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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/1201314-Who-Am-I/sort_by/entry_order DESC, entry_creation_time DESC/page/2
Rated: 18+ · Book · Family · #1201314
Who am I, Where am I Going, and Where have I been? The story of my life!
Jan 11, 2007

Today, I start attempting to keep one of my goals this year. To write daily. A little about me. I'm a 35 year old mother of 2, married for almost 15 years. I live in urban Indiana and currently stay at home and am a full time student. What makes me different from anyone else? Not much. lol...I have a strange sense of humor. I love to read. I love to sing. I like to play online. I lost both of my parents 6 years ago. Each year things get easier, except in a way they also get harder. Only somone who has been there will have any clue what I mean.

Why am I here? I feel compelled to write. A few years ago my husband and I took a bible study course at church called Disciple 1. Awesome Awesome study. 34 weeks, 80% of the bible. At the begining we had to discuss why we were there...my pat answer was to learn more abou the bible. Funny thing was, in the end, I'd learned a whole lot more. I learned I could have a personal relationship with God. I learned alot of things. I learned about spiritual gifts....and in the end of that study, we had to get up and give a testimony about our time in disciple and what we had learned....my first entry will be that testimony I shared with our congregation that day...the only changes I've made are to remove names.


My plan for this journal/blog is to just talk about me, my daily life, my kids, and whatever God puts on my heart. Pray for me that I may be obedient in this.


Check out these links! Pleeeease :)

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#1054725 by Not Available.
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I look forward to touching base with whomever stops in....

God's blessing on you

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April 17, 2008 at 3:13pm
April 17, 2008 at 3:13pm
#579940
April 17, 2008

I wish I could say my mood is better. But it's not...in a way it is worse. I know I need to refocus and all that...but I'm not able to right now. Satan and I are in a battle-a battle I'm not capable of winning on my own. Depression is not something I've ever been diagnosed with-and it's not extreme, but it is something I battle from time to time I believe.

So, on that note, because no one wants to here the boohooing and the depth of my self-loathing today, I have a paper to write, regardless of the fact that I neither want to nor care. I recognize that I will care in a couple of weeks when the final grades come in if I drop below my A average because I didn't care.

Keep me in your prayers. God above is going to have to win this battle for me. I"m just not strong enough.

hugs
Vicky


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April 16, 2008 at 5:23pm
April 16, 2008 at 5:23pm
#579780
April 16, 2008

Question for those of you who parent tweens. How do you get an otherwise compassionate and sweet child to show the same kind of understanding to you, the parent? This really baffles me. Let me explain.

Last Wed. night at Awana's was the father/son snack thingy....the boys went with their dads, ate cookies and built things. Jamie went with Mike and they had fun. Instead of riding the bus (not Jamie's favorite thing to do, but he's ok with it) he rode with Mike...furthering the bonding time.

This Wed night is the mother/daughter tea. I don't really want to go ...it's not our church, I don't know anyone, I'm not good with new places etc. But Cassy (who is 11) wants me to go. So of course I said yes. I'm not going to ride the church bus, I've battled a migraine for 3 days...being cooped up with a bunch of loud kids on a bus for more than 30 minutes just doesn't seem like a good idea. I really wanted Cassy to ride with me in the van...giving us some time alone on the trip there and back. She, naturally, would rather be with her friends on the bus, playing the games and being silly. Most of the time I would understand..but considering tonight is supposed to be mother/daughter time I am frustrated. Not that I expected her to think of it first...or even to think it was an awesome idea. Because I didn't. However, when I was disappointed that she was going on the bus and she wanted to know why, I told her. I told her I wanted to spend the time with her, that since it was a mother/daughter thing I thought it would be nice if we spent the extra time together. Then I left it up to her. I know, there is my mistake. But it has to be up to her...if I force it, she's going to have an attitude problem and that ruins it to.

What bothers me, is that when she asked a little later what was wrong and I told her that I was just disappointed that we weren't going to have the extra time together-and she told me in a voice that made it very evident that she didn't want to ride with me, that she would if I wanted her to. She already knows I want her to ...and if it were a friend or pretty much anyone else, she'd do what made them happy. However, even knowing what I would like, she wants to ride the bus. And I'm ticked. probably without a right to be since I told her it was up to her...but hurt and angry none the less. I don't want to go, I don't want to walk into this church where I know absolutely no one by myself and wait for the bus. I wanted to be with my daughter, sing songs on the way there (songs that drive Mike and Jamie nuts but that we love to sing anyway) and talk. Catch up where she's not got somewhere to be and I don't have something to do. Spend time on the way back talking and sharing our thoughts from the evening. For a kid who complains that we don't spend any time with her...she sure isn't grabbing what she's been offered.

I know, I'm being selfish. I'm mom and supposed to suck it up and deal. Too late, it's been a bad bad week and I don't have any reserve.

I don't want to go...I will because I made a promise. I will because this is important to her and the fact that she's not giving me what I want is not going to influence it. But it doesn't make me happy and between the attitudes and the arguements it makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong.

And please-refrain from telling me "it's just a tween thing, a girl thing, or whatever" despite the fact that I know this...it doesnt' help. Also, please don't share that "it only gets worse" I realize this also...but the fact is that if I don't hold onto some hope somewhere I may run away and join the circus.

hugs
Vicky
April 14, 2008 at 10:23pm
April 14, 2008 at 10:23pm
#579433
April 14, 2008

Just popping in for a sec. Things here are ok. Life is absolutely crazy and I've been fighting a migraine all day. Not a good thing because I have too durn much to do this week to be in bed all day. I've worked through some of it but if it's still around tomorrow, hiding in the dark will be my only choice.

