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 |   All that remains: here in my afterlife as a 'mainstream' blogger, with what little I know. |
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The Idiotic Ideate?? Formerly: New Zenith To Hell…(all started with arc as writer here from the trials of Rising Stars to Preferred Author to WDC Quills Best Poetry Collection to the falling action I feel now that settles in a white case.) Got to hustle to preserve the best of me before fully fading on that virtual horizon glowing more brilliant with each passing day to permanent nuclear winter. if people don’t get it, I don’t need to explain it. We kill all that’s beautiful before we question it’s purpose. So many people find it easier to think in the black and the white. God forbid you get lost straying in the gray. "Whoever fights monsters should see to it…he does not become a monster.” I’ve been to the abyss and back. Not so bad. The loneliest happy person you'd ever meet, when not the saddest person who needs to be alone. In an ever-changing world, we need to handle topics at the ready. If you roll over and give in to the narrative without lending a voice of your own, you might as well hand over your civil liberties. We have voices that should connect to true conscience and spirit for honest and open discourse. Why feel so redacted? Unify on issues and put drama aside. Open minds require complete objectivity. If none need apply, question the unbendable sources for answer. If you knee-jerk react to every issue lurking out there that clutches your neck, you fall victim to your own ignorance born from a life of apathy (no doubt) in pathetic cries of injustice. Just writing what I feel without the narrative-altering mind f---ing with my head. [MY Chorus] In your house, I long to be Room by room, patiently I'll wait for you there, like a stone I'll wait for you there, alone "It amazed me how truth was often suffocated in minutes, but lies were given sufficient air to breathe indefinitely." "You are all better than you think you are, you are just designed not to believe it when you hear it from yourself." ![Merit Badge in Second Time Around Contest
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Congratulations on winning the Grand Overall Prize in [Link To Item #2164876] with your beautiful poem, [Link to Book Entry #933358]. This poem really moved me. Great writing!
Rachel *^*Heartv*^*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Second_Time_Around_Contest-2164963_14.gif)    "...lasting art is never anything more than a mathematical expression of the relations that exist between the internal and the external, the self [le moi] and the world." -Jean Metzinger I'm in love with carefully chosen words, arranged just so, audible, edible, to inhale. I attempt to post new poems and epiphanies daily with some links to what inspires. I am legally blind with a rare, genetic form of glaucoma. I'm described as "end stage" after two successful surgeries, still subject to further vision loss. Cataracts complicating matters. Writing Can get strenuous but seldom deters what yearns to emerge, despite a documented history of depression and recently diagnosed ADHD and undefinable social disorders and/or PTSD. My recent poetry:
Sometimes epiphanies about my insights on writing and life and what goes on... Making sense of life is maddening. Why do I need to know, when truth may not actually exist? Learning to accept would be a better pursuit? Flailing about in my own mediocrity, hoping to bust out. I am visible. You can put a face with a name. I would like to see other writers, too. Fiction is what you write, not who you are. Reinventing myself. I couldn't continue on the path I was on and needed a fresh start. This time around I want to put the focus on writing and the world outside of this community as it affects my life. I realize now that I have been baring my chest a bit more, as when young. fake me much more boring and unliberated than the real me. A world arriving as silent as that blossom in your garden that I told you about... |
| Well this is surreal. Wife exposed on late shift to Covid19 admitting patient today. A person she identified as a co-worker was the passenger in car that pulled up to emergency center. Jen is covering there, because no elective surgery for a trained tech. The woman was getting out, started passing out and threw up on ground, missing my wife. Jen didn't have an n95. Even if she had, it wouldn't correctly fit her face. She's tried in past. They were not prepared for this arrival. People are supposed to call ahead before being seen, or arrive by ambulance. Wife and a nurse were exposed, lacking proper garb for such an extreme case. She's home now. I worked into night to get her bunker ready. A shower curtain separates us on the lower house level. Jen gets a mattress on floor with dresser, small fridge, adjacent bathroom and access to garage. We figured 14 days for the girl in the plastic box-room. My daughter who needs mom most nights is being angsty, where I'm offering comfort. They are constantly thick as thieves. It will be an adjustment...for all. She can't get tested, even as hospital employee. You get sent home until your symptoms are bad. Let's pray that doesn't happen. 🙏 |
Pulled a few oldies from the mothballs, brushed off, polished a bit. Sometimes, perspective informs a writer growing to decide where this journey is leading by rediscovering the past. Is it so unknowable?
