%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
Some rainbows are bright, some gray, some in colors you've never seen. |
|
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The sun is always shining and there are always rainbows. If it's cloudy, the rainbow may be covered or in shades of gray. If the rain has just passed, the rainbow may be strong, clear, and brilliant. If the sky is crystal clear, the rainbow may appear in colors unexpected. Whatever is going on for you, there's a rainbow out there somewhere. Look for it. And if you find it, let it brighten your day. Keep it in your heart to tide you over until you see the next one. Gonna give this Johari Window thing a shot. If you think you know me or want to see what others think about me, follow the link then follow the directions. Life is words in motion: Flowing from mind, to hand, to page; Sung from heart, to voice, to ear; Life is words in motion. ~Douglas The Human Touch By Spencer Michael Free
|
| When did I become so stilted? Or is it become unable to set aside that certain measure of disbelief? I'm watching some reruns of "Murder She Wrote" and I find myself feeling as if I am stumbling through the actors' dialog. I remember when I first watched this program ~ take your pick of episodes ~ I could watch this program and believe everything that was going on (for the sake of the program). I thought the dialog and actions were well said and portrayed, back then. It was all believable. Could it have just been that I was so much younger then? If that's the case, then why can I find other programs today more believable? Take any of the CSI's or Cold Case or Criminal Mind. I can suspend disbelief just enough to believe these could be real. The action and dialog seem so much more honest, more real. Maybe it was all the simplicity of the day. Maybe it was my innocence of youth. Maybe... maybe. I prefer to think that at the time it was more real. That