damily, and my oldest brother has a background in electrical engineering. He disassembled the phone to allow the components to dry out more thoroughly. He dismissed the rice concept which was handy since we didn't have any in the beach house anyway. Besides, neither of us was sold on the rice thing anyway. I know so many people it hasn't worked for, but they all blame themselves for the failure and say they didn't leave it in the rice long enough. I think we should all just give ourselves a break and accept the limitations of the rice method. Eventually, we exhausted all efforts at resuscitation and the phone was pronounced dead. It has since been replaced by a phone that is a significant technological leap forward. It isn't a smartphone. Those things kind of scare me. I think maybe I watched the movie War Games a few too many times because I'm paranoid that if I ever did get a smartphone, it would hack into NORAD and start cracking missile launch codes. Next thing ya know, we'd be playing global thermonuclear war instead of tic tac toe. Or . . . maybe I'm just too cheap to spring for a data plan. Anyway, the new phone is a big improvement. It has a full QWERTY keyboard. Very exciting stuff. I no longer have to punch the "7" button four times to type an "s." Oh! And it's BLUE If anyone wants to put my lightening fast texting skills to the test, let me know. |
| At this time last week, I was on the last leg of my drive home from the beach. It is amazing how quickly that "just back from vacation" smell fades. Let me tell you, it doesn't even last as long as the new car smell when your toddler suffers from motion sickness. All in all though, this years annual pilgrimage to the beach to spend a week with the whole fan damily went pretty well. There were some less than stellar moments, but the weather was wonderful, and we mostly got along. There was one morning when I woke up feeling particularly ambitious. I went kayaking, and then after kayaking, I decided to ride bikes into town with Katie and my nephew Alex. Alex is 6 weeks older than Zack, but since Alex is a non-autistic 12 year old, they are night and day. Alex is also a whole lot like his father, and having grown up being pestered relentlessly by my brother, I don't find those traits very endearing. I alternate between finding him amusing and wanting to put him into a choke hold before he gets too big for me to still be able to take him. But I digress. Katie, Alex and I are riding bikes into town. It was hot, and excessively humid, but you don't notice this so much as long while biking because the air movement keeps you cool. When we had to stop and wait at the one major intersection in town where the drawbridge leads on to the island, the heat caught up to me. I suddenly didn't feel too good. I felt nauseous and disturbing close to passing out. I don't know if you've ever had this feeling, but I was shaky all over the world felt a little fuzzy, and seemed to be receding. I climbed off my bike, fumbled with the kickstand and tried to get to my water bottle while trying to explain calmly to the kids that I was glad that there were now 4 . . . wait 6 of them because they were going to need the extra help to carry me back home after I collapsed on the side of the road. Katie helped me get my water bottle and I plopped down right there on the sidewalk. The people on the corner had a sprinkler going on their lawn, and I was thankful for the intermittent shower of cool water as I sipped my water. Once the initial queasy feeling passed I realized that I'd had nothing to drink and very little to eat that morning . . . and I'd been kayaking before the bike ride . . . and most importantly, I'M NOT A TEENAGER. Luckily, I was right across the street from the Main Street Coffeehouse. I fished out some money and gave it to Katie. I sent her off to get me some orange juice in order to get my blood sugar up into a functional range. Alex tagged along with her and by the time they returned, I was already feeling much better from having chugged through my entire bottle of water. I sat and drank the orange juice and ate the chocolate-chip biscotti they'd decided I needed to go along with it. After that I was restored and we were once again underway. We had a good time in town, and made the bike trip home uneventfully. Later that afternoon though, I heard Alex yell to his mother from the TV room of the beach house, "Mom! I think I might be dehydrated. Quick! Bring me some orange juice before I pass out or something!" They learn so young. |
| The word of the day at work today was "dubious." Being that it was a Friday afternoon, no one really wanted to do any work, and that is when the dubious-ness is at it's worst. Idle hands and all that jazz. On a trip to my mailbox I found a catalog full of products to assist folks with disabilities. As I said, work wasn't really holding my interest so I began flipping through the catalog. It was in this catalog that I came across a rather dubious sounding item. Being the pseudo-writer that I am, certain combinations of words just strike my fancy. So imagine my Excitement at discovering the Twiddle Muff! Go ahead, say it with me. Twiddle. Muff. Oh yeah, but you need a visual. Go check it out and meet me back here. http://beaulily.com/ Seriously, I think everyone would benefit from having a muff to twiddle. Can you imagine calling Mom on the phone. . . "Are you busy?" "Oh not at all. I was just twiddling my muff." "Maybe I should call back later then." Thank God I have a Snuggie so I can stay warm and still have my hands free to twiddle my muff. The same catalog had a really cool keyboard adapted to single hand typing. We thought this would be excellent because then you can "chat" online with one hand while twiddling your muff with the other. I thought the twiddle muff would carry us through the entire afternoon, but then I flipped a couple more pages and landed on "Blow Lotto." http://www.amazon.com/Blow-Lotto-Game/dp/B0018QG97I Yeah, it looks innocent enough, but it's called BLOW LOTTO and is designed to improve oral motor skills. Like I said . . . dubious. |
