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 |  Welcome to The Library. Randomness happens, Studyees. |
 I figured it was about time I started keeping track of silly thoughts or strange things I see from time to time. Sometimes it's vulgar. Sometimes it's sad. And even on some rare occasions, it's a riot!  I think a therapist would have a field day with this...oh wait...I already tried that, to no avail. I guess the rest is up to you. So feel free to stick your takes in The Drop-Off at any time, and don't hold back. Give it to me! Studyees, you get prime real estate in The Library, so make it count. Peace out NOW! 
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| Stoggers, a welcome Wednesday to you all. Hello, and what is up? Welcome to The Library, where the news is big and the egos are small. Today I have a major announcement, but I'm going to work you over and make you wait for it. Wait for it...wait for it...wait... I won't even bring up the whole fact that on Monday my dad and I got that table outta here. We went to my aunt's and she's givin' me the Italian eye when she asks "What's new?" with her giggle. Studyees, that look cracks me. Like my eye-rolling answer of "nothing" is gonna placate her. Besides, dad already blew my cover, obviously. So I may as well fess up. Aunt Caca asked me about the Bills game, I blushed, and in her infinite wisdom said "At least you're getting laid." Oh jeebus. I had to lay it all out for her; no big. Studyees, love your family, even if they have 4 big dogs that drive your eyeballs nutsac. Meanwhile, Nicole (love you!  ) is driving me nuts wanting details, and I'm feeling awkward giving them up to an ex who is also a best friend. After a bad day, which includes J's brakes making noise and needing replacement (good thing she didn't meet me at my aunt's like we wanted to, Stoggers), her washer leaking, and getting backed into by an old lady, I went to her place to chill with her and the kids. I loved it. She loved it. I offered to stop by and give her a hug. Throw us again in the penalty box, Stoggers, for the clutch-and-grab game. I really wanna illustrate last night and my visit to The Wall today Studyees, but it all boils down to this...I'm tired, but here's your major announcement... we are "Official". CWC and B are now boyfriend/girlfriend. Studyees, throw your Mountain Dews in the air like you're happy to have Dew. All the talk has become action, and all the action has been put into place. She moved me last night to a place that I haven't been in awhile... I wrote. I will post it soon. But I want to write a million poems with her as the focus, if I can't see her eyes a million times. The gorgeous quote today after I told her to front me Alex's soccer schedule? "  "Stoggers, I am officially official, so do not get any ideas. I am off the market. And pic-tori-ori-als shall be coming soon, I hope. If pic-camera can handle it. I share with you, my faithful Studyees. Get in to it and get involved, you Stogging Stoggers. Light me up and tell me I'm wrong, or peace me up and shut me down. This is the most random of entries ever, but it has a purpose. Studyees, I have won. I HAVE WON. |
| It's all but done. Hello and a wonderful Sunday to you all, Studyees. Hope your weekend was as stupendous as mine, and I'm going to get to it now. Saturday Jess decided she really needed to see me so she sent me a text saying she'd be over in 15 minutes so we could go shopping for snacks and stuff for our football date. Stoggers, if that made me feel like the luckiest man alive to be in that position given where I was on the other side of her counter 6 months ago, stayed tuned...after she paid for it all, it gets so much better. Sunday she tells me she's running late and I don't mind. She showed up right before halftime, and, well, screw pizza. We heard what turned out to be a great Bills win  . And Nicole, I was gentlemanly...but don't be disappointed that I gave in. Then we talked. A lot. Really got into each other. Our likes, our feelings, our lives...everything is very similar. Found out that the first time she saw me she thought I was the kind of guy she wanted. And now that I've been given the chance to do something with it Studyees, I'm not going to let her, or you fine individuals, down. The texts since she finally assembled herself and left have been incredible. She doesn't just want me in her life, but a part of her life. She wants long-term. But she also mentioned earlier that she needed some time, which is fully understood seeing that she has to make sure her ex-bf doesn't get all stalkeriffic on her. So ladies and gentlemen of The Library, I am officially in love. And she is...reading the fine print and knows the deal is imminent but just needs to be sure. We both know this isn't gonna be rushed...and- ALERT to longtime Studyees: after my dad and aunt come by with a truck to finally pick up that friggin' table that I've been trying to give him since March (and you can go look that up), we're likely going to have more quality alone time. Diesel, Stoggers. Diesel. Anyway y'all, she's wanting me to come over tonight, so I should get going incase she shows up because I think she blew up all my texts. Stay cool Stoggs, and goodnight NOW!  |
| Stoggers! A fine start to the weekend to you, and what is UP! I have a lot of material to work into the tiny box on the screen so I'mma hit it faster than daylight after an all-hours bender on a Carribean beach. I was going to call this entry "Fuck The Police", but I need to uphold my upstanding-citizen reputation in the community. And by "upstanding" I don't mean walking erect. And I will spare my fine Studyees the dick jokes. Except for one. I was seated. Anyway, big big B-I-G steps today with Jess. I'm talking flights of stairs big. After spending some time with her today at The Wall, she calls and asks if I would like to go to the mall (haha that rhymes!) with one of her sons and his friend (shit that don't rhyme). So I take a break from cleaning in preparation for her Sunday introduction to your Chief Librarian's master domain (again...spare me of the dick jokes Seinfeld fans, or you'll be kicked out ) to go with them to get her kid some school clothes. Alex is a nice kid. Cute with a great sense of humor. His friend Zack (no relation to Z.˚rz  ) is a fucking terrible little brainless a-hole bit much of a handful (please, again, keep the dick jokes away from that sentence, you filthy pervs out there) and tends to rub off the wrong way on Alex (don't even say I'm putting dick jokes into your, umm, heads).Alex and I bonded quick. He can be a nice boy when he wants. I let him try on my hat when we got to the mall parking lot because he said he liked it. And I was a gentleman, holding doors, engaging the kids, goofing around and generally being my sweet and sarcastic self. Did I mention we got there around 5pm? Some of the antics included tripping, pushing someone of a bench, wearing a cat ears headband and throwing a shoe. All commited by yours truly in the dope hat, Stoggers. Let it be known that I can't be taken anywhere .But that doesn't compare to letting the boys run like banshees through Kids' Pottery Barn while J and B (which doesn't stand for Jim and Beam, for the record) laid down on a display bed and cuddled for about 10 minutes. We tried hiding our affectashishness for each other because we didn't want to send Alex the wrong message, but by then they were already on to us. I know, the "Aww, cuuuute!" moment of the night up in The Library, right Studyees? Wrong. Well, maybe half-wrong, depending on your definition of "cute". As the mall closes (?!? Four and a half hours?? Yup. I did it. I manned up and toughed it out with two 13 year olds who should've gotten kicked out of the mall. Represent!) we get some Dairy Queen and I was spoonfeeding her the Blizzard we shared on the way to the car when she realized she should've bought one for her other son, so we stopped at the DQ by us and picked one up after I hatched the master plan. Library Nation, I went for the gold when she asked if I wanted to stop at DQ before she took me home. Without hesitation, I said, "You don't want it to melt, so why don't you drop the ice cream and the kids off first and then take me home?" Studyees, take your hands off your keyboards and throw them in the air like your eyes are on fire and yell JACKPOT! with me over her thinking that was the best idea ever. It got me invited in and I got to meet Josh, her other son, who I like also. The next "Aww, cuuuuute!" moment of the night came when she said she was gonna