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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books.php/item_id/1563486-A-Quiet-Kind-of-Chaos/sort_by/entry_order DESC, entry_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/entry_order DESC, entry_creation_time DESC/page/7
Rated: GC · Book · Personal · #1563486
Chaos is that voice at the end of the day that says, "Bet you didn't see that coming."
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

"It turns out that an eerie type of chaos can lurk just behind a facade of order
- and yet, deep inside the chaos lurks an even eerier type of order"
~Douglas Hostadter


I imagine that chaos and order are like those Russian nesting dolls, and they fit together to some infinitesimally minute level at which we must just give up ever grasping what lies at the core.
Still . . . if I had to bet, my money would be on chaos.

"Our real discoveries come from chaos,
from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish."
~Chuck Palahniuk


I know that place well . . . every wrong, stupid, and foolish acre of it!
I used to think it was a dead end, or worse, a complete navigational failure,
but sometimes that place was exactly were I needed to be.

So what does any of this have to do with me, my blog, or the entries that will follow?

I don't know, but pull up a chair. I'll invite some chaos, and we'll see what happens.

"It's a cruel and random world, but the chaos is all so beautiful."
— Hiromu Arakawa

Previous ... 3 4 5 6 -7- 8 9 10 11 12 ... Next
February 16, 2010 at 9:51pm
February 16, 2010 at 9:51pm
#687733
Anyone else catch the double wing-ding the skip nailed in the third game of the US vs. Japan Curling match? No?
Well, take my word for it. It was impressive. We were actually having a pretty good time sitting around trying to figure out the rules of the game, picking up the lingo, and making our own commentaries in our best faux-Canadian accents. Great fun. Well, it was until we figured out that a curling match takes 2 1/2 hours.

As I may have mentioned before. I have the attention span of a gnat . . . with ADHD . . . and a meth habit.
2 1/2 hours of curling? I tried. I made it up to game seven, but when the US team called a time out . . . well, that did it.

Seriously, they have time-outs in curling! I understand that there is strategy and aim and mad-sweeping skills involved in curling. It would be hard to forget that given the number of times the commentators referred to it as "chess on ice," but seriously, can a sport that requires walking fast and sliding (not skating) on the ice really necessitate time outs?

I turned the channel, so I can't be sure of the outcome. The Japanese had managed to come from behind and tie it up before I gave up on it, but you know how it is with curling. Anything can happen.

*Bigsmile*
February 12, 2010 at 7:39pm
February 12, 2010 at 7:39pm
#687331
I'm not very romantic. If anything, I can be fairly intolerant of sap and sentiment. Years ago, Tony had a book called 1,001 Ways to be Romantic. He used to live by it and leave small, love notes around for me to find. I tried to be appreciative of the effort, but in truth, I found it silly at best, and annoying at worst. I think it annoyed me because it seemed to require some sort of response. Something about these gestures seemed to cry out "Aren't I wonderful!" or "You are so lucky to have me."

How was I supposed to respond to these thoughtful gestures when all I really wanted was for him to maybe put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher or his dirty socks in the hamper?

Far as I could tell, the romantic gestures were cries for validation - a sort of fishing for compliments - and they weren't really about me at all. It was about him. Maybe that was a cold way of viewing it, but then it's entirely possible that I really am an intolerant bitch.

Somewhere along the line, he kind of gave up most of the shallow romantic gestures, but he still tends to be sappy. He has a strange affinity for greeting cards that trigger my gag reflex, and he still doesn't put his dishes in the dishwasher.

He is the Yin to my Yang, but I love him dearly. *Bigsmile*
February 11, 2010 at 12:19am
February 11, 2010 at 12:19am
#687120
It's official. The kids are off school again tomorrow. Since they have a four day weekend coming up for President's Day, they're off school now until Tuesday. *Rolleyes*

In any event, we seem to have survived the first two prongs of the Nor'easter, but the wind is picking up now. Hopefully the snow-laden trees and power lines will make it through the night okay. I doubt I'll get much sleep. I always have trouble sleeping at night when the wind is blowing. It makes me very uneasy. Fortunately, I have a snow delay in the morning, but I have to be to work by 9:30.