| I called in sick to work this morning. I'm thinking I'm not really sick, but you couldn't have convinced me of that at 6 AM. I woke up feeling crappy. I just got back from vacation on Sunday, and since then it has been the mad rush of unpacking, laundry, grocery shopping etc. So, I think it all just caught up and laid me low. Once I stumbled out to the kitchen and popped a couple Ibuprofen and drank some water I felt a bit better, but I think I needed the day to rest. Most of you know I was an Army brat growing up, but not a typical Army brat. When I was 7, my Dad got orders to Fort Detrick, Maryland for 6 years. Since I'd already lived at no fewer than five addresses in my first 7 years, this was kind of a novelty. Believe it or not though, the novelty wore off. When I was 12, my Dad was offered an opportunity to be stationed in Hawaii. Hawaii is one of those plum assignments so instead of just issuing orders they look for volunteer. Dad still had another year on his current orders, but I was kind of bored with Maryland and I saw it this way. Move now, go to Hawaii for three years. Wait a year and we could end up anywhere. Now, the Navy has some exceptional coastal real estate, but the Army seems to have gone the other direction by acquiring vast tracks of land that no one else wanted to build ammo dumps and practice tank maneuvers and such. Anywhere-the-Army-might-send-you is a BAD thing. It is especially bad when you hold it up side by side with the warm blue waters, and white sandy beaches of Hawaii. I guess it took Dad all of two minutes to reject the Hawaii offer. He would later tell us that he never really considered it because the job wasn't what he wanted to do and he would have had to travel all the time (all around the South Pacific). In any case, we didn't take it well. I don't know why he even told us about it. I think it was one of those dinner table conversations back when we ate dinner at a table and talked to each other. You know the sort of thing? "Hey, a funny thing happened at work today. I was offered orders to Hawaii for three years, but don't worry I turned them down." I don't think he thought it through much or it might have occurred to him that SOME of us would like to live in Hawaii and might not be quick to forgive such a rash decision. We didn't take it well like I said. I'm not positive, but it might have even come up as we gathered around Dad's hospital bed after he was diagnosed with cancer. As I remember it, he made us all take a solemn vow that we'd never vote for Hillary, and we finally forgave him for the Hawaii-thing. I like know that he died in peace. But I digress. A year later when his orders were up, he was assigned to a different post at Detrick and we were there for another 4 years. Okay, now there is a reason I'm telling this story of young heartache. Tony is going to be returning home from his stint on the Nimitz on the 20th. He'll be home for a little over a month, and then he'll be going down to North Carolina for a year of "Active Duty for Special Work" (ADSW) Well, while he's been out in Washington, he's been in contact with personnel and a recruiter and is about to start the process of seeking a conditional release from his Reserve contract in order to switch over to active duty. They anticipate this (1) will not be a problem and (2) will be an accomplished fact before his ADSW is up next October. Now that I've made a short story long, I'll jump ahead to the moral. Basically, I've already told Tony that if he EVER is offered orders to Hawaii he needs to either (1) Accept them immediately, or (2) Make damn sure I never find out about it. |
| So here's a twist . . . When Tony comes home next month it might just be a brief stop over before he re-deploys. Turns out that he might be going to North Carolina for a year as of October 1st. It may or may not happen, but Tony has basically thrown his name into the hat because this post is the very thing he most ardently dreamed of doing as a Navy Psychologist from the time he first dreamed anything relating to military psychology. Since I've committed to staying where I am until Katie finishes high school, me and the kids will not be going with him. Now flash forward one year when Tony returns home from North Carolina and guess what . . . he won't have a job to return to. He won't be able to pick up classes to teach at the community college in October, and after having been away for a year, his contract work will have all been contracted out to someone else. So my guess is that he'll be actively seeking another active duty post wherever he can find one. Since we'll be 1/4 or the way through Katie's senior year by then, we won't be going with . . . again. So, this new reality is starting to become very clear, and I don't think I'll be living with my husband for more than a month or two at a time until Kate graduates in June of 2013. Of course, it's the Navy, so anything can happen. |
