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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books.php/item_id/1563486-A-Quiet-Kind-of-Chaos/sort_by/entry_order DESC, entry_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/entry_order DESC, entry_creation_time DESC/page/9
Rated: GC · Book · Personal · #1563486
Chaos is that voice at the end of the day that says, "Bet you didn't see that coming."
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

"It turns out that an eerie type of chaos can lurk just behind a facade of order
- and yet, deep inside the chaos lurks an even eerier type of order"
~Douglas Hostadter


I imagine that chaos and order are like those Russian nesting dolls, and they fit together to some infinitesimally minute level at which we must just give up ever grasping what lies at the core.
Still . . . if I had to bet, my money would be on chaos.

"Our real discoveries come from chaos,
from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish."
~Chuck Palahniuk


I know that place well . . . every wrong, stupid, and foolish acre of it!
I used to think it was a dead end, or worse, a complete navigational failure,
but sometimes that place was exactly were I needed to be.

So what does any of this have to do with me, my blog, or the entries that will follow?

I don't know, but pull up a chair. I'll invite some chaos, and we'll see what happens.

"It's a cruel and random world, but the chaos is all so beautiful."
— Hiromu Arakawa

Previous ... 5 6 7 8 -9- 10 11 12 13 14 ... Next
December 17, 2009 at 11:47pm
December 17, 2009 at 11:47pm
#680279
You know your getting desperate to finish the Christmas shopping when . . .

*CandyCaneR* You find yourself standing in front of the $4.99 DVD's at Best Buy, holding a copy of "Under Siege" and thinking "Steven Segal, martial arts, The Navy . . . Tony's gotta want this, right?"

*CandyCaneG* You convince yourself that a 10 year old boy will be happy with a new set of sheets for Christmas because they are really super soft micro-fleece sheets . . . and they're blue.

*CandyCaneR* You start buying flashlights. Everyone can use a new flashlight! Right? Especially one of those super bright LED flashlights.

*CandyCaneG* You start picking out overly-practical gifts. Really, if a toothbrush lights up, or spins, it is practically a toy and would be a perfect stocking stuffer.

*CandyCaneR* You decide to tape a twenty dollar bill to the bottom of a box of tissues. Fuck it. They'll still have a present to open and they can buy what they want.

December 16, 2009 at 10:41pm
December 16, 2009 at 10:41pm
#680148
I'm having a bad flair up of tendinitis in my left wrist/hand. I had to pull out the old wrist brace which makes typing kind of problematic.

So my good friend Dee had a big bottle of laundry detergent on her desk today. It was really big . . . probably 96 loads or so unless it was ultra concentrated in which case the cleaning power continues to expand exponentially not unlike the mass of a black hole. But I digress.

It was a big bottle in a little cubicle, and it seemed oddly incongruent.

What was it doing there? Perhaps it was yesterday's unfathomable cheese heist that has me preoccupied with the whimsy of the criminal mind, or perhaps the week leading up to Christmas is just ridiculously boring at work, but I couldn't stop pondering the existence of the laundry detergent in that cubicle on this day.

It had to mean something.

Now, I don't mean to suggest that my pal Dee is a criminal. To the best of my knowledge she's not. And there was certainly no reason for me to sit in my office imagining the pile of blood splattered clothing she needed to wash in order to conceal any evidence to the contrary.

I don't really think any of my friends are inclined to murder, but Dee has a lot of anger. She also has a gun and likes to spend her Saturdays at the shooting range. Oh . . . there's also her obsession with Jodie Foster and her role in "The Brave One." I think her morning routine probably includes posing with the gun in front of the mirror and asking that fateful question "Who's the bitch now?"

Just for fun I did a quick Google search. "How to remove blood stains"

I pulled out a pad of sticking notes and started to jot down the do's and dont's. I did my best to ignore the nagging voice in my head which kept reminding me that in the event of an actual murder, my actions could be construed as abetting.

So I put a post-it on the bottle . . . "Remember to use cold water. Hot water will set the blood stains and make things really easy for the forensic team."

