by Dr Gonzo
This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters.
|It's been five weeks since I messed up and used meth, and although I would have loved to instead have fourteen weeks under my belt (of no use), these last five weeks have brought me to this place I find myself today...happy, content, confident and positive in my approach.
The physical training, which I have gruelled out daily, is finally paying off, and like a snowball, which collects more snow the larger it becomes, each session now brings more gains than during those first couple of months. My mental health is above and beyond the person I was before...when using meth was causing me symptoms such as psychosis, paranoia, depression and the fatigue that accompanies desperation. I feel like a different person because I am different...my priorities have shifted, I think about others, and I'm more considerate. I'm no longer antisocial and find myself smiling more than I did when I was a slave to methamphetamines.
Cravings for drugs have become rare, although I am acutely aware of the timeline for when I will become triggered (around eight weeks after I last used). I need to lean on my support networks if/when those moments come. I'm not perfect, and that showed five weeks ago. Still, I gained something from that experience, and hopefully, if/when that demon 'comes a-callin', I will have the intestinal fortitude to stand and fight rather than succumb to my addiction.
At my last meeting, we were asked how much out of ten we want to live a drug-free life...and there was no hesitation in my voice when I said ten. I want this more than anything. I know it won't be easy and that there are going to be challenges, but I will never stop this fight to be free from my addiction.