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Rated: 18+ · Book · Family · #1201314
Who am I, Where am I Going, and Where have I been? The story of my life!
Jan 11, 2007

Today, I start attempting to keep one of my goals this year. To write daily. A little about me. I'm a 35 year old mother of 2, married for almost 15 years. I live in urban Indiana and currently stay at home and am a full time student. What makes me different from anyone else? Not much. lol...I have a strange sense of humor. I love to read. I love to sing. I like to play online. I lost both of my parents 6 years ago. Each year things get easier, except in a way they also get harder. Only somone who has been there will have any clue what I mean.

Why am I here? I feel compelled to write. A few years ago my husband and I took a bible study course at church called Disciple 1. Awesome Awesome study. 34 weeks, 80% of the bible. At the begining we had to discuss why we were there...my pat answer was to learn more abou the bible. Funny thing was, in the end, I'd learned a whole lot more. I learned I could have a personal relationship with God. I learned alot of things. I learned about spiritual gifts....and in the end of that study, we had to get up and give a testimony about our time in disciple and what we had learned....my first entry will be that testimony I shared with our congregation that day...the only changes I've made are to remove names.

My plan for this journal/blog is to just talk about me, my daily life, my kids, and whatever God puts on my heart. Pray for me that I may be obedient in this.

Check out these links! Pleeeease :)

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#1054725 by Not Available.
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I look forward to touching base with whomever stops in....

God's blessing on you

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March 16, 2007 at 10:26pm
March 16, 2007 at 10:26pm
March 16, 2007

Happy Friday people!

I am cold. I am so cold that in a few minutes I'm going to go take a hot shower and try to warm up. I'm sitting here with my rice pack(my sister made them for me..for Christmas a couple of years ago)...take a towel, cut it, sew it closed like a pillow...fill it with white rice...maybe other kinds I don't know...and finish sewing...throw it in the micro for a few minutes and wala! Instant heat pack...personally I just use it to get warm..but I"ve used it for injuries too. Mike hates the way they smell but it doesn't bother me...long as I don't over heat and burn the rice..then it stinks bad....lol

Anyway...I don't do cold well. I know it's not as cold as it was a month or so ago...but after the really nice temps early in the week....it seems to be worse...all in my head I know, quit laughing at me...lol

Tomorrow C has another basketball game (they lost last night badly). Two little girls (I'm trying so hard to be nice) were on the other team who have given her problems and made fun of her the last 2 years. One of htem was on her basketball team last year and would pick on her on Monday and tell her the ballgame they lost the Sat. before was her fault. I had to have them placed in a different class this year to try to cut down on the problems. In softball last year when we played them, she let them intimidate her..and we ran into the same thing yesterday...they were physically aggressive (I wasn't there to see it...had issues at home...she went with a friend and dad picked her up) and no one did anything...my guess is it was taken for an accident and let go...my assumption is that it was not..and I will be watching the next game...I told her she can't let them get in her head...she's got to dish it back..not physically but mentally..she's bigger than they are! Use it. I'm hoping she will.

Anyway...tomorrow afternoon we are going bowling with the youth group and that's about it. I hope it's warmer...lol

Happy Birthday to kiyasama! Hope it was the greatest!

Blessings and hugs to all!


Today I am grateful for heat *Smile*
March 15, 2007 at 5:09pm
March 15, 2007 at 5:09pm
March 15, 2007

Today has been a pretty good day...albeit a fairly non productive day...in regard to actual things getting done..but a good day anyway. Let me explain..Yes, I insist...if you didn't want to know you wouldn't be here. *Wink*

This morning a good friend of mine and I were on msn instant messenger and we were having a discussion about my writing, the comments I received yesterday and "Invalid Item We takled through some of my problems, some of the gaps yet to be filled in the story and so on. It helped me make a decision...something I've been struggling to do. I want to write this story..need to write it...think God has a plan for it (not tooting my horn..actually scares me to death but...lol) it's a feeling deep within..and it may only be a plan for me and those immediately around me..that may be all that is affected (effected?) by it..though I suppose as most who create I hope many are touched by what I write.

It was good to have someone to go back and forth about it with..get feedback one on one (though the reviews and comments are nice it helps to get someone's instant opinion or understanding (or non understanding). So I thank you Robyn! (yes, I actually used a name in my blog..I have permission...hehehehe)

Robyn and I have been friends since elementary school. We've lost touch, come back together, lost touch again and she found me the other day..for which I am grateful. For all the differences in our lives, all the places we haven't been together...running deeper still is that bond from long ago. I am blessed to know her.

Which brings me to the reminder of this ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

So often we get caught up in, at least I do...what has happened in the past-either where we've messed up or been hurt. The shoulda woulda coulda's. Or we get caught up in the future...how are we going to's..the bills, the kids, life in general and how we are going to get through it. We don't think about what we have within..at least not in the midst of chaos and stress...at least I've been known to be this way. We don't think about the love of our family and friends, the blessings God has given us, all we've learned and made it through...those things are stored within our very being. Christ is within us. We need to look up and within...instead of looking back or forwards...especially when times are tough.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying never look back...it can be fun, it can be useful, and it can be necessary. I'm not saying don't plan for the future...it's a necessary part of life..though we have little control over the future. What I am saying is if we spent more time realizing what we had inside..we wouldn't stress over the future or kick ourselves for the past...but be content with where we are....

Just a thought. Don't ask me where it came from...cause I"m one who dwellls..if you haven't noticed.


March 14, 2007 at 4:04pm
March 14, 2007 at 4:04pm
March 14, 2007

Today has been a good writing day for me. This morning, while on msn instant messenger with a friend, I decided to write a story for
The Writer's Cramp  (13+)
Write the best POEM or STORY in 24 hours or less and win 10K GPs!
#333655 by SophyBells
. I've never done this before but the prompt gave me some great ideas. While I didn't win, I received some wonderful feedback and also just felt really good sitting down and creating something so quickly. "Invalid Item was my entry. It really made me feel good that those who read it were so encouraging.

Also, someone rated and reviewed "Invalid Item. Yet someone else who wants me to get busy and write that story! LOL...I also need to be working on "Invalid Item for
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#1222452 by Not Available.