| It is nice to know I've at least achieved some degree of consistency in my inconsistency. I keep trying to stick to a more regular schedule of blogging, but this has not been successful so it is catch as catch can for Kay as usual. Sigh. Excitement of the week: 1. Today I attended a graduation party for a neighbor girl who was fixture in my household for years. She and my daughter were inseparable for years. We always knew that with the age difference, they would eventually drift apart, but this was a child who used to have her own drawer in my daughter's room. She was the child who showed up bleeding and crying on my door step because she'd hurt herself doing something she wasn't supposed to do and didn't want to get in trouble. She was one of us, and now she is a high school graduate, and I know it will be such a short time before my own baby joins her ranks. I wish her all the best. 2. The kittens were born. My friend who unknowingly took in the pregnant cat and to whom I made the promise that I would adopt one of the kittens has informed me that I will have a surprising large selection. Mama cat had a litter of six! We have seen pictures of the little darlings, but I've cautioned by kids not to select a kitten on looks alone. I will have to take them over so they can play with the kittens and select one based on personality. 3. I had my annual performance review at work this week. It is always a pleasant process and the boss-man had only nice things to say. He asked me if I had any requests, and knowing that additional monetary compensation was not on the table, I asked instead if I might have the option of doing some work from home. He agreed to try out the concept for two afternoons per week this summer. This was a relief to me because I was feeling guilty about Zack being home alone so much this summer. He is able to take care of himself well enough, but he gets bored and prefers to have company. His sister has a babysitting gig two days a week, and Tony is going to be gone for the next 6 weeks. Which brings us to number four. 4. Tony finally got orders squared away and travel arranged for 6 weeks of active training with the Navy. He will be filling in as psychologist for the Nimitz super carrier. The ship will be in port for the duration of his duty which was a disappoint to him, but he is still looking forward to the experience. Of course, as things go with the Navy everything came down to the wire and nothing was finalized until Friday. So, on Monday morning I will have to drag my ass out of bed before dawn to get him to the airport so he can catch a 6:25 flight to Seattle. 5. It is midterm week for me in my current class. These 8 week classes fly by. That is probably a good thing since I've got a very short attention span. I've put off the midterm exam all week, and will have to bust my ass tomorrow to have it completed and submitted on time. I'd kick myself for it, but as Popeye would say "I am what I am and that's all that I am." Besides, I've been busy. I just finished a fantastic novel called "The Book of Bright Ideas" by Sandra Kring. I passed it along to my daughter and she is now making a conscious effort to read it slower to draw it out and make it last because she so loves the characters. I highly recommend it for summer reading. Of course, now I'm reading a book on my daughter's recommendation. It is "Fancy White Trash," by Marjetta Geerling. I suppose it is technically young adult fiction. What can I say? I'm really enjoying it. It's very funny. |
| As I said, I lost my cat last week, but a few weeks ago, my friend Emma rescued a cat, and it has now become obvious that she rescued a pregnant cat. Now I am on the hook to adopt one of the kittens once they are hatched and weaned. Scrolling back through the past few entries I see that I didn't mention the ducks. Every spring we have ducks around the neighborhood. This year, a combination of abundant rain, and a duck-feeding neighbor have led the ducks to stick around. Not only did they stick around, but one day when I was out weeding, I discovered a nest of eggs. Most of the nests I find are full of squirmy little rodent larvae (Yeah, I know that kittens don't hatch and rodents don't really have a larval stage, but you get the idea). Anyway, I was a bit thrown by the nest of eggs on the ground and didn't immediately know what to make of it. My first thought - I'm embarrassed to admit- was SNAKES! Why? Well, the edge of the nest was a smooth roll and at quick glance I thought it was a snake coiled around a nest of eggs. Given the size of the eggs, it would have been an improbably large snake. Well my husband took a look and immediately identified it as a duck nest. Cool right? I was a little worried that momma duck would abandon the nest because I'd been working in the garden. I even transplanted a daylily into a spot where I'd pulled a big weed in order to provide her better cover. Well, she returned to the nest and has become a bit of a neighborhood attraction. I've gotten in the habit of checking on her and the nest every morning before I leave for work and every evening when I get home. I didn't see her on the nest this morning, and I didn't see the eggs. I wasn't too worried though because when it is chilly she covers the eggs up and they are hard to see. This evening though, I took a closer look and their was no momma duck and no signs of eggs. I also didn't see any signs of broken egg shell so I'm not really sure what happened to the nest. I wish I could have managed my original idea of mounting a "duck cam" so I could keep an eye on things. At least that way I would have some idea of what happened. Where is that dude from Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom when you really need him? |
