Odd O'blography

Crook Like Me

If crime doesn't pay, then you're not doing it right. - The Gospel of Trump


Donald Trump is a career criminal. He never met a scam he didn't like. Or a law he wouldn't break. No one disputes that. Even the willfully blind MAGA base understands his criminal nature. But they admire his ability to flout every law and get away with it. Among the deplorable, it's seen as an admirable talent rather than a character flaw.

Dopey Don himself acknowledges his criminal behavior. Yeah, Dopey Don we like to call him. Because he pardons drug cartel bosses and puts them back on the street. But only if they fork over a tariff to the Don on their shipments! Tariff, there's a funny word. The president probably invented it, he knows lots of those word things. Like person, woman, man, camera, and TV. See? Only a stable genius could memorize such a long speech thing. And ignorant people think a tariff is a tax, but it's really just a gift - a gratuity for a job well done. And a great big president deserves great big gifts. Or else!

But yeah, in olden times - remember 2016? Remember when Donald Trump came down from heaven on that golden escalator? It was the biggest thing since Bethlehem, maybe. Except that the Donald was a much bigger star. Remember The Apprentice? It was the highest rated show in the history of television. Billions of viewers! But the nasty reporters were jealous of his popularity. They only wanted to talk about his tax evasion schemes. And his fake charity scam. And the fraudulent Trump University. And laundering money for the Russian mob. And cheating on his wife with prostitutes. Quiet piggies!

But creepy Don showed them. He owned the media. Yeah, creepy Don we like to call him. Because he gropes women and he brags that he's still virile enough to get with young girls. But he's not a pedophile - he draws the line at twelve-year olds! Pedophile, now there's another funny word. Creepy Don and his good buddy Jeffrey Epstein used to laugh about that one all the time. Sure, Epstein looks bad now, but it's not fair to smear everyone who met young girls at his parties and enjoyed them on his private jet. There are victims on both sides, believe me!

Anyhow, back in 2016, crooked Donny smirked and explained that his high-end real estate deals might help launder dirty rubles, but that's okay. Because there's no law that requires him to ask where the money comes from. And his cut was huge! Then he explained to the dishonest media that it wasn't his job to pay taxes. As a businessman he has a duty to his investors to evade taxes. And he explained that it's up to the IRS to make him pay if he's breaking the law. Unless he can block their audits with legal red tape. Or if he becomes president and shuts down all of their unfair investigations. The partisan witch hunts are on the other side now! Oh, and that absolute immunity thing? That's going to come in handy at the war crimes trial. Because you know, the murder and piracy thing? That's part of a president's official duties, believe me!

And the MAGA base gets all this in a way that the libtards never will. You may get caught; you may even be a convicted felon, but if you never suffer any consequences, that's total exoneration. Trump shows his supporters that they can lie, cheat & steal, and still claim that God is on their side. And if they get away with it, that's proof that they're winners, that they have God's blessing. Just like crooked Donny. And they believe that being a crook doesn't matter as long as you win. That's the real definition of Trump Derangement Syndrome.