I'll Probably Just Write About It.

Lost Little Pieces of Me.

What little pieces of yourself have gone astray? Like a lamb that wanders from its shepherd. How many pieces of your heart have begged to be bled onto paper, but have oozed away in the showering string of thoughts that tell you no one wants to see them, anyway?
How many small, insignificant words, sentences, phrases, poems, have gone and emptied themselves onto the unrecieving surface of a battered shower floor.
No ears to absorb them.
No hands to hold them.
No one to know who you really are?
What little pieces of yourself have gone astray?

~~~

I know it's been a few days since I've added something here; I've been busy preparing for a flight back to my college campus, which is halfway across the country. I have also been in a bit of a frenzy in my poetry. I have been wanting so badly to write, and the process -as many of you probably know- is so irregular that it can take days to write an idea for one poem, or a few minutes to write the entire, finished work. Regardless, I wrote two poems in the last day or so. I would love it if you could check them out. Here are the links. "The Girl Beyond The Glass Wall"  and "Scalpel-Edged Fountain Pen"  .

My topic for today is partial nonsense, but I wanted to take the space here to share some of the short poetry that I have written over the years. Small pieces that are more thoughts than poetry, and therefore I find to be "too insignificant" to give their own static item or space in my poetry folder. Most of them were written either before I had really started getting creative with my poetry, or when my heart/head were not in a great place, so many of them are not written well.

They, like the rest of my poetry, are sorted by when they were written. Here they are sorted OLDEST on top, and they slowly progress to new ones (there is a story to be found here, lemme know what you think it is).

~~~

*unnamed*-
I'm a poet
Unable to get
My feelings for you
Into words.
Some people would call
The things we have
A mess.
Some would call it beautiful
But either way, it's ours.


First-
Your eyes burn like fire,
Hot against my skin.
But, wow, yours are the first
To look into my soul.
The first eyes to search me,
To see my heart
And ask to treat it carefully.
Please treat her carefully,
She doesn't heal easily.


Pages-
If your eyes only met mine
with contempt,
I'd still savor your gaze.
But maybe that's my brokenness talking,
When I'm too scared to turn the next page.


Art-
I drew a picture of you once
It was almost as handsome as you are in person.
I'm impressed I can imitate art,
Though we can't make any of our own.


Occupancy-
I really hope that when I am gone,
You will finally leave the room in the back of my mind.


I didn't keep myself a secret from you-
If you really wanted to know,
You would know I was tired.
If you really wanted to know,
You would know that I am exhausted.
If you really wanted to know,
And really meant it,
You would have seen it.
And, Babe, you'd know.
But you don't
What does that tell me?


Wildflowers-
Every flower that grows,
From the fields to the cracks in the sidewalk,
Each one I designed for you.

You cannot tell me no man has ever gotten you flowers,
When every flower you've ever seen,
Was placed in your path for your eyes.


*unnamed*-
I wouldn't be leaving in August
If you hadn't left me in April
Or, maybe you'd be coming with me.
Think about it, your indifference.
It led to God's plan.
Your indifference was your choice, but God used it.
You are still accountable, but God's plan is underway.
Sometimes I think I can't be heartbroken,
Because this was God's plan.
But you're still accountable for your lack of effort.

I dream about you sometimes.


A Christian's Suicide-
I want to go home, Jesus.
         I know you do, my child.
Why can't I be with you? Please.
         You are, my love, I have never left.
But I'm tired, it all hurts so bad.
         I know, but death is my gift to you. Let me-
What?


*unnamed*-
You left me, not only to mourn you, to mourn us
But to mourn the girl I was before you.


Don't Make A Flaw Out Of Me-
I have a tattoo on my chest now.
I know if I were to be with him now
and he saw it, he would become less attracted to me.
Isn't that stupid?
His loss.


*unnamed*-
I have never felt like the prettiest girl in the world
But you make me feel like you've never seen anything
Quite as gorgeous or bright as my eyes.


Whisper-
Do you ever think
of a gust of wind
as a whisper from God?
An invitation to take a breath,
Count to three,
And take a look at his work.
A simple love note
That rustles your hair
And says, "I made it for you,
I painted the sunset
Across the rocks
And I did it for you."


Drown for me-
I am intoxicated
But drinking in fear.
I am not the type to write love poems.
But with you, I worry I cannot help myself.
It feels like drowning
to care for someone and be so unsure if they are drowning for you, too.


One-
I want to be one with you
Physically, emotionally, mentally.
I want to be in tune with the sound of your breathing as you sleep.
I want to sense the tightness of your shoulders when you hold me
and be the one to release it.
I want to see when your eyes are dark, and your soul is tired
And soften to give you rest.
I want to sense when you feel something is missing
And be the one to make you complete.


Disease-
I am supposed to be napping
But I have been thinking about you all day.
The girls think it's cute how much I like you
But it feels more like a disease to me.
It consumes my thoughts, body, time, and actions.
I am completely consumed by you.


*unnamed*-
Somewhere in my past
I created this messed-up way to cope.
By fully giving in as if I had no strength to begin with.
And I can't find the strength to fight back.
I can't get the words on a page
Because it hurts so badly to find them.