Those last two items of mine mean alot to me..yet I'm struggling with adding to them. "Invalid Item is a companion journal to "Invalid Item I've started and stopping and started and stopped. The feedback I've received has been great and everyone seems to think it's going well that's read it....so how come I'm not so sure I want to go at it from that point of view....I'm thinking of scrapping it and starting over from another direction...

So those of you who have been doing this for a while..enlighten me....how do you know your direction is the right one...since things are bugging me and don't feel completely natural...do I start again...or plug on through the way it's begun and then see what happens...ugggg...lol

Two things on my plate -the above item of Dear Dave and I really want to work on the devotion for
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. I also need to work on a story to submit for Chicken Soup for the Soul. That one I'm having trouble with also...I just can't decide where to begin. Guess I should pray about that one..since I don't feel led in any one direction.

Have you ever looked back on your life, looking at one decision, and know for a fact that the decision made, was a life altering decision..that that particular choice changed your steps. I've been thinking alot lately about one such decision made by my beloved years ago...and the path it placed before us. I knew it then...I see it even more clearly now...what purpose does seeing it so crystal clear serve? What am I supposed to get from it and what do I do with it? Just something that's been on my mind lately.

Please say a prayer for me over the course of the next couple of weeks-Next Wed. is the 5 year anniversary of my mom's death....I'm doing fine right now but no the potential issues and difficulties that could lie ahead.

Well, we have church tonight and I have kids to get fed and things to get done before we leave. My beloved has church work and homework to do before bed so I imagine when I sign off this afternoon it will be until tomorrow.

Take care of you. Thanks for stopping in...I'm thankful for you...did you know that? Well now you do*Bigsmile*

hugs and blessings

March 13, 2007 at 11:22pm
March 13, 2007 at 11:22pm
March 13, 2007

Today was C's first basketball game...they beat the other team 16-2...and that 2 points the other team got was in the last 60 seconds of the game. C made 3 baskets and several rebounds! I was quite proud of her...she also stole the ball a couple times and played a majority of the game. This compared to last year when she woudln't be agressive at all on the court and rarely even tried for a basket make me so proud!

Her assistant softball coach from last year is coaching this year and was trying to get all the girls back together....he's also coaching a different basketball team than she's on and we found out tonight that he did indeed manage to get the team back! Which makes us happy...because while he worked their little tales off and pushed them to learn to work as a team....he also had a great commraderie with all the girls. Our coach from last year moved..she had been C's coach for 3 years...it was time for a change and I'm kind of glad she moved on though please don't tell her I said that...lol Last year, C moved to 10 and under fast pitch....her team was all new...some had played together before but no one had played fast pitch before and in order to have enough girls to make 2 teams of girls from our town, they moved up some 8 year olds from coach pitch...so we had a very young team and started out badly. By the end of the season...we placed 6th out of 15 teams ...not bad for a bunch of newbies. We are hoping that by keeping coach and girls together, they will only continue to learn and grow.

Ok... I could whine but I won't...lol..please just keep us in your prayers...I'm doing battle with Indiana Medicaid on both of my kids allergy meds...long long story but it's far from over and tomorrow I will be filing a grievance...and making some calls and picking up pharmacy records to prove they've been on the meds they say they havne't....J, especially is on a very tight medicaiton regime for his allergies...am-nasonex, lunch-singulair- pm-zyrtec and nasonex again. He also has albuterol if necessary...skipping these meds means ending up with a sinus infection...he's had 4 this year..since September..which is less than last year...but it's taken time to figure out what dosage and what all works...we've had to jump through hoops and now because they in their infinite wisdom decide to change providers and screw with my kids dr's...they want me to jump through them again...and restart him..and her...on meds they've already been on that don't work...for them...I have 2 dr's offices working on it, 2 pharmacy's trying to help and I'm about ready to make heads roll...this is a bunch of bs...Ok...sorry for the rant.

gonna sign off..tomorrow looks as busy as today but I'm hoping to get a chance to do some writing.

hugs and blessings...I'm thankful for the beautiful weather we had today!


PS -the movie from yesterdays' title was Pete's Dragon....

I also got a new merit badge Merit Badge in Opinion
[Click For More Info]

Regardless of whether or not we agree on a subject, I can't help but be impressed by the way you always have an opinion on things, and you are never afraid to express it.  Go, conviction!! thanks dragonfly~guess who's back? I was quite surprised....it's a bit scary voicing my opinion...thanks for valuing that.

March 12, 2007 at 8:03pm
March 12, 2007 at 8:03pm
March 12, 2007

Ok, now that I"m out of the duldrums...the topic I"ve been holding onto.

100 gp's goes to the first person to correctly identify the movie my title is modeled after...lol-I know, not much but I"m semi poor and trying to save for next month when my upgraded membership runs out.

On Wednesday nights we are studying a book called Confronting the Controversies...I could tell you who wrote it if the book wasn't still in my van. Last weeks topic was abortion. As many people do, I have an opinion on this. I'm guessing that will surprise no one.

Having been raised Catholic, I was raised with an opinion on this topic. I was born in 1973-this has been a topic most of my life in some way shape or form. Personally I'm pro life-I even went on a pro life rally in high school with my youth group-all the way to Washington DC, on a bus. There's a story there but I'm going to wait until the end of the entry to share it.

I can't imagine having an abortion-life is too valuable and God wouldn't allow a baby to be created that He didn't have plans for.

I'm also a tad on the pro choice side. While I consider abortion a non existent choice for me, it's not my place to judge another or make their decisions for them. I have 2 friends who have had abortions-one had it forced upon her by her mother at a very young age(mom should have been paying attention long before she got pregnant at 12) The other, I wasn't around when it happened-it's a friend who I made as an adult who made that choice as a young adult....she lives with the consequences of that choice and the grief and what if's and always will.

I have another friend who got pregnant at 14 and delivered the baby-gave it up for adoption to a family member and still sees the child (now 19) occasionally...she probably lives with some what if's too...but 3 years later, when pregnant again, kept the baby, married the father and had 3 more children by him. He's pretty much done nothing but make her life hell except for her babies..and she's divorced him since (thank God).