written in my last year of college, forced through so many English courses on my way to earning my degree. even then, I was nostalgic for the past, whether I could grasp moments of time escaping to hold onto, much like a good film that you wish would never end. today we have binge-watching episodically like morons, still unsated. when does it stop? when will we accept our own mortality? it's never going to be as good as some shining, pearl vision perfectly captured on film. live it raw and rough and appreciate we cannot ascend to high ideals...and write the damn novel! that's just me yelling at myself. yell at your own self instead making me do it. 
I added a footnote to this old poem when I stored it today to my own files. I'm preparing to trim the bushes and hedges in this web place. Too many static items from the past that have no place here now. The above poem was written in my early 20s. That much I can tell you. My mastery of the English language was better than the people I was hanging out with, before I went to college...finally. And, I got smarter. Not that anyone's looking in at my blog posts, or even commenting, but I won't overwhelm with links for the time being. I'm in a different place after this past year, showing me that we got to wind this thing down. I'm not a good fit for this community. |
| Let me just say, I'm learning Coronavirus is making a lot of people crazy. It's understandable to run with emotions over testing/reporting and health care concerns, as I wrote to someone dealing with an inadequate medical provider: "That's quite an ordeal. Glad you're both doing better. My wife screens people here in Green Bay for the virus. She's had her concerns about her own exposure to patients eventually testing positive. She's calmer now, too. You're a great mom. I think the medical community starting with World Health Organization down to leaders on every level are taking their lumps now and well into the future for not being prepared for this. Experts are saying stay calm. Flattening the curve is about not overwhelming the health care system, because they need to prioritize care now. Hopefully, you'll continue to get better. Your body's immune system is key. That hospital could inflict more damage than good going to those ventilators, if they have enough for critical patients. If you can self-manage, you'll have a better chance getting through this. They only want to take you, if you cannot sustain yourself. Results in areas like yours can take a week, because they don't have their own testing facilities. I'll pray for you and your community. Hopefully, the best medicine is just being at home. Keep yourself entertained. Three more weeks? We can do this. We can laugh, this is our trial run for the apocalypse. Laugh. Cry, too. It's all good for you. And, write more. It helps with critical thinking and keeping our wits about us, at times when our brain wants to go into these fight or flight modes. It's normal. Best Love..." All we can do is support one another, learn as we go as is the medical community. My wife introduced me to this guy. He might have a handle on how to cope and reflect on the situation we're in... https://www.facebook.com/ZDoggMD/videos/237602127604975/ |
Wow! I won a Quill for this while looking the other way, nominated Best Psychology.![Merit Badge in Quill Award
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Congratulations on winning the 2020 Quill Award for Best Psychology for [Link to Book Entry #980764]. *^*Delight*^* For more information, see [Link To Item #quills] .](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Quill_Award-1375927_6.gif) Come Again? Red cloth wiping SAE grades Perpetually from thick hands, Your crude-smudged jumper frayed By snagging obstacles -- Worn by the pavement Where laid, body splayed. Your eyes dense contemplate Formings of my mouth -- Reconstruct the words Orally displayed, converted From a restricted vocabulary With a particular set of functions Into empty lines, rig up -- Hoist sentences on a mental rack, Assembling those lines into Ideas I have portrayed. Mindless hands washed of Remaining grime, In a bath of reusable gasoline, Dispensed by your creased leather From the steel pedal. Back turned to the wordsmith Who hears your silence In the dim garage Where repairs are made, I understand a life with hands Laboring to link universal parts. I’m a Ford retrofitted from parts With metrical measurements. Disengage the transmission, As you ready your mind To talk to me in words I must comprehend. Checks not accepted, My Visa will be okay. 4.12.20 I told Sherri Gibson once I wanted to write poetry metaphorically linked with my love of cars. I never did because she said she didn’t think she would enjoy it. Need to consider Convert/retrofit, central to theme. GLOSSARY (Not that I need to): SAE - typification of oil Jumper - one piece mechanic attire 'Rig up,' 'hoist,' 'rack' - Mechanical car lift at garage 'Universal' - parts that are used in everything 'Retrofit' - replacement parts adapted to fit for function Other Nominations:   Best Educational Best Philosophy |