Softball practice/tball practice did occur on Sat...coldly but it happened. Both kids did well, they had fun and can't wait to go back. Cassy has practice again tomorrow night at 8pm. 8pm!!!! that's like an hour til bedtime...lol...practice will be over, and she'll still need a shower before bed....lol. Still ball season should be cheaper this year because since she moved up a level, her practices and games will be a little later-giving us time to eat at home before it's time to go-something we've really struggled with in the past. Her practices are Tues, Thurs, Sat all through April-don't have a game start date yet.

Jamie has practice on Sat and Sunday and his games start the end of April. They are across town from hers (two different parks) but with 3 hours between them (mostly) and his games only lasting an hour, we should be ok. SHOULD BE...lol. not holding my breath.

Today Mike had to go to the podiatrist and get an ingrown toenail taken care of. He normally can take care of them himself, but this one just woudln't come under control. He's doing ok so far, I hope his shoe doens't hurt him tomorrow.

Well, I'm off to the showers. Thanks for the love and enouragement of those who commented on my last blog-especially those who lovingly sent me gp's and hugs. Not necessary (the gp's) -but appreciated.

take care of you,
blessings and peace
Vicky

April 11, 2008 at 4:27pm
April 11, 2008 at 4:27pm
#578889
April 11, 2008

I bought my upgrade for another month. That's all I had enough gift points for, and I'm not sure how I'm going to manage next month...but I guess if it's meant to be it will be.

Have I offended someone here? I'm not trying to be pouty or guilt anyone...but out of the last several entries I've made..most of them get one (thanks Curls) or nothing...though I know on occasion there are more.

I know I'm not the most visible writer and when you aren't here regularly it gives you less notice. But as I sit and try to decide whether to try to come up with enough gp's to add to my updgrade in May...I truly am wondering if anyone is interested in what I have to say. Please don't take this as a poor poor pitiful me...becasue that's not the direction I'm coming from at all. I enjoy blogville, reading and visiting and getting to know other authors...and I write because I feel called to. But I write HERE because I can get feedback and opinions, find out if I'm making an impact or whether I'm really not alone. If I just need to right or vent I can do that as a free member and rotate my port or just write within my own computer. Am I making an impact? Should I stick around after May 15th? As always when I come to wdc, I'm looking for honesty.

In other news...my daughter's life has now begun in earnest...or will tomorrow. What am I talking about...come on CC say it with me "SOFTBALL SEASON HAS BEGUN!!!" Her first practice is tomorrow morning and she couldn't be more excited. I'm a bit concerned because they are having an overnight reading festival she qualified for at school tonight-that's over at 7:20 in the morning-and her practice is at 9...so she'll be a tired softball player before she even starts..but she doesn't care...and mother nature better watch out because if practice gets rained out I"m sending my beloved 11 year old her way to whine and fume over how unfair life is....lol

Ok, back to history studying. Take care of you
hugs
Vicky
April 10, 2008 at 3:02pm
April 10, 2008 at 3:02pm
#578702
April 10, 2008

Life can so suck. Raise your hand if you have ever uttered any of the following phrases. "That's not fair" "Life sucks" "Why me?"

I have no choice but to raise my hand. After all, life hasn't been overly nice to me sometimes...I'm 35 years old, lost both of my parents, let our house go, have one child who has mega attitude issues, one who has battled recurrent illness without a reason why. Money is tight; we seem to battle constantly trying to survive.

And yet. Life is good. I have my family. My kids are both healthy and generally happy. My marriage is strong and the man I am married to is loving, faithful, understanding, and funny. We work well together as a team. My kids are creative and strong, and while they may not like each other all the time, they do love each other. I have a sister who is still with me. She is healthy and happy and loves me for who I am, though she does not always agree with my choices. I have good friends who support me and a God that died so I could go to heaven one day. And not only did He die so I could go to heaven one day, but I have a relationship with Him that allows me to talk to Him, feel His strength and directions, and have been given a faith that, while it has yet to move any actual mountains has helped us to survive life's battles.

I would love to say this perspective comes from me...but it does not. I am not that good or that strong. God has lovingly placed people in my life who have shown me some truths along the way. Some of them physically present, some of them cyberally (is that a word) present.

The first person who taught me that life may look bad but you just have to keep moving is my mom. I have discussed her here before-but the basics are she was given a body that allowed her very little physical freedom and a mind that allowed so much more than a human body ever can. If you go look around in my port you can read about her. I am not going to link here because I have other people I want to introduce to you. If you need to know which ones, just email me.

First, a family I asked you to pray for last week. http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/ They are amazing. Tricia has CF and just underwent a double lung transplant. Shortly before that, she gave birth to a miracle baby Gwyneth Rose-who despite being a micro-preemie is doing very well. Nate is primarily the one who updates this blog-willingly sharing their lives, the ups and downs with us all. Why? To give God the glory. To share with the world what God can and is doing and to bring awareness to organ donation and CF. The truth of the matter is that CF will (barring a miracle or a cure) eventually take Tricia's body...will take Nate's wife and Gwyneth's mom. Nothing will overcome her spirit and her soul. God already has those-and she lives to live. They both do. They've faced insurmountable odds and won. They were not stupid, they were well aware of the dangers they faced and the problems they could encounter. It was not easy. I am sure sometimes it would be easier to fall apart. And perhaps they do because they are, after all, only human. But the message isn't about never falling apart. It's about getting back up and continuing to fight. I could go on and on...but I think you should go take a look, read some updates, and see what message you take away from them.