put some laundry in before she takes me home because she had to wash her son's jersey for his soccer game tomorrow. We go down in the basement, she starts loading the machine, and there's your hero, standing there after finding the jersey. It melted her. We get back to my place and pull up this time in a parking space right in front of my house, but because she wants to get home and we both need to get up early, leaves the lights on and the engine running. The first goodbye kiss was the gateway drug, Stoggers. The second one was monumental. And the third one finished just in time, having, uhhh, come to fruition and leaving her a breathless and turned-on beast. Two for clutching and grabbing, as they would say in hockey. And had the motherfuckin' 5-0 showed up ten minutes sooner, that's what he would've had on his hands. Some unneighborly "neighbor" called the cops to report a "suspicious vehicle". We're two-for-two on Fridays now with the pigs. And we're retiring with a 1.000 batting average. Next time it will be in a house, room, jail cell, whatever. And this cop was a dick (no joke). Ran both of our licenses and mine came up blemished. Damn you 2007, leave me alone! But my J was cool about it. And Studyees, if you see two people makin' out in a car down the street from you for like two hours, let it slide. If they've been there that long, it's neither a drug deal nor a plot to rob you. Get in the house finally after some awesome exchanges of words about the evening and each other in general (but no "L" word, because Nicole wrecked my shit for dropping it during a phone call I actually did answer...and hey Nicole, no worries...you did come up in conversation and you're all clear ), and I get some texts. "U r amazing" is the first, and all the rest are not suitable for the PG rating implied by The Library's standards, so Stoggers, use your imaginations. She did. Saturday should be interesting; Sunday even more so. And man I gotta catch some zzz's. Oh by the way, the man is 99.9% out of the picture. My lovely Studyees, after my cleanings-up tomorrow I plan on checking you out, if not before. Have your takes in The Drop-Off box and make 'em count. Til then, peace out and A GOODNIGHT NOW!! |
| Studyees, roll with me a bit. Hello! Another East Coast midnight What Is UP to you all, and a beautiful night in the 'Lo it is, even though temps are going to dip into the thirties and I'll forget to shut my windows before I go to sleep. I'll try to keep this brief and skip details Stoggers, but there are no guarantees. Lots of phone usage and admittances by a one-time guest in this blog. And if you want to be a guest here sometime, we'll work something out and have you in The Library for something informative. She misses me. She almost invited me to a function for her son today. She wanted to see me that bad but it's too soon for that. She's gushed to people about my presence in her life. Important people at that. She misses me. Studyees, unite! "Get single!" Who talks to someone this much? Is it me not being patient enough and feeling out her needs? She's been told bad things about her whatever-the-fuck he is, and been told good things about me, besides what she's heard from my sugar tounge. She's considered important things. I've told her I won't push her into anything. Her terms...she has more to worry about than me, my loyal Stoggers. I want to fall asleep and wake up on Sunday with plans intact and J and I in a 542 I can show off. But I have some work to do y'all if Sunday comes and we get a pizza and watch the game (her idea about the pizza). I made a mistake earlier. That stupid "L" word slipped out...like a bucket overflowed and I said "help!" but had it cleaned up beforehand and then other things came up. But she noticed it Stoggers. Fuck...no, motherfuck the "L" word. And no, I did NOT say "I Love You". But the "L" word was dropped by your hero. She almost dropped it though too. She misses me. Our friend Bert has made strides Studyees and she is taking strong notice. Have a take in The Drop-Off Box down below and if you show me your soft belly, I'll show ya mine you Stoggers. I need to go to sleep. I'll see you later. Goodnight NOW! miss u |
| Stoggers hello, and what is up? A beautiful after-midnight to you all and a quick hello before I start throwing bombs and getting terrorist on people. J cancelled on me and Studyees, before you resort back to throwing her under the bus, check me. The plan was to take the son to the hospital for tests, take him back to school, get me and go to an appointment. The hospital dicked her around a little bit and by the time she got out there was no time for your hero to be had with his heroine. What am I supposed to say? "Fuck you and your kid too?" Studyees, you know me better than that. So I spent some time making 542 more Jess and eventually kid friendly. When she finally called and sorted out details from the day, I was cool and Monk and I went to Arby's. Then I got another phone card. At Walgreens. Long story about the phone card but you Stoggers don't really need to be so privy to that. Her manager fronts on me with a smile and says she didn't recognize me without a hat on. Didn't even know she was talking to me. I smile, say thanks, and try to get the eff outta dee oh dee gee e-strogen. J texts me some funny (haha) shit and I text her that it's funny that me being in the store gets back to her when she isn't there. Turns out Studyees that the manager is her best friend.  Damn Stoggs... I missed that conversation.So after lots of texting, and a personal-info sharing phone call, my phone gave up and said "I have no time left for you to talk to her no more. Punk." Yeah that punked me hard. Ashton Kutcher has nothin' on me because he decided to replace my middle initial with an apostrophe, and I wont dignify that with a punctuation mark. The conversation...good. Her...good. Studyees, she worries that she may be scaring me away, but I won't let her. The rally cry from The Library has been too strong. I will just keep impressing her, by any jeans necessary. So donations of denim will be appreciated. As will your take be down in The Drop-Off Box. And a special welcome-back to an old favorite in The Library, Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm  ...You're a first-ballot hall of famer in The Library and it's always great to have you around. That's all I have for tonight Stoggers... peace and goodnight NOW! |
| A major milestone today, Stogger Nation. Hello and what is UP? Allow me a second to light a cigarette first before I ignite something else. Pardon me for another late-nite East Coast blast, Studyees, and for my poor manners. A healthy whatever day it is to you all and thanks for hitting up The Library...5000 times now. My hat is off to you all. x41Jess...went in there today and had substantial conversation. It started with her basically saying she is done with her crazy dude (just technicalities now) and ended with her asking "How bad do you want to kiss me?" and me changing the subject but going back later and telling her it was obvious what the answer was. She got called to the register so I grabbed her hand, gave it a squeeze and said "Call me later". We were both exhausted. We spent 7 minutes last night on a phone call neither of us recall, and I didn't make it back to sleep until 5 or 6am. And did she ever call me. 2+ hours worth of conversation. And Studyees, I don't like to sit on the phone for more than five minutes. [Brief aside to Nicole: Now that there is a woman in my life, I will not forget about you or anything like that. So don't think that. Please. You know I love and cherish our friendship.] We talked about a lot of things. I said something about maybe one day spending time with her kids, oh and her, because it's early in the game (and that's just weird). She gushed. "Either you know how to talk to women or you really speak from your heart, and I'm guessing it's the latter." Some assorted gems that came from my jaws, just for y'all: "If I knew how to talk to women, I wouldn't be single at 33." "You have Sunday off and want to watch football? I have Sunday off and planned on watching football. Saaaaaay, I have an idea. Let's watch football together."  (As I'm saying this, my Italian fingers are fingering quote marks while I wondered all aloudly if that was an "official" date.)"I'm gonna throw the word 'official' around a lot now, just so you know." "I think you fit perfectly next to my body." "I know a guy with a heated waterbed. In the winter you can skip the socks and he won't mind your feet on him." She says she would like that and asks me why I haven't set her up with him. "You know where he lives and you made out with him in front of his house." Check, and mate. Long story made longer, Studyees, is that she has told me tonight that I make her laugh, she loves being goofy and having fun with anything, and she can't wait to get to know me better. We have a date tomorrow...not really a date but it's her day off and she asked me if we could do something. She has stuff to do and I offered to accompany her. And Sunday is "official". We talked about so much, and we share a lot of similarities. So far. Views on life, kids, marriage, dating, religion, expression, family. Not getting too into things so fast. Not wanting her, me or her kids to get hurt. What I see in her. I made an "MTV Real World"- style confession and told her what I thought, without asking the same in return. She then said a few minutes later she would love to wake up in my arms. Wait...that's usually my line! I'm sure I'm leaving out lots of juicy tidbits, but I can't get it all down Studyees because it's almost 2:30am and I have a sweetie to rest up and prepare for. So, officially, have a good night, have a good take in The Drop-Off Box, and I think you sound sexy when you're sleepy. I also think you're prettier than cute. Cute fades with age; pretty stays forever (unless someone domes you with a sledgehammer). Goodnight NOW! |
| Hello, and what is up? If you're on the East Coast then a teriffic Tuesday, and for those of you elsewhere an outstanding Monday night. Studyees, it's been a long day so let me jump right into it and have a take in The Drop-Off Box down below. During yesterday's long-winded going-off about Friday night's adventures I mentioned that the lady upstairs, Diane, invited me up for dinner. It was great...she heaped goulash on a plate and I scarfed it down. I took the plate downstairs when I was full and saved the leftovers. Then spent a long time talking to Jess on the telephone during a windstorm, when I ran out of time on my phone. The last thing I told her was I bringing her lunch tomorrow. Fast-forward to tomorrow, which is now yesterday Studyees. I wake my happy ass up and put my plastic tub of leftover goulash in a bag with a cute little note that looks so juvenile in an envelope and march down to The Wall. Walked around and did not see this girl of my dreams. Got my paper, my Dew and a phone card and left. The building. The person that came up with the idea of putting store phone numbers on reciepts is genius, because I don't want to go in there and have my looking for her become a fiasco, and reading Rolling Stone for 20 minutes whenever I go in there and can't find her is bound to get problematic. So I called the store and told her I had her lunch and I was outside, and would come back in unless she'd be able to come out. Break time is turning into B-time, Stoggers. She comes outside and greets me with open arms and a healthy peck on the lips. She had a couple of smokes and we talked for a bit, not having a clue that there was a little note in the bag saying how much I've enjoyed getting to know her, look forward to more and that she has a good day. All she knows is she's got food. When it's time for her to go back in, I help her up and quickly get arms around me with more face time. Awesome, Studyees. Especially when you're not the one initiating it. Told her to call me when she gets home, because she had to stop at Target and pick up some stuff. As she's collecting carts and heading for the door, she turns to me as I'm heading through the lot and yells something I can't hear. I tap my ear and say "What?" and look over. "Did I ever mention how good-looking you are?"  "No, but that's up there someplace with how gorgeous I think you are." I fired that off really quick. The smile it produced was incredible.Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I get a text thanking me for the note and it made her smile. I said it was dorky, she joked around with it a bit and really Studyees, notes with a sticker of a purple smiley face are kinda dorky. Until you get a text from the female of your desires that reads "don't stop bein' you babe, don't stop". (Edited for grammatical content). My response? Hold on to your seats for the meat-and-potato grabbing I pulled off, Stogger Nation: "You be you, and I'll be me, and maybe soon we can be an us." Yeah. I said it. Laid it out. I've been fortunate enough to learn a few things from you kind folks the last few months. To which she replied "I like how that sounds!" Word. If I could only not have fallen asleep. She called me just after 10. I woke up at 12:30 and chanced it. And yes Studyees, she answered the phone (forgive me for still being excited over small victories). I was sorry for waking her up, but I'll make it up to her, and she was totally cool it seemed anyway. Things are going well. I just hope I didn't fuck them up by falling asleep and not hearing my phone, or calling her because I wanted to hear her voice. And now Studyees, I'm gonna check y'all out and try to figure out how to get back to sleep. Did I ever mention how good-looking you are? Peace out NOW! |
| It happened so fast, Stoggers. My blogging Studyees. It was diesel. Hello and what is up? A happy Sunday to you all and welcome to The Library. I gave a dollar to a homeless guy today but I'll cut the chase and show you what you want to hear. I'm sitting around 542, Studyees, after having good conversation at a place I like to refer to as "The Wall". She asks if I'll stick around, and if you have to ask "who" I will stick a post-it note on your dome and repeatedly whack it with the back of my hand. The situation at 542 includes Kenzie, Jake and Winkler. I don't hear from her for awhile. Then the text about taking her son to the hospital with a concussion comes through. Mr. Concussion over here lit it up, Stoggers. "Hope he's ok. Keep me posted." Her boy wanted to go home with dad, and now I want to annoint him a saint. Thank you Alex, for getting your head wrecked so your mom winds up calling me. "Smart Went Crazy" starts bumpin' out the T-Mobile handpiece I use for telecommunications. The caller-id pegs it as Jess the CWC. I cut the Pearl Jam off and told everyone to shut the eff you say can you see, kay, down, and answered with a pretty but questionable "Hello?" Studyees, I am not telling this story well, but you've been waiting for it, I could not wait to bring it, and there's more, so you'll have that. "Want to meet me for a bite to eat? Alex went to his dad's...he didn't wanna be with his mom." After many fist-bumps I cleared house, Studyees, to let kids be kids and grown fools be grown fools. I walked in to the restaurant and the server greeted me with "Oh, are you here for the girl?" Straight up walked past the booth she was in and said no. Grabbed a menu and sat down and said, "She may come, thanks." Smirking the entire time at the Jess you love to hate, Stoggers. So we eat, and fuck me for not remembering what song came on, but we were done. I got up and stuck my hand out and asked her to dance. AND she did. So we slow-danced to an un-slowdanceable song. My jukebox dollar then got some mileage, and I may have to change the tread on my lips. Who, by the way, slow dances to "Float On" by Modest Mouse? I mean really, Stoggers, who? Then we hit the porch of this establishment and dance more. Mind you, we are the only people left here...besides....remember him? Neighbor Jim and his ladyfriend. Diesel, being recognized someplace when out with a nice-looking lady. We talked about movies. And kissing happened too. Getting tired, getting ready to leave... not getting tired of the conversation, we play a game of darts. I start off strong and she kills me. Remember that, Studyees. Remember that. I jump in the car that she offered to take me home in. She had to work in the morning. I'm picking through her cds and holy WTF, she has an older Modest Mouse cd. WHAAAT?!? Guess that didn't stop her from wasting her gas in front of my house for about an hour, so I could unbuckle her seat belt, and, well... I left out the ass-grabbing comment. As in, "You know you want to, so just do it." So I did. Yeah, the cops came to investigate a red car and two people inside. But she knew the cop, and I waved at him like I just won the lottery. We eventually go apart. Of course I know what's up Stoggers. I wound up finding myself at The Wall just in time for a smoke, some lunch, and quality handholding. Hear that Studyees? Handholding. Walked her back to the store and she wants me to come back in. What?!? WHAAAT?!? So I do, we talk, and we talk more later. Today I go in there and she says "stick around" because she's got a break in ten minutes, so I tell her I'll meet her outside. We hug. A lot. I go home and watch my beloved Bills. I text her about the game at halftime and nap. I wake up on the last play of the game, and we converse. Verbally. She's mad into The Library denizen conspirator. And I finally got the low-d on her "man". As it stands, I am a better man than that bag of douche will ever be. I gave a fuck when he didn't, and that meant a lot to her. They both have autistic kids. She's a single mom busting her ass. I did it... I tooted my horn and she dug it. Now she has to do what she already knew she should do, and break it off. Twas an interesting conversation. Misses being in my arms? (I would put quotes around it but the text looks not a bit like it.) Amazing. Truly amazing. I just hope she's doing the right thing, Studyees. Stay away from control freaks. I have not been in your blogholes in a bit, Studyees. Please forgive me. I will be there soon. Diane upstairs invited me up for a nice dinner, and I now have a female to call back. Diane is even thrilled! WHAT?!? How did she know?? Peace and goodnight now! |