I have one more friend, who I met my freshman year of highschool, who had a one year old baby. She was raising him, going to school and living with her mother-she lost her childhood. She dealt with the stares and the condescending attitudes. She went to church, she went to school and that was it. She loved her son, very much...I lost touch with her when they moved...he was almost 2, she was almost 16.

Wrong choices? Right choices? Not my choice. I love each one of these ladies for who they are. Had my opinion been asked, even at 14, I would have said, abortion is wrong..how can you take a life and how could you live with yourself? Then again...How do you give birth, and let that child go? How do you live with that? How do you live with having no life, with riducule and dirty looks-even in a society that it's become more common place and acceptable? How do you raise a baby when you aren't raised yourself....or if one is an adult...but not secure, or not a person to parent..how do you make that choice? Each one is difficult and bares heavy consequences. I believe I know what my choice would be...I believe I know what God would have me do in my own life...Mary didn't abort baby Jesus...even when she was an unwed mother and could have been stoned to death...I can't imagine.

Yet all parties still deal with the consequences of those choices-besides the obvious not getting into the situation in the first place, which is another topic I could go into-they all did what they felt was the right decision for them. The sin they chose is no better or worse than any sin I've chosen-and thank God His grace is sufficient for us all.

So in truth, I dont' know what you call me prolife? pro choice? I'm pro let's love people and accept them for who they are ...and pray they make Godly choices and feel the love He has for them..because the mother who aborts the child who is unwanted and unloved is no worse than the one that delivers the child and doesn't love it, cherish it...that part's not coming out quite as I want it to...I"m not explaining myself very well...I'm not advocating for abortion...I think it's the last and worst choice and not one God would like...but I'm pretty sure i"ve made my own mistakes and my own choices God didn't like too...and honestly....I have more compassion for the woman who aborts her unborn baby than the one who has the baby and abuses it or allows it to be abused, neglected and uncared for......I'm not sure that makes as much sense on paper as it does in my head but there it is...

Now, onto the pro life rally story...when I was, I think 15, I went on a trip with my youth group....I don't remember how many of us went..but 2 friends of mine went with me and we went on a VERY LONG bus trip to go from Indiana to Washington DC...I don't remember where exactly the rally was...but then it was 110 degrees and my friends and I ended up skipping the rally and going to the Smithsonian-then we went and found some fountain(which I swore for years was behind the post office-but my sister looked a couple of years ago and there wasn't one there...lol) We still have pictures somewhere. The one thing I remember was singing I believe the Children are the future by Whitney Houston on the bus trip home-it was one of the few times I sang in public as a child...someone else sang something else too...The girlfriend that went with me-a year later, was pregnant-in danger of losing her life if she delivered the baby because of a medical condition-her mother forced the abortion-she was 12, maybe 13-looking for love...thought she'd found it in sex...and her boyfriend who got her pregnant..mom had let move in when his own mom kicked him out-he sat there the evening of the abortion and said nasty hateful things to her-things I won't repeat here because of the graphic nature and it serves no purpose...but it was all in regard to the abortion she'd had...my heart went out to her..and still does...

Another one of those times where if mom and dad had been the parents and shown the child love and respect, taught her to respect herself and love herself-if they hadn't been to busy living their own lives instead-if they hadn't beent rying to be a friend-at the very least-if she'd been taught about sex and reproduction...maybe it wouldn't have happened in the first place...

But there are many others who choose for different reasons.....

Anyway...I'm rambling...because this topic confuses and concerns me greatly..but as Jesus told us..."the greatest of these things is love"..it is what we are called to and what He did...

Love the sinner, hate the sin...

Now...to lighten the mood a little...a joke

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, " I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependant on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug".

She got up and unplugged the TV and threw out my beer.

March 11, 2007 at 11:16pm
March 11, 2007 at 11:16pm
March 11, 2007

Ok, I admit it. I"m an addict...lol...I'm addicted to nosily poking into all your lives on a daily basis! I feel like I've lost touch with everyone the last few days since I've barely been around. My hope is that tomorrow I can be on here, do some catching up, some reviewing and some writing...we shall see.

So how are you? Are you doing well? Did you have a nice weekend? Our weather was beautiful today and we did get outside and play with the kids.

No major plans this week-well unless you count the fact that C has a basketball game Tues, Thurs, and Sat and practice Wed and Friday...as well as 4H that we will miss on Thursday because of the basketball game.

Church today was good..the change to 2 services went well enough but I wasn't real with it during the sermon so unfortunately I don't have any major insights to share on it this week....never fear..I still have a topic or two looming that I didn't get into last week because of being down down down.

I'm doing better...I'll still have my moments...But I want to thank you all for your lovin on me, your support and your prayers.

Well it's late and I took benadryl so I'm getting groggy and loopy. So I'm gonna sign off before I subject you to who knows what.

See you on the flip side.

hugs and blessings
March 10, 2007 at 10:26pm
March 10, 2007 at 10:26pm
March 10, 2007

Today started out well, got crazy, went to the pits and is slowly climbing back up. Hormones are leveling out (I hope), got some sleep and some one on one with hubby and with C.....

I have an unspoken prayer request...it's not for me and I cant' say anymore than that because of it..but a hedge of protection and Godly direction would be a good place to start.

I'll try to get online tomorrow and catch up on blogs...we are also going to try to practice some softball stuff....weather is finally a bit nicer....Yeah God!!!

Have a good one, know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers and I hate that I'm missing out on your lives....

sending hugs, praying for you all

March 9, 2007 at 4:36pm
March 9, 2007 at 4:36pm
March 9, 2007

Hi. Just wanted to let y'all know that I'm ok. Not great, not bad...but I'm here. I did my writing academy assignments, have done some reading but not reviewing..just don't have the heart right now.

I will be fine, and I thank you all for your prayers. I'm just in a mood. Part of it, grief related. Part of it lack of couple time-between the hours my beloved works, his schooling, his church work and the kids I babysit what seems like all the time there is rarely time for us alone. We fall into bed exhausted..our evenings spent just trying to make it through dinner and bedtime routines...this is a bleak picture..and it's truly NOT that bad...but I'm hormonal, not feeling up to par and I just want time with my husband. Is that so much to ask?