| Poem 1 Not A Child Anymore I heard you and dad whispering my eulogy today. Poem 2 World on fire As air fuels me In my forest Burning desire Hidden in wood Lungs enflamed As it's inhaled Clots this blood Alone consumed No visions I see For you and me World on fire |
Slow Burn (Poetry Response) Beautiful is best, stash your cigarettes And down your unfinished drinks And get your work done by five If you plan it right Beat the rush home for dinner Where another cold case waits The kids are arguing loud again She's on you about more than trash -- This time slowly elapsing -- Until medication rushes down with Bitter cola and frozen cubes unclenched The TV softly washes your dry, Pale face, slow-learning in recline (Comforted by a burdened chair) In the small area inside your domain Where reality slowly creeps in. |
| I’ll Get The Axe Your mirror is at the bottom of the lake — a muddy, piranha infested hole in earth you can plumb, drain, kill all life, so you can visualize perfection, actualized in an empty body. Your beauty shelters at the top of these trees inside your forest... I’ll get the axe. |
| Injustice is how you ignore true self, politely obeying a righteous cull We, the crusaders (denied downtrodden), ignorant social justice warriors, step over the suffering to get at other ailing, more downtrodden, like us, to lift up -- until we see their faces like mirrors, broken but somewhere inside hide -- imagine we piece together, realize in this process -- different -- hold the broken parts like our DNA near our hearts. Does it actualize? Without acknowledging what we fail reconstruct, pieces of ourself we spared to fix one day, lost in the fray as crusaders who fight for the rights of the downtrodden just like us; but, can't get back, won’t fight for the broken pieces, mirrors of our souls to reconstruct. I think we are all broken in some way, but it’s easier to do for others than for ourselves. as in this process of heroism, it feels like self-healing. Take time for you, too. Supermen are fiction. Vulnerability and fallibility are linked to your humanness. |
| It's too early for I told you so. Let's get past this week... https://apple.news/AEeJso10-TYy0710gM1t1mQ When called upon, corporations all the way down to the littlest people are supporting our country...because it is great. |
| It's not uncommon for us to always say we'll get to it later… ...The novel. And during this pandemic that has affected the entire world, like our English speaking portion of it, it would behoove us to spend our extra time while in captivity crafting that elusive beast into existence. Should have struck while the iron was hot, although I don't think it would've done any good because I would've reached this moment… ...The virus invades our life in our sweet little cubby of a home, on a cul-de-sac in the suburb of a semi-rural town in northern Wisconsin. No, none of us that we know of have been infected by COVID-19. But, right now I am preparing a bunker for my wife who is on the front lines checking people in at the hospital who suspect their symptoms might lead to a positive diagnosis of the disease. Right now, she needs reassurances from me that I will be ready to step up for her at the helm of this family to make sure things go smoothly, should she be infected by this disease. We've had some candid conversations about it since she started taking shifts again last week at her hospital. She fulfills an obligation to cover her hours, since elective surgery doctors cannot operate right. It never got more real for her, until three days ago, when the hospital chaplain arrived suffering from obvious symptoms. She had to approach his car and talk to him and get him off to nurses and staff who could situate him. She watched the Chaplain's wife drive away, after the couple had briefly talked and hugged. When she got home that night, it hit her. My seldom emotional wife Was choked up by the sudden realization -- it might have been the last encounter for those two. Two days later, he went into the ICU unit. What does this mean now for us? Well, after talking to Jen about the chances she might actually get coronavirus, her outcome doesn't look good. She wants to make sure she doesn't pass this on to the rest of us. Fortunately, we have a medical professional in the house who knows how to scrub and keep clean and safe and to avoid cross-contamination. She's not confident her hospital can adequately provide her protection, minus a PAPR mask. Her current mask that looks like a beekeeper hood in inadequate. She feels there is an 80% chance she will contract this. I have to be ready to step up. I am in the process of setting up a room in our lower level that's connected to a bathroom. I have to clean it out entirely, sort out, box up, and move stuff to other locations of our home or garage. I have to make it comfortable with a bed and other amenities, because this poor woman (who is on the front lines helping people through this crisis) might have to reside in a 10x10 secluded space by our back entry to garage. She will depend on a dreamer, the most ignorant and foolish person in the world to take care of her and our family if she should go down. I'm actually capable of this task, because when