But there were lots of other good tips.

"Pre-treat blood stains with salt and liquid soap or shampoo."

"For really stubborn blood stains, try pouring ammonia directly on the fabric."

Eventually I got bored with transposing the collective wisdom of the internet on to post-it notes and taping them (they weren't sticking well) to the bottle, so I went back to reading the local paper on-line in hopes of a follow up on the cheese heist.

I didn't see Dee all morning, but apparently she came and went without a peep. When I came back to the office after lunch, the bottle of laundry detergent was gone.

Dee was at her desk for most of the afternoon, but she didn't say anything about the notes. I started to worry. What if she did kill someone?

Finally, I could no longer stand the suspense (or boredom), so I cautiously approached her cubicle.

"Hey Dee. How's it going?"

"Good."

"I guess you had to do some laundry during your lunch hour, huh?"

"Yeah, my pain in the ass washer quit working on Sunday so I had to go to the laundromat."

"Really? So you didn't uh . . . what I mean to say is . . . Did you kill anyone?

Her answer was "No," but I forgot to ask her if she had an alibi for the cheese heist.



December 15, 2009 at 11:43pm
December 15, 2009 at 11:43pm
#680047
Today, I got my hair cut, and no one noticed any damn difference, so maybe it didn't really "need" to be cut. *Laugh*

I don't really like getting my hair cut. I'm not much for any of the usual "pampering" type things in spite of having two X-Chromosomes because, unless I'm on intimate terms with a person, I don't want folks in my space.

There were a couple big news stories in the paper today. First off, there has been a cheese heist! Someone stole a refrigerated trailer loaded with $95,000 worth of cheese from a local truck stop.

It makes me wonder . . .

1. Did the thief really mean to target a cheese truck?

2. What do you do with that much hot cheese? Fondue?


Also in the news today, a huge voluntary recall of the H1N1 flu vaccine. Turns out that it isn't all that potent even before the mishandling by local school officials. Interesting that just today, the manufacturer announced a round of coming layoffs in their research and development branch. Hard to believe the poor pharmaceutical giant is hurting enough to require a "workforce reduction."

It was a good day off work, but I wish I didn't have to go back tomorrow.


December 14, 2009 at 11:48pm
December 14, 2009 at 11:48pm
#679926
Well, it turns out things did not move fast enough for Tony to go up for review with the commissioning board this month. That will happen sometime in mid-January. It is a bit of a let down, but the bright side is that there is a time frame in place. It is the indefinite waits that are intolerable.

Today the County Commissioners voted to approve the Union contract and include management under all of the terms. Checks will be issued on Friday. *Bigsmile*

I made a beautiful stir fry for dinner tonight. Hopefully it will be the last one I make in my current wok with it's flaking non-stick coating since I'm getting a new one from my mother for Christmas. Although my daughter doesn't like to eat vegetables, she enjoys helping me cut them up for stir fry. Go figure.

So she was chopping up a zucchini and talking to me while I got things started and she told me that whenever she goes somewhere with her boyfriend after I've been cooking or baking his mom always asks her what I was making that smells so good.

I took this as a huge compliment. I may not be very knowledgeable or skilled in the kitchen, but I'm learning and experimenting and even starting to enjoy the process. For most of the years of our marriage, Tony has been the self proclaimed master of the kitchen realm, and I accepted that with unquestioning loyalty. Most of the time I even appreciated it as meal prep was a chore I detested.

Over the years though, I've become somewhat dissatisfied with Tony's culinary creations. I tried seeking out new recipes, but quickly learned that Tony is the sort who will not follow a recipe. So now we have this weird restaurant routine happening in the kitchen because no one will eat the same food.

Zack has the extremely limited repertoire typical in kids with autism.

Katie has a quirky eating pattern resulting from a 10 AM lunch period. She comes home from school starving and makes herself a meal at 3PM. Needless to say, she isn't hungry at 5 when I'm ready to make dinner.

