Musings on politics, erotica, philosophy and whatever else comes to mind
|What makes a man attractive?
The last two weeks have been, at leasa somewhat, academic - one looking at the difference between autonomy and separatism in feminism and one on the publuc perception of feminism as linked to erotica. Today will be entirely frivolous and based on an interesting conversation with a few of you who read the blog. It is based on the question what makes a man, or a person, attractive sexually.
Most of you will now cry out and try to tell me there are no universal rules, that each of us applies different yardsticks, is attrackted to something else. And I would agree - up to a point. We all have different preferences when it comes to hair colour, eye colour, body type, height or gender. But I think there is something fundamental, something more to it.
I mostly am attracted to men. If you would ask me to describe my "dream" sexual partner I would say tall, dark haired, intelligent, honourable and competitive, preferably competing with me. Those who know anything about my partner know that applies to him - those who have known me a little longer, know it has not always applied to my partners.
There have been many aberrations to that list of attributes - the only constant seem to be the intelligence and honour requirements. Anything else has, at some point, been up to debate. Some people I have been intensely attracted to have been very far away from that list indeed.
Some people have an indefinable quality which makes them attractive, surrounds them with what many call animal magnetism, charisma of some kind. We find explanations for why - money, power, arrogance, skill.... whatever. And all of these might be part of the attraction, but there is one thing I have found them all to have in common, other than any of these. They all have known how to touch.
The ability to touch, to read another and see the smallest tension of muscle, the almost inperceptible ways in which we betray comfort, desire and fear - often without us realising them ourselves. All of those people whose attraction surprised me, crept up on me and undermined my perceptions of desire, were people who knew how to touch.
So the next time you buy a new shirt, or new nail polish, give that some thought and consider if you should not better spend a day watching people and consider what moves them.
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"I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to think and express it."
Evelyn Beatrice Hall; Friends of Voltaire