Life as we know it sucks

Lies and other bad things

Current Mood: I'm just fine

Current Music: none, but I'm watching 7th Heaven!

So . . . today it was me talking to Christopher for 4 hours on the phone. How pathetic is that? I can't help it. He's just so interesting. And he just doesn't know anything about me, so hey, more to talk about. :)

I lied to Shane about who I was talking to on the phone. I said we've never talked on the phone or ever hung out. I've gotta stop lying and I've gotta do something about this situation. I don't want to break it off with Shane and never see him again because I care about him still, I'm just so . . . in like with Christopher that I'm blinded. I have no clue if that even makes sense. I just don't want him completely erased from my life. But I just feel that that won't happen. Like, if I dump him for Christopher, I'll want him back and ugh!

It just seems so much easier leading them both on. I know that sounds horrible, but when I think about breaking up with him or taking a break from him, I start to think about all the things we've done and everything reminds me of him . . . Especially the sort of sensual things we've done together. I can never get the image of my naked body out of his head and I don't think I'd ever feel right showing some other guy - It's too private and I had this genuine feeling that I'd be with Shane forever. I mean, maybe that's what my heart is telling me. I have no FUCKING clue! It's not being clear enough . . .

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To everyone out there who's a little different, I say damn a magazine, these are God's fingerprints.