So I pose a question to you all..how do those of you with spouse's or significant others, who work in or out of the home, have families and committments..how do you do it?

BIG SIGH...I don't do depression well...not. at. all.

Good thing it only lasts for a few days for me...I'll get my head out of my butt, realize how much God has given me and appreciate it...or I"ll fall apart and cry...releasing it all into the blank pages of Word....either way, it will come to a head soon...and I will be smiley and controversial again.

Time to head out to basketball, where I have to watch the big one and keep track of 3 little ones...sometimes I just wanna go sell shoes.

Ok, sucking it up and getting off the pitty potty...sorry y'all...bummer mood..but I didn't want to worry anyone...and I'm going for a blue month...so if anyone is depressed or annoyed by my entry...feel free to ignore me

praying y'all are doing just fine
March 8, 2007 at 10:29am
March 8, 2007 at 10:29am
March 8, 2007

I'm fighting a battle this morning against my own grief and Satan's hold over me in that. I just ask that you pray for me. I'm fine...and I"ll be back later to blog....probably....I had a humdinger of a topic too...lol...

The anniversary of mom's death is March 21. My sister sent me a gift yesterday that triggered memories and just has left me feeling bereft and alone. I know I"m not but there it is..it's what I feel.

Being tired right now doesn't help.

Pray for me please...I know the power of prayer when a body of believers come together and pray...I need to feel the Holy Spirit's presence, I need to feel at peace and not alone.

thank you my friends
March 7, 2007 at 5:14pm
March 7, 2007 at 5:14pm
March 7, 2007

It's Wednesday. I know, I know.. you all know this...unless of course it's a different day in your neck of the woods.

Wednesday is a busy day for me. J's homebased headstart teacher comes on Wednesday afternoons and we have church on Wednesday evening. I've actually had time to do SOME writing today and managed 3 entries for my journal for the Tangent Universe contest -see link in my last entry.

I worked today some on trying to find a good summer camp for C. The camp she's gone to the last couple of years is ok..but they don't offer much in the way of adventure...or new skills....but we don't have a lot of money..so I'm in the process of trying to get help at a couple of different ones and then whichever one can help me, of the ones we've screened, will be where she will go. Mostly they are christian based camps but they offer a wide variety of activities too. Any ideas..I'd love to hear them.

Another day, maybe tomorrow when I'm not so braindead, I'll share with you some of my summercamp memories.

I'm tired of being cold...yes I'm whining. It was actually decent today but it feels cold in here. I want sunny and 70...not sunny and 42. We'll get there...lol..I know..be happy with the fact it's sunny and clear..even if it's cold.

Well, I don't have much of anything in my head and I used my creativity in my character journal so I'm not even sure I can be funny. lol

I'm thankful that it's Wednesday. I'm blessed because I"m alive.

blessings and hugs,

March 6, 2007 at 4:01pm
March 6, 2007 at 4:01pm
March 6, 2007

I've decided to do my blog entry today while the kids are eating snack and doing homework. So far today has been a decent though somewhat crazy day. Some of it is very sweet, some of it was just plain silly and so far no one has copped an attitude with me today (at least no one under the age of 25)

This morning after getting my beloved up and into the shower and C up and dressing, I went in to wake up J..now let me explain that J is the only morning person in the house..usually....The rest of us are not. This morning however he didn't want to get up either. I dressed him anyway and covered him back up while I got his breakfast...he wasn't going to school because he had a dr's appt with the new pediatrician. In with the chaos of getting C out the door to the bus, I got J up to the table..where he told me he was going to school....lol..and was less than thrilled when I informed him he was not. While he ate his breakfast, C went to the bus stop, my beloved left for work and I pottied the dogs. When I came back in, J's bowl was empty...and he was back sleeping on the couch. He Never does that...so anyway, woke him up and we left...thankfully I didn't have to take anyone else with me. two of them went other places for the morning..the other one stayed home today anyway with a sick dad.

The new ped. is decent..I liked the old one better and if medicaid hadn't messed around we wouldn't have had to go today at all because we'd still have our ped and allergist....he can see his allergist again once we get a new referral from the new ped. What a mess. Probably was a good thing I wasn't blogging back in Dec because that's ALL you would have heard was the days saga's.

Picked up all the kids, came home, did lunch and laid everyone down for quiet time. Interesting point...J, who has given up taking a nap for the last 2 weeks also slept..big sigh..one of two things going on...he's either getting sick...I pray not..or he's growing again and someone better pass me the handmedowns...lol

The big kids are now home, doing homework. The youngest of my morning crew went home and J and Miss S are in his bedroom playing. In 40 minutes we have to leave for basketball practice. So far I've not gotten any attitude out of C...first time in a week probably...maybe I'm getting through to her? (Please don't pop my bubble with reality...I dont' really need an answer..unless it's to tell me I'm right, and my moaning, scolding, yelling, disciplining and threatening worse consequences has finally paid off and at least for a brief time she's going to be pleasant to live with.)

LOL..I know, I make her sound horrible. She's really not. She's a good girl with a good heart. She's intelligent and funny. She's athletic and a great helper around the house. She loves to read and to cuddle. She thinks half the boys in the world are cute but kissing is gross (thank you Jesus). She loves to sing and she loves being at church. She's also known for being a good helper there. There are many many wonderful things about this 10 year old preteen female child of mine. I hate to always focus on the negative. My biggest issue is her attitude. She doesn't seem to understand that it's as much HOW you say something as WHAT you say. This has always been a problem and I"m not quite sure what else to do. She's always wanted to push the limits..yet is such a black and white thinker it's difficult sometimes to reconcile the two.

Anyway...I've been slacking on blogs and reviewing...chaos has reigned so much that I just don't seem to be able to even focus to review. I want to. I need to be. I need to do some writing..I have a character journal for the
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#1222452 by Not Available.
. I haven't touched my classes at A-1 Writing Academy this week either. I joined the Angel Army and I feel like I'm letting them all down too. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better writing day since there is less running to do(unless the eye dr calls and J's glasses come in.)

