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 Theses are my thoughts and ramblings as I forge my way through this thing they call life. |
Blog City: Day 2762 January 1, 2026 Prompt: 2025. Was it a good year or a bad year? Write about this in your Blog entry today. Good or bad, I'm just glad it's over. Several of our family members have struggled and fought for their health. My uncle's many strokes clarified his misdiagnosis of Alzeihmer's, but my aunt was told the strokes could lead to dementia over time. The cancer my cousin was fighting since last summer was going well. He got his bladder and pancreas removed in the first part of the year. He was on the mend, until a blockage in his colon alerted them to colon cancer that was inoperable. That was the day before our Canadian Thanksgiving. He died December 19 after 20 days in hospice. The funeral will be January 9. Christmas was quiet this year, but we did get together. Family close was helpful. Since Christmas my uncle has been struggling with his pain and he can't find his pain meds. He thinks my aunt took them (she didn't and she can't find where he may have put them).... so he took her anti-anxiety meds. So she too is struggling. My mother's dementia journey has had many ups and downs; including her calling the police on me when I was sick and being the 'bad Carolyn' who wouldn't leave. That was from delirium from a bladder infection. Once that was taken care of, things have been 'better'. That incident also got things moving to get help, but mom has to agree to help to get Personal Support Workers (PSW) in to help me with her care and she won't - she's too anxious to say yes. So I am on my own and I am struggling to balance work and her care. I'm trying not to stress over things, but when the woman is incontinent and is not motivated to shower... and is prone to UTIs, Her last shower was November 27 - the day before my cousin's 35th birthday (which she didn't attend because she was too anxious). I was hoping a PSW would be able to convince her to shower more frequently. Listening to her daughter (me) is not always something she wants to do. I find myself worrying what will others think.... I'm doing a poor job managing my mother's care. I do a lot of meditation and steadying myself in the moment by moment issues. On the more positive side, I have been able to get some of my online identity back - from 2024's robbery over Christmas break. I was able to get my hotmail account back, but not my original Google account. This has caused some issues, but nothing too bad. I got 35 of 52 stories written for The Bradbury. That is a success as far as I am concerned. In the beginning of the year I was doing Body Groove every day... I need to get back to doing that as it was helping with my day to day concerns. I was also doing Sahaja Yoga Meditation at the beginning of the year... and it dwindled off as the year deepened. It was another helpful day to day thing. I read three books more than my 30 book goal on Goodreads.com. With my writing, I feel like I have gotten no further ahead than I did at this time last year. I am still floundering with my novel in progress. I haven't been to Paris, Ontario to read all that often for open mic poetry nights - mom has often had issues on that evening so I haven't been able to go or she wants to go out to a restaurant to drink. I have managed to get mom to drink less. Last year at this time she was having a 750ml bottle everyday and drinking it in just over an hour. That is equivalent to 24 oz, She would drink to knock herself out.... then wake up when she had soaked the couch. Getting her to drink less means less laundry jobs for me. The alcohol also magnified her dementia symptoms. Some of this drinking less can be attributed to me not taking her out as much (another thing I feel guilty about) and also going with her to restaurants and asking the server not to bring the wine until the food arrives. This makes her drink more sensibly. It does not help that our Premier of Ontario made wine and beer sales in grocery and convivence stores available... making access easier and limiting where I can take her. I have not been working as much as I feel I should be.... not wanting to work if mom is having a 'bad' day. So doing supply work makes things flexible for me, but I feel my confidence has slipped. Curriculum changes have happened over the course of several years. When I was doing long term occasional teaching in a special education class I found myself not being in step with the new changes. So I need to get myself back up to speed. I would say the year was heavy, not good or bad, just heavy. It would be nice to have someone come along side to help carry the load. I am looking forward to a fresh start and a reboot. 2026 will be an amazing year. Happy New Year! May this year be productive and prosperous for each and every one of you. |
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