Blog started in Jan 2005: 1st entries for Write in Every Genre. Then the REAL ME begins
|I am a long-time practitioner/follower of Julia Cameron's, Artist's Way. I appreciate her original book, The Artist's Way, most for its now iconic phrases like "crazy-maker," and "frustrated artist", plus I love the form of the lessons for their being part curriculum, part memoir. I have written three sentences and want to write three pages. I feel all my doubts. At the same time, I have embarked on a renewed commitment to myself. I am renewing my site membership here at Writing.com. I purchased a writer's bundle from a short webinar I attended last week to give me access to some tools and motivators. I have also committed to a self-improvement series over the next twelve weeks which puts everything I want to accomplish under the eyes of a coach I've hired. I had some uncertainty on the coaching, but the part I was uncertain about accepting related directly to the financial investment. Having confidence in investing in myself I do already realize is one of my reflective lessons. I have had a lifetime of "making do" with second-hand clothing and other belongings, to the point of it being second-nature that I can only seek out the used.
What can I build from that understanding of myself? The habit of buying bargain is a fixation, and I do know I have it in me to love long-lasting quality that a new item may bring. It is currently shaded somewhat by distribution difficulties and high gas costs in the country. In some categories of items, like appliances, wanting and being able to acquire what is wanted is frustrated by these global market forces. So, is the use of one's creative talents affected by inner and outer forces in the same way, and we just don't notice?
Ah, I am feeling the fatigue already.... It is another component I will have to battle if I do plan on recommitting to a daily writing practice. A voice telling me, reminding and insisting: your back hurts in this chair, and you're a lousy, slow typist...this will take forever. What you have written is certainly sufficient -- no one will be reading it anyway, right?
And the second wave: You are unemployed and barely have an updated resume, there's a project you should work on before all this. Editing you're good at...go edit that and email it to a few places. You like gambling. Money in that bank account is only shrinking. If you keep at this, the bank will start charging you fees for no longer having direct deposit. Go call those cheats...go set up an online account. Might as well resign up to do surveys and earn gift cards, at least then you could go shopping!
Since experiencing the year of global pandemic (so many new experiences), even the things I once enjoyed are less driving. This may be depression. But, on the other hand, the silly giddiness of enjoying shopping, or of sitting to watch new episode on a network TV series -- even those dependable dopemine-hits seem silly.