One of the bad things about being home during the day is that you run the risk of seeing some pretty ridiculous crap on TV especially if Tony is holding the remote. One of the shows he chose to watch was about this guy who comes up with all these weird scenarios and then attempts to escape from them. So in todays scenario he was essentially shackled, hoisted into the air and lowered into an enclosure of hostile ostriches.

But wait! In order to make sure the ostriches would peck away at his flesh and add to the difficulty of the escape, he coated himself in a mixture of alfalfa and corn syrup.

I'd tell you more, but at that point I got up and left the room. I'm not sure what disturbs me more, the premise of the show, or the idea that Tony sits at home during the day watching this crap. So if I go to bed tonight and dream about being pecked by ostriches while I'm listening to the howling wind, at least I will know who to blame.

February 9, 2010 at 11:11pm
February 9, 2010 at 11:11pm
#687003
The snow is falling. It is the first prong of a three prong storm that the National Weather Service has called "An explosively developing Nor'easter. I'm guessing the bulk of the snow will stay to the south again. If this weather pattern keeps up, the birds are going to start flying north just to get away from the damn snow.

School has already been cancelled for my kids, and I'm hoping that I'll get a snow day out of it too.

update:


It's Snowing!!!

I got my snow day. *Bigsmile*

February 4, 2010 at 11:26pm
February 4, 2010 at 11:26pm
#686458
I made my trip to the library, and I'm all prepared for the weekend snow. Hopefully it won't start until a little later in the evening tomorrow since we've promised to take Zack out to dinner for his birthday. He hasn't quite decided where he wants to go, but we're leaving it up to him.

Now for a plug . . . I've decided to re-open an old contest seeing as how I've got some spare GPs at the moment. I think this makes the third round for this contest, and I can only hope there will be some entries. *Laugh*

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This item number is not valid.
#1450420 by Not Available.




February 3, 2010 at 11:05pm
February 3, 2010 at 11:05pm
#686351
This morning we had a snow delay and I got to sleep an extra hour. *Bigsmile*

The problem with snow delays that allow you sleep an extra hour is that the day almost always goes downhill from there. We have more snow headed this way for the weekend, but it looks like the heavier accumulations are going to stay to the south.

I have to make it a point to get to the library before the snow flies. I have books that are due back on Saturday, and I should lay in some fresh reading material just in case.

Some people run to the grocery store for milk and bread. Some people run to the library for books. I guess it all depends on what you hope to feed. *Smile*
February 2, 2010 at 11:09pm
February 2, 2010 at 11:09pm
#686239
Sami, the local prognosticating groundhog of the Poconos, was found dead this morning from natural causes. Truth is, Sami might have been dead awhile. It's really hard to tell the difference sometimes between dead and hibernating - at least that's the excuse I use with my husband when I steal the remote from his limp, lifeless grip - but today the untimely passing was discovered.

When I say untimely, it's only because Sami was 10 years old. In the wild groundhogs have an average life expectancy of 2-3 years . . . fewer if they chose to visit my neighbors vegetable garden.

I'm kind of amazed that, with all the fanfare associated with Groundhog day, that they didn't have a dress rehearsal or, for that matter, a contingency plan. The official Groundhog Lodge has already begun the search for Sami's successor. With the unemployment rate approaching 10% in these parts, I anticipate they'll have plenty of applicants.

Out on the opposite side of the state, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow confirming what anyone who has ever spent a winter in PA already knows. We are going to have 6 more weeks of winter.