| I scored a date. We kissed. A lot. We may kiss more. Studyees, it has been a tremendous day. I aborted my previous blog entry to bring you this news. Hello, and what the frig is up? Studyees. Stoggers. Stogging mofos. Welcome to The Library, and I am your most juvenile host, B. She knows everything. Life will now be upside-down. My Studyees are fucking amazing. It's too late for details. I kissed your girl tonight, a lot. Studyees, have a take. The Drop-Off box below awaits you. |
| Hello, and what is up. A fantastic Thursday to you all, and welcome to The Library. Studyees, I have a lot to get through and worked hard on being able to do it, so let's jump right into it and see how this goes. My first guest in The Library is a 36 year old cashier at Walgreens that you all love to hate on. I saw her yesterday, caught her eye and initiated a discussion that will not be brought to you by On-Star, but will be unofficially be sponsored by Orbit whitening spearmint gum...it gets your teeth white or some shit, and tastes spearminty. You may know her as Jessica, the CWC, or, by as longtime Studyees have begun referring to her as, SWC (Stupid Walgreens Chick). Thank you to chicochica for that take, and readers, have your own take in the comment section down below. The Drop-Off Box, if you will.I went in there yesterday all spiffed up. Not gonna describe it again. She gasped enjoyably, "You had a job interview today!" and I shut her down quick, because I don't go to job interviews unshaven and wearing a Kangol, jeans and a purple velvety Adidas track jacket. And by the way adidas corp., stick to using the capital "a" on your press releases. "adidas" just looks bad. Run-DMC wouldn't have it, and you're a grown up company, so your "a" should be too. She gushed about her job interview, and what would I do without her. What I should have said was "Find another cashier here to hit on". But I went with something lame like "I'd walk that far for you". So welcome to The Library, Studyees, to the first-ever guest, Jess, brought to you via my T-Mobile Shadow's text messaging. Start, 11:44am: B: Oh by the way, good luck tomorrow. J: With what? B: Thought you said you have an interview tomorrow. J: Yeah i do.. B: Well, good luck then. Get back to work. J: Im on lunch.. N dont tell me what to do! By the way, n i shouldnt b sayin this,u look really good 2day! B: All I was sayin was good luck! I would've brought you lunch. And, umm, thanks. J: Thanks.. Did I make u blush? Lol B: Maybe a little. J: U can't even look me in the eye w/out blushing! B: So I have some flaws. You love it. J: Umm wouldnt call it a flaw.. What if were 2 date,u'd b red all the time! B: Naw, I'd get used to it. Although I'd be pretty amazed if that ever happened. J: Y B: Cuz you're gorgeous, I'm me, and I've hit on you a lot to not be dating. J: No im not n i would b datin u by now but u took 2 long! B: No, you didn't say yes fast enough. I asked you 3 times and you kinda blew it off. J: No! Not once! B: Swear to god I asked in some way or another to go out some time. 3 times. J: There u go..not an official askin out! B: "We should meet someplace other than Walgreens" isn't official? Do I have to mail an invitation? Get down on bended knee? Damn. J: Definately not official B: How many people did you survey for that? How long is your break? Go back to work! It was official enough to feel rejected. J: No way! I would like 2 take u out fri nite is official B: Yes way! Sorry, didn't know there were rules to flirting. My bad for sucking at it. J: There r not rules 4 flirting,but there r 4 askin some1 out so they no u mean more than just buds hangin out B: Guess I didn't know that. I thought being obvious would be good enough and maybe if you didn't say yes before to me you'd actually ask me. J: So wasnt obvious! Oh n what the hell r u talkin about B: I thought I was very obvious. I was ashamed at my obviousness. But if you got to know me better you'd have me figured out. J: Wow u were obvious! U must really b shy! B: ?? Be nice to me! B: Guess you'll hafta wonder. I'm shy, but I don't treat every cashier to DQ and engage them in conversation. But open me up and I'm definitely not shy. J: Umm i believe i started the engaging conversation B: You might be right, and if I thought 20 seconds faster I would've asked you out about 6 months before you told me I was too late. So you win. Happy? J: Nope! Guess i should have asked u out! B: No, I shoulda took my chances. But I would like you to be happy. So next time you work and have a break, let's not waste it on txting or smoking. Lunch, on me. J: I dont think I should, want 2,but shouldnt B: Fair enough and I can understand all of why. J: please know its not u B: It's ok, don't sound so sad. It's you. Again, really, good luck tomorrow. And yeah, it is a bit of me too...you just don't want to break my heart or something like that. J: Its the fact that im w/some1, trust me, if i wasnt i would not hesitate 2 c u B: I appreciate the sentiment. No worries. Just hope you're happy and doing the best for your boys, and I'm sure you are. J: The sentiment? Its the truth! for some odd reason im attracted 2 ur dumbass! B: Not like I'm dateable anyway. Loveable, sure. I've always been a cynic though, a realist. WTF. Get single. J: Y "not dateable" ? B: If you rip on me for not having a job or a car, I will be forced to make out with you...less. J: Cant help it tryin 2 motivate u B: I really was sick on mon and tues, but I did blow you off tues. Motivation? Appreciated, but I know what gets me going, and being employed won't change much. J: Y's that B: Why I was sick or why I blew you off? Or why things won't change once I get a job? And you don't know humorous I thought it was when you gasped about a job interview. J: Y being employed wont change much B: I most likely won't see you as much. I mean, c'mon, why do you think I go there? And sometimes I have good days and sometimes not. J: good days n bad? N y did u blow me off B: You were busy and I didn't think I got paid yet, and monday I did not get out of bed til 2:30 and didn't want to be seen yet. So lame, I know. J: U dont have 2 say nethin its not my business sorry B: What? Ok. It kinda was about you, but no, I wasn't hungover. I did puke today at one point. Oh, is that too much info? J: Sorry ur usein ur min u just bought on me B: Where'd that come from? And I'm not sorry. I picked up more. J: What about me? Sorry ur sick B: Wait, what about high maintainence you? And me being sick...um. I also took a football in the face today. End, 7:03pm. Studyees, it's obvious what is wrong with this picture, on multiple fronts. And Studyees, I can tell you the one time in this textual conversation when I said the wrong thing, or at the same time didn't jump on the right thing. So have your take at The Drop-Off Box, Studyees. I would love to hear your thoughts. Quick note, Studyees...if you haven't wished Noe a happy birthday, may you forget why you became a member in the first place. And I won't mention being a member of "what", because, ...who helped you log in anyway?And to those I have shared text or IM conversations with? Yeah, I don't even have to go there. Big thanks to your bane, Studyees, and bigger thanks to be able to do this. Enjoy your night, and peace the fuck out. NOW! |