Sometimes Tony and I share a meal, but most of the time we each make and eat something different. We might share a salad or a side, but dinner is kind of a free for all in the Special Kay household. I've gone through periods of enforcing a strict sit-down meal policy for weeks at a time, but trying to please everyone is an exercise in futility and the growing dissatisfaction by all parties eventually erodes even the steeliest resolve.

I try not to ruminate on my failings as a parent. My kids have been deprived of the family dinners that I grew up with. We frequently had friends over for dinner, or went to dinner at our friends houses, and the ritual seemed so steady and eternal. Women everywhere seemed to be serving the same 10 meals to the same three children on the same ugly dishes (to match the avocado or harvest gold decor) night after night. Looking back on those days leaves me with a tinge of guilt and sadness.

The family dinner was sacred in our house while I was growing up. TV was not permitted to be on. Everyone sat at the table for the duration of the meal. Mom even had a sign that read "Sorry we're closed" that she hung on the door during dinner so that neighbor kids knew not to disturb our blissful togetherness. One time the little boy next door rang the bell while the sign was up and my mother lit into him with unprecedented fury. The little boy dissolved into tears. He was only 5 or 6. He couldn't read, and his mother had just sent him over to borrow an egg.

Yes, those were more innocent times, but in the true nature of togetherness, they were not always pleasant times. I remember meals when I kept my head bent low so no one would notice the tears dripping onto the ugly gold ironware plates. I was a sensitive child who hated conflict and there was plenty of conflict during the sacred dinnertime.

In a way, it came as a relief when my mother became a full time student. She even took some evening classes, and by then my brothers were older and off doing there own thing, so it would be just me and my dad going out to the Village Tavern so we could have the nightly special and watch Jeopardy on the TV in the bar while we ate. That was the way I preferred things.

So my dinner times have never been as regimented as they were while I was growing up, but I'd like to think they've never been as stressful either. And even though we don't all sit down together to share the same meal, we all talk about our days as we jockey around each other in the kitchen trying to fix what we prefer while we negotiate for oven and stove top access.

So really, I think I can let go of my guilt now because clearly this daily mayhem is a beautiful thing, and it's still all about coming together as a family. *Bigsmile*




December 13, 2009 at 9:32pm
December 13, 2009 at 9:32pm
#679785
My brother and his wife are coming up from Virginia to spend Christmas at my mother's house. My brother has two boys who are very close in age to my boy-child, and the three of them love spending time together. They are due in late on the 22nd, and on the 23rd, Zack has been invited to spend the night with his cousins at my mother's house. *Bigsmile*

I can't adequately express my enthusiasm for this plan. I love the boy very dearly, and I enjoy his excitement, but he gets so hyped up in those last days before Christmas, and having a night off from that will be amazingly blissful.

Today we had freezing rain and regular rain and dreary grayness all day. I stayed inside all day. I am too nervous to venture out in that combination of ice and rain. The weather is supposed to warm up over the next few days, and I think I will take Tuesday off of work to finish up the Christmas shopping and get a much needed hair cut.

Tomorrow the County Commissioners will be meeting to approve the new union contract for the Agency I work for. They will also be voting on whether or not the terms of the union contract will extend to management. From what I understand, there is money in our budget to support it, and plenty of reason to be optimistic, but I think I'll refrain from spending my bonus until after they cut the checks.
December 12, 2009 at 11:44pm
December 12, 2009 at 11:44pm
#679711
Today was the usual busy with a twist of holiday insanity.

I did piles of laundry, cleaned up the kitchen at least twice, shopped for groceries, wrapped some presents, and baked a double batch of Peanut butter blossoms. I made the cookies too big, but no one really gives a shit about cookies that are too big, so what difference does it really make? None!

I've gotten really good at streamlining all the holiday nonsense down to just the stuff that really matters and it makes for a happier, more relaxed holiday all around. I'm still busy, but I'm busy with the stuff I enjoy doing . . . mostly.
December 11, 2009 at 11:29pm
December 11, 2009 at 11:29pm
#679609
I had off work today. Every December I take one Friday off and spend the day with my mother helping her with Christmas shopping, wrapping and decorating stuff. I managed to get some of my own shopping done at the same time, so that worked out pretty well, and I'm one of those weird folks who enjoys wrapping presents. I'm pretty good at it too if I do say so myself.