Unless Sami's fate is some sort of omen that is . . . I know what it means if the rabbit dies. Anyone know what it means if the groundhog dies?
February 1, 2010 at 11:53pm
February 1, 2010 at 11:53pm
#686104
Go figure. It's February. I hope everyone got signed up to receive text alerts about whether Phil sees his shadow tomorrow. My prediction is that Phil will soundly bite the asshole who pulls him out of his nice warm burrow because it is too damn cold in PA right now for any self-respecting varmit to put up with that shit. I nearly bit Tony this morning when he nudged me and told me to get up.

It is so cold here that a 12 pack of soda that I accidentally left in the trunk of my car froze solid and exploded. What a mess!

Zack's birthday is coming up on the 5th, and every ten minutes of so he comes up with a new idea for the amazing birthday cake he wants. First he wanted a really big cookie instead of a cake. Then he thought it would be even cooler to have a cake that looked like a big cookie. Next, he wanted a cake that looked like an aerial shot of a hurricane. Sticking with the natural disaster theme, he then wanted a tornado cake complete with plastic cows, trees and other debris. Today he saw a picture of a turtle, so now he wants a turtle cake. The child loves to challenge me. *Bigsmile*

In other news, things at work pretty much suck. The time study has increased our departments billing by at least 30% which means it will be continued indefinitely. The staff vary between mild resentment of the time study and seething hatred. They can't really argue that they don't have time to fill out the time study spreadsheet when they're having difficulty accounting for 8 hours of work each day.

Against the dramatic backdrop of all that, we are planning for another big reorganization. We're finally going to be able to add two new managers to the department, and three of us have been meeting to discuss how best to redistribute the work load. The boss-man likes to keep people in the dark though because he doesn't want to create needless anxiety so the three people who are going to end up with a new supervisor are not in the loop. They don't know any of this is going down.

My job will be changing again. I've had the luxury to rewrite my job description to more closely align with my strengths and interests a number of times in the past, but this is a much more fundamental change. A big part of my job for the past 9 years has been quality management.

I don't have any particular knowledge or training regarding quality management, but I'm good at following directions and that has been sufficient to date. Now there is a quality management initiative afoot, and I think that the scope of quality management will soon exceed my skills. Not such a problem considering the initiative includes funds to higher a quality manager.

I had a choice. I could become a designated quality manager and flounder about with that, or I could take over some other responsibilities in the department and carve out a new niche for myself.

Being the team player that I am, I told the boss-man that I would do what ever was most needed, but that he was probably ahead to use the downturn in the economy to his advantage and reel in someone qualified - potentially even over qualified - for the role. Because although I might be able to keep faking my way through it, it wouldn't be good for either of us.

Now I just have to accept that everyone else in the department will want to fill out my job description with the most hated aspects of their jobs. *Rolleyes*

It'll be an interesting month at work.



January 31, 2010 at 10:38pm
January 31, 2010 at 10:38pm
#685968
Last night my mother came over to eat pizza and salad with me and Zack. While she was here, she started talking about a free dating site that someone had told her about. Mom wanted to know how I would feel about it if she started dating. Having a mother who is a social worker and a husband who is a psychologist can really get to be a pain in the ass because they always want to know how I feel about shit. *Laugh*

Anyway, I assured her that I was all in favor of her dating if that was what she wanted, and since Mom isn't very computer savvy, she then asked me to help her search for men on the free site.

Well that was enough to make me glad I'm married! Although, if Tony ever looks at my browser history, he may have some questions.

My mother was checking out one profile. "Oh Look! A professional photographer. Interesting."

"Mom . . . uh . . . I think you need your glasses"

She took a second look and realized her error. This guy was a 65 year old "professional pornographer" seeking an open-minded friend. I shit you not. That might have been enough to turn her off the idea of joining a free dating site, but then again, she's pretty open-minded. *Laugh*

Tony made it home from West Virginia this evening so he is back to keeping the tigers at bay.



January 28, 2010 at 9:38pm
January 28, 2010 at 9:38pm
#685688
I had a very strange dream last night. I was looking out my back door, and there was a very large cat on my deck. It was white with black stripes. I was certain I'd never seen anything like it. It looked a lot like a tiger.