The next person I want to introduce you to is a gentleman I first heard of last night. His name is Randy Pausch. He is a 47-year-old college professor who is dying from pancreatic cancer. I watched a news program on him...quite by accident. Apparently, there is a YouTube video of a lecture "The Last Lecture" that you can watch. Just go to YouTube or Google and type in "The Last Lecture" Lessons I took heart in was "The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to keep out those who don't want it badly enough." And to choose to "Tell the truth." And "Work hard". But the biggest thing I got from it, was deciding whether you are a Tigger or an Eyeore. I'd never really thought about it in that light..but he's right. We cannot change the cards we have been dealt, the bad things that happen or when we will die. But we can choose how to live. How we react. The hope we can offer others. In the end, Dr. Pausch states that this is about life lessons..and that it's not really for those in the audience, but for his kids-the three children he will leave behind...so that they will know what he thought and what he believed, and what he dreamed. It's a sad story...but a happy story. It unfortunately does not end with him miraculously beating a recurrent cancer that is difficult to beat to begin with-but with him living life to live-not as if he is dying. His children do not know, they are young and though they will be told in time, he and his wife don't want their lives and their memories clouded with the worries of what is to come.

I have followed several children and their families who have cancer for a few years. Many, sadly, have passed away-though many also end treatment and move onto a world that doesn't focus on illness-though the worries and the fears never go away. Recently, I've watched as two of these families have waded into those worries yet again-one http://caringbridge.org/fl/zacharyfinestone/ the family of a young man who has been fighting neuroblastoma for several years. Yesterday they got word that the beast is active again and they are, understandably in a holding pattern. The other family http://www.caringbridge.org/nc/sarahsmith/ also has dealt with relapsed neuroblastoma this time with a beautiful young daughter-but the recent scare was for her, but for mom-who they thought had breast cancer. Thankfully, she does not. But the grace and willingness to share their stories, to allow the world to laugh and cry with them is amazing. To watch the world (at least a portion of the world) respond in love, prayers, chocolate, and tears has been a joy to behold. Is the world nuts? Absolutely! Do bad things happen to good people? Yes. But when the chips are down and there does not seem to be any light...knowing that someone you do not even know is praying for you and cares is an awesome thing. I belong to a prayer board with some of those wonderful people who try to share a little bit of light and hope ...or a hand and a prayer...in a dark corner of worry and fear. You can visit it http://members.boardhost.com/tracysolomon/ . You don't have to register, you don't even have to leave a message. You don't even have to pray. But if you do, it will be appreciated greatly.

The last two, of many, who have recently had an impact on my perspective, is a slam poet by the name of Taylor Mali and Anita Renfroe who sings a song-called the mom song. I'll link both of them here...but first I want to explain. Taylor Mali is a poet I was introduced to through my English class. The poem I'm going to link to here, is not the one my English teacher shared with us-but one that I enjoyed even more. It's called "On What Teacher's Make" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxsOVK4syxU&feature=related I have to warn you, there is some swearing in it-so you might want to watch it without the kids first. And it is not conventional poetry-I'd never heard of Slam Poetry before this....it's interesting. This just stirred something in me..and makes me want to make a difference even more.

The mom song-Everything a mom says in 24 hours, put to music and sung in 2 minutes and 55 seconds-to the William Tell Overture. If you don't hear yourself, your mom, or a mom you know in there...you aren't listening...and if you don't laugh your butt off...it's time to check into somewhere to relax. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxT5NwQUtVM her name is Anita Renfroe.

I'll stop now. This is already very long. But somewhere in all of this, find some hope. Find some peace. Find a laugh or two. Know that you are loved and that while you may not have control over the rough spots in life, you do have control over how you live your life and how you react.

Sending hugs and blessings
Vicky
April 3, 2008 at 1:03am
April 3, 2008 at 1:03am
#577282
April 3,2008

I have a prayer request. I follow a blog http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/ and they are in need of prayers. This is an amazing family. Tricia has CF and is as we speak in the middle of a double lung transplant. She's been in the hospital for months and delivered a miracle baby a couple of months ago-the baby is adorable and doing well-though still in the hospital because she was born at 24 weeks. Dad is the one who blogs...

They need our prayers...and they will inspire you.

thanks
Vicky
April 2, 2008 at 12:51pm
April 2, 2008 at 12:51pm
#577159
April 2, 2008

I have a paper to write in English...a literary criticism of an author. It has to be 5 pages at least, and I can't even decide who to write about. HELP!!!! Could you please just leave me a comment or send me an email with your favorite author/authors about whom I could write a good paper on? I'll be forever grateful.

Back to my previous entry-I think I've decided to use the gp's I have to buy another month-and just hope we have the money after that...not sure what else to do. In order to keep my blog I have to have an upgraded membership and while I havne't been in much-I'm not ready to give it up.