| Today was officially the last day of school. My kids will be heading into 7th and 11th grade in the fall. The neighbor girl who was Katie's best friend and near constant companion for many years (She had her own drawer in Katie's room) is graduating. It brings home the reality that it'll be my own kid very soon. Every school year seems to blow by a little faster than the last one. My daughter is obviously feeling much the same way. She has been talking about careers and colleges. She recently announced that she wants to be a high school english teacher. Given her intense love of reading, this seems like a pretty good fit for her. We'll see if it sticks. On Monday, the HVAC people came to fix my heat pump. The good news is that it didn't need to be fixed. The coil was freezing up from lack of air flow, so it really just needed to have the coil cleaned good. It isn't surprising really after all the crap that was dislodged when we ripped out our carpeting. Life is funny though, I get one problem fixed, and the very next day while I'm driving to work, my "check engine" light comes on. Oh well, I'm working on dealing with problems as they crop up rather than avoiding them while they snowball, so I've got the car scheduled to go into the shop on Friday. Fingers crossed, I mentioned that I am only taking one class during this 8 week session. I entertained the idea of taking two again up until I looked at the syllabi. After that I quickly completed the online "drop course" form. So now I have just one class and it looks like it will be manageable. My biggest obstacle, as always, is my own attitude, and having one class just allows me to be more of a slacker and put off the work until the last possible minute. I'm going to try to be better about it, but first I'm giving myself time to blog and then I think I'll read for a while. Then I'll get to work. I finished my assignment. As usual, I ventured off into the realm of overkill, but it was kind of an interesting topic. It was about various theoretical "solutions" to the mind-body problem. Basically, are we limited to just our physical body or do we have both mind and body that are separate entities - mind being more or less synonymous with soul, spirit, essence or what have you. We were supposed to state which of the theories is more credible. My argument is that they are equally credible. You can't prove that something abstract like the mind exists, but neither can you prove that it doesn't exist. It becomes a bit like a Buddhist Koan in that way. Anyway, I started reading all kinds of journal articles to prepare my assignment and read some interesting stuff on near death experiences and also read about the "God spot." Supposedly this is an area in the brain which, when stimulated, produces mystical experiences of a presence. From what I could tell though, further research has not replicated the original study. I read another article about mystical experiences on the mountain. Basically, exertion, altitude and hypoxia effect the brain in a manner very consistent with accounts of mystical experience. Does the explanation mean it is a "real" mystical experience? Well, no maybe we are physiologically wired to experience the world spiritually - if that makes any sense. Interesting stuff, but I still have a bad attitude because the interesting stuff is usually the stuff I dig up on my own and not the stuff being covered in the course material. |
| It is pretty warm in my house with out the A/C, but truthfully, it was a beautiful last night, and the sound of the fan in the window provided the perfect screen of white noise. I think I slept better than I have in quite awhile. Tonight I had a girls night out with friends from work. Five of us went and saw the movie Bridesmaids. Now, I rarely go out to a movie. Part of the reason is because I'm always kind of disappointed in movies. Well, Bridesmaids did NOT disappoint. The only thing even remotely disappointing about the experience was coming home and not being able to keep talking about all the funny scenes. It was hilarious. The other bright spot of the day was that Tony made surf and turf for dinner. He grilled up some delicious steak and lobster tails. I'm not sure what inspired it, and I have this strange suspicion that it was directly related to me going out with my girlfriends tonight. Almost like he wanted me to be telling everyone what a fantastic husband he was for making such a wonderful dinner. Is that a little overly cynical of me? Maybe it is. Maybe it doesn't matter. Some silver linings double as lobster bibs. |