"Come see this!" I called to Tony. "It looks like one of those black and white tigers might be on our deck."

Zack came running in and said "I want to see it!" He started to pull the door open, and I yanked Zack back from the door. The tiger lunged forward and started pushing against the door and forcing it open. I couldn't get the door closed because it was a strong tiger so I yelled again for Tony to help.

He came and pulled Zack clear and then helped me force the door closed. The tiger circled menacingly and then went back to a previously unnoticed body lying on the deck. It was a child sized body and the Tiger started eating it.

Eviscerating. That was the word that popped into the dream.

"Tony! The tiger is eviscerating a child right there on the deck!"

And here is where the dream got really weird.

Tony looked out the window behind me and commented casually, "I'm pretty sure he was already dead. I didn't hear him scream or anything."

Why the hell do I dream these things? Maybe because Tony isn't here to keep the tigers at bay?

I actually have recurring dreams about being stalked by large cats (usually lions or tigers) in unusual settings, like my yard or my living room. It makes me wonder about my past lives. *Laugh*

January 27, 2010 at 9:24pm
January 27, 2010 at 9:24pm
#685582
Tony called to let me know he'd arrived safely in West Virginia. He was in a good mood because he got another call from the headhunter lady. She wanted him to know that she's not ignoring him. The CEO of the agency that contracted her has been out all week, but will be back tomorrow and will most definitely want to talk to Tony.

It turns out that in the process of looking for other potential candidates for the posting, the headhunter spoke to at least three different psychologists who suggested Tony. So, apparently he comes highly recommended by his peers. *Bigsmile*

In any case, a headhunter cold-calling every psychologist in the area seems to indicate a level of desperation that can only work in our favor.


January 25, 2010 at 9:43pm
January 25, 2010 at 9:43pm
#685325
Torrential rains today along with strong winds and minor flooding. There is standing water everywhere, and that could make for a dicey morning since the temps are expected to drop below freezing tonight.

One of our satellite offices had to close today due to a power outage. Since the line staff are all currently participating in a time study, I'm anxious to see how it turns out.

10 minutes non-billable >> Sat in dark waiting for the lights to come back on, and bitching about work lost on computer when power went out.

40 minutes non-billable >> Gathered together all the cell phones and attempted to pop some popcorn with them. Fail.

10 minutes non-billable >> Speculated about whether the office would close and about how they would contact us to tell us the office was closed with phones and computers down.

The email announcing the office was closed came out about 11 AM. I can only assume someone tried to reach them on their cell phones, but whether they still had a charge after the popcorn experiment is anybody's guess.

In other news, Tony got his letter from unemployment telling him what he is eligible to receive. Ouch. It's gonna hurt, but it should motivate me to get my taxes prepared early in hopes of a decent federal return. Hopefully it will motivate Tony to be aggressive with the job search, but I guess that only works if there are jobs out there.



January 24, 2010 at 1:51pm
January 24, 2010 at 1:51pm
#685139
"How old do you have to be to get married?" Zack asked me from the backseat of the car.

"The law says you have to be 18."

"So Katie and Max only have to wait four more years then."

"The LAW says 18. But Mommy and Daddy might have something else to say about that."

Zack was real quite for awhile and then said, "I wonder what woman will ever want me?"

He cracks me up. *Laugh*
January 22, 2010 at 11:14pm
January 22, 2010 at 11:14pm
#684777
Tony painted the bathroom ceiling, and he got rid of the huge tractor tire in the backyard. He has a friend with a gym who wanted the flippin' tire, and I was very happy to see it go. I'm also glad I wasn't home for the tire moving event. Apparently he had to bash it repeatedly with a sledge first to break up the ice that had formed inside the tire.

And if you are one of the people wondering why the hell I'd have a huge flippin' tractor tire in my backyard, you can revisit the pain by reading the entry "Invalid Entry (which, had I killed the man, would have been referred to as "exhibit a").