Anyway, while I was shopping the ubiquitous loop of Christmas music was playing in the background, and for some reason, I my brain started paying attention to it. The song playing was "Do you hear what I hear?"

These lyrics jumped out at me . . .

Do you hear what I hear
A child, a child shivering in the cold
Let us bring him silver and gold
Let us bring him silver and gold


And then it hit me. Giving stupid gifts is not a modern problem resulting from a recent surge in materialism. The problem dates back to antiquity.

What do I give the newborn child shivering out in the cold?

A hat? - no . . . they'll think I'm being cheap.

How about a blanket? Sounds like he could really use a blanket? . . . but I don't have time to get it monogrammed with the big "JC" and it isn't personal enough without the monogram.

I know! I'll bring him silver and gold. You just can't go wrong with silver and gold. Newborns love stuff that is shiny.

I think frankincense was the Chia Pet of yore.

December 10, 2009 at 11:51pm
December 10, 2009 at 11:51pm
#679493
I realize that being President, and getting recognized with the whole Nobel Peace Prize thingy probably makes Barack Obama a shoo-in for the Time Magazine Person of the Year, but personally I'd like to see it go to Nostradamus instead.

Why?

Well, admittedly he hasn't grabbed as many headlines as President Obama, but for a dead guy, I think he's done a pretty good job of capturing the hearts and imagination of the media. The man has been dead over 400 years, but his predictions live on (until 2012 anyway) especially on the History Channel.

Has a dead guy ever been Time Magazine's Person of the Year? I think it is time to recognize the dead for their contributions to the news. With all the rival 24 hour news networks, we can't really expect to fill all that air time with just the living.

I think Larry King needs to do some of that past life regression stuff.
In some past life, he may have interviewed Nostradamus. Then again, Barbara Walters may have picked up the exclusive.

So who would you vote Person of the Year as an alternative to Barack Obama?
December 9, 2009 at 10:09pm
December 9, 2009 at 10:09pm
#679378
Well it snowed, sleeted and rained leaving a sloppy, slushy mess that is all going to refreeze overnight. Woohoo! *Rolleyes*

The kids were off school today, and my office opened an hour late. Of course, the plow woke me up at 6:30 and I couldn't go back to sleep. The one day I could have slept a bit later, and I was hopelessly, wide awake.

We got official word from the Navy that Tony received a full medical waiver. The recruiter is reviewing all the paperwork to make sure everything is in order before forwarding it to the commissioning board. Since the board usually meets around the middle of the month, it is possible that Tony will have his answer soon.

Thanks to KÃ¥re Enga in Udon Thani I've learned how to embed video here. *Bigsmile*
In light of all the Christmas lyric snarking happening between alfred booth, wanbli ska and NOVAcatmando , I thought I'd share my very favorite version of the 12 Days of Christmas.

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
December 8, 2009 at 10:20pm
December 8, 2009 at 10:20pm
#679251
100% chance of snow and ice in the Poconos tonight. If you don't hear from me tomorrow, it'll probably be because I'm without power.

The kids are looking forward to the possibility of a school delay or closure, and I'm not much better than the kids that way. Snow days are fun except when the power goes out. Then they're just cold.

Tonight was Zack's 5th Grade Choral Concert. Although Zack is in the chorus, he decided last week that he didn't want to perform, but he still wanted to attend. Apparently he wasn't the only one who felt that way. There were a couple kids on stage who didn't even bother to move their lips.

And Zack, sitting in the audience, forgot himself and broke into song a couple of times. *Bigsmile*

Overall, it was a pretty good time. There will be another concert in the spring, but Zack has already decided he wants to be in the audience and not on stage for that one too.