Know that I haven't forgotten y'all. I'm trying..I really am...

Sending hugs...
March 5, 2007 at 5:18pm
March 5, 2007 at 5:18pm
March 5, 2007

Note the fuzzy bunny up top! It's a gift from kiyasama :)

Ok! OK! I know it's supposed to be manic Monday..but I'm not manic today thank you very much..so it's maniac Monday...lol..cause it's been a wee bit crazy.

This morning at 6:10 my beloved got up and got ready for work and I got C up and getting ready for school. J got to sleep in since he didn't have to go to school..I needed him with me for the trip to the WIC clinic. Got C off to school and my beloved out the door to work and sat down here for 10 minutes..then off to get J up (He, wanted nothing to do with getting up thanks...lol) My new little boy got here at 8, we got J up and left by 8:15...cereal bars and milk in the van on the way..(hey at least he ate...)

We finally got back here after the clinic and picking up the other 2 kids about 12:15 and one of the boys mom's was sick,so she came to get him YEAH..down 1..lol...At 2, the new one leaves and I layed J and Miss S down..the big kids came in the door at 3:20. It's been nonstop since. It really hasn't been that bad but the evening is just begining. I have to get them fed and ready for the night...before their mom gets here...5 hours...I don't like having them here in the evenings...but money is money.

I managed to get a couple of blogs read but that's about it...tomorrow will be crazier than today because J has to go to the pediatrician (long involved story involving said child's medicaid, allergy meds, ped, allergist and the fun I"ve had in the last few months with all of the above)....if you are truly interested email me...The new pediatrician is 45 min away. then I have to pick kids up on the way home again. Tomorrow night is basketball practice. Thankfully....Wed is clear so far...unless J's glasses come in. Oh wait..church that evening..but at least nothing much during the day.

I am struggling a bit...spiritually. THat doesn't really explain it very well..it's not that my faith is wavering..but after yesterdays sermon I am looking at my life and wondering if I am being used by Satan in certain places...I never really thought about it that way before...I've seen Satan in my life, battled him, know places I've left the doormat out. But I've never thought about the fact that I might be used by Satan in someone's life..how awful that would be! I don't want to be used as a tool for the devil....I know all we can do is pray, be steadfast in the word...try to make Godly decisions.....and I've thought many times that I never want to be a stumbling block, keeping people from the Lord..I want to lead them to Him..but I just never looked at it in that light..and it's rather disturbing and scary...anyone with thoughts of wisdom, I'd love to hear it.

Well, I have to start supper for 7...have to load the dishwasher and sweep the kitchen. C is doing her chores now too and everyone else is either doing homework or playing. How do mom's who have more than a couple of kids manage? I guess iit's what you get used to. But it's also made me more sure I really dont' want anymore children.-then again my personal views on that will take up a blog entry in and of itself..and to be honest will probably draw some heat...I've surprised more than one person on my views..well...I'll have to pray about opening up that box of worms.

Take care and God bless,
Sending hugs

March 4, 2007 at 4:32pm
March 4, 2007 at 4:32pm
March 4, 2007

My child is the poster child for birth control....that's about how I feel right now? (off topic..am I the only one that has trouble when they start to write the word right...instead wants to write...write.? Does that make any sense?)

Happy Sunday everyone!!! We have actually had a decent day up until 15 minutes ago. It's still a decent day but my eldest child is on my last nerve and seems to want to push me anyway. We got up, went to church-wonderful sermon...again on Luke 4...but this time our pastor posed as Satan...powerful message...about how satan doesn't always look like or act like who and what we expect..that it is the little subtle messages used to pull us away from God..we had alot of fun and a lot of laughs but the reality is, each of us is tempted and tested on a daily or hourly basis and we need to be aware that just because someone is called friend to us..Satan can use that against us...we need to weigh carefully what we choose to think, say and do...by the bible and God's standards not man's. There is more in my head but I haven't quite processed it all yet...I'm like that..have to process those things that are deeper than I am...lol

So, after church we went and grabbed a bite to eat and then my beloved and the children went to an auction and I went to Walmart -ALL BY MY SELF!!! *Bigsmile* I didn't get to splurge or anything major but I did get me an organizer/planner to fit in my purse so I can keep track of sports/dr's appts/babysitting kids, etc.

Went back to the auction-just in time to have my beloved bid on some Disney movies...we got several we didn't have-at like $2 a piece..Land Before Time(4 of them) and some others...if you are looking for one in particular holler because we did get a few we already have.

I don't sit still and just do nothing at an auction well. So I brought the kids and the groceries back home. C has a science test to study for and 2 extra credit projects due tomorrow. J wanted to watch Open Season and was running around the auction driving me beloved nuts. So home we came. I've straightened up the kitchen and done some laundry. I've commented on a couple of blogs and had a big blow up with C...I"m so flippin tired of the attitude. Why I got it, over what is, is not important..I wasn't being hateful to her and I don't expect her to be hateful to me. I told her so in no uncertain terms and she's on a major warning that the next time will wreak major havoc on her social life.

In about 10 min we have to head back and get my beloved, run in the dollar store for something for this stupid dadgum extra credit project...I'm thrilled they give extra credit, I am...and she's known about this one particular for 3 weeks...but because I said nothing, she did nothing. Personally, I think 10 is old enough to start being responsible for starting those projects...so she's doing it..and I'll stop at the store..but she is on her own...I have too much to do this evening and if it gets done (and believe me it will..or else)then it's because she spent her evenign getting it done. Maybe if she misses out on the movies she wants to watch or Extreme makeover Home edition she will be more proactive in the future.

When I get back and get supper under way I am headed into the pit called my youngest childs room. Normally, on the weekend, I make him go in and clean it up. Normally, when the kids leave through the week, it's basically clean. It's been trashed, some things need thrown away, some things need put up..and so I will do it this time. He actually can do a decent job when I go little by little and tell him, ok, go pick up the legos'...he'll do it..we go by toy type..with me not in the room and he manages just fine....and yes, I should make him come in and help me..he helped make the mess...but I don't have the emotional reserves to argue with why this toy or that one is now trash..or why he's too big for it....or whatever...lol..this is my gift to me...