I can't understate how happy I am about the tire thing. *Bigsmile*

Tony got a phone call this week from a head-hunter. She was calling him about a part-time job (20hrs/wk) as a clinical director at residential center that is within an hours drive. It isn't really what he wants to be doing, and it is only part-time, but it's work, and so he sent off a resume and we'll see what happens next.

I went over to my mother's house this evening for a visit. My Mom is kind of funny in that she needs a lot of change in her life. She gets bored easily and is forever rearranging her furniture and just looking for ways to change things up. Her positive outlook on change served her well for all the years my father was in the military, and it continues to serve her family well because when she gets new lamps, I get new lamps. *Laugh*

I've never known another person with a lamp fetish like my mothers, but tonight I scored a lovely pair of brass table lamps for my living room. The shades on the new lamps are white instead of ecru, and it is amazing how much brighter the room looks. Of course, it's really obvious now that we need to paint. *Bigsmile*

January 21, 2010 at 12:57pm
January 21, 2010 at 12:57pm
#684574
For the record, my children have not been deprived of pets. I have two cats and a hamster. Up until last July, we also had a dog. For the last year of his life, he was a diabetic dog. After coordinating all of our lives and activities around twice daily insulin injections for a year, I didn't want to rush out and get a new dog.

Pennsylvania is one of those notorious "puppy-mill" states - as featured on Oprah. I guess Oprah and the Gov. have been trying to crack down on that, and some puppy mills are closing as a result. There is a huge push now by rescue groups to save the pups.

These are the same pups that they've spent years educating us to stay away from because of poor breeding practices that pass on genetic defects, problems with temperament, and inadequate socialization.

I understand that the main point there was to deprive the breeders of customers that allowed the businesses to thrive even when the dogs didn't, but these same pups are now being put out there by the rescue groups as perfect family pets.

The puppy pushing has gotten to my daughter and she really wants a puppy. We've had two dogs, but never a puppy, and she really wants a puppy.

With Tony currently unemployed and looking to join the reserves, a dog seems like a really bad idea to me, and I know who would end up doing 90% of the feeding, training and exercising! *Rolleyes*

January 20, 2010 at 11:04pm
January 20, 2010 at 11:04pm
#684525
My daughter is campaigning for a TV in her bedroom.

Her argument seems to be that since I won't let her have a puppy she should be allowed to have a TV in her room especially since she would save up for it and buy it with her own money.

I don't have a TV in my bedroom. I'm firmly of the opinion that TV's do not belong in bedrooms . . . at least not in my house. Besides, she is 14. I want her out in the living room interacting with our little family-wamily and not hiding out in her bedroom watching stupid reality shows about bitchy brides shopping for the perfect wedding dress.

I imagine the battle to come will be epic, but I intend to hold firm.

No TV

No Puppy

January 18, 2010 at 11:30pm
January 18, 2010 at 11:30pm
#684304
Did I mention that Tony's higher-ups gave him a fruit basket on his last day by way of a parting gift? I guess it shouldn't have been a surprise to either of us that the grapes turned out to be sour. *Pthb*

Tony went through the process of filing his unemployment paperwork today. That task, and the reality of his current circumstances put him in a pretty glum mood for a good part of the day, so I was surprised when he asked me if I'd like company to run to the grocery store.

It was kind of nice doing the shopping together, and having his help to load and unload the groceries. While we were out together, he started making a mental list of long neglected projects around the house that he'd like to tackle in the free time he'll have in the upcoming weeks.

I think it will help him to stay busy, and I know it will help me to have him attending to things around the house. He is looking into a couple job leads. One of them is contract basis work only, but it is better than nothing. He is also looking at teaching additional classes at the gym.

So now, I just have to decide what color I want him to paint the living room. *Smile*

January 17, 2010 at 11:17pm
January 17, 2010 at 11:17pm
#684194
I finally got around to taking down the Christmas tree. I don't have all the decorations packed away and stored yet, but at least the tree is out of the living room.

Yesterday was a gorgeous day.

