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 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
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Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let Scarlett   know that a Blogger sent ya!Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| There is much to recommend my advice in the title of this post. For many who will read these words, it is simply not possible to remember the life (or the death) of our 35th President, John Fitzgerald Kennedy. You were not yet born when JFK was alive. You should make it your personal endeavor to study the man, and his life. If you would like to understand more of the early-mid 20th century in American life, this is a really great place to begin your study. You can view American reality from at least two distinct points of reference: the America that was before, during and following WWII from the position of the "privileged", and from the position of the "common man". One of Kennedy's strengths was his awareness of, and communion with the common man of his country. While much has been made of his life of privilege, I don't believe enough has been created that testifies of his other, and much more important relationship to those who knew him best: his fellow compatriots in the common things of life. Looking into the personal life and history of JFK can (as it has for decades) invigorate, encourage, and support your own life's endeavors. (He was a writer, after all.) He had a most interesting personal life. Not all of it laudatory or praise-worthy, but he didn't really try to be what he was not. Understanding the life path and story of JFK's rise to prominence can be most instructive to each of us as individuals, as citizens, and as patriots. While public service was a central focus of his younger life due to his family's involvement, Kennedy never disagreed with the notion. His life quickly took on the patina of public service at a very early age. Following his course will probably not entice you to follow it exactly, but it may help you understand why people do. Who knows? You might be inspired to do something, about something you passionately care about...right where you live. You see, beneath the cover of privilege, to understand Kennedy is to understand his core beliefs, and why he held them--often to the distraction of his family and friends. Following through the life of JFK can help us understand the world we live in today. Not only the name, but the person of JFK has a lot to do with it, after all. If understanding is really perception, then understanding JFK can surely help us with our perception of our surroundings, our understandings, and our reality. When you are looking for answers, or even better questions regarding things as they are, it can help to understand how things became as they are. Of course, this is a secret for those who do love history. It has a very important application for all of us. We know that it is most often not extraordinary people who perform extraordinary tasks in this world, or even in this life. It is the ordinary man who does the ordinary thing extraordinarily well that we revere. We connect with them, and intuitively understand them in ways that most do not. It is to us, the common man, to understanding the "what makes them tick" of those extraordinary citizens, regardless of gender, who shape, affect, and change our reality through our lives. It becomes our desire to refer to these people as "hero". Yet, as the overwhelming majority would quickly reply in such a moment: "I'm nobody special." In most cases, they are not someone special, but sometimes they are. John F. Kennedy was a very special someone. He more often rebelled, and certainly struggled against his privilege in favor of those things important to the common man. He was not perfect, and could use his privilege to his advantage quickly. Yet, for all of that, it is with the common man among us that President Kennedy always wished to be associated. Because of who he was, what he did, and the life he lived, that goal was largely met. Some knew him as John. Those who knew, and loved him most called him "Jack". I hope you will take a little time to find out why this week. I do intend to do so, even as I remain, In His Care, Budroe |
| During this coming week, we will (as a nation) be remembering President John F. Kennedy. There's a lot to remember. In these difficult days, I think that it is good and appropriate to remember those days, and I would love to hear from different perspectives about how you remember the most memorable President of my time. I have a few personal connections to that man, that President, and that time. Those are not the topics I would choose to remember. Yes, I know where I was. But I also remember very clearly the rest of 1963, and 1962, and 1961, and even some memories linger of the campaign and election of 1960. At my house, we were actively involved. Today, President Kennedy enjoys an 85% approval rating. Camelot prevails even now for many. Just seeing the word brings back memories for me. There are a lot of words, and phrases from those times that my damaged memory still remembers. (Breakfast yesterday, not so much!) As strange as it may seem, remembering those days brings back to me the smell of newsprint, vacuum tubes, and "floor carpet". TV Dinners, transistor radios, and the News Hour. Protecting the person of the President was a national task, and a not-so-easy one at times. Seeing family gatherings at Hyannis, or in a crowded campaign office, or in a Senate office are all remembrances for me. But, there was hope all around the nation. Southeast Asia was a mercy mission. The Bay of Pigs wasn't. Cuba was seconds away from a megaton bomb which would have not only totally destroyed the nation, but would have made South Florida uninhabitable--once the dead and debris were cleared. Stoic "carrying on" in the face of tragedy and sadness not only as