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Musings from my mind |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I'd kept a paper journal for years, so I thought I'd try this out and see how it works. I must say, I'm rather liking it!! Here's some background stuff. I'm in my 40's, doing the single mom thing with a 10 yo son. My son has ADHD, ODD and was also diagnosed with high functioning autism. He can be a challenge, but he can also be pure joy. This is my safe place. I come here to vent my frustrations, celebrate my victories, share a recipe or two and make new friends. I like it here. I hope you do too. Thanks for stopping by, Curls |
| A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked Man, she is one fine looking woman!" The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!" At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders, looks him square in the eyes and says................... "Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk!!! |
| It's a beautiful day. I'm happy to report that I'm back to a place of peace and serenity. I think we all "drop our basket" from time to time, and it took me a couple of days to get all the contents back where they belong. I've learned a lot about me, a lot about another, and even more about the power of love. I've learned that if someone has the potential to bring out the worst in you, that they also have the potential to bring out the best in you too. When two people make the conscious choice to bring out the best rather than the worst in the other, that right there is one of the truest forms of love. I pray that kind of love will always prevail. Thanks for stopping by, Curls |
| Hi everyone! Just a short note to say that I'm doing ok. I'm dealing with some very personal things right now and my focus has been wrapped around that. I miss reading all my favorite blogs and hopefully when the dust settles some, I'll be able to get back into them all again. I miss interacting with all of you so much, and ask ya'll grant me patience and grace for a little while longer. Thanks for understanding. Curls |
| Hi everyone! A big THANK YOU and a boatload of hugs to all who responded, and sent good wishes my way. I'm doing much better now. I'm coming to terms with what may lie ahead of me medically. Yes, I was shocked. No, I didn't expect it. However it is what it is and I will deal with it the same way that I've dealt with every other challenge that has come my way. First, I took time to process the situation. I allowed myself to cry, to cuss and be angry, to be in denial, to bargain, and to finally allow acceptance to come. Simply put, I gave myself a mental health time-out. Second, is to formulate a plan. Plans are my security. I don't like surprises or unexpected occurrances. Sure, this life does have a way of doing that to all of us from time to time, but that's what makes planning so important. Isn't that why we have health insurance, 401K, living wills and life insurance policies? Having a plan in place for the unexpected sure makes dealing with the unexpected much more tolerable. No, a person can plan for everything, and trying to think of every hypothetical "what if" doesn't create peace, but induces anxiety and paranoia. Everything in moderation, nothing in excess. So, I decided to start making a list in order to make my plan. What decisions do I have to make now? When will I be faced with making decisions in the future? What will I need to do now to prepare? What will I need to do in the future to prepare and when do I need to do it? What are my resources? I realized that I don't need to make any big decisions now. I informed my family and those that I love so that they can begin now to pray and to offer encouragement and support. If I do have to have another surgery, I'd prefer to put it off until November or December if possible. That would give me additional time to save up some sick time. What I can do now, is begin working a little extra here and there to build up some comp time. I'm coming in to work at 7:30, taking 30 minute lunches and working until 5:30. That earns me an additional 1.5 hours per day. I can do this for the month of June because Joe's with his dad. I'll have to wait and see how much extra time I can acrue in July. That's about all I can do now. Next, is to have my appointment with the 2nd opinion doc. I want to hear what he says. If he agrees that I need an additional surgery, I can find out what kind of urgency we are looking at to get this done. If they take the graft from my hip, will it be inpatient or outpatient? I'd much prefer it to be outpatient. After that, would be to plan for the surgery. Set the date Arrange child care, help for Joe Arrange help for me, transportation, cooking, cleaning, etc. Plan financially to be out of work. Plan work load to be out of work. Even though I still have more questions than I have answers right now, just having the steps outlined in making this plan gives me great comfort. It doesn't all have to be done in one day. I can do what I need to do today, and let tomorrow worry about itself for right now. I'm whispering the Serenity Prayer when I need to in order to help keep me focused and not get distracted by the "what if's". So, that's how I'm doing. When ya really think about it, I'm not doing too badly at all. Sure, I have some challenges, but I'm facing them and I'm not scared. I'm taking care of me, and doing what I need to do. I've got more than enough on my plate to say grace over, but I also have many many reasons to be thankful. This won't defeat me. I may get knocked down on occasion, but I'm not gonna stay there. Give me a chance to catch my breath and regroup, and I'll be back up to fight another day. Watch me, you'll see.  My quote for today is: The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing!!! Thanks for stopping by, Curls |