I'll check back in later to see what ideas you'all have given me!!!!

thanks
hugs
Vicky
March 31, 2008 at 5:17pm
March 31, 2008 at 5:17pm
#576772
March 31, 2008

Today has been a yelling day. Mind you, I hate that I've yelled alot-but the children are on spring break, I am not, and they are not respecting that...hopefully tomorrow will be better and we can get outside a bit-as well as me get a few things done. I hate feeling like all i've done is yell all day. I want them to enjoy their spring break-and I don't want to listen to them bicker all week...lol

School is going ok, I'm doing ok...I have 2 papers due before the end of the semester in May-one on an author for my English class that is due in two weeks-one in my history class. Neither has been started..guess I'd better get cracking.

I have to make a decision...fairly quickly. A friend of mine upgraded my membership a year ago and I have loved it. Unfortunately I haven't been around much in the last few months-and now my upgrade is going bye bye (April 15th). I don't have the money to do it right now...though I've managed to come up with enough gp's to keep it for another month...the question is..do I? I love being here, love giving and receiving feedback, supporting and encouraging other writers. Obviously I won't leave completely..but going back to the free membership means I will need to downgrade my port and say goodbye to my blog...which will make me kind of sad...so I will be praying and trying to decide what to do-though if I had the money I would just buy the upgrade-so my heart knows what it would like to do. Maybe I can manage to do enough reviews to go three months and things will be better then...but I don't really have the time to do that either...grrr...not at y'allll at my indecisive nature at the moment. Well, I'll let ya know before time is up.

Back to my history book-have a happy April. Thanks for stopping in-I should be back in tomorrow-the distractions the kids allow for also means that if I can't focus on the next big thing that needs to be done for school because of them-I can always come here...:)
hugs and blessings
Vicky
March 21, 2008 at 2:15pm
March 21, 2008 at 2:15pm
#574927
March 21, 2008

This will probaly not be a happy entry. This will be a downer...if you don't want the truth or don't want to be depressed, I suggest you come back another day. I actually had avoided coming here all week-not wanting to sit once again, and dwell to all of you over the losses in my life. But, this is my blog, for my use to help and heal and whatever else happens. I will not be offended if no one decides to read. But I have to release-cause pretending I"m not as low as I am isn't helping me get anything done..and I have too damn much to do to wallow right now.

Today is the sixth anniversary of my mom's death. It's been a rough week, though I've done ok actually. It doesn't help that I am hormonal this week as well-grief and hormones just don't do well together.

I slept this morning, when I should have been getting some schoolwork done. We will be gone the next two days and I have work left to be finished. I am who I am, and I couldn't force it this morning. I'm ok. I know my mom is in a better place and I wouldn't ask for her back...take her away from the heavenly Glory just for me. But I grieve for all she isn't here for, all she hasn't seen..and y es, I know she's watching..but I can't see her face, I can't see her reactions, I can't see her joy, her pride, hear her thoughts and her advice.

I was watching The Biggest Loser Tuesday night. All of the contestants had makeovers..and then someone they love was there at the end of the catwalk while they were doing their fashion shoot-One of the girls had her mom show up...well a couple of them did...but when Kelly's mom hugged her...her mom's hair-the cut...and the way her hair laid in one particular spot, kind of a swirl...reminded me so much of my mom.

This week I've dealt with major attitude out of my 11 year old and just wish I could hear my mom...not that she'd probably suggest anything different...I'm trying my darndest....and Cassy's report card...honor roll again-one of only nine in her class....to see both my parents and the pride they would feel for her. I know that our other family members will be proud but it's not the same. This move has been a good one in many ways...but I"m isolated and have lost touch with most of my friends...the mom figure I had, barely do I get a chance to talk to her, so much going on in her own life.

School. I am struggling in so many ways....which is a laugh if you look at my grades because I have all A's. My last English paper thought, 45/50-one point below the class average-and my major will be WRITING. I know I'm there to learn. And I know that's not a bad grade..but it makes me mad at me and question what I"m doing.

I'm doing everything I can to be a good mom and wife. I'm trying to be a good student and to just survive. Today is one of those days that I"m not doing such a good job on any of it.Today is one of those days that I feel so very much an orphan. Lost and alone with no one who cares. I know God cares and takes care of me...this isn't a question of faith. But I need God with skin on, right here beside me. Today is one of those days that it makes me really mad that He took both of them, so close together, even though I know it was for the best even when I can't see why.

Six years ago, I was sitting watching my mom suffer, in her home, in her bed...wandering the house..trying to find something to occupy myself....not knowing what was going to happen or when ...trying to make sense of it all.
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the story of her last day

IT's never made sense...and I don't think it's going to. It hurts. It sucks. Today, I just want my mom. Today I just wish I could call heaven and talk to her and my dad. Today I don't care what the world thinks. I"m tired and I'm sad and it hurts and it doesn't matter that by the world's standards I should be over my grief. The world can kiss my lilly white butt cause I can't be ok today. Six years ago I lost something I can't have back until we meet in heaven. Today I feel selfish and don't care that she's in a better place-I just want her with me-to see her smile, to hear her voice, to rub tha place between her shoulders that always hurt. Today I want to see what she thinks of her beautiful and intelligent granddaughter, I want to see what she thinks of this ball of energy that is her grandson. I want to have her in my apartment...because it's closer than I've ever lived to her...and she's not here to be with me. Today I can't let go of all those things even though I know she's in a better place and to ask her to give up that world for this one is someting I wouldn't do if I could. Today I am a small child, just in need...Today it hurts bad enough that all the good things don't matter right now. I'm really struggling today. I know I'll be ok....I've known it was coming all week-knew this morning it would probably hit. The fact that it feels like I'm the only one that knows what today is (I'm not, I know my sister is fully aware...know that there are others) doesn't help.