| That's right, Studyees. I just made that up. You faithful readers are Studyees. Hello, and what is up? I'll tell you what... I'm in the middle of a texting bonanza with the cashier you all hate. And it isn't over yet, Studyees. This is insane. And I have fucked most of it up. She paid me a big compliment today and I texted her some well wishes back, because she has a job interview tomorrow and she thought I had one, dressed again in my Docs, Kangol, another pair of tight jeans and one of eight black tops I own. If I die tonight, someone please request that my tombstone reads "n I shouldn't say this, but u look good 2day". Studyees, I cannot tell you how good that text looked on the T-mobile Shadow. If I could bronze a text, I would. But wait...it gets better. We have text-debated a lot of things. She admitted a lot of things. I *ahem* framed her, but I called her out also. There was blushing. There was a "yeah, I'd date you..." There was excuses. There were no designer jets being sold. Yeah, there were misunderstandings, but the Studyees all get that...they've been privy to it. But not a word about a job. Nice take, so far. She admitted her feelings and completely is making things all that more interesting. I need to get to the library to transcribe these texts. The story would play me and her, Studyees. It's as if every second I think she won't text back, she doesn't...AND then she does. Studyees, give me at least some credit. I got mouthy. I said things I normally wouldn't say. Am I shy? Yeah, but kiss my ass, cuz when you really know me, you love me. I wasn't feeling shy and she didn't beat me up too much for it. I am done Studyees. Balled out and asked her to lunch, because my previous attempts were not sufficient. That did not go as well as she wanted it to go. As in, "want 2, but shouldn't." She texts worse than a fifth-grader...and I'm not judging, because I had the first phone in the Buffalo area that could send texts years ago, or because she's older and may have a leg up on the alphabet, or that she's telling me things that would've made more sense months ago. Y? n? Studyees, you need to see this. I will be getting off my tuckus and give you the play-by-play...the note-for-note, tomorrow. If there is no throw-up left in me. Just remember, "n I shouldnt say this but u looked good 2day" And I'm not gonna punctuate that last statement. This textation nation battle is bleeding on, and tomorrow you will get the insight. But it isn't over yet Studyees. The battle rages. Leave me your takes down in the box marked "comment", or at fivesixer@writing.com. I'll be responding with a raised fist. Meanwhile Studyees, stay tuned. This is huge, ongoing, and ready to blow. |
| Or, "I'm not so sick anymore, but kiss me anyway." Really, I'm feeling much better. Woke up around my normal wake-up time feeling close to my regular normal self (whatever that means) and sat down for a nicotine breakfast while catching up on ESPN.com and mosta y'all when I remember that my married ex's birthday was Sunday and had been reminding myself to at least email her. She did send me a card and a small gift. I owed her at least that much. I mean, that's part of the point of having a fancy phone, right? The built-in reminder feature? So over some article, I'm thinking about what I'm gonna say and plan on finding her email address when I'm done. Sure as shit my phone makes the blingy sound associated with my Hotmail account telling me I have new mail. And it's from her. Oh, and she's not too pleased. Luckily I wasn't the only one that deuced out on her on the 7th. Her email read 8:51am, but I programmed my phone to sync every 15 minutes between 11am and 11pm with Hotmail. I'm sure she stewed a bit and gave up on getting a reply, but I came through and scored myself an apology in the process. Not bad from the married friend that neither of us is supposed to be talking to. Go me. Or something. Then I hopped in the shower and actually put on decent clothes. [Ed.:Normally I would be against the wearing of denim on a sixty-something degree day, but I needed to feel sexy...if for no one than myself.] A nice pair of jeans, a plain black sweater and a brown zip-up thing from my brother, topped off with my Kangol. I, dare I say against my own hermitisms, looked good. Even Winkler later on wondered why I was lookin' so stylin' (his words, not mine). Jumped into my Doc Martens; I had to make a trip to Walgreens. And flat-out ignore Jessica and her stupid counter and all of that drama. Plus get a newspaper and see if I got paid yet, which I did, so I bought a phone card. With which I intended to call Nicole with, but she called first. Curses; foiled again. So I went to Subway, and with a face full of cheesesteak, actually answered the phone (and I NEVER answer the phone when eating). Only for you, Pop Diesel. Yeah, see ya at (yikes!) 10am. I will look more forward to the hug than the carton of smokes. "Next time come when you can stay longer", I remember him saying to me once when I stopped by for something short not long after I had moved out. I was hoping I could take him to breakfast, at least as a thank you, but he said he couldn't stay long. And after that, I'll likely subject myself to that B-fiend-in-denial and get the squawking "Why didn't you say hi?!?" inquisition, to which I will prolly respond "I didn't feel like it". I know. Save it. I'm a keeper. Til then all my little lovelies and lovers, make yourselves a promise to outdo your normal routine one day soon, and see if anyone close to you notices. I want to hear results/horror stories. Peace out homies, and thanks for wishing me well. |
| Wow. Motherfuck this... I haven't felt this way in a long time. Usually I just get one bad cold a year that lasts a few weeks, but Dayquil makes it manageable. But this shit is serious. And I forgot I have some Dayquil. I watched football most of sunday...woke up and napped during the pregame show and then made it through the first half. Went upstairs for the second half of the Bills' domination of Seattle. Then we went outside to throw the ball around, but I got tired again quick. Was in the midst of a good nap (and I usually don't nap well) when my body decided to wake me to exit the Burger King breakfast orally. And the rest later, rectally. Rectum? Damn near killed 'em! So I woke up so dehydrated and dizzy at sometime after 11am just to get some water and wanted nothing but more sleep. My back hurt, everything hurt, my eyes were so relaxed, and I drifted between consciousness and semi-consciousness. I did not want to get up for more water. I managed to come up again with the idea, among many other thoughts, for the best invention ever. The reverse microwave. Imagine it...you buy freezie pops at the store, jam them in to the microfreezer, and BAM! Them shits are icy cold in twenty seconds or so. And think of all the other products that could benefit...buy a quart of ice cream in a bottle that you can refridgerate and just shake and pour into a container, chill in the microfreezer and eat. We did it with popcorn...why not frozen treats? I don't think it's a bad idea, and I'm a kinda smart guy, but I have no idea how to pull that off. But many items would benefit from that...buy a 12-pack of Diet Pepsi off the shelf and want a cold one when you get home? Boom, there you go. Anyway, I feel kinda ok now. The body temp has settled. I made it to The Wall, albeit too late to mess with a CWC who would have given me shit, but a junior CWC was uber-polite to me but I totally think she's snapped up. "No drink today?" No, no thank you on the Mt. Dew, I'm sweet enough. Thanks. At least I got to watch an amazing Bills game, Tom Brady is done for the year, and I haven't seen a fall in WNY so full of optimism in a long time. Hope you all had good sundays and mondays. I haven't coughed up anything yet in a few hours. I just don't want to wake up like an invalid again. I would like to get out of bed, or at least turn on the tv or stereo in the morning. Have a great night y'all. Have a better lunch than Reese's Crunch bars, even if you froze them, and forgot peanuts in candy bars now make you feel not so well. Peaces and Reeses. |