presented with a situation like this, I respond. My back is not against the wall yet, so I'm dragging my feet and sitting here writing this opus...for good reason. I'm trying to process how this is all going to play out, if I have to roll into action. Obstacles. Both of my kids have been spending a lot of time in distraction with video games, social media -- distracting themselves with things on the Internet. Unfortunately, they have not been focusing on their homework for his college or her high school. And, there has been some fluctuating stress in this house about that, especially concern from my wife. And me, dopey dad, with aww shucks mentality, because no one ever listens when he instructs, has to step up and be a leader -- in a situation where I've been diminished in my household by people who don't want my opinion. I don't have a voice... until I hear someone say what does dad think and look up and realize I should've been listening. Well, I'm ready now -- a chance to prove I can be depended on, to see me in a different light. I am actually a strong-willed person with drive, once given keys to take this thing out of park. Problem is, got a cab full of backseat drivers. Now I can shush them, let me do this. So, once I get over that mental mountain, I have to deal with the reality that my wife could be sitting at home with a disease with potential five percent mortality rate. Obviously, if it becomes bad, she won't be living in her house. But, she also doesn't fall into the range or age of people dealing with a fatal situation. So, mortality rate is going to be around 1%. What about me? I told her that if I get COVID-19, I am prepared. I don't feel my life is significant that it should be preserved, so willing to be on front line for her through this. She asked, what about your family? And I said they can get by without me. I'm more of an obstacle. It's morbid, I know. And the chances that either one of us will be greatly affected by this virus is yet unknown, doesn't feel like a real thing (for me) just yet. But, we're preparing. My greatest obstacle is educating my children about this concern and how they can step up themselves and contribute to the process, instead of being lumps in their own beds until after noon every day, without ever accomplishing the simplest of tasks. If they could just pull their own weight, they could ease tension of their parents to better focus or handle impending events likely to unfold. That basement is calling. It needs my attention. |
Review of "The Question Box"  For "Could President Donald Trump become a king?"  Hi, This was fun. Too bad. You know, it lines up. But, we would find a reason to go to war with anyone who might try to apply pressure on us to pay. And while our country may have lost favor with countries since President Trump, we are the world's protector. We are the mafia, yes! We put military installations in countries worried about their own defenses, and that speaks louder than money. Patriotism is what keeps us strong. China can't break us, even if they made this virus to weaken us. There are signs they are using the World Health Organization to cover up their shame. Things may be worse over there than they seem. Just ask Japan about their petition to remove the leader of WHO for propaganda campaign and misinformation that led to this messy nightmare we're in. Our great debt to China has been known for years. They had the last four years, since Trump bullied them, to reply. You think in an election year, it's the right time. I think they're scared of us. We'll call any bluff. Don't get worked up over one person's opinion. A conspiracy theory that is the stuff of fiction by someone wanting your attention is omitting a lot of other information to spin their own theory. I'm just basing it off your synopsis here. We have the ability as a free nation to collect information from many sources. Freedom of press. Yes, wealth rules the world. But, this is like a giant board game of Risk. Military is our strength. When we lose that, I'd worry. Until then, fire up the Keurig and binge watch any content you like. We are the Kings and Queens in the end. I would advise not to spread doomsday principals without giving balance to what you opine, because you would be no better than the Youtuber who scared himself with his own fiction. My advise, sleep with the light on, if it helps. I want to see that video. Could you link? Got to run now, cash in my investments Monday. Darn. I really wanted to buy Nike, Apple and Google stock, too. Got 10k burning a hole in my pocket. Capitalism. Am I right? Go figure. So, socialism was never a consideration? B |
| You might have been one of those people, who like me, questioned how our government can come up with a $2 trillion stimulus bill to help our nations economy. There is news now that this will more than double our deficit this year. “In 2013, when the country was still recovering from the Great Recession, (US Senator Mitch) McConnell told CBS News: ‘We now have a debt of $16.4 trillion. That's as big as our economy. That alone makes us look a lot like Greece. We have an incredible spending addiction.’” https://apple.news/AYT2FyPfSRtWozKofhpyuyA Meanwhile, the US stock market did surprisingly well today, despite reports of projected Coronavirus cases and deaths to come, and the impact on lives from having to stay home even longer. President Trump extended the stay at home order until the end of April. If you check that link there are additional stories about people extorting hospitals for money over a surplus of medical supplies. |