This week already bodes business...we have 2 basketball practices and 1 game, we have a WIC clinic appt, a dr's appt, and who knows what else will pop up.

I'm going to head out...I will talk to y'all later. Take care of you,

Blessings and hugs
March 3, 2007 at 3:58pm
March 3, 2007 at 3:58pm
March 3, 2007

I was supposed to babysit this morning. I gave in and said yes...their mom called at 10pm last night to ask me if I could, just for about 4 hours in the morning. Actually it was them being here at 7am I had issue with..lol...I wanted to sleep in. She said they'd call when they got ready to leave..and would be here somewhere between 7-7:45 am. By 8:15 there was no phone call (I woke up to potty.)So I called her cell and she said that Dad was supposed to bring then when he went to his meeting but the roads were bad and he was mad that she didn't bring them so she didn't know what he was going to do but that since he was supposed to be at the meeting in 10 minutes, she didn't figure they were coming to my house. I hate lack of communication...nothing ticks me off more. Had I gotten up at 7am to wait for them, instead of sleeping and waiting for them to call I would be p*$$ed off beyond belief (yes ladies and gentleman I said a swear word...dont' do it often but it happens). The only reason I gave in was out of concern for them...and me...Dad just started this job..if he loses it, I will lose them and I need the money too...lol.

Still, I'm thankful to God that they didn't come...J woke up at about 8:30 and I paid his sister to get up with him and watch a movie. My beloved and I slept in. We ate breakfast/lunch and hung out. Did some chores around the house. It's all been VERY laid back. Rather nice after the chaos of the week. J is now napping, my beloved is snoozing on the couch and C is studying for her science test she has Monday.

I think we might go into town and rent a video this afternoon after everyone wakes up. I think I might go nap while the boys are napping too..

Tomorrow is church and I'm looking forward to it. This is our last Sunday before we make the move to 2 services.

Not sure I've mentioned it on here but I sing on the Praise Team. I don't read music, don't do choir very well..though I've been in the choir also...but I enjoy praise team so much. We will be leading the songs at the 2nd service. I have some reservations about this change as well..because we tried this under our previous pastor with major issues...the issues are long and varied and don't have as much to do with going to 2 services as many think...sigh...I don't do conflict well...

Well, I'm going to sign off of here...I'll be in and out today but most of the rest of the day is family plans and tomorrow will be running...I tried to catch all my emails and blog comments up..but if I missed you...send me a shout...it wasn't intentional!

I'm thankful that it's a lazy Saturday...oh
but wait...for those of you who are living in warm climates...those of you who talked about turning on air conditioners and hearing mowers and going swimming......be advised...those of us who live in the midwest or even further north (God bless you) DON"T WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOUR NICE WEATHER!!!

lol, just had to give y'all a hard time...I so want warm weather!!!


March 2, 2007 at 4:39pm
March 2, 2007 at 4:39pm
March 2, 2007

Read the title carefully. Invoke much sarcasm. lol

Tonight, C starts basketball practice. Last year, basketball was finishing up at this time...this year..it's just starting. Now, I wouldn't have a problem with that but in about a month, softball practice will start. That will be the issue. Because we signed up for basketball to have a winter sport to play. Softball is our spring sport...One child can only be involved in so many activities..and with 4H and church...1 sport is enough. It is too late now ...the games will be on Sat mornings..but they better start quickly because softball is her primary sport..she LOVES softball. She's pretty good for 10. She's ok at basketball and it keeps her moving and helps her get her back into shape. I'm just aggrivated they are going to end up overlapping. I learned that lesson the hard way back in kindergaten...we did softball and soccer that spring...and I was pregnant with J...it was a mess. I'll stop ranting about this for now...lol..cross that bridge when I come to it I guess.

This afternoon I took J to the eye dr for his yearly check up. He had one a couple of years ago, then again last year. This year he has become far sighted. Too much so and it now needs to be corrected. He needs glasses. Considering the rest of us wear glasses this isn't surprising. He will be adorable, we picked out ones that he likes. The problem...oh don't you know? Haven't you guessed? THIS CHILD IS 4!!! He's a BOY. He is perpetual energy and motion. Wonder how many pairs of glasses he'll go through in a year? Especially when the eye dr says he has to wear them ALL THE TIME. -proof God has a sense of humor. LOL Seriously folks..my son is a good boy. He's lots of fun. But he's a tad bit ( pick up on the sarcasm people, come on) on the hyper side. I know he's 4...and he's a boy...but there are days I wonder...

Monday J has a clinic appt, Tuesday we go meet the new Dr.

I still might be babysitting Sat..I"m trying not to..I want to say no...but what I've said is...if you can't find anyone else I will...I don't want to babysit for 14 hrs on my day off...oh..did I not tell y'all about that?...the 3 kids I just took on..Mom has to work tomorrow...dad's new job wants him to work tomorrow...generally I dont' babysit on Sat's because it's a family day...time to unwind, reload and run if necessary.

Well, I need to sign off for now. We have to head out. I may do another entry when I get back..I have some other news to share....then again I may wait until tomorrow.

ignore the ..... .... through out...my brain is running in too many different directions.

I'm grateful that today I only had 2 kids most of the day!

blessings and hugs

PS....I know ccstring had stuff going on in his life....but it's been since the 19th that he blogged...y'all might throw some prayers his way!

hugs again

March 1, 2007 at 4:13pm
March 1, 2007 at 4:13pm
March 1, 2007

Today has gone better. I don't know if it's because I didn't have to run this morning or whether it's because I had some adult companionship today or all the love I got on here. *love*

Things are still a bit crazy...as a matter of fact I've added 2 year old twins to the mix...just for today. They are really very sweet and are pretty well behaved...their mom is a friend of mine and had a dr's appt this afternoon. She should be here shortly.

Because of the way things have gone the last few days-I haven't gotten my bible reading in and that doesn't help either. Tomorrow looks to have that possibility because I should only have 2 kids all day long...and it's Friday and there are no big plans this weekend. Thank YOU JESUS.