I just want my mom.
March 7, 2008 at 4:47pm
March 7, 2008 at 4:47pm
#572242
March 7, 2008

Hi Happy People..well hi all people...lol..but I hope you are happy! lol

Life has been nuts. My classes are very labor intensive and I'm lucky to pop in every once in a blue moon. I get rather overwhelmed sometimes...ok..alot.. But I'm enjoying my classes for the most part and learning alot.

We have new family members that have joined us. Furry ones. Ever since we moved back in August and had to get rid of our dogs and cat-life has been a little bit...missing something...so finally now that things SEEM to be stabilizing, we've got two sweet lovable

guinea pigs.

We can have pets that are caged without having to pay extra. My kids love them. There names (the guinea's not the kids) are Oreo (who is black mostly-with a white stripe running over the middle of her head-between two black sections....and another white stripe between her shoulders...also between two black sections.) She was shy at first but is adjusting and has turned rather sweet, even Jamie can hold her.

The other guinea pig's name is Spaz. And she is one...was when we bought her, still is. She doesn't like to be picked up (makes getting her out of hte cage hell...lol) and doesn't sit still once you've got her. She bit Mike the other night, the kids don't even try to hold her and I'm getting close-but I know she will settle down once she's adjusted to it all. We think she is the older and so it may take more time to adjust to new surroundings. Spaz does like one thing though-she likes to eat. Majorly...lol. They both do.

They are fun to watch, cuddle and play with, they enjoy whatever we feed them (especially timothy hay!) and they chase each other around when we have them out of the cage-but, there is no guilt or worry if we have to be gone all day-we just make sure they have food, water, and a clean cage..and all is well....lol

Anyway, not much else really going on here. Cassy has a friend spending the night tomorrow night. Jamie had twins spend the night last weekend. I'm ready for some time alone with my husband...lol...the last time was when I was sick and had tons of schoolwork because of the flu....not so much fun.

Well, I suppose I'd best get back to my schoolwork. Mike will be home soon. I have 2 quizzes and 2 homework assignments left for the week-would one homework assignment but my algebra will be the death of me and the day I'm finished with math courses there will be a party here...lol

Hope all is well. I'll try to pop by and visit soon.
hugs to all
Vicky

February 18, 2008 at 9:03pm
February 18, 2008 at 9:03pm
#568519
Feb 18, 2007

Yes, it is, the prodigal returned! Ok...that might be a bit melodramatic...but you'll live with it won't you?

Life here is fine...been extremely busy with school, sickness-Mike and I have both had the flu in the last 2 weeks (he was nice enough to share..lol) I'm still trying to get over it.

I really don't have much to report-life's been so crazy most of what I have done is schoolwork.

Although...if you wanted to do me a great big favor I'd love ya forever!!!

I have an assigment due on Sunday night. The rough draft is here- "Invalid Item

It's a description of an event....any and all constructive criticism welcome.

Ok, I'm gonna blow by a few blogs while I'm here. :)

hugs and prayers
Vicky
January 30, 2008 at 6:12pm
January 30, 2008 at 6:12pm
#564463
Jan 30, 2007

Hi. It's been a while. Life here has been nuts and I won't go in to all of it but it's been nuts.

I've been really struggling with being sure of the direction God is leading me. I desire so strongly to write...and yet there never seems to be any time...because of my classes mainly. Those classes I"m taking to be a better writer...and this semester I'm truly blessed in one of those classes especially. It's called Creative Writing-but it's more than that. It's about reading and writing and writing for the reader. I'm hoping from it I will learn how to make my characters seem alive, my places seem real etc.

Recently-tired and sore, emotionally at my limit, worn out from trying to get homework done, and stressing over not being able to get through this semester, my beloved and I had a very long talk about God's will in all that's going on in our lives. We also talked about my need to write-the characters that live in my head (please tell me I'm not the only one who actually has another world going on in their minds-I'm really hoping this is a good thing to have...lol) We've come to the conclusion that I really need to try to write every day-about my story-not necessarily trying to write my story but just whatever comes to mind and is going on. Mike's right...and I hadn't really thought about. I'm so used to writing short stuff that I can sit and finish in a day....my story has such a huge time span and I'm not sure how to make it all into what it needs to be...but I don't really need to, I guess. I need to just put it all down on paper, and then put it together at a later time. I don't know. Any advice?

My other classes (besides creative writing) are rather a-boring, b-overwhelming or c-a combination of the two. I love history. I chose 101 over 102 because of the time period. 101 is up to 1877. I've always been good with history and I like to read books with historical facts. This course is tough. The quizzes ask for more info than is given in what we read. There are such in depth discussion board topics that they have to be researched. Mind you I'm doing well. But with an algebra class-which is supposed to be the next one after the one I just took-only there are things in it I don't know, a business course that's very repetitive to what Mike learned-makes for boring reading but because it's an intro course instead of the in depth that he did, I still have to read it to pass the quizzes and such, a computer class that's interesting-but also very indepth and moves fast....I'm feeling rather overwhelmed and trying to settle in. Doesn't help that my internet was out for a day and a half this week and so now I'm behind. As well as the fact that I've got a bad cold and don't feel good. Yippy. lol

Jamie is in the tub. TOnight is the night the kids normally go to AWANA's..kind of like a church cubscout program...he didn't want to go tonight. It's got me worried-he seems to have fun-but I didn't want to force him...then he cried because Cassy went but he didn't get to hug her...lol

Life is full of decisions to make right now so prayers would be a wonderful blessing.