| Feel me today; friends, enemies, sinners and saints. Someone has to see if these ultra-rare Pearl Jam songs are youtube-alicious, for alas, I cannot. "Hard To Imagine" "By Your Side" They're old songs, circa early nineties. I have them on cd, but I want to know how available they are to the general public. Because they are by far the best songs that any person who says they are a Pearl Jam fan but really isn't has never heard. Made a huge mistake by telling the landlord I'd give him $200 toward the rent earlier this week, then coming up with $160. Mistake number two was telling him I'd be up at 10am for him to get that, because I could've slept like crazy today and wanted to bumrush the alarm on my phone with a posse armed with baseball bats. Mistake number three, sitting outside while waiting for his wife for almost an hour. And then making conversation with her. But really, what was I gonna do? Go to Walgreens? Winkler came down for a smoke and before we hit BK, I, uhhh, went to Walgreens. He stayed outside and I tried to blow her off but she didn't buy it, or at least pretended not to buy my excuse of "not seeing her", and honestly, wasn't sure that was her with the hair pulled up that way. But she wasn't goin' for it and screamed a "hey" at me from an aisle away. And then, Nicole, I love you dearly but you call with bad timing (I still haven't been able to restore your ringtone...thought I did, but I guess not) and Jess tells me it's time for a new ringtone. Like she's gonna call me anytime soon, right? If I thought you might, Jess the CWC, I might invest in one just for you, and ultimately put you in my T-Mobile my faves 5. Hell, I need someone to take up that blonde icon since I haven't talked to Gaby in at least a month. Plus, the hating on the ringtone? Do not go there woman. Shitting on me is so 2002, and so is shitting on my Atmosphere ringtone, because it took a lot of years to get "Smart Went Crazy" as a ringtone, and now that I have it I won't ever let it go. Even if my phone sounds like shit...when it does ring and I'm checkin' emails and stuff, the ringtones sound like garbage. Tried to explain that to Jess, and she didn't get it so she instead made a joke about getting a job. It is with all due respect to every woman in this great country and the great countries outside of this that I say: I may have thrown a brick at her, had one been handy. Because she shut me up good. But we talked for a bit about our plans (or my lack thereof) for tomorrow's Bills game, the effects of draft beer, the best place around to get wings and why her co-worker won't eat there again, her kids going to Darien Lake, and that she's "high maintainence". Backdafuckup. "High Maintainence"? She would go no farther than explaining about how drafts give her a headache. Any bit of Labbatt Blue gave me a headache, be it bottle, can or draft. We debated price vs. size vs. quality between Blue and Heineken. Not like I'll be tasting either soon, but it is nice to have a healthy debate with an adult. She said she was contemplating going to lunch but she hates taking it so early, and I told her that's where I was headed. I should've offered some BK, but the more you get declined, the less inclined you are to offer. And I'm not about to force things like it's Dairy Queen. Enough of her. For today. The image at the top of my blog...diehard Pearl Jam fans will respect that stick figure as the cd single cover to "Alive". And I may tattoo that on my body someday. And the anonymous who I really can't think is so anonymous but will remain so...thanks for the respect, thanks for lookin' out, thanks for the gp's, thanks for allowing me to have three more months of this, whomever you are . Things were different then. All is different now. I tried to explain. Nicole, I love you more now than what I thought was possible back when we were in love. You are the epitome of friendship. I hope we touch base again soon. And, well, all I have left to say is GO BILLS! Gonna try to get caught up on y'all and maybe get some sleep later. Hopefully. Share the love. "No need to be void, or save up on life, no...you gotta spend it all." One last Pearl Jam song for ya... "Light Years". Peace... I'm out like guys who quote grunge. |
| At least I got a compliment today. So here's your Walgreens Chick update of the day, and at no additional charge! I walked in around 4pm. I had a rough day...more on that later. Grabbed a Diet Dew. Had a strange taste for it, and anything I can do to maintain my waifish figure and stave off the impending belly of junk will be done, save the laying off of the breakfast burritos at McDonalds. Sauntered my not-feeling-so-hot ass over to the beauty counter where the bane of your existences is working. And it goes well...she compliments my hat, which features the logo of my favorite baseball team (and with respect to HIPPA laws, will remain unnamed) and sounds like her maiden name. And due south, right...about...now. Remember last week's Textgate? I sent her a message and got no reply, then she lost her phone and not a word was spoken about it? She lit me up like a gaudy Christmas tree today. It was actually, in all honesty, kinda sweet. She harped on me for coming in either really early or really late. Whatever. Pick your battles, lady. Then I made her go to the main register area to get me a phone card. When she came back I said "Yeah, take your time with that too." I may as well have just cut off an Asian elephant from heroin (anyone catch that story on the back of the news today...it was captured by drug smugglers and pacified with smack)... plug in the gaudiness NOW. "Yeah, by the way, your text DID get me in trouble, thank you. You knew what you were doing, didn't you?" She held short of gasping this time, but the conviction in her speech was there. Wasn't expecting this at all. Hence my forthright reply: "I never know what I'm doing." Priceless. So priceless, all she could shoot back was a sophmoric "You did too! You so did!" So I owned and confused her with "Don't you think if I knew what I was doing, we'd be in a different place by now?" "What's that supposed to mean?" "What do you think it means? You'll figure it out. Or not. Never mind." Did the mini I-said-that-cuz-I'm-a-dick-and-can-be head flick (and don't front girls...you know that move and have perfected it) and wished her a nice weekend. She goes, "I'll see you tomorrow?" Yeah, probably, I guess. So in other news that nobody cares to hear about, something's not right in the body of B-ville. Not that I take care of it or anything, but save your sympathy until I'm a white case and you get the news 8 months later. A couple days ago, Winkler said I sounded congested. I didn't think so. But the more I listen to myself talk when spoken to, and the more I rub my face and sneeze, I was ready to blame it on allergies. But the waking up in the middle of the night after going to bed at a reasonable hour, going back to sleep and not feeling like I've woken up is staring to bug me. I wake up and it's pretty much a march from the loveseat to the bathroom to the table to the recliner to the loveseat to the bathroom to the recliner to the table to the recliner, with no nappage attained. It feels like I wake up fully around 6pm. Today, after my shopping expedition at Walgreens, I worked up a sweat chewing gum and the walk home was ridiculous. If I knew I would've been able to sleep I might've actually stopped at Veterans' Park and pulled up on a bench. Go me and my failure to believe in Western Medicine. I probably have a sinus infection. Great on that. Because who looks forward to waking up feeling like deuce and like they have another 12 hours of sleep left in them that day but can't get it? I have chilled on my recliner more this week than I have since I moved in here over seven years ago. My brain occasionally hates on the rest of my face (esteem issues aside), my nose is constantly on the ledge and I have to keep it from jumping while clearing it of random snot, and my energy is non-existent.  Gives me something to do, I guess.Anyway, might get out of here and now seems like a good time tonight. May stop by for a few hellos, but otherwise I may...well, I had some ideas about Jess, but I'll let that shit go tonight. Peace out friends, enemies, lovers and fighters ...my bestest to you all. |