SO...at church on Wednesday nights we are studying a book called "Confronting the Controversies" We are discussing things like Prayer in Schools, Abortion, Homosexuality, Separation of Church and State, and....I do'nt know what else..I missed a couple of weeks and I don't have my book in front of me right now.

I'm not good with confrontation. Mind you, I will if necessary but I'd rather not. I don't like people mad at me, I don't like to feel like an idiot and I get frustrated when I can't get people to understand my point of view.

Now, I have definite opinions on much of the above listed. I will say my opinions have changed a bit since the start of this series...because last nights topic was Prayer in Schools..and as a Christian, I want my child to be able to pray..the study cleared up some things...like the fact that my child has the right to pray..which I knew but wasn't clear on..etc...and I guess I'm glad (no poison arrows please) that there isn't prayer led by teachers in public school..because..hang on a minute...let me explain myself...because when you allow religion in schools..and prayer in schools..that means that the establishment is teaching my child their beliefs...and not necessarily mine. It means that whatever religious choices and decisions a teacher has could be pushed on my child as gospel.... I'm not ok with that. C was in a private school for a couple of years (small town -not soo good public school-had issues and pulled..I'll rant on it all someday I'm sure) It was a church led, christian church led..but not my church's denomination...school. C got a good education, small environment and went to church. She studied the bible a bit and learned the bible stories we learned at our church. Then one day, she was singing a song...called "I have Decided to Follow Jesus" She loves to sing, and was just singing on the playground while singing. She was advised she could sing it at home, she could sing it in the car, she could sing it at her church..but she was under no circumstances to sing it there because it went away from their beliefs...they believe that Jesus chose us not us choosing to follow Jesus...now..I don't know what you believe personally...but I believe that God chose us along time ago..and that we still have to choose to follow Jesus..or we ain't goin to heavin..we have to accept Him choosing us..by choosing Him. I digress..that was a minor thing. I can teach her what webelieve. But when a young child is taught over and over conflicting beliefs it can be confusing.

Don't misunderstand...I went through 12 YEARS of parochial school..we won't go there right now...but I was raised going to church, praying before class,etc. In a wonderful world..I would love for my child to go to school and be taught academics, religion, morals, values. But in the world we live in, your morals and values may not be mine. Your religios convictions may not be mine..and I don't know that I want you, as a teacher or administrator, to be able to teach my child your religious beliefs..not as a fact. I think we all need to learn about other cultures and religious beliefs..even in a catholic school, my senior year, I took a class on world religions and philosophy. It was portrayed rather well I think and I have a great respect for others opinions and beliefs. THAT I learned at HOME.

I never thought I'd say it but I am glad that teacher led, made mandatory by a school, is not allowed in the public school system. I know some people believe that if prayer were allowed in school it would solve all our problems in teh schools. Personally...I think the church (All Christians) needs to be the church. We need to act like Christ and behave as Christ and raise our children to respect one another and themselves...There are a few more things I think we need to do to fix the problems..and prayer is one of them...but it doesnt' have to be over the loudspeaker to be effective in our childrens lives...the prayers we do in the morning before we leave, through out the day, at night..the prayers we teach them to say during the day..because they are guaranteed the right to pray at school..they just can't be forced to....the prayers we teach them to offer at any time..those are the prayers that will make a difference.

I'll step off my soapbox now. I look forward to hearing what you think!

I'm grateful for all my friends who hugged on me and told me they cared.

blessings and hugs all around
February 28, 2007 at 4:16pm
February 28, 2007 at 4:16pm
Feb 28, 2007

I am in a baaaaaaad mood. It hasn't been a bad day really, so I can't tell you why. It's been nonstop. Because I"m in a foul mood and don't know why we are going to discuss the events of my day..and if you see the reason I'm in a foul mood...please advise me of it...I may figure it out before I finish typing but that would depend on the sheer number of interruptions that occur.

I got up this morning at 6:10. Got my beloved into the shower, got C up and dressings and went to get J up. C and my beloved, her father, got into an arguement about the bathroom-she wants to dress in there...he wants to leave it free for anyone who might need it...they both copped attitudes and I had to mellow them both. I don't do arguing in the morning...I try to keep the morning running smoothly and without too many issues. Got J up and dressed and to the table for breakfast. Got C to get dressed and do her hair while my beloved was dressing. I packed his lunch, gave J his medicine and bundled the kids out the door to the bus stop. My beloved leaves at the same time.

After everyone left I came home and had intended to go back to bed. I was exhausted last night and really needed a couple hours more sleep...unfortunately the bills needed to paid. So I turned on the alarm, thinking that when I got done paying bills there would still be time to lay down.

Now, understand that I'm thrilled to have the money to pay our bills. We got our tax refund check back and it was ear marked to pay some bills..lots of bills..and for the most part, other than a couple of bills that haven't come in, even March's bills are paid. Some bills we'd gotten behind on are paid and that is a wonderful feeling. But there is a specific thing we are saving to for that we also have to set aside the money...and so we were still juggling and trying to figure things out (my beloved was on IM with me). I got frustrated trying to get things to even out. By the time it was all taken care of it was amost 10. I have to pick the boys up from the bus stop at 11(J and the one I babysit) -having to pick them up at the bus stop is another story and a very major issue for me right now...because they've been bringing them home.

Anyway, I had to get something to eat and call Ivy Tech to discuss admission and what all I need to do before I can register for classes. After that I jumped in the shower and headed to the bus stop. Picked the boys up at 11, went and paid the water bill, the phone bill, and went to the bank. Went to the grocery store and then picked up the new little girl I babysit from preschool (different from J's) and went to pay the insurance (car and house) and to the post office. The grocery store saved me a trip inside the post office by selling me stamps.

We came home, ate lunch and while I was fixing lunch, the Schwan man came..if you don't have access to Schwans I'm sorry...it's expensive but the ice cream is wonderful. The Schwan man is a friend from church so we visited while I ordered. Got the kids settled for quiet time and ate my lunch. I had exactly 25 min before J's headstart homebased teacher got here. The phone rang 4 times and 3 different people IM'd me.