I'll try to get back in this week but I won't promise. I have 5 quizzes this week and several homework assignments that I havent' started.

Well, back to the grindstone. I'll talk to you soon. Thanks for stopping by

hugs
Vicky

January 14, 2008 at 7:54pm
January 14, 2008 at 7:54pm
#561030
Jan 14, 2008

Six years ago today, my dad died. Five years ago today, a good friend of mine also lost her dad....bonding us together in a crazy world of grief..where-even though we both have siblings...that loss was different for them, and similar for us. Going into the funeral home for her dad's visitation, so shortly after my dad's (and my mom's) was one of the hardest things I had to do emotionally. But I went.

Each year, one of us calls the other for support. This year seems to be tougher than most for her...her older brother is in Iraq..and not there to lean on ..and adds to the stress and the worries even more. Please say a prayer for her and her family.

Last year was hard for me..maybe the 5 year mark??? Last year I wroter
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#1201591 by Not Available.
. This year, while I have noticed the date and thought of my dad many times..and am noticably more irritable...it's been a crazy day and I havne't had time to dwell. My classes started today. Jamie was home because it's MOnday and was bouncing off the walls. Cassy came home sick, Mike had an MRI for continued problems for the accident, ended up taking Cassy to the dr..it's a virus..not the flu..not pneumonia...which I was concerned about because of the length her cough has lasted and the sound of it. I did talk to my friend today...but I think I will call and check in here after a bit.

Sorry I haven't been around as planned during my vacation from school. Truly, I don't feel like I got one between the car accident and the holidays...lol..maybe during the summer.

Well, I'll be back to check in soon. Sending big hugs and prayers ...especially to vivacious Baby Thomas is ready to make an entry at any time!

hugs
Vicky
January 9, 2008 at 3:27pm
January 9, 2008 at 3:27pm
#559996
Jan 9, 2008

One year ago today I stumbled..more likely was led by God...into the front doors of WDC. On that day I posted
 Encounters with Christ  (18+)
An essay on healing and surviving
#1200379 by hoosiermomma2
and was soon rewarded with an inspiring review. I've enjoyed the last year....wishing I could spend more time than I've been able to recently because of school and home fires that need tending. Still in the last year I believe I've grown as a writer. I've learned to review..and taken that information into my English class to help with a reviewing portion of the class. I've been hugged when I'm down, prayed for when things were bleak, and shared laughs a plenty! Would I do it over again? Absolutely! I wish I had been able to enter more contests, do more reviews, enjoy more time working with more of you and getting to know you...but all in all WDC has enriched my life and through it...YOU have enriched my life.

I thank God for leading me here....

My birthdate is Jan 21....so on both hands I'm an aquarias...lol....


Take care of you and know that I love and appreciate all you do. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Speaking of prayers though...I have a couple of unspoken prayer requests for those of you who are fellow prayer warriors.

Thanks for listening to me bitch, moan, whine, groan, cry, rant. share, praise, and laugh. It's been fun.

hugs
Vicky
January 7, 2008 at 2:04pm
January 7, 2008 at 2:04pm
#559507
Jan 7, 2008

I have been on vacation for 3 weeks...sure doesn't feel like it. Classes start again Monday and the new semester's books arrived today by UPS.

The first week of vacation, though I was alone most of it-because the kids were in school-was right after the wreck. I slept. I ached. And I didn't do much else. the next 2 weeks the kids were off, I was still in pain, Christmas and New Years holidays thrown in things were rather crazy. This week, though I'm still in pain...some of it is better. The bruising is almost gone and I can wear a seatbelt and not have to keep it away from my chest to be comfortable. My neck and back still hurt..as does my chest at times...my arms still don't want to pick up anything that's as heavy or heavier than a gallon of milk...but we go to the dr this week and hopefully she will be of help. She was closed last week and on vacation the week before..helpful huh? Not very endearing when it's a new doctor to boot. But we shall see. I can't sit at the computer for long..my shoulders start hurting and the muscles in my upper back start shooting pain..this actually rather worries me since my ONLINE classes start next week. SIGH. I will manage it but I sure hope the dr has some good meds, exercises, something that will help.

Cassy went back to school today. I think she had a decent vacation....I know she had a nice Christmas and was happy with all she got. While we didn't have the money to do anything over vacation she didn't have to sit and twiddle her thumbs. She had a friend spend the night, spent the weekend with my sister and went out to eat, to the movies and ice skating, went to her basketball end of season party at Chuck E Cheese (paid for by the coach-the entire team party-and he did it all by himsel-God bless him..lol) Then she went to the lock in at church this weekend...was up all night Sat. night apparently. So while she had plenty of sleeping in and watching tv, some chores and required reading...really and truly she got to do a decent amount of stuff. I'm SO glad she's back in school..it's much quieter because Jamie has no one to argue with...lol

Jamie goes back tomorrow and then I'm going to sit in the middle of the couch, with the tv on what I WANT TO WATCH and enjoy. Then I'm going through his toys and books to make room for the new stuff...it's a bit crowded in there.