| I was at a training today at work on motivating employees and boosting morale. Our department was targeted for this training because our administrator is convinced our morale sucks. There may be some truth to that, but the other truth - the one that she choses not to see - is that her attitude toward our department sucks. It isn't us directly, it is the whole state system that she is objecting to, but we have to work within that system, and that means we can't do a damn thing right. If we do our jobs well and comply with all the state regulations, we are somehow betraying the greater cause is her eyes. If we don't comply with all the state regs, the State reserves the right to contract our services out to someone else. So we operate from between the proverbial rock and hard place. So, given all that, I kind of think she might have a direct bearing on our morale problem. But hey, they did provide a free lunch. I was kind of funny though. One of the ideas discussed for recognizing employees and thereby improving morale was hand-written thank you notes to staff when they do something above and beyond. Well, the administrator jumped on this, said we could order some to keep on hand, and then made a big point of telling us that she keeps a box of thank you notes in her desk drawer for just this reason. I was sitting next to my friend Bonnie and she spoke for all of us when she said "I've never gotten a thank you card from you." Well, the administrator quickly had to clarify that she'd never sent them to any staff. She had only really sent them to County commissioners and local politicians and the like. It amused me because one of the other big themes of the day was "lead by example." In other news, my cat died. She was 14 years old, and was very much my cat. She had been on the decline for a while, and so it wasn't unexpected, and I was grateful that she was able to slip away peacefully and naturally in her own time. Tony buried her today out in the garden. Unfortunately, the other thing that died today was my A/C. It is hot and humid, and I'm cranky and headachy, but we had some intense thunderstorms roll through with cool air behind them so hopefully it'll be comfortable enough for me to sleep tonight. I would write more, but I started a new class this week, and I have to post my first assignment tonight. I've been procrastinating as usual. |
| I have a tendency to spout off about the kind of person I'll never be. As an example . . . I'll never be the kind of person who buys halloween costumes for my dog. I'll never be the sort of person who drives my kid 50 yards up the road to the bus stop. I'll never be the kind of person who . . . well you get the idea. Yeah . . . pretty judgmental I realize. These assertions keep me humble though because they make me realize what a hypocrite I am. Have I mentioned that my dog is on Prozac now? Yeah, I think I've said I was never going to be the kind of person who fed my puppy Prozac, but again, I am a hypocrite, and my dog had some serious anxiety issues. The vet told me to give it three weeks before I could expect to see any results. We are approaching the three week mark, and I think it is starting to have a positive effect. Normally when the dog is home alone I put a weight on top of the garbage can because in his anxious state the dog is prone to getting in the garbage. Today I forgot to secure the garbage can - which was full - and he didn't bother it at all. I was pretty impressed by that. For the record, I've also driven the kids to the bus-stop when it was really cold or pouring down rain. I still haven't bought my dog a costume, but he has a collection of bandanas including a variety of holiday themed bandanas. Bandanas are the gateway drug to doggie costumes. |
| I've gone a shockingly long stretch in this blog without talking about sex. Maybe that's why I keep running out of things to say? Let's fix that now. In a Ladies' Home Journal Poll, women were asked "Which would you rather have, great sex, or a great body?" 63% picked a "smokin' figure" over a "sizzling" sex life. Yeah, I get that it is a magazine poll and has about as much validity as a Sarah Palin speech, but it still got me thinking. I guess I'm in the minority because I would have voted for great sex everyday of the week and twice on Sundays. You've gotta love Sundays. I truly believe that there is nothing like a little sizzle in the sex life to make a woman feel smokin' hot no matter what her shape or size she may be. The "perfect body" is an elusive, air-brushed ideal. I think we need to get over it. It isn't about how your body looks, it's about what your body can do - both in and out of bed. Women tend to get hung up on every little imperfection and look at themselves as a collection of all these flawed parts. If my ass were higher, if my abs were flatter, if the little doggies would sit up and bark . . . it's all crap though because no one ever seems to be satisfied with the body they have. It's never "great" enough. When I was about 5 sized bigger, I remember looking at a tiny looking pair of pants that had a hidden "tummy-control" panel, and I laughed. I was dead certain that no one who could fit into a size that small would ever have need for a "tummy-control" panel. Now . . . let's just say I know better. But great sex? Suddenly it's all just "cushion for the pushin'." That's our opportunity to be deeply satisfied by/with the body we have. I know I've never laid basking in the post coital glow and thought "You know, that would have been even better without the back fat." |
