Tickets to My Downfall

kiss kiss

Lyrics ▶︎

(Woo)

Okay
Get me out of this house and get me out of my head
Get me a drink and cigarette
I just need to go out 'cause I can sleep when I'm dead
Drop me off at The Rox on Sunset

Hey, you
Same time and the same place
We can get shitfaced, yeah, yeah
Hey, you
There's a lot that I wanna say
But that's for another day, okay

Kiss kiss, kiss kiss the bottle all night
Kiss kiss, kiss kiss the bottle, yeah
Kiss kiss, kiss kiss the bottle all night
Hello, goodbye (Uh)

Let's get back in the car, it's time to do it again
Light up a blunt and a cigarette (Let's go)
I went back in the bar and told her bring all her friends
I don't even know where we're going yet

Hey (Hey), you (You)
Same time and the same place
We can get shitfaced, yeah, yeah
Hey (Hey), you (You)
There's a lot that I wanna say
But that's for another day, okay

Kiss kiss, kiss kiss the bottle all night
Kiss kiss, kiss kiss the bottle, yeah
Kiss kiss, kiss kiss the bottle all night
Hello, goodbye (Jump)
Kiss kiss, kiss kiss the bottle all night
Kiss kiss, kiss kiss the bottle, yeah
Kiss kiss, kiss kiss the bottle all night
Hello, goodbye

La la la la la la la, la la la la
La la la la la la la, la la la la la (I'm fucked up)

Kiss kiss, kiss kiss the bottle all night
Kiss kiss, kiss kiss the bottle, yeah
Kiss kiss, kiss kiss the bottle all night
Kiss kiss, kiss kiss the bottle, yeah (Jump)
Kiss kiss, kiss kiss the bottle all night
Hello, goodbye (One more time)
Kiss kiss, kiss kiss the bottle all night
Hello, goodbye, yeah

Goodbye, yeah

​

Emma entered The Formosa Cafe and immediately spotted David at the end of the bar, nursing a drink with several empties already around him. She couldn’t remember when this place had turned into a high-end Chinese restaurant, but was happy to see that the owners had put thought and effort into preserving the rich history of this establishment that had been around since the late 1930s. David may be a drinker, but at least he had good taste in establishments.

She saddled up to the bar next to him.

“Hey big brother.”

David turned to look at her, eyes already glassy with inebriation. A thin, crooked smile spread across his lips as he recognized her.

“Hey, Em.”

The bartender moved over to their end of the bar, bringing another Moscow Mule for David and a specialty cocktail drink menu for Emma. She waved him off. “Just water, thanks.”

“Still not drinking? Good for you,” David slurred, polishing off his current drink and setting it to the side while he pulled another one toward him. “Bad habit, drinking.”

They sat in silence for several minutes. David seemed content to continue sipping his drink, while Emma didn’t know what to say. She never did, despite rehearsing how she wanted the evening to go in her head a hundred times on the way over to the bar. The minute she walked into the room and saw him there, tipsy and well on his way to full drunkenness, all she could think about was the fact that his drinking problem was all her fault.

Well, not entirely her fault. She could definitely lay some of the blame at the feet of their absentee mother. And most of it on their abusive father, who always claimed to be “doing the best he can” even though that usually meant coming home drunk and spoiling for a fight, when he bothered to come home at all. Through it all, David has been the one to look out for her, to ensure Emma prioritized school, and worked to save enough money to get her out of their toxic situation. Who stayed home and cared for their father once the liver disease set in, so she could go to college and get her life on track.

Whenever David thought about the sacrifices that David had made to give her the life she now had, she was filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude, followed quickly by intense feelings of guilt knowing that her success had come at his expense. And now, while she was climbing the ranks of her law firm and had just put in an offer on a condo in Westwood, he was still living at home, working as a permalancer driver for Uber, DoorDash, Instacart, and whoever else would let him pick up fares and hours between the times he was taking care of their father’s medical needs and whenever he wasn’t perched on a barstool somewhere in the greater Los Angeles area.

“Something on your mind, sis?” David asked. Emma realized she had lost herself in her own thoughts for too long and David had taken notice.

“Just ... thinking how good it is to see you.”

David smiled at that.

“You look like you’re doing well.”

“I am,” Emma replied. “Work is going really well, and you should come by and see the new place once I’ve fully moved in.”

“I’d like that,” David said. “I’m glad things worked out for you.”

“About that ...” Emma trailed off, trying to summon up the courage to say something to her older brother. “I want you to know ... I mean, I hope you know ... I wouldn’t have been able to--”

David put a hand on her shoulder.

She looked up at him and saw an unusual clarity in his eyes.

“I know.”

Emma shook her head, fighting back tears. “I need to say this to you ...”

“No you don’t,” David replied firmly.

They sat there for another several moments in silence, just looking at one another. Emma wanted to say a million different things. Her mind was spinning with the possibilities of where to go from here. Of what she could possibly say to her brother after they both implicitly acknowledged what had been hanging over their heads since they were kids.

The only thing she could come up with was, “Thank you.”

David reached over to give her a hug. She could smell the scent of vodka and ginger and lime on his breath and leaned into his embrace.

Maybe the important part wasn’t speaking the unspoken understanding between them. Maybe the important part was using and appreciating the gift he had given her. And making sure he always knew how much his sacrifice meant to her.

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Word Count: 790