| Legs scream at bikes and bikes scream at trucks and motorists curse their lousy luck Crossing Guard's not doing his job and traffic's not about to stop for the first casualty of thought I woke up this morning to a lot of emails. Some nice, some...not so much. And the not so nice ones were either dumbfounding or unfounded, as it just is my life I prattle on about. Superfarmer's bent on the cover of Time the moralists scream he's all mine so the Bard isn't doing her job the vacuum night the darkest rites the small quarantined thoughts I got my Walgreens on and much to my chagrin Jess was present and her manager gave me a boost in picking on her. Jess was quiet. Then I left. Not much to report there. She'll likely be off tomorrow. Salesman said this vacuum's guaranteed it could suck an ancient virus from the sea it could put the dog out of a job could make traffic stop so little thoughts can safely get across But on my way to the gas station the traffic attendant failed to acknowledge me one way or the other while attempting to cross a busy street as the high schoolers completed their first (half) day of classes. It's the rules Don't I exist, lady?, My backpack doesn't count if I didn't shave or put my smoke out? I don't need you to help me cross this intersection anyway, because I have all summer. But the second some retarded drunk driver texting his idiot friend blows that turn and flips me in the air like a pancake while you're looking the other way, somebody will take your job. All for some smokes. Geez lady. Been a rough morning as it is. Guaranteed or not it's the rules Had a nice nap and a less nice war with technology. And if you think this entry is about you, I advise you to come to the corner of Broadway and Transit and run me down. In the morning. I'll be the joker with the confused look on my face. I may or not be wearing a wig with a headband. And I may or not be there. And you may or not care. It's the rules It's the rules Such a chill song by The Tragically Hip. So chill. This band simply doesn't suck. So don't suck either, people. |
| Grab a blankie, put your shorty shorts on, and grab a coke and a smile. I'll keep this under 1kb today. Day Night two of upstairs Amber's friends being over didn't swell me too much. I just turned up the tv I fall asleep to a little bit more and then woke up... At 6:40am. I missed the landlord by ten minutes, trying to wake up his brother who lives in the attic and wondering several times why the rent I owe hasn't been paid. Meanwhile homes...enjoy your trips to Hawaii and Baltimore this summer and get off my dick about taxes and garbage cans, or give your brother's job in the Department of Public Works to me and save yourself the price of donuts and coffee that get swallowed up by those who you don't intend them to be eaten by anyway. Plus, your brother has so much sick/vacation time banked and is costing the village mad dough. So thanks for putting me on the team that helped you get reelected, Mr. Village Trustee, saying there might be a job in it for me. It used to be cute when you'd slip me a fiver out of the rent I paid when I told you I was scrapin' by a few years back and told me to get a beer. The bartender in you in this case doesn't make you the better man. I didn't do it for the job, but fuck man, now I need one because I have to pay you and get back on track, and keep you from knockin' on my door to get upstairs at the crackpipe of dawn. Anyway, CWC made a scene in front of another cashier after I questioned her pride this morning. Don't look at your wrist for a watch when you don't have one and I roll into your spectrum earlier than you expect. Especially after days I stroll in late in the afternoon and hear about how late I am. At least I didn't get domed by the newspaper. But I did feign a swing of it at her today. And when your company is stacking cutouts on your counter for charity, don't assume I won't buy one when I call you a bad cashier and chuck a GW at you and say "yeah, bend over and pick that up" when you front on me. I know what it's like to sell that stuff. Don't think I won't buy one. I grabbed it and she warned me to "be nice" as I contemplated what to sign it with, so I did, in front of her crowd. I scribbled a half-assed heart on it as she was getting relieved by the old stoner/stroke lady. They were hearts, I assume for the American Heart Association. I asked why she wasn't pushing them. Called her a bad cashier. She said I wouldn't buy one. We sold paper balloons at Eckerd for Children's Miracle Network and I pumped that shit up to my cashiers. For no reason other than why the fuck not? My store went from selling a few to almost 1000. At least she could do the same. She at least went out of her way to wish me a good day, as uncouth as I was and it was. The good deal is I should get some sleep, but the nap I took earlier (that wasn't that great) is most likely going to hold me back from that. The kids went to BK and I asked them to run across the street for an Arby-Q. And between the 8 of them they couldn't put two bucks together to get a Q with swiss cheese. Fuckers...come here, whine about me not playing Kanye West, and then take off or pass out when I do put that shit on against my better judgement. Yeah...time to go back to school. I reached out to people today, because I could. I mainly got the shaft. After being warned about the shaft. So now what the fuck am I supposed to do, KRS-ONE? I'm gonna hang up this phone tonight and hope I wake up in a good place. This entry went on far too long. Ooop, mah bad. |
| This is it. The last day spent hanging out with the boys before they go back to school. I'm sure I'll bump into them from time to time, but I really don't think it'll be the same. Kinda a shame, but I'll live. I gotta say, I think I learned a lot this summer from them. That I can still play some football (although the recovery time is much longer and I may have lost a step, and it'd be wonderful if someone can tell me how that works), I can be entertaining, and most importantly the value of friendships. I've seen these kids grow up a lot not only this summer, but over the last seven years that I've lived on this street. You can't put a value on something like what those kids have. You just can't. I'm glad to have been a tiny part of that, and hope that maybe they picked up a few things from me along the way. I've got their respect and shared much wisdom with them, and they know the door's open if they need a place to crash or an ear to rant about life to. And I know I've said this before, but I hope K-Wol, Jake, Ed, Monk and Winkz remain close for a long, long time. And this has nothing to do with my ranting from yesterday. The truest sense of friendship is knowing you can get away with calling somebody out for being a douchebag, or motherfucking them left and right for the dumbest of reasons, getting it right back five minutes later, and being able to sit down for a meal with them anytime. That's how you know you're down with me... I wouldn't pick on you if I didn't like you. If I don't like you, you're not worth my time and effort to joke around with. I'm sure I'll see Jake and Monk the most because they're right upstairs, and K-Wol and Ed live a few houses down, but I think I'll miss Winkler a bit. He lives further away, but him and I seem to have a lot more in common...I see a lot of myself in him. He looks out for me if I'm not around and will bring me a bite to eat or an extra couple of smokes when he's got 'em...and that's another sign of quality friends...you don't keep score of little inconsequential shit like a $10-help-you-til-payday loan or count cigarettes or mind buying dinner when they're the only one at the restaurant with no cash. Before I switch gears, look over to the left of your life, and look to the right of your life, and just tell someone "thanks for bein' there". When they shoot you a look like you just said the most random thing, tell 'em Bert said so, but smile to yourself for knowing why you meant it. Anyway, let's talk about my least favorite subject: me. Today got off on a bad foot. Amber's idiot friends were over last night and woke me up at 1:30am pounding up and down the stairs and failing to keep it down outside, even after being asked to. I made it back to sleep around 6:30, and even though I slept til noon, I was in rough shape for awhile. And in no mood for that woman behind the counter at Walgreens' chicanery. Let's back up to saturday and the talk we had on her break. I knew she was going to her girlfriend's after work and taking one of her kids to Six Flags Darien Lake on sunday. Realizing I forgot to be nice when I left, around 8pm I sent her a text that read something like "Have fun tonite and a good time tomorrow. Hope this text doesn't get you in trouble." No response. No problem. So I walk in today with my best coma face for a paper and Dew with my $2.06 ready to go. The guy in front of me has two pints of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia on the counter and she purrs "Ooohh, my favorite!" Then I hear her snap sarcastically "Not you!" and she chuckles. The man cashes out as I make a note of all of this. I set my bounty down on the counter. I turn my head for a split second and end up getting clocked as hard as she could