| I just got back from my appt with my hand surgeon. Last week I had a CAT scan done because it was hard for my surgeon to see by the xrays if the bone was healing under the hardware that was put in. I have had very little pain lately and have slowly been working to regain the mobility and strength in my arm. I truly thought things were going well and expected to be told that everything was fine and to come back in 4 months for a final check before being discharged as his patient. That didn’t happen and I’m in shock right now. Let me begin by saying that my hand surgeon is among the best in the area. In all of my past 15 surgeries, he never has done a procedure that wasn’t totally necessary. He doesn’t load me up with medications I don’t need or schedule multiple tests just to jack up the insurance company. I have an HMO for insurance, and they can be very hard to please and require lots of documentation before approving surgical procedures. There’s a boatload of surgeons out there whose only desire is to milk their patients for insurance money. This guy isn’t like that. He’s one of the best. The CAT scan results show that the hardware that was used in February is stable and not moving, and my body is not rejecting it like it did with the hardware that was used in my surgery last November. Unfortunately, the scan also showed that the bone is NOT healing, and is NOT growing. My surgeon believes that I need to have ANOTHER bone graft. This would be surgery #16!!!! He could tell that I was totally unprepared for this. He wants me to go see another surgeon, one he considers to be THE BEST in the field, and one who only takes “difficult” cases. They’ll schedule that appt in a couple weeks. I explained to my surgeon that due to my son’s condition as well as all the other surgeries I’ve had that I have depleted my leave time and the time I had to miss work for last procedure was done with leave without pay. I’m just now getting current on my living expenses from that. I explained that there is no way that I can take more time off right now. As a single parent, I am the only person I can count on. I don’t have or want a sugar daddy. I want to rely on ME. I just need an opportunity to build up some leave time. He acknowledged that and said that he first wanted me to see this other specialist, and then we can go from there. We may be able to wait until the fall to do this, which would be great. The risk is that the hardware will eventually loosen and my body will begin to reject it as well, causing the openings where the screws are in the bone to hollow out resulting in even more problems. I’m really not handling this well right now. I went to work, and met with my boss. I broke down and started crying while explaining what was happening. She was so wonderful to me. She said that we would find a way to work it out. She could tell that I was in no way, shape or form, able to deal with my clients today. She gave me the day off and told me to go and take care of me today. I appreciated that so much. I needed to go home, and cry, and write about it in order to try to get my head around this. I really thought that my days of surgery were finally over, and that I could begin to live my life again fully and not measured by the intervals between doctor appointments. I’m so bummed about this. I was NOT expecting to hear this. There have been other times, when I have been in so much pain, and went to see him, well prepared to hear I needed another procedure done. The news then came almost as a relief to know that the suffering would end soon. I was ready to have the needed procedure done. This, however is totally a kick in the gut. I’m feeling better than I’ve felt in a long time. I expected good news. I didn’t expect to hear that I wasn’t healing and needed more surgery. Ok, I know I’m rambling a bit here, and I apologize. I’m just trying to absorb and process this. I’m gonna try to stop crying, and do some mind numbing things around the house and goof off on the internet for the rest of the day. I could sure use a few hugs if ya’ll got any extra ones hanging around for someone who is having a “moment.” I’ll be ok, I will. I have to be. I just need some time to be in shock. Thanks for stopping by, Curls |
| Bill France Jr. passed away today. It makes me sad. He contributed so much time, love and passion to the world of Nascar, and had a vital part in making the sport what it is today. I hurt for the France family and for the entire Nascar community. I ask all who are inclined to do so, to whisper a prayer, light a candle, or just pause a moment to remember this wonderful person. Curls |
| It rained yesterday!!! Thank you Tropical Storm Barry. We sure needed the rain so bad. It was wonderful to wake up to the sound of the pitter patter on the roof. It was a soft gentle rain that I love so much. There was no thunder, no lightning. It put me in a peaceful, reflective mood. I ran some errands, and then decided to go to the large home improvement store in town to check out the male population there. I know, it sounds cheesy. Do I care? Not really. It don't hurt to look. I got a few nice smiles, so that made me happy. I eventually decided I needed to buy something instead of pushing an empty cart around. I didn't want staff there to think I was trying to steal stuff. LOL I ended up getting a couple flats of petunias and some birdfeed. A while ago, my son and I planted some wild flower seeds around the trunk of a tree in my yard. They never took root. Every time I went out to water, my son would ask if I watered "his" flowers. So, since he's gone for the entire month, I thought I'd pull a fast one on him. I planted the petunias in the same place where we had planted the seeds that never took. When he gets back in July, he'll see them and think he planted them!!! I can't wait to see the look on his face!!! Today, I'm starting to do a deep clean in Joe's room. It's hard to do that when he's here, because he's such a packrat, and wants to save EVERYTHING!!! So, I've got a trash bag in his room and am purging the things he doesn't need or use. I'm hoping I can find the mates to the socks in the sock bag in my laundry room. This is the prelim to shampooing the carpet in his room. I have to FIND the carpet before I can shampoo it. Other than doing that, I'll watch the Nascar race on tv, and read some. I also went to the library yesterday and checked out some more cheesy romance novels. Since I don't have any romance in my life now, I can live vicariously through the romance novels. It's pretty pathetic, I know. It's a cryin shame that someone as wonderful as me doesn't have a "special someone" in their life. I know exactly what I want, and have no intention of settling for less than that. Maybe one day it will happen, but I'm not gonna pitch a tent on my pity pot about it. I'm thinking about doing some volunteer work of some sort. Hopefully my hand issues will settle down so that I will be able to. For now, I'm gonna work on getting my house deep cleaned. That will keep me busy for a day or two. After that, who knows? Maybe the universe will point me in the direction I need to go. I guess that's about all for today. I hope all who read this is doing well and is at peace. Thanks for stopping by, Curls |