Now that I've upgraded to premium, I really need to figure out how to embed video in my blog. Maybe that will be the thing I'll learn tomorrow. *Smile*
December 7, 2009 at 11:49pm
December 7, 2009 at 11:49pm
#679068
Well . . . the preliminary survey results are in. They didn't take long to analyze.

The clear result is that no one thinks faking an orgasm has anything to do with being either selfish or selfless in bed. I guess that is pretty much what I'd concluded.

In an informal survey of the co-workers I know well enough to ask stuff like this,1 I gathered a list of both real and "hypothetical" reasons why someone might fake the big O.

The number one reason by a long shot was . . . (insert drum roll here)

"I just want him to finish so I can go to sleep!"

Sex seems to be popping up on a surprising number of "to do" lists and seems to be regarded with the same enthusiasm as any other chore. The women in this group, surprisingly, seemed to be having the most sex. *Laugh*

I am not in this group.

Apparently, and I must have missed this memo, there are obligatory days of sex. These include, but are not limited to birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentines Day. Pretty much, if he is expected to remember and acknowledge the day, then he, in exchange is expecting to get some action.

Another interesting thing I learned is that some men have quotas. They expect to have sex at least x many times per week or else they become unbearable.

So, the woman (I'm not stereotyping here, I just work with a bunch of women) fakes her orgasm because "when he thinks I'm really into it, it excites him and he'll finish faster. And then we can go to sleep."

Yeah, a lot of these scenarios ended with "and then we can go to sleep."

Want to know what else I learned at work today . . .

The lesbians in the office deny ever faking an orgasm. Apparently the lesbians do this thing called "talking" and they "communicate their needs."

Go figure . . .

So here are the other reasons women gave for faking it. Some are more selfish, others are more selfless.

2. "Sometimes I can't even really feel it, but I don't want him to feel inadequate or anything like that."

3. "If I just finished doing my hair or make-up, I'll fake it so he'll get off me before my hair is like totally ruined."

4. "It takes me a long time to get there, but he loves an occasional quickie, so I always fake it during the quickies because it keeps the excitement alive and that's totally worth it."

5. "Some men are just overly impressed with their own stamina and they'll just keep pounding away, and it's like Dude! I'm getting a leg cramp. Seriously! Sometime today would be nice so STOP thinking about baseball."


And then there was this observation . . .

"I used to fake orgasms, but then my husband read something about multiorgasmic women and now it's just not even worth the effort."

I wonder what I'll learn about tomorrow. *Laugh*

OH, I almost forgot . . . my Amish sugar cookies won third prize.
I didn't even know there was going to be judging involved.

Footnotes
1  my sampling technique may not be randomized enough to stand up to the scrutiny of the scientific community, but it keeps the harassment complaints to a minimum

December 6, 2009 at 11:18pm
December 6, 2009 at 11:18pm
#678953
Two days after cutting the evening caffeine, I finally had a wonderful night of sleep. I woke up early and surprisingly full of energy. I made it to the grocery store and back before the traffic or crowds became problematic.

It was a beautiful drive. The morning was crisp and bright and the back road I take to the store winds back through woods with the occasional creek or stone row. All of it was glistening white in the early sun. Though the roads were clear, a fresh blanket of white covered all the drab brownness. The snowy tree branches were dazzling against the blue sky. It was one of those rare moments when I felt very grateful to live exactly were I live.

After the store and after the groceries were put away, it was time to bake cookies. I don't know what sort of madness came over me, but I baked between 18 and 20 dozen cookies. No exaggeration. I have my 9 dozen for work packaged up. I sent a bunch of cookies home with Katie's boyfriend, and I still have another tin, a plastic storage container and a one gallon ziploc bag full of cookies.

It's just crazy. I'm not sure what the hell I was thinking, but Tony says he'll take a bunch of cookies to work to share, and Katie wants to take some to her teacher, and so I'm pretty sure they won't go to waste.

Moving on . . .

About a week ago, I made the assertion in a blog comment that everyone is selfish when it comes to sex. I've been contemplating the issue since then.

Is it true?