a man, but as a family is a memory, too. He led our nation through his grief, yet he gave us room to do so. I remember how so very many hated President Kennedy. But more than anything, I remember "The New Frontier". Man on the moon was not possible, it was a plan. Dreaming dreams, and asking "Why not?" We felt safe with President Kennedy. It's been a long time since those days. Much has transpired which I sit and ponder. His asassination stopped so very much. We know what was. With the death of John Fitzgerald Kennedy on November 22, 1963, at 1:00 PM (Central Time), America faced the death of "What could have been." And still, I believe. President Kennedy affected my entire life, and I still believe in the possible. I still take my greatest pride in being a citizen of America. He was far from a perfect man, and he was not a perfect President. But he made us welcome to dream, and achieve what some can only imagine. I want to spend my words in my blog this week remembering those things. I invite you to join me. I do remain, In His Care, Budroe |
| I do not, generally ever have "writer's block". I do realize that it sometimes looks as if I should have. Writing is a process that always begins, for me, by writing words onto a clean screen. What I have today is different, and a lot scarier. Tomorrow, I am guest-hosting a radio show. Sunday, I will do two, 2 hour radio shows. The show I am guest-hosting is kind of a big deal, because it is the "flagship" show of the network. My shows on Sunday are well-appreciated, yet do not yet rise to that standard. My staff and I are in a sequence for the Sunday shows, and we know where we want to go, how, and with whom. I cannot say the same for this Saturday's show. It is complete "white space" in my brain. Late night talk radio is yet another breed of groundhog, where open thread is common, or even preferred. So, between three options, you would think I could create one 2-hour show of substance before the fact. Perhaps I will So far? Crickets. But I am just the mouthpiece in all things. What Dad wants us to know, He will tell me to say. I will say that. At least then, I will know I am, In His Care, Budroe |
| I'm told the Holidays are fast approaching. Really? Perhaps it the recent kicking in of the SAD. Perhaps it's the calendar. Perhaps it is the news. Fatigue? Who knows, but the Blues have come a-calling, right on time for the holidays. Again. This is a general purpose announcement. It will be in effect until Jonquils and "Daffy's Bills" arrive. Again. The windows are covered. Not only is this an important way for me to deal with the hurtling fall into SAD's depressive state, but it is also supposed to help with my (incredible!) utility bill. Lights are strategically on (or off) at my house, and the only thing worse then knowing the time of day is to look at my desktop thermometer. When it starts with a "2", and the sun is still out--in Tennessee...well, you know what I mean. Hot tea, cocoa, and lots of new words will be my comfort and friends through this next little patch. Along with a Cardio Stress Test and a Colonoscopy. (Weather-related? Probably!) Sorta makes ya wonder what the loser gets, huh. This confusing time of year causes general consternation in my life. It always has. Kids were playing in carefully raked piles of leaves today. It was one of those moments where utter joy and unbelievable anger intersected. Joy won. (Grandpa just can't stay mad for long, after all.) I know it will turn out. How, remains to be seen. But, it always turns out best when I am, In His Care, Budroe |
| To All Veterans: May this day be private, and personal as you remember well those who could not come home. May you remember publicly those who did. May you remember gratefully that you have made it home. May we commit to helping you come home. Happy Veteran's Day! Respectfully, Budroe |
| Yes, I know, I know. Funny you should read this from my pen, right? Well, actually I do follow my own counsel upon the admittedly rare occasion. Currently there are two projects which I am simmering. Strangely enough, I've sort of fallen out of love with both of them. The question of writing quality has to do, for me, with "legs". Does the writing have them, and are they sufficiently long for the work itself? I would suspect that most writers let their writing simmer. I walk away from the concept, or the writing itself even long before the work is completed. I can sometimes get a sense that something just is not right with the concept, or the plot, or the purpose of the words. This is an alarm which inevitably comes automatically, without help on my part, from somewhere inside. I consider it to be an alarm set off by my muse. The work may have sounded wonderful originally, but is not supporting the weight of the writing behind it. It could be that the writing itself takes the work to a place I believe it should not, or was not meant to go. Something in the middle just falls apart, and displays a fragile underbelly that can be simply, and catastrophically rent asunder by even the gentlest review. I don't usually submit my work for review for the purpose of exposing deficiency, poor writing, lack of adequate research, or other such tomfoolery. When a work is submitted to a review, it must survive it, intact. Not all the writing I do meets this high standard. Luckily, when the writing fails this standard, I generally agree with the review, especially when experientially I trust and respect the work of the reviewer. When this happens, I can usually look at the writing and know it has not had enough time to simmer. I have drafts, or one off pieces of writing which are simmering too long. I recently got a bit of a hard review from a reviewer I had never seen reviewing before. I disagreed with over 80% of the review. It was also an untouched draft meant to be completed later. It was simmering. I should not have had it in such a vulnerable position. However it happened, the work