| Stay Clean— https://www.facebook.com/1175465270/posts/10219653531746919/?d=n You might get sick of hearing about the inevitable spread of the disease. Let's put in the perspective of a doctor in our area who shared today: "Humbling reality: The worse has not arrived yet. According to Professor Murray from the University of Washington, the peak of our local epidemic, ASSUMING WE CONTINUE WITH PHYSICAL DISTANCE MEASURES, will come on the third week of April. My friends, yes 3 more weeks....It seems by then we will have a statewide deficit of ICU beds. It will get really bad before it gets better. The good news: all this time, every hospital in our area has been taking measures to accommodate for the “surge” as best as we can. ...More somber news. The cases will not disappear overnight. We will be hearing of people passing away every week because of COVID 19 in our State well into summer, even if the epidemic is improving..." He adds, ”Our mortality (Northeast Wisconsin) is about 1.4%, a little bit better as compared to other areas. Having many patients very ill for a long time will impose a lot of stress on us, healthcare workers. Us in the healthcare field, we need to be prepared for busy months and we need to stay positive to develop resilience. Our community is here cheering for us 💚💛💚...” Just an FYI, since my wife and I have information coming from her hospital and caregivers we link to socially. Also, see NYTimes link for daily updates with country map of disease spread. You can see how bad it is especially in New York. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/us/coronavirus-us-cases.html |
| My doctor told me my glaucoma medication would make my eyes appear darker. Some recent photographs brought that evidence home to light. I've been taking this drug for well over ten years now. Since being post-op to save my eyes (going on thirty years), I've tried all kinds of meds to control the advance of the disease (my family is genetically predisposed). An additional prescription (for one eye only) I've been using for less time. Remarkably, it keeps my right eye blue. I've listened to my cousins from South Dakota say they don't put stock in eye drops to control intraocular pressure. It doesn't do anything to stop the advance of this disease, according to them. My wife, who works in medicine, told me not to stop. But, that extra pressure-controlling drop has me wondering: if I put it in my other eye, will it even out the color of my orbs? I could run it by my doc and wife, but I could also lean toward what my cousins believe. This is vanity talking. I feel sorry for that other, lazy eye. I look in the mirror, it's hard to distinguish. When I look at a digital pic, it's easy to spot an iris turning black with time. Once, when I ran out of drops, I told my eye specialist I supplemented with the additional drug for my lone eye, until a prescription could be filled. He said I made an appropriate choice, without reservation. What harm to just cut back on one medication and increase another, making sure I don't run out of either before refill? Time and these photographs remind me I have more unwanted changes to my appearance coming. However, I think of my mother who suffered through Parkinson's disease. Her family fell on hard times, back where my cousins are from. Mom had worn shoes that left her feet deformed as a child, curling the balls and toes upward. She and her sisters shared shoes. They had little money for new. When I was her kid, I kept massaging those calcified dogs, promising to work them out until they we're normal again. What childhood had taught her was the ability to smile with a frown. Parkinson's took away what little muscle she had left to pull up the corners of her mouth, when it was time for family photographs. We worked with her and coached her. She really wanted those pictures to turn out right. Maybe, it was a hard life she didn't want to be reminded of, seeing images of a bedraggled-looking woman. She had one artificial eye, lost to a staph infection when I was ten. Yet, she had an indomitable spirit that nothing could break. One day we got it right. We were shooting with film back then, so conserving. A picture of her with her enormous stuffed animal collection came out with a real smile and one wild eye. It was a keeper for mom. Maybe, it's vanity for me. Maybe, it's reminding me I'm okay, seeing that other blue eye emerge. I could photoshop. I confess, it is difficult to figure out and gave up on the app years ago. It wouldn't hurt to preserve something, if not my vision as I advance into a dark, unknowable future. Or, I could just recall the indomitable spirit of a woman whose strength taught me to never cry in her presence. |
