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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/1951967
Rated: 13+ · Book · Mystery · #1951967
A love story wrapped around a mystery, buried in a conspiracy.
Narrator goes to a funeral, and comes out a different person, causing problems for nearly everyone, including himself.

== Changes ================================================== 

The narrator is darker, and has a mischievous/criminal past.  He is no longer the innocent 'white knight' he was originally.  And he does a few things that could get him locked up for a long time if he got caught.

The 'love at first sight' trope has been adjusted somewhat.  Jon and Brea still fall madly in love when they first meet, but they don't admit it to themselves, or to each other, until much later.

The Prologue is actually something that occurs much later, and then the story goes back to where it all began and shows how they got there.  I am not certain if I need to say that, or if readers will figure it out on their own.

Jon and Brea are thrown together quite early and forced to run/hide until they can seek help.  Then, when they realize that they've been running in circles, they get the wind knocked out of their sails... and predictably, they start to grow apart.  Something will get them back together, of course, but I'm not going to spoil the surprise.

The antagonist, Senator Franklin, is still a politician, so is loved/hated depending upon your perspective, but I adjusted things so that he is NOT the one who orders the death that starts off the novel.  That won't matter to some people, as he is in charge and therefore liable... and, the actual assassination order came from his office using his authentication codes.

THAT -- the "Who killed Charlotte?" becomes the crux of the early part of the novel, and when it's identified, the "Why was she killed?" is even more sinister.

== Problems ================================================= 

I wouldn't be posting here if I didn't think there were any problems.  That's part of what WDC is great at, IMO -- finding problems and suggesting ways to solve them.

My biggest problem with my own writing is that I am too verbose.  I don't know what to cut.  At the current rate, by the time I'm finished with all three novels in this series, it's going to look like an encyclopedia.  *Sad*

>jace
neophyte novelist


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