Columnoscopy: Columns for 'The Observer'

2/14/14: Jimmy Haslam: Déjà Vu Once Again

Sir Winston Churchill, former Prime Minister of those English folk across the pond, is credited with proclaiming, 'Those that fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.'

I'm proud to say that I sort of came close, as I failed history and was ultimately doomed to repeat it, but I don't think that was quite the point that The Man They Named Cigarettes After was making when he professed his wisdom upon his fellow countrymen. No, I'm pretty sure he had more in mind than simply trying to get me to figure out exactly why Custer decided on that last stand of his (although you have to think being outnumbered by a ratio of something like 12-to-1 would have been a dandy starting point).

It is as clear as the sound of the bell of Big Ben that not everyone is into history, and there are certain people among us who might have benefited greatly had they enjoyed a chance encounter with Sir Winston.

Take Cleveland Browns owner Jimmy Haslam....please!

Now, anyone who read this column in its infancy will remember that yours truly was not a big fan of former Browns owner Randy Lerner, basically because he seemed content to write big checks and pay outrageous sums of money to guys who were clearly not qualified to run the Cleveland Browns. I couldn't wait for the day when someone else  -- anybody really, as long as they weren't named Randy Lerner -- would come riding into town on their big white stallion and rescue the franchise. Makes me think about another famous quote, like "Be careful what you wish for; you just might get it."  I'm almost certain another wise of the modern era, Eminem, said that.

Oh, Randy, we hardly knew ye.

Now, anyone who reads this column in its pre-school years will remember that yours truly is not a big fan of current Browns owner Jimmy Haslam, basically because he seems content to write big checks and pay outrageous sums of money to guys who are clearly not qualified to run the Cleveland Browns.

Oh, Jimmy, we (wish we) hardly knew ye.

Isn't it funny how certain sentences -- much like history -- are doomed to repeat themselves?

Anyone who follows pro football knows that Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has long been recognized as the league's most impulsive owner, although I'd have to place Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder (a.k.a. The Man They Named Potato Chips After) a very close second. Until now, that is. Jimmy Haslam makes Quick Draw McGraw look like he's moving in slo-mo.

I'm sure by now everyone is aware that not too long ago, a member of the Cleveland media described the trio of Mike Lombardi (now R.I.P.), Joe Banner (also R.I.P.) and Mr. Pilot Flying J himself, Jimmy Haslam, as the Three Stooges. As much as I enjoy a good laugh at someone else's expense, even I had to say that comparison was offensive.

To the Three Stooges.