https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/art-books-music/a31955695/baby-rose-on-the-rise-interview/ This is "...a reminder to me to remember what the source is. For all of my happiness, for all of my fulfillment, ultimately comes from myself," she says. "And it's not a cute process. It's not pretty. It's not easy. This isn't gonna be the last time that my heart is broken in one way or another. And I kind of learned to embrace it because when things go left, it usually means some shit is about to go right." |
| That kid on the playground that tells you as it is is the one you bust in the mouth, rather than accept. And while you’re making one more enemy one more enemy one more enemy to your list, you could just stop and join (us) on the swings in your playground. Enjoy the sun going down then — the cold walk home, when you could have been sharing experience. You dawdle home late. Dad is waiting with a belt at your gate. Those kids don’t know why you hate, return to school in an eternal daze — a child who could not relate. And the first kid to step up to you can swallow a fistful of clenched sand, as you negotiate as you navigate as you retaliate. The swings are where I isolate, long after the bell rings, because I’d rather freeze in the dark, alone than go home. "Invalid Item" |
| My walls are six feet to infinity. You call, I don't see you — Just whispers pleading near Carbon-points in your light forest. My walls are thick, invisible, Seemingly transparent. I glimpse you elegantly Prance, spread your flowers. Glimmers of daisies bright Bathe their feet — distanced From your ceremonial glee, Apartheid for dour me. In my cavern segregated, Your social leper peers From morass to daily sunrises Never dawning on me. Social distancing now Is no different than before, Tagged a hobbit seeking Some precious-like offering. A frog learns your language, Kissed upon green cheek — Beautiful like a prince, preens in fashioned garb. In my quarantine eternal, I am the walls — Post signs in your woods So fair maidens giggle, move on. I'm unknowable in shadows; But I hear voices pleading, Like I'm a child lost In our game of hide and seek. You won't look for me, Marco -- Polo -- "Invalid Item" |
| Vulnerable, yes When it comes to you With sunset daring my blue eyes I don’t blink View you solid Like the obstacle drawing me To its billion degree fire Strength, yes Restrained in my solid form Daring me clench you Spin together in this dying shine See how I live Close enough to hear me breathe Breathlessly your name Squeeze these granite arms yielding To your tender form Mix with my man’s musk Inhale our essence intertwined Before light separates My black from your glowing Inspired more passionately, deeply, I lean into you, sway To our heart's unifying rhythm.  |
| My embers stir, Before your dry timber portioned Placed on my Phoenix landing. I could never die With coaxing of gentle breezes -- The division of my black remains Spread out by your probing, plead 'Don't stop inhaling,' As dry grasses fall From your tender hand. I devour, acquiesce. I dream, convalesce In this circle of stone containment. My keeper returns when he's cold, Speaks to me, Divining new life Each night under the stars, Under the staggering pines Glowing as they lean to view. Before I sleep, I yearn, Claiming all tinder on my way up -- Reach heaven in a smolder, Join a constellation one night Where you might view me Warmly, eternally. This will need attention to language and more later. Just thinking of the mortality of myself within this great nation. |
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In the Falkland Islands, internet is very limited and very expensive. The place I'm currently staying only lets me use it in the middle of the night, so when I have to get up at 3 am to check my texts (no cell service to the US here unless I'm on the internet) or WdC, I don't do nearly as much as I used to. 
I currently have 2 very long emails I still need to get to from several days ago. Anyway, I miss everyone, but I also miss sleep, so there's that. 
Have you spoken to the doctor about your vision problems lately? I know there are special glasses for it because I have to wear them to read much ever since the brain injury. It's part of why I now only listen to audiobooks instead of reading regular books. It took 8 years for anyone to diagnose it because I have a brain injury and while one might think it would be obvious to me that I see double, it wasn't. Partly, my brain does a fair job of compensating. But also, partly, you use your brain to realize and understand that the 2 images you constantly see are double vision and something you should mention to your eye doctor. Since my brain was damaged, even basic things like that can escape me. 
I never once thought to mention it, even with annual eye exams in the Army and an exam every 2 years at the VA. Though, in my defense, since it happens in something like 41% of people with a brain injury, it should have been discovered by an eye doctor much sooner. 
I know doing that activity is a CRAP TON of work. But you made a difference in lives, not just his, but for all the people he's reviewed since. 
Well done! 
