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A collection of stories about my family's trip to the movies going sour quite fast! |
| It was Memorial Day, 2026, and this has been one crappy month! Every weekend, you and your family had to go all weekend without power because of the damn storms, as well as the electric company that tends to take their sweet ass time coming to fix your shit! They say the reason it takes so long to make repairs is because of the rough terrain as well as all of the downed trees and broken tree limbs! You think they are just making up a bunch of bullshit to make it look like they are working hard when they are just slackers with a license to fuck with your electricity! The worse of it all was towards the end of the month, when your wife's father was diagnosed with Leukemia and was rushed to a specialty hospital deep in Texas! However, despite the best efforts of the doctors, he would be too weak to keep up with the fight and would pass away during his treatment! His funeral was during the last weekend of May, and of course, Ross was "too sick" to attend the funeral, even going so far as to get checked into a hospital with the diagnoses of a Norovirus, or some shit like that! Throughout the first week of June, the days would be spent with you and your family in mourning over the tragic lost! However, your mourning would get interrupted when on June 4th, 2026, you would get word that Ross is seeing the new He-Man movie...at an Imax theater! Are you fucking kidding? FIRST, HE SPENT MONEY AT AN IMAX THEATER, WHERE TICKETS ARE LIKE, $20 A POP! THAT KIND OF MONEY COULD OF HELPED YOU AND YOUR FAMILY OUT DURING THOSE LONG WEEKENDS WHEN YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HAD NO POWER AND NEEDED MONEY FOR A MOTEL ROOM, OR AT THE VERY LEAST, ENOUGH MONEY TO RESTOCK ON GROCERIES THAT HAVE GONE BAD DURING THE POWER OUTAGE! SECONDLY, HIS FATHER IN LAW HAS PASSED AWAY FROM AN AWFUL DISEASE AND HE IS OUT WATCHING A DUMB MOVIE THAT IS BASED ON AN OLD ASS CARTOON FROM THE 1980s?!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM?!? You would grab another Moonshine jug and start downing some as you head to bed with your wife that night! The next morning, on June 5th, 2026, you would get some bad news! For starters, you got the electric bill in the mail...and the bill is once again quite high! It was due in thanks to you trying to hold off on paying the electric bill for months! Such greedy bastards! Not only that, but you found that one of you nephews and his friends were on the side of the highway last night, drinking down booze in public, which would get the attention of passing police officers! Not only that, but your other nephew would get arrested just outside of his home! All because he didn't want to stop for the police officer when the cop was trying to pull him over for his headlights being turned off on his vehicle! You would then start to make plans to confront that bastard...but there was a problem. You have a BIG electric bill to pay, and if it's not paid this time, THE ELECTRIC COMPANY WILL SHUT DOWN POWER FOR YOUR HOUSE, AND YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WOULD GO ALL SUMMER LONG WITHOUT POWER!!! Not wanting to risk your family having to sweat their asses off all summer long, you would make a desperate, and possibly illegal, decision...YOU WERE GOING TO BECOME A PORCH PIRATE FOR THE DAY! As you park your truck behind some thick shrubbery, you would pull out one of your mountain bikes and start riding around Ross's rich ass neighborhood! It's disgusting how all of these rich fucks can live a carefree life while people like you suffer because the utility companies keep extorting money from you and your family! After stealing a good number of packages off of a wealthy person's front porch, some snitch hiding in the bushes nearby would take your picture and calls in the police! As you start to ride off towards your hidden truck, a cop car would pull out in front of you and forces you off the bike while aggressively grabbing your stuffed book bag... As you get taken off to jail while crying like a baby, Ross's roommate would post the following video to your latest Facebook post: |
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