at the side of my dome by my folded up newspaper. Thankfully, it was a slow day for news. "Guess what?" she asks. At this point I would've strangled her, but I was too tired to battle. "Don't do that! I don't feel well and..." "Awww...want me to kiss your boo-boo and make it better?" she almost moaningly slid out of her unknowing lips, unaware of her full-blown graduation from verbal to physical abuser. I let out a low, almost perverted chuckle, as if to ask her if she really wanted to know what hurts. But I behaved myself. Y'all should be proud. "Ok, I'll bite. What?" I asked in a tone that really sounded like I don't give a shit, but candy-coated. "I was on the Minderaser roller coaster at Darien Lake, and I lost my phone. They think it might be in a pond. And...it's gonna be $270 to replace it." So you have to beat me like a bad dog with a newspaper that I'm about to pay for? Hehe... I don't think she liked it when I snapped instantly, "Maybe you should take better care of your shit," because she kinda gurgled one of those sarcastic, you-really-told-me kind of "huh huh huhs". You know...drop your voice an octave and wrinkle your nose while showing displeasure. I know a couple of y'all are trying it out, seeing if you can catch a reflection of yourselves off the glare in your monitor. Told her to have a better day and peaced myself the fuck up outta there. I may wear a helmet the next time I go in there as I'm very prone to concussions, and hits to the head are not good for my inner sanctuary. And by the way, not a word about the text I sent her. Play on, playa. One more little snippet: my phone only rings when I can't answer it. Once sleeping, once eating, and 3 or 7 more calls or texts while I was outside earlier doing things not constructed to the health and safety of a cell phone. Maybe Jess aught to take some lessons from your hero over here. Anyway, hope my people all had a nice holiday, whether you partied, relaxed, or gave in to The Man for some fresh time-and-a-half. Stay safe and I'll get back at you soon. And hey, thanks for bein' there. |
| I'm so behind on you people it's amazing I get any bit of love anymore. Nicole, swear to God I'll call you soon woman. I mean it. But your voicemails are haughtily entertaining. And God, she loves promises, because she's shown me many lately. Good almighty, I have a song but no youtube, so go dig on "My Friends" and "Scar Tissue" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers before I do. Cuz I feel some vomit coming on, and I can't yank Wilco out of the cd player just yet to justify me rooting through that cd collection of mine. All of us, breathe some fresh air...no women will have been named today. 'Cept you, Nicole. Shameless Goldfish plug every other woman in my life will have to contend with. I do not like confrontation. I will not be put in the middle. If I get to choose sides, I choose dynasty. That way, I get to rule and cut out infighting. And in that dynasty of mine, I shall encourage all sorts of freedoms. Including the freedom from petty bullshit. Some shit, very simply put, just doesn't fucking matter. What matters are friends. The people you get to know and establish some kind of bond with. And I realize I am no shining example of "good friend", but don't we all have skulls in our backyards we'd prefer not to be known for? I haven't heard from my best friend in a few weeks. I miss Dave. And it isn't because either of us wants to deal with the other's shit. Sometimes the acute need to take a break falls by the wayside when cooler heads really need to prevail. And sometimes, people just really need to do a better job of looking out for those they call "friends". I mean, people are destined to come and go in life, but certain few are meant to be so priveledged to know what they know about people they get close to. And that isn't something you just turn your back on. Doesn't matter how stressed out you are or how many times your friend is on the ledge again. You drop shit and you right things, even as imbalanced as things may look on paper. It's just what you fucking do. You do it. And not because you want to, but you have to. I admit I do a fair amount of ignoring people, but that's out of selfishness. Don't blog about your house being on fire when you should be more concerned with putting it out, catching the arsonist or saving your valuables, and don't piss on someone's pity parade just because they got dealt a bad hand that they didn't know how to play anyway. It's bad color. We all have our talents and downfalls. Some are serious and some are fecetious. We latch on to people because the drive-thru society we live in now makes it ok if we dine-and-dash on them. Merchandise? Steal all you want. I can't say anything (and that's an entry for another day). But lives? Don't fuck with that. Sometimes we do shit that people don't need to know, and sometimes we need some sort of validation from those we trust. No need to front on anyone...just love them for who you know them to be, support them as best you can, and tuck the ego in the back pocket next to the ass-crack we all have. Because if I were a vegetarian, I wouldn't need the beef, if y'all get where I'm goin' here. And I could go on, but I won't. I think I just shot aeresol toilet cleaner into one or more of my eyes while taking a piss. So don't worry about me people...take care of you, and each other. I hate seeing good things go to waste out of senseless pissfights over nothing. |
| I don't even have to go into Walgreens to get my pride wrecked. Awesome! Went for some Chinese food at lunch and decided a trip to Walgreens was necessary. Checked my email at the same time, because I can. And it makes me look disinterested, if not like a tool. And wouldn't you believe it, but guess who is sitting on the curb at the corner of the building wasting her break on her cell phone suckin' down some Marb menthol lights...yeah, that chick. The one who always makes giving me a hard time seem like an artform, especially when I buy smokes...she looks like one of those women that maybe smoked when she was younger but quit and now thinks everyone should quit. Only, she hasn't quit. Ahhh yes...my Jessica. Shake my head, walk past her into the store for a Dew and some toilet paper. She's still sitting there. Oy vey when will this dude ever learn ? I pulled up a slab of concrete and sat beside her. It was actually interesting.Get to know me and I'm a gravel trail, touchy-feely kinda brotha when I'm comfortable. With cashier-type chicks where my normal self tends to crash and burn at the first hint of being fucked with, I have a hard enough time making eye contact. We talked about Chinese restaurants, jobs (no fucking kidding, are you for real?), how everybody in the store knows who I am (she says it's because I'm always in there; I insist she has something more to do with it than that), my seafood preference being either shrimp or fishsticks, her opinion on my Chuck Taylors having seen better days, the worst $175 I spent on dinner (I blamed it on the girl I dated, not our excessive consumption of Merlot...but the swordfish was awesome), and her thinking I should have just spent the money on new shoes, but I'm too nostalgic to part with them. A lot to talk about in such a short period of time, now that I think about it. Then the oddest shit happened. She gets up after her smoke and remarks how fast her break has flown by (with some comment about how fast time flies when you're with me or some other complementary shit) and proceeds to take flirtation up to the junior high level. She stands up and, while I'm still rockin' the curbside, playfully taps my shoulder one time with her foot in an attempt to push me over while not pushing me over. A lot of words right there to describe one simple two-second action, but it was hard enough to leave a footprint, which she then spent entirely way more time than necessary but not enough time for me to think of something slick trying to wipe it off my shirt. We exchanged a few quick barbs, I advised her against going back to work because I didn't want to go home (but what I meant was "I don't want this moment to end"), and before I got up she smacked the brim of my cap straight down on my grill. The only thing missing would've been me pushing her off the monkey bars and having a slapfight that evolves into a hug-and-kiss playfight fest. We are but thugs to this nature of love. I'm probably making more of it than I need to, but what is life without a bit of occasional wishful thinking? |
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