I think sex is the ultimate Id activity, and the Id is by definition all about the pleasure seeking, self indulgence, but what about Queen Victoria? I believe she was the one who advised her daughters, "Close your eyes and think of England."

I guess that doesn't sound very selfish.

And still more perplexing . . . are the statistics that say as many as 70% of women have faked having and orgasm and some surveys suggest that men aren't that much better with 50% saying they've faked orgasms.

I think this calls for a poll which I will create shortly. I'll refrain from further comment so that I don't skew the results . . . yet.

[Linked Poll's access is restricted.]

December 5, 2009 at 10:59pm
December 5, 2009 at 10:59pm
#678852
Well . . . It did snow, but we didn't get anywhere near the 2-4 inches predicted.

In any case, the tree got decorated but no cookies were baked and I didn't have any idyllic Snuggie moments. Tomorrow is another day.

At least I managed to check a couple things off my list today.

*Checkg* Placed on-line Christmas orders for Tony

*Checkr* Ran to the bank to deposit Tony's check
because he still doesn't have direct deposit

*Checkg* Decorated the tree

*Checkr* Started the weekend laundry marathon

*Checkg* Blogged about all the excitement


Tomorrow I really have to bake my cookies though because I'm participating in a cookie exchange at work on Monday. There are only 10 of us this year which is a good and manageable number. Everyone will bake 9 dozen cookies of a single variety and come away with 9 dozen cookies in 9 different varieties.

I signed up for Amish Sugar cookies because my daughter likes making them and has been bugging me bake some. They are a holiday staple, but they don't have a big wow-factor. I guess it doesn't matter. The beauty of sugar cookies lies in their simplicity and all that crap. *Rolleyes*

Okay, time to go hide the Christmas pickle now that the kids are in bed.



December 4, 2009 at 11:32pm
December 4, 2009 at 11:32pm
#678751
It sounds like we'll be "dashing through the snow" here tomorrow.

As usual, I'm kind of rooting for the storm. I always feel kind of sorry for those weather systems that have a lot of energy and potential, but can't quite get themselves organized into much of a threat.

In any case, I don't have anywhere I really need to go tomorrow, and falling snow would be a nice accompaniment to decorating the tree and baking cookies.

Maybe I'll try to get a little shopping done on-line, or maybe I'll just curl up in my Snuggie with a cup of vanilla chai, and write some Christmas poetry. *Smile*
December 3, 2009 at 11:26pm
December 3, 2009 at 11:26pm
#678622
I need to seriously cut out the caffeine in the evening. I probably need to do a lot of other things differently too because my sleeping patterns have gone all to hell. I blame it on the short days. When I come home at 5 and it is already dark outside, I really want to crawl into to bed and sleep. Yesterday, I did exactly that.

As it turns out, a two hour nap in the evening is not conducive to a good nights sleep. I was up until 2 AM. So this evening I was dragging again. I resisted the urge to nap, by loading up on caffeine to stay awake and now I'll probably be up until at least 2 AM again.

This is seriously dysfunctional behavior since I have to get up and go to work in the morning.

Speaking of dysfunction, I accidentally washed Tony's iPod, aka "Krav Pod" along with a load of laundry. It is beyond dysfunctional. It is non-functional. I feel really bad about it even though he keeps telling me I shouldn't because he left it in his shirt pocket.

I finally got around to renewing my membership for an entire year. I'd been flirting with the idea of abandoning ship ever since my annual membership expired back in January. I renewed for three months, but couldn't bring myself to commit for longer. I figured that once my old blog hit it's maximum entry limit, I would make a graceful exit. Instead, I launched a new blog, but it just didn't seem to take.

I allowed my membership to lapse. I was short on both funds, and the inspiration to write. Shortly after, the very generous and dear Debi Wharton gifted me an upgraded membership. In spite of the lovely gesture, I still couldn't seem to work up any enthusiasm for blogging, and I eventually allowed my membership to lapse a second time.