was visible, and the reviewer in question went after the work. I didn't appreciate that, but it was I who had set the writing up for just such an attack. I also felt the reviewer was using the work to "make her bones" as a serious reviewer, and that angered me as well. It was, generally, seen (the review) for what it was. Saying something needed attention validated for me the simmering process the work was under at the time. The harsh criticism was not only disingenuous, but unnecessary. Oh, well. I chose to keep the work as it was, where it was. It was simmering, and in my opinion it needed to stay that way. I did change the access and visibility rights to the work. It was not done to hide the review. I don't even know if that happens when a writer makes their work private. I just wanted to protect the writing from future reviews and potentially fatal attack. There have been occasions when I have dropped the low fire from a simmering piece of writing, and brought it back into the laboratory of my creative imagination for more accurate, relevant or even more current informational research. I have taken my blue pen to work coming off the simmer, and rather unmercifully in some cases. The point? The point is that simmering is a part of the writing process, and you should be vulnerable, and brave enough to do it with every piece of writing you create--when your muse advises you to do so. As the writing muse trains us as writers, so do we train our muse to exist appropriately within our writing. Simmering is usually something which the muse does not always bring to mind; the muse must be trained to do this in a good and gentle way. This is one of the many responsibilities we have as writers to our muse. Empowerment is necessary for the development of a good muse. Letting your work simmer teaches both the writer and the muse a most important quality: patience. You can never tell where simmering and/or patience will help you, and of course not only as a writer. As patience and simmering your writing can literally save the life of your work, patience can even have important non-writing applications, as well. Just one possibility exists when you are called on a journey through, and beyond the valley. Parents use both patience and simmering in the raising of children, for instance. But that is probably best left to future writing. I'll just let that idea simmer....  With hundreds of works in my port, there are plenty of pieces set to simmer. I need them, and they need me. The journey, and the writing, continue. My writing, and my life remain, In HIs Care, Budroe |
| Remember what I said in my last post about not re-writing? I didn't rewrite this one. I hope you will experience this Veteran's Day Reflection with me, or for you. It's the music and the words of, by and for Veterans. It even includes a message for Veterans from President Obama. It's not about religion, or politics. It's about us. Veterans, and the citizens who love them.
I am proud of my service to my country. I am proud mostly because of the amazing humans who served with me. Thank you is just not enough in 2013. Veterans and their families need OUR help. That's what this reflection is all about. I am, and hope we all will remain, In His Care, Budroe |
| WDC time is according to Eastern Time (US) and I live in Central Time (US). So our clocks are one hour apart. In Phlly, it is tomorrow. Here it is still today. I got a very much sought after visit from my HCA and best friend Sara today. She has been ill this week, which means we cannot meet because any infection or virus could create some really "interesting" times for me. She came to supervise the removal and new installation of a heating/air conditioning unit. Despite some doubts and misgivings on my part, she and her husband decided to go ahead with the new system. They own the house; they win. My rent goes up to almost double. It's still much better than the best deal anywhere. I am NOT complaining. Today has been a surprising day for a couple of reasons. One of those reasons causes me some concern. I figured out only a couple of hours ago that the day I thought today was...wasn't. That happens a lot to me in my world. I just hate it when that happens. It is a reality that I must deal with, and I do. But there are moments like this that just unnerve me for a while after they happen. I notice. Others notice. Life goes on. Also, today is a bit surprising because I created the first new static item I have created in months! It's one of those pieces that you are afraid to let sit, lest you re-write for some reason or another. I have a rule with my writing. Once the words are down, I edit only for grammatical, mechanical or spelling mistakes. If the "flavor" of the piece is deep blue, I believe I owe it to the piece to keep it deep blue. If I really disagree with the resulting work, I delete it. I may or may not write it again. If the purpose no longer exists (therapeutic writing, for instance) the work is gone. If I feel the writing is important and still relevant, and if I can do a better job at my craft, it gets written again. Generally speaking, I just don't do re-writes. If all the writing I wrote once were in my port, my port would be more than full. My port is far from full. That's an interesting reality for me. Much of the work in my port seriously needs work. Yet, I maintain as high a membership level as possible to keep my port intact. I have played with the idea of reducing my membership before. There have been times when I could not afford a present level of membership, and my port (and everything else) suddenly felt it. The last time, a gift upgrade from o WDC group (Open Door To Grace) kept my sanity intact. Then, because of an unmerited kindness, my port was upgraded again to Premium. I should have dedicated mysef to polishing my port. I didn't. But the work is still there. I will. Maybe. There is a certain peace that comes with knowing that the work is not finished, that there is still work to do. For me, that brings more peace than you might usually expect. Needing a tomorrow is a daily reality for me. A tomorrow needing me? Well, that's truly unique, no matter which day it is. I am alright, so long as I know, every day, that I am, In His Care, Budroe |