Well...my back is starting to scream so it's off to the couch with a pillow and the heating pad. Thanks for listening..I'll try to get around to the blogs later on.

Sending hugs and prayers
Vicky
December 31, 2007 at 5:10pm
December 31, 2007 at 5:10pm
#558009
Dec 31, 2007

I hope you all had a nice Christmas...ours was ok...the kids had a nice Christmas..my sister came to visit..and had Mike and I not been in pain and uncomfortable it would have been better...and if we hadn't been up until 3 am wrapping presents...it's a tradition I'd like to get rid of.

We aren't doing much for New Years...just hanging out at home....off the streets and safe...lol

My kids go back to school next week and I'm hoping to really get to do some writing while there is peace and quiet...I don't start back to school until Jan 14...so I will have a week to play all by myself...:) though hopefully by that point I'm not sleeping half the day because of pain meds....it seems to be getting better slowly..though the more I'm up the more I hurt...even if I'm only sitting...


Anyway, enough of the whining.

Next semester I'm taking English 202-which is creative writing...intermediate algebra, history, business 101 and computer information systems 101...I think the algebra class makes me most nervous. I"m looking forward to history and English...CIS and Business Mike can help me if I get stuck...since he just got his business management degree.

Ok, I'm rambling. I hope you have a peaceful New Years celebration and a wonderful and blessed 2008.

hugs
Vicky
December 24, 2007 at 9:21pm
December 24, 2007 at 9:21pm
#556975
Dec 24, 2007

Ask me. Just ask me what my newly five year old son is doing right now!!! I double dog dare ya!

But then ya better sit down or you'll fall down laughing...least I almost did.

He's playing with God...and His partners, and His Dog.

Yes, you read that correctly.

On Friday, Jamie's class at school had a visit from Santa...and Santa brought each child a toy. The toy Jamie got was a box of plastic, very bright K'nex. He's had a ball with them all weekend. Yesterday Mike built him a dog out of them....today, Jamie built God. And his partners. When I first ask Jamie what their names were he told me "Duh...George and Williams" Now...I have to admit I'm struggling with this whole building God...while on one hand there is no one I'd rather have my son playing with than God...on the other hand it seems just a trifle sacreligious....lol

So, I decided the least I could do was correct the whole "partner" thing. And I informed him that God's "partners" were Jesus and the Holy Spirit. To which he informed me Jesus wasn't born yet and the "partners' were Holy and Holy Ghost. I let it go. I'm not savy enough to argue with him...lol...

So, things have been a bit quiet, Cassy just finished showering and we are going to make Jesus' birthday cake...I asked her what Jamie was doing since I hadn't seen him in a bit...a little scary when you think about the fact that we live in a 3 bedroom apartment...and she said"Oh he's in his room playing with God" He is. God also has a dog, incase you were wondering..but Jamie didn't build him..Mike did...mind you Mike built him for Jamie, not God...but apparently Jamie's sharing. I guess it's a good thing.

This is not the first time Jamie has delved into a relationship with the almighty. Last week a candy cane fell off the tree...I asked Cassy to pick it up and Jamie said..that's God....I thought he meant that God knocked the candy cane off..no, he named the candy cane God....and others were Mary, Joseph, Jesus..and his brother ...no name for Jesus' brother though...that same night..Jamie was pretending to be God...he pretended the carpet was water..and he walked on it. I had to draw the line though when he told Cassy she had to pray to him...it was just wrong on so many levels it had to be stopped...LOL...OH ME OH MY

Ok, Time to bake cookies for santa and make a cake for Jesus. Have a blessed Christmas
hugs
Vicky
December 20, 2007 at 1:12pm
December 20, 2007 at 1:12pm
#556226
Dec 20, 2007

Yesterday I ended up going to the ER...the pain was too bad. Nothing's broken or seriously injured...just blunt chest trauma from the seatbelt. I'd rather not think about what it would've been like without the seatbelt and I'm glad we aren't facing that issue.

Nevertheless, I'm in pain-I think I took the worst of it-the kids so far are fine. Mike's back hurts and he's stiff and sore but not to the extent I am. It hurts to move and yet I can't get comfortable even then. They say today will probably be the worst...I hope it only gets better from here. I'm bruised everywhere the seatbelt touched pretty much-deep dark purple, blue, and red. Now it's starting to spread and some of that is more of a watercolored variety.

My neck also hurts and today my head hurts some. The pain meds help but make me drowsy-according to dr's final written directions, i'm supposed to be on bedrest til the pain subsides..lol...between the fact that it's only a few days before Christmas and the fact that I have 2 kids-one of htem a preschooler I will have by myself this afternoon I find that idea laughable.But I will try to rest.

I have an article I"m working on for the Blogville news I still have to get put together..not have to..I know all would understand..but want to so very badly. Maybe htat's what I will put together while Jamie is home with just me this afternoon.

ON a happy note-my grades are in...I got 4 A's and 1 B. My last 2 English papers graded with perfect scores...wow..I'm so proud of me I keep going back to look at the gradebook...lol

Well, I'm going to eat my soup and watch for Jamie's bus. I'll be back as I can.