I was dragged back into the fray by Chewie Kittie , and I don't know if I ever thanked her or Debi adequately for their friendship, generosity, and support. *Heart*

I finally feel like I'm back. My blog has passed the 100 entry mark and is starting to lose that new blog smell. I feel more comfortable here than I have in a long time. I still miss a lot of the people who have moved on from the site and occasionally look back on the old blog to read the comments they left once upon a time. I get nostalgic like that. Still, I'm grateful for the old friends who are still around, and for the new folks I've met along the way.

In that way, the blog world isn't so different from the real world, and there is always the possibility that we'll cross paths again (maybe on Facebook *Laugh*).

In the meantime, I'm just going to keep showing up.

Even if it's just to write about things like the bizarre dream I had after I finally fell asleep last night. I dreamed that there was something moving around under my skin on the back of my right shoulder.

When I looked in the mirror, it looked like a disembodied rats tail wriggling just beneath the skin. I say a rats tail because it tapered down to a pointed tip that occasionally protruded up over my shoulder edging toward the collar bone.

The sensations were exceptionally vivid and disturbing, and in the dream, I was trying very hard to keep Tony from noticing my creepy, crawly shoulder.

My dreams usually follow certain predictable themes, but I don't believe I've ever had a "parasite" dream before. Just for the hell of it, I looked it up in the dream interpretation dictionary on the Dream Moods website.

"To see a parasite in your dream, suggests loss of vitality and feeling physically drained. You are becoming too dependent on others. It is also an indication that you are taking without giving back."


*Laugh*

Yes, that's it! I've become a parasite!



December 2, 2009 at 8:38pm
December 2, 2009 at 8:38pm
#678453
Today was the "Holiday Training" at work. It started around 11:00. At about 9 AM, and all staff email went out asking us to all take a moment to think about our favorite childhood holiday memory because our Administrator thought it would be really nice to go around the room and have a lovely, little share-fest.

Mass panic ensued.

We are a mental health agency, and people who work in the field of mental health generally lack good mental health. It is a widely recognized truth. So, no big surprise, but as it turns out no one has any happy childhood memories.

My friend Bonnie immediately started IMing me.

         Bonnie >> Quick! I need you to come up with a happy holiday memory that I can share with the group.

         Me >> I don't have memories of your childhood. You're on your own.

         Bonnie >> Tell me one of yours or make something up. It doesn't have to be real.


Bonnie was in good company. Pretty soon there was a follow up email from Admin.

"The sharing of holiday memories is optional. No one will be put on the spot to share memories that they are not comfortable sharing. Everyone is invited to participate, but no one should feel compelled to do so."

And a collective sigh of relief rose up from the masses.

I had a story. I had several stories, but I kept them to myself. They were not appropriate to share in a work setting. Hell, I haven't even shared them within the relative anonymity of this blog.

Propriety is such a bitch.
December 1, 2009 at 11:08pm
December 1, 2009 at 11:08pm
#678358
When the hell did I get all domestic?

I'm baking and cooking and cleaning and shopping. And then I turn around and write about the baking and cooking and cleaning and shopping. It's kind of sad. The thing is, I kind of like not living in squalor. I prefer eating tasty food that I make with my own two hands too, but things are getting a little out of control.

Take for example the grapes.

For the first time ever, I returned produce to the grocery store. I bought the grapes because I had a coupon, but they were still pretty pricey. I got them home and when I opened the bag the next morning, the grapes were moldy. *Sick*

Instead of chucking the grapes, I dug out my receipt and took the moldy grapes back to the store.

The story doesn't get better, so I'll cut it short. They gave me double my money back, replaced the grapes at no charge, and sent me on my merry way basking in the warm glow of good customer service. Yet somewhere in the back of my mind there is a wee lone voice screaming out against the tide of sensibility.

Have I really become that lady who clips coupons, saves grocery receipts and returns grapes?
That's does it! I'm taking the damn pole dancing class. I don't know how I'll live with myself otherwise.
November 30, 2009 at 10:52pm
November 30, 2009 at 10:52pm
#678232
Today my son bamboozled me into dragging out the Christmas decorations and baking cookies. We would have put up the tree, but it appears that I threw out the tree stand during one of my purge-and-clean episodes. SInce it is an artificial tree (I'm allergic to live trees), I will probably have to replace the whole damn thing.