| Sometimes, things DO happen at the speed of life. Even when inconvenient, or troubling. Today was "inspection day" for my heating system. According to the tech/salesperson, my system (30 years old) is shot. But, Finance Manager to the rescue! "Thousands! But we have a finance plan!" Expected low temperature tonight? Low 30's. Timing. It's not just the secret to a comedy career! Stress abounds for the homeowner. For me, too. It was a triggering event to some pretty significant Survivor's Guilt for me. I'm costing good people who have only worked to help me additional money. Besides feeling like I was suddenly dealing wth a mobile used car sales crew, this is the first time these particular folks have been on the job. The system was installed by the guys that used to do the twice-annual system inspections. The owner got old, and merged with a big, fancy company out of Nashville. Evidently (the second home inspected for the home owner--today. The second system needing significant repair. Hmmm.) this bunch is finding a whole lot of problems with this guy's customer units. Suspicious, if you ask me. I can freeze. My cats cannot. Deal done. New system gets here in the morning. "Just happen to have one in stock." (Excuse me while my cynicism shows just a bit.) Along this journey, there are many times when you feel guilty or humble by the careless and sacrificial giving of others.Things are done for you without expectation (or possibility) of return. Usually, such events occur without the giver even thinking about it. But, it does affect them, sometimes in multiple layers and different ways. These gifts also affect the recipient. We make notes to remember to show our deep appreciation at all times--and even when we don't, or can't, we know we should. We try to make up for it. We beat ourselves unmercifully. It seems the only recourse at such times on this journey. Yes, it's ineffective, wrong-headed and futile. But it is often the only thing we can do. We try never to let the giver of such gifts ever know, and we even sometimes fail at that endeavor, as well. We try to make it better in different ways. We remember to take our meds, to do the self-care things that sometimes fall by the wayside. We try to smile more, to be kinder. We think not of ourselves, but of those who give so selflessly. Some...Usually, we fail not only to remember, but to continue the effort. Things like this stack up in our minds, and become causations of guilt. Especially those things we do not cause, and cannot control seem to overtake our willingness and abilities to correctly and consistently respond with the grace we have been shown. Survivor's Guilt is the result. There is a forever account, and we are forever in arrears. This is a part--a necessary part of the journey through (and beyond) the valley--and everyone on this journey either does, or will come to understand it as it applies to their unique situations. For those walking alongside on the journey, it is important to try to be mindful of this reality in the lives and hearts of those you care so much about. This is an inescapable reality for those who cannot do for themselves those things you so readily do for them, or with them. Over time, you can read it on their countenances. But you will most likely have to learn how to look for it. You will have to learn what this particular obstacle to the moment looks like, sounds like. If you can, and if you will, entire conversatons can be had without saying a word, by anyone. It may well be a selfish notion, but for most called to this journey, not having to express or explain--at least sometimes--is yet another sacrificial gift given by both parties. There are times when such moments should be shared and talked about, because these are among the more important communications you should have. But not always, in every instance or occurrence. Sometimes, reading the reality is sufficient. Why? Because, sometimes things just happen at the speed of life. And, along each step of this journey, I do remain, In HIS Care, Budroe |
| Did you vote today? Will you? In the United States, today is Election Day. Historically, the first Tuesday following the first Monday in November of each calendar year has been dedicated to the citizens of this country participating directly in our Federally Constitutes Democratic Republic. From the Court House, through the State House, and into the Halls of our Federal Congress, electors are choosing their representative government today. It doesn't matter your political party, affiliation, or ideology. Today is, for Americans, uniquely American. With each election cycle, we hope for the best possible outcome for our citizens. Democracy is a really messy business, which is why a lot of countries who could choose not to live under this particular form of government generally, and our Liberal Democracy (as defined) in particular. Because I am working on Live Blogging the election returns, I won't be here until much later tonight. I hope that the numbers I will be reporting, and the winners and losers I will be writing about will be ones that you know, and voted for (or against). There are many issues facing Referendum Votes today, as well, from possible secession from our Union to raising the Federal Minimum Wage==and every possible issue in between. It has been a busy day, and it promises to be an exciting night. Later tonight, I will be here, working on a future project for my WDC family. And, of course, NaNo writing. I get to write 2 days' worth tonight/overnight. What are YOU doing today? Hopefully, you remain, In His Care, Budroe |
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