His teacher came, I let J and S (new girl) get up..the other little boy I babysit fell asleep...she played with the kids..but I have to be involved...then sleeping boy's mom got here, took him and left. The teacher left as the big kids walked in the door.

I've done snack and they have started homework. The two little ones are playing in J's room. In 1 hour I have to start supper so I can feed the kids before we leave for church. IF C gets her chores done before we leave then I have to load the dishwasher and try to straighten the kitchen..if not I'll have to do it when I get home.

My beloved is meeting us there...when we get home he has to run payroll for the church. I"m not sure if or when I'll be back on this evening.

It's been a productive day. Not bad..just chaos and crazy...I should be grateful. Instead I want to cry and curl up in a ball...I wish I could run away and hide for 10 minutes and I'm starting to feel very overwhelmed about going back to school..though it's something I want desperately.

I know God is on my side. I know it will all be better and I just need to relax. I know all the platitudes and all the other BS that can be said. Why can't I just be smiling? I want to be. I know I"ve been blessed. I know we are fortunate. I know God has allowed us to walk through the fire and survive.

Trying hard not to wallow...trying harder not to cry

I can roll with just about anything but I don't do chaos very well....

I am grateful to have a place I can vent without repercussions.

February 27, 2007 at 3:36pm
February 27, 2007 at 3:36pm
Feb 27, 2007

On Sunday our Pastor gave a sermon on Luke 4-Jesus temptation by Satan. And my pastor made note, on more than one occasion during his sermon, that before Jesus healed anyone, before He did any miracles, the first thing He did...was say no. Satan offered Him all sorts of wonderful things..food for his hungery stomach-having been fasting for 40 days, power, fame, glory...But Jesus knew that while those things Satan was offering were going to lead Him down the wrong path and away from His fathers plan.

As a society, many of us have difficulty saying No..whether it be to a friend, to our children, to ourselves. We get in over our head financially because we want the "good things" in life. We get overcommited because we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or dont' want to refuse to help a cause we support. We want people to like us.

But this passage shows us that it is sometimes even more important to say no than it is to say yes. We need to be in prayer and in thought about our choices..making decisions because they are the right ones, the ones we believe God wants for us...and not just because it suits our feelings at the time.

In my house, we struggle with that alot. We have trouble saying no to what we want. We have trouble saying no to committments and commitees. And sometimes we say yes when we should say no and end up having do something we don't feel called to do and wish we had said no.

Sometimes the biggest favor we can do for ourselves is say no...and choose very carefully what we choose to say yes to. Jesus said no...

I'm still processing the sermon and my thoughts on it. I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

February 26, 2007 at 5:54pm
February 26, 2007 at 5:54pm
Feb 26,2007

Today I added 3 kids to my babysitting roster. 2 of them are schoolagers, the other is in preschool 3 days a week. I have had them before and they are good kids. Agewise they fit in well with what I already have (my own and the other 2 I watch). They all get along pretty well and the oldest is 12, which gives C someone to play with also. The biggest issue is dad is an over the road truck driver and mom works until at least 6...sometimes until 9pm and works an hour away. Which means I have them 4 nights a week until at least 7 (through supper) and sometimes until 10-which means I"m dealing with 5 kids during bed time and then have to get her kids up without waking mine up. Money wise it's worth it...stress wise, it's not always-and since they've been gone for a couple of months, we now have to break back into the rules and routines. Today has been nuts. Next week I am adding 1 more...He is 3 and they go to our church. He's a good kid...it's just that it's another new one to break into the rules ...money is worth it and he'll only be here for about 6 hrs..most of it in the morning when the others are at school. But...if things in my blog are on the stressful side or I disappear for a few days that is why. It's a good thing but will take some adjusting.

Today I filed the fafsa. I also applied to the local 2 year college. I'm planning on getting a 2 year liberal arts degree in English. I'm not sure what I will do with it after that..lol..though I'm hoping to transfer to the local 4 year college (semi local) after that and get into some kind of writing/journalism program...I'm kind of leaving all that in God's hands though....since I'm not quite sure what to do. My intention is to able to take full time courses online and still babysit. I can't afford not to babysit...but ....

Yesterday we went to church. The service was good...it was nice being back in fellowship after church being cancelled last week. The pastors sermon was also very good..has given me food for thought..which ultimately end up shared with you here..but there are too many distractions right now and my beloved has a quiz to take this evening.

I'm feeling rather disjointed right now...J is chattering at me about a book he wants to read to me...C is in her room cleaning and I have to get supper fixed. I"ll try to get around to everyone's blogs this evening, time permitting.

Give yourself a hug for me.

February 24, 2007 at 4:12pm
February 24, 2007 at 4:12pm
Feb 24, 2007

We will soon find out. LOL

You think I"m kidding? I'm not. In 25 minutes I have to be in town to pick up C from a birthday party. It's a 15 minute trip and will take me a couple of minutes to put my shoes on and load J into the van.

It's a pool party. Yes, I said a pool party in Feb. It's at a local hotel and she was SO VERY excited to go. I hope she had fun...she darn near drove me nuts the last couple of days talking about it...she went to this same little girl's party last year at the same place.

This morning we went to the Lenten Breakfast at church. Good food, lots of singing (never enough for me) and a brief message on Grace...My husband helped to cook-it's put on by the men of the church.

Then J went home with a friend from church...thanks a bunch John..John is a brave man, a single father with 3 kids who took my ornery 4 year old son home with him..because big sister was going somewhere and he wanted to go somewhere too...John couldn't stand the look in J's eyes and took pity on him...J had an awesome time and was a good boy.

My beloved, C, and I went to Walmart, did some shopping and grocery shopping. I got some new clothes....we've had a rough few years and I've not had much new...stuff is wearing out. Since we got the tax check yesterday we bought me some new clothes...my beloved is a sweet man!

This evening is dollar dish night at church. We take a dollar per child for childcare and a covered dish. The senior high youth watch the little kids, we eat together, then the grown ups play cards, laugh, and have a good time. I can't wait because we haven't done it in eons..with the holidays and such.

I'm out of time..not bad for 6 minutes...lol..good thing I type fast..

blessings to you all

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