I wouldn't mind so much - the branches were starting to droop and look kind of sad last year - but I wish I'd figured it out before dragging the damn thing up a flight of steps to the living room. I just didn't have it in me to drag it back downstairs although it probably would have been easier than stepping over and around the tree 200 times today.

Speaking of which, the national Christmas tree arrived in DC today. This year's tree was cut in Arizona. *Shock*
Now, I've been to Arizona, but it was a longtime ago. That was way back when my two brothers and I could all fit in the back of a Datsun B210 hatchback. I remember it though, and I distinctly remember the absence of trees. Rocks? Sure, there were plenty of those. But trees?

I really hate to think that the ONE tree in Arizona was chopped down and driven all the way to Washington DC - in a truck fueled by bio diesel - just as some weird good will gesture to McCain. I love how CNN emphasized the part about the truck being fueled by bio diesel. We're harvesting trees in Arizona and driving them cross-country but at least we aren't squandering fossil fuels in the process because we CARE about the environment.

Sure. Let's go with that.
November 29, 2009 at 11:56pm
November 29, 2009 at 11:56pm
#678104
One of our newer holiday traditions is to save the Christmas stockings for after dinner.

Everyone has a stocking at my mothers house and we all buy a stocking stuffer for each person. A lot of times they are silly, inexpensive things. For instance, one year my sister-in-law got everyone a whoopie cushion. You just never know what will find it's way into the stockings.

I took Katie and her boyfriend to the mall today so they could do some Christmas shopping. I came back for them after running some errands, but while I was waiting for Katie to return my text and let me know where they were, I wandered down the mall to Radio Shack.

I was looking for something that might appeal to a 9 or 10 year old boy. What I found were Robotic Nano Bugs! These were small, relatively inexpensive and kinda cute so I figured they'd make good stocking stuffers for the three boys (Zack and his two cousins are very close in age). When Katie and Max caught up with me, I asked Max's opinion and he gave the bugs a thumbs-up.

I kept right on thinking the little robot bugs were a clever little amusement until I watched this on You tube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJYtZ2t-oQc&feature=related

Something about watching these things swarming out from under the cup really gives me the heebie jeebies which is probably reason enough for the boys to love them.

I'm so glad I have one more day off work. It will likely be an unproductive work week. I'm off tomorrow, and then on Wednesday we have our annual "Holiday Training." Since we are a quasi-governmental agency, and our salaries are paid with tax dollars, it is unseemly for us to have a "party" during work hours. To get around this, and maintain the appearance of propriety, administration shuts down the agency for the better part of the day each December for a "Holiday training." The training is usually followed by a special lunch and Yankee Swap gift exchange that is drawn out in an effort to kill most of the afternoon. Since I like many of co-workers, I usually have a good time, but you know what they say . . . "It's all fun and games until someone opens a power point presentation."

Why they chose to do it on a Wednesday is anyone's guess.

November 28, 2009 at 11:33pm
November 28, 2009 at 11:33pm
#677993
The co-worker I recently blogged about passed away on Wednesday after a two year battle with cancer. I thought I had blogged about it yesterday, but apparently I never finished and saved the entry. The words were released instead into the great unknown, and that's okay . . . fitting even.

Tony has asked for a GPS navigator thing for his car this Christmas.

I find this kind of funny because I'm still in charge of loading music on to his iPod for him. I guess he is only technology impaired when it suits his purposes.

In any case, I asked him what specifically he was looking for because there are a ton of GPS out there. He hasn't done any of the research, but he wants one with a touch screen that will give him turn-by-turn directions . . . preferably in a sultry voice. *Rolleyes*

I've been doing some on-line shopping these past two days, and if my luck, and the free shipping offers hold out, I might be able to get through my list with relatively little pain.




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