It was so pleasant and sunny that I was outside with a tape measure plotting out where I'm going to build my raised vegetable gardens this spring.

Later, the kids and I did a bunch of running around. Since the weather has been so bitter lately, I've gotten backed up with the recycling. So we loaded up all the accumulated recyclables and the kids and I went over to the recycling center. They helped me sort it all and get it into the proper bins. Zack particularly enjoyed listening to the glass jars explode when he threw them in to the bin. It's the little things.

After the recycling, we went out to lunch, and then I took the kids to the library so Katie could look for a book she needs for a school project. I left them in the kids section and headed up to the stacks. I borrowed three novels and a book on growing vegetables. It was a good timing. Today has been gray and rainy. It's been a perfect day to curl up in a chair and lose myself in a book.

Tomorrow, I have productive things I'll need to do, but thanks to the long weekend, I got to have a refreshingly lazy day today.
January 12, 2010 at 11:01pm
January 12, 2010 at 11:01pm
#683574
The Army recruiter was thrilled to hear from Tony.
He went so far as to call Tony a "Gift from God." *Laugh*

The recruiter is optimistic that he'll be able to have everything ready for the commissioning board to review when they meet in March. The Navy recruiter forwarded some 140 pages of stuff to the Army recruiter who told Tony to hold off on completing any additional paperwork until he's had a chance to review it all. He might already have everything he needs.

I was home sick from work today. I've been getting slammed with seriously incapacitating headaches that I'm blaming on a combination of sinus issues, stress, and hormones. I haven't had headaches like this in a long time. The pain is enough to wake me out of a sound sleep.

I'm feeling better tonight. I even got in a workout. I just hope it lasts.

Tony's last day at work will be Friday. They are giving him two weeks severance and the balance of his sick/vacation/personal time which is better than nothing. The list is forming of things that need to be done around the house during his "down time," but obviously finding a new job will be at the top of that list.

Tonight I used my new wok to make amazing fajitas for dinner.
Nice and spicy to clear out those troublesome sinuses. *Laugh*
January 7, 2010 at 1:15pm
January 7, 2010 at 1:15pm
#682817
Seven days into the new year and the bottom just fell out.

Tony got word that his position is being eliminated. He has a meeting on Monday to discuss this, and I'm not sure what will be entailed. They may offer him a contract to do referral work on an as needed basis, but we have to wait and see.

He had survived many rounds of deep cuts, and we would have had to blind not to see this coming, but he is still supervising two interns and I really thought that gave him job security until June when the internships ended. Not so.

On the bright side, having seen the writing on the wall, he's got this whole Navy thing that will hopefully come to fruition soon. He also was hired recently to do diagnostic interviews for local juvenile probation (on an as needed referral basis). He just submitted his first report yesterday. Given the number of hoodlums and delinquents running around, that should be steady work, but certainly not full time.

The other bright spot in all of this is that our health insurance is through my employer and not his. That's a pretty significant bright spot.

Another bright spot is that I just got him a Netflix subscription for Christmas and now he'll have lots of time to sit around in his underwear and watch movies all day.

He should eligible for unemployment compensation also, but the bottom line is that the job market sucks, and I don't see a lot of opportunities cropping up for him.

He's going to go online and find some great job out in North Dakota or Wyoming and decide that we need to move which really isn't a good economic move either since we own a home that we probably won't move in the current market, and we'd lose my income and benefits so he could take a job that might not work out.

I imagine he's going to be a pretty miserable human being to live with over the next few weeks, and if the Navy doesn't offer him a commission soon, he might just snap. If the Navy does offer him a commission, a voluntary deployment might be the best option. By then, I may be grateful for an opportunity to ship him out.

I have a streak of fatalism in me though. I don't necessarily believe in destiny or that things are predetermined, but I think that things are going to unfold as they are meant to and there isn't a lot we can do about that.

Now that I type that, it sounds a whole lot like destiny. *Rolleyes*
But lunch is over and I have to head back to work now.


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