Sending hugs and thank you all for your prayers and for the Cnote, sent to me by Special Kay . It was very sweet.

blessings and peace,

Vicky
December 18, 2007 at 9:36pm
December 18, 2007 at 9:36pm
#555970
Hi it's me again...that's kind of how I feel on a daily basis going to my heavenly Father too..lol

My family and I were in a car accident on the way to Cassy's game(actually stopped to turn into the school to go to the game) and some not so bright and considerate person, talking on a cell phone, crossed the yellow line, pushed our big oldsmobile 98 1 1/2 lanes sideways and back. The car, the only one that we have that fits all four of us(we have a 2 person truck)is completely totaled. The kids are fine. Mike's thumb hurts where the air bag hit it and I have bruising across my neck, check and down into my armpit where the seatbelt got me. My chest hurts every time my shirt rubs across ..my arms hurt if I try to use muscles...we will probably go to the dr tomorrow..it seemed ok at the accident-someone walked my daughter across the street to her game-which they lost 19-18 in double sudden death overtime. Kind of downer after our evening. We are shook up, angry, hurting, and scared. We just filed bankruptcy, we don't have a way to afford a car-and only had liability insurance on the car-because it was old and we coudln't afford more. I know God will figure it out...the police said it wasn't our fault-and not only was he on his cell phone-told the cops he was...but for him to have pushed us that far must have been going more than 30 miles an hour...

I'll try to get back and touch base tomorrow.

Please pray..we need it right now
hugs
Vicky
December 18, 2007 at 2:15pm
December 18, 2007 at 2:15pm
#555848
Dec 18, 2007

I sit here at my computer, refreshing every so often...waiting anxiously to see something change. What you ask?

My English professor is in the process of uploading the grades of our largest, but not final paper. I kept waiting to come in..so I could share my grades for the semester with you. I know that all of my other grades are in....I've done ok, a bit frustrated with one..but I"m NOT GOING TO TELL YOU MY GRADES until MY DARNED I mean wonderful, English professor finishes uploading all the grades, so I can share them all at once. And in truth, it's not his fault..he has until Thursday, I am just very impatient. lol..big surprise. But I can see that he's uploading them because the class average changes with each new grade added for that assignment. UGH! LOL

Ok, so I have a prayer request..and no, it's not for my sanity-too late for that!

Cassy, my 11 year old, plays basketball and we are in the middle of a single elimination tournament. We started last night, regular season ended last week.

With tournament the scoreboard starts over at zero...you win you move on, you lose you are done. Yesterday we won-yeah us. We will play again tonight-and if (or as Cassy says when) we win we will play 1 or 2 rounds on Thursday evening, for the tourney trophy-which goes only to the winning team. There are 5 teams in this age bracket-and everyone did receive a participation medal. But last night's game was a little unsettling for me and I want to ask you all to pray for all the girls, the coaches and their famiies. All 5 teams are pretty evenly matched...Cassy's team (Storm) has only lost 1 game all season-the team that beat us, is, I believe,has also lost maybe one game. The team we played last night was probably one of the weakest teams...I'm not sure how they pick it and it doesn't really matter...by the end of the first quarter we were ahead by 20 points. These girls fought long and hard-and many left the court after the game-which after having a 30 point lead at one point ended with only a 10 point spread-in tears. Some were in tears- fighting emotions during the game-the frustration so very evident. One girl, fighting over the ball, fell, hit the floor with both fists and got back up, tears streaming down her face, wanting the win so badly. Most of the parents in the stands, for the entire season-and most definitely last night-have behaved admirably-cheering for their own teams and at times very much against the other team-yet applauding either team when a well scored play made its mark. However, there were a few-unmindful that these are still little girls out there playing there are hearts out and volunteer coaches who do it because of the love of the game and for the girls-who instead of rooting for their team, decide to holler at the coaches and the girls...not what any of them need.

These girls are all 11,12, maybe 13-5th and 6th grade-and they play with energy and power. I've seen girls foul out of the game...I've seen a few score out(max of 16 points per child per game) They root each other on from their seats as they play-not just their own team but the other team as well. My prayer request is that they would hold onto that, know that they are ALL champions, that the coaches would know they are appreciated and deserve the respect and admiration of everyone-and that the parents will remember that this is NOT professional sports and it serves no purpose to be disrespectful to anyone.

We've played sports for years-Cassy lives for softball season, plays basketball in the off season for something to do. I know team parents come in all shapes and sizes and have been blessed with good coaches and parents to root with-both in those learning seasons where we just can't get ahead and in those seasons where it all clicks...we've tasted more victory than defeat, but as long as the kids walk away knowing they did their best, I don't care...do I want them to win tonight...heck yeah, I'd LOVE for Cassy to get to bring home a trophy on Thursday night (that assumes they win too :) ) But she knows we will be proud of her no matter what, as long as she goes out there and plays with all she's got. Her coach has my utmost respect (what MAN trying to coach seven 11-13 year olds by himself-doesn't deserve respect..lol) and has coached well and fairly all season.

I know this kind of got long...it bothers me-the kids are watching and this is supposed to be about them, about fun, and about learning....but what are we teaching them.


Ok, I've rambled at y'all enough. I'll be back with grades as soon as I have them!!!

I'm now on vacation-as much as a mom gets-for the next 4 weeks! There is cleaning and playing in my future!

Also-before I leave...let me just tell you all how very proud I am of my beloved husband. Mike graduated with a degree in Business Management on Sat. It's been a long time coming and he deserves lots of applause and hugs. They threw him a party at work yesterday which just tickled him to no end and made him feel so very good.

I'm off to make a dump cake-promised Cassy we'd have it to celebrate tonight regardless of what happens!

hugs and thanks for stopping in!
Vicky

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