| This morning I took Joe to school and said goodbye to him for a month. My mother's heart wants to cry, but I'm much too busy to allow myself that luxury. I'm sure gonna miss that little stinker. Speaking of stinkers, a friend sent me an email with this in it. It was pretty funny and I thought I'd share it with ya'll. THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD I HOPE THIS MAKES YOU LAUGH... THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD Well, it's s*** ... that's right, s***! s*** may just be the most functional word in the English language. You can smoke s***, buy s***, sell s***, lose s***, find s***, forget s***, and tell others to eat s***. Some people know their s***, while others can't tell the difference between s*** and shineola. There are lucky s***s, dumb s***s, and crazy s***s. There is bull s***, horse s***, and chicken s***. You can throw s***, sling s***, catch s***, shoot the s***, or duck when the s*** hits the fan. You can give a s*** or serve s*** on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep s*** or be happier than a pig in s***. Some days are colder than s***, some days are hotter than s***, and some days are just plain s***ty. Some music sounds like s***, things can look like s***, and there are times when you feel like s***. You can have too much s***, not enough s***, the right s***, the wrong s*** or a lot of weird s***. You can carry s***, have a mountain of s***, or find yourself up s*** creek without a paddle. Sometimes everything you touch turns to s*** and other times you fall in a bucket of s*** and come out smelling like a rose. When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language. And remember, once you know your s***, you don't need to know anything else!! You could pass this along, if you give a s***; or not do so if you don't give a s***! Well, s***, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a s*** and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of s***. But, if you happened to catch a load of s*** from some s***-head........... Well, s*** Happens!!! Thanks for stopping by, Curls |
| Joe's not sick at all, thank God. He paid the price for being disobedient. Hopefully he's learned that when Mom gives him limitations that she's not doing it to be mean, but to protect him from what can harm him. What happened? Well, I'm glad you asked. After a couple hours of belly pain, he told me the truth. Before I had went to bed on Sunday night, he was thirsty. So I gave him 1/2 a glass of caffeine free coke. I told him if he was still thirsty after that, he needed to drink water. Seems he "forgot" that I told him that, and helped himself to more coke, which ended up upsetting his tummy. Kids! Gotta love 'em. We ended up having a talk later on about how all things are good in moderation but nothing is good in excess. Too much coke makes your belly hurt. Too much PS2 makes your head hurt, and even sun burns if you get too much. Lesson learned....I hope. He recovered later, and we ended up going to my friend's place anyway. He had a lot of fun there, and so did I. It's really nice to have good people around to have good conversations with. I'm thankful for that. Today was the field trip. It was hot outside, but a nice breeze was blowing. When I got home, I took a long nap. Being outside just takes my energy away and wears me out. It was a good nap. I could have slept a couple more hours but I forced myself to get up so that I'll be able to sleep good tonight. Maybe later I'll get back on and add some more pics to my port of Joe in karate class testing for his orange belt. I'm just not awake enough to do it now. So, for now I'll drink some coffe and try to wake up more before taking Joe to karate tonite. Thanks for coming by, Curls |
| It's 5:30 am, and I'm awake. I've been up since 4:15 am. No, it wasn't to go fishing or to do the other F word. Those are the only two good reasons to get up this early on a holiday. Joe woke up crying with a stomach ache. I went to him to give him some momma-love. 3 seconds after he sat up in bed the vomiting began. Oh lovely!!! I got him cleaned up and put him in my bed since it's closest to the bathroom. So, I've scrubbed the floors and decided since I was up I may as well make some coffee. We're supposed to go to a friend's place today, but we'll just have to wait and see. Joe was complaining of belly pain and chills. I finally broke down and gave him 1/2 of a phenergan since I had no pepto in the house and even if I had, he probably wouldn't have taken it. I really hope that this is just a fluke and isn't a stomach flu. Joe's got a field trip tomorrow that I'm supposed to chaperone. I know he'll be very disappointed if he's not able to make it. I've had a busy couple of days. Saturday I mowed. It took me a while to do because of my hands, not wanting to push myself too hard. I was pretty tired after and ended up going to bed at 8:30 pm. Yesterday I detailed my car. Washed, waxed, armour all'd, and cleaned windows. It looks sweet! Wore myself out doing that, so I went to bed early again. I guess it was a blessing in disquise seening that I was forced to get up this early this am. Maybe I'll be able to squeeze in a nap later today. I've been seriously thinking about renting a rug doctor to clean my carpets. I guess the decision has now been made for me.......lol Ok, it's 6 am now and what am I gonna do? I guess I'll catch up on some blogs then maybe I'll finish up laundry and tackle that mountain of ironing waiting for me. Ah, what a glamorous life I lead......... My quote for today is: The most important work we will ever do takes place within our own home. Have a wonderful day all, and remember to be thankful for what you got and the price others have paid for you to get it. God bless you and God bless America. Curls |
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