Trina's Journal/Blog

Sometimes it's OK to be a Bitch

Days since Layoff: 3 months and 7 Days.
Emotions: Loving life, happy I'm 36, and realization.
Daily Activities: Living the good life, cleaning, baking.


I see myself as a fairly easy going accommodating person. I will do anything for my friends and family. Most of the time, I try to go above and beyond the call of duty. However, as anyone, I have expectations from my friends to reciprocate as well. Sure, there are friends that I chat with occasionally and see rarely where their presence is not expected nor anticipated. But God Damn, I'm so sick and tired of being the shoulder to lean on, the delivery girl, or the girl who drains her bank account, without a thought, for festive occasions and events without it being reciprocated every blue moon. I truly ask for little in life from my family and friends and the previous statement may make me sound selfish. Seriously, I could careless if it makes me sound that way as I'm only one of the few who will state it aloud.

When I go into "bitch" mode, like I did for about five minutes last night, I am capable of saying anything. However, with experience, I choose go for a drive, calm myself down, and realize that some people are not capable of reciprocating and it's not my problem to deal with. Whether it's physical or emotional, we should treat those how we want to be treated. My ultimate solution is to designate them to the category of "occasional friend" where meeting them at a bar or grocery store is a great pleasure but it ends there. These types of relationships are easy, light and come with little or no expectations. I'm sure many do that and that I am in that category with some of my friends too. Truly, that's ok with me because my actions has undoubtedly put me there.

I think when someone receives, they should acknowledge. When someone commits, make sure you do. When someone is paying it forward, you should pay it forward as well. That's just me. No one in this world is any better than another. I don't recall ever hearing about a baby being born fully dressed with diamonds on their fingers. I also haven't recalled anyone leaving this world being cremated into gold and dancing their way towards the white light.

I have spent the better part of three days cleaning, purchasing food for my party and writing. Each and every time I attempt to hit the publish button something else happens.

I am so sad of hearing about relationship issues. Relationships between spouses appear to be such a challenge for most people. Some are living with pain in the heart and these people I do not hesitate to talk to and tell stories of what has happened to me in life. Other's are living and staying for the money.

Relationships that are based on money are much like a scale. One side is holding happiness, sanity, success, freedom, health, children, and the happiness of children. All of the good things we want our life to be. The other side holds money, house, expensive toys, and all those things we don't need to live the best life. If the happiness side ever falls below the equivalent of money, then it's time to step back an analyze just how fickle our life has become. If we are ready to compensate happiness, family, sanity, health, and most importantly, the wellbeing of our children for money...then it's time to think about our life and values. If we stay in an abusive or toxic relationship because we don't want to lose our beautiful house or have to pay child support, we are ultimately incapable of ever finding ultimate happiness in life. What does your scale look like? I think my happiness side is outweighing the money. Money is a means to survive. Happiness and health is a means to live. That's all I have to say about that.

Well I'm 36. I'm 36 and my life has been a daily adventure. I've seen a lot and I've lived even more. I wake up each and everyday with a smile on my face. Despite the past few days, where I have woken up feeling depressed and stupefied until I realize that it's really the problems of others weighing on me and not my own. I realize that the older I get, the more appreciation I have of life.

I'm also praying for my Aunt who is going through a series of tests on her pancreas. I sincerely hope and pray that it's a simple and easy procedure with no threat to her life. She's too young for anything but good news to come out of this.

I'm praying that everything goes well with my parent's. They are getting older each and everyday and over the past seven years they have been living in hell. I hope that the past seven years will be in the past come 2009.

Employment, it will come and I have no doubt that it will be good. Let's hope that the economic news is not as drastic as anticipated. However, if it does and a few people have to downsize and suffer a little, then there may be a drastic turn in our perception of money and it will also provide the opportunity for our children to learn the true value of a dollar.

I think every situation presents a lesson in life. Despite our economic situation, if we have air in our lungs, a hug from our children, and some bread on any table, we are richer than anyone. We live, we breathe, and we survive.


TTYL
Trina