| I try to blog more often. I click on that add an entry button. Sometimes I even type out a few dozen words. It is just becoming increasingly rare that I complete my thoughts and post what I've typed. I'm not sure why. I've tried to tease out a reason for it, but in the end no single reason stands out. I've fallen out of the habit. I've got too much going on in my life and I've lost that little bit of distance/perspective that allows me to write about it. I have nothing going on in my life can that hold my own interest let alone yours. I don't have an audience. I don't have time. I'm ready to give up. I'm ready to start over. The list goes on. And this is usually when I close out the window and walk away. Not tonight - I'm going to force the words tonight. I'm making myself write crap and then I'll make myself do it again tomorrow, and maybe it will get easier again. I guess I could bring you up to speed on the exciting happenings in the Special Kay household. First, Tony is gone for the weekend. It is his drill weekend, and I was kind of glad to have him go. He was gone for the last two weeks of May, and just got home last Friday. While he was gone, I noticed that I had less laundry, fewer dirty dishes, and all the dirty dishes I did have made it to the sink. In theory it should be harder for me when he is gone because I have to play the role of single parent, but in so many ways, he is like having another child around. Anyway, as I was saying he got home last Friday, but he wasn't really home. He was off in Tony world. Once he gets home on Sunday, he'll be around for about a month and then he'll be leaving again for a six-week assignment with the Nimitz super-carrier. I just finished up two classes toward my degree. I need to complete 5 more, and should be finished with all my degree requirements by the end of February. I could possibly finish quicker, but have decided not to double up on any more classes. February is soon enough. The kids are getting toward the end of the school year and are looking forward to being cut loose for the summer. My daughter is 16 now, and will be getting her learner's permit once she gets a physical. She would be pushing harder for that, but she really doesn't want to get the physical since she is due for a tetanus shot. She hates shots! Anyway, driving instruction is one of our agenda items for the summer. God help us all! Oh, I have a lovely new floor in my foyer and living room. I also have some new furniture in my living room thanks to a special birthday trip to Ikea last month. I'm thrilled with the new floors, but the baseboards need to be replaced, and some other trim work done to finish the room. I have the flooring for the kitchen sitting out in the garage, but we're not quite ready to take that project on just yet. I feel like we've lost a bit of momentum, but we will get it done eventually. This weekend is the start of the local "Friends of the Library Annual Book Sale," and I am looking forward to that as I do every year. I love the book sale, and I'm hoping that with just one class at a time, I might actually have time for some pleasure reading again! I think this counts as an entry, so I'm going to sign off and go enjoy the evening out in the garden.  |
| My mother is a Don Williams fan. I found this out one day when I was trying to teach her how to buy and download music from the internet. I asked her what she wanted to download and she hits me with Don Williams. Well, all I really know about Don Williams is that he's a country singer with some miles on him. He's gotta be as old as Kenny Rogers. Maybe older. I guess it's possible that once upon a time Don Williams clapped a hand on Kenny shoulder and said "let me show ya how it's done, son." I just don't know. Well, over the weekend, I happened to notice that a local concert venue has booked Don Williams for sometime in the late summer or early fall. I post this tidbit for my mother on facebook - I'm also working on her social networking skills - and she now has her heart set on going, but wants someone to go with her. I'm not that someone. She has a couple guys she has met through on-line dating (another experiment in teaching my mother computer skills) that she gets together with periodically, but she is kind of down on men at the moment and thinks they are all too commitment-phobic to be coaxed into a date 3 months in advance. When my family-wamily and I went over to her house on Memorial Day, she started teasing my daughter's boyfriend about taking her to the concert. I don't know if the poor kid knew who Don Williams was, but he clearly wasn't interested, but he's in a band, and he tells my mother that his singer might be interested. Well, the singer was THRILLED by the prospect of going to see Don Williams. No sarcasm there. He genuinely wants to go. He even offered to drive. Funnier still, the bassist has met my mother and told the singer "Oh, she's hot." So as it stands, my mother has a date with an 18 year old to go see a Don Williams concert. I can only hope she'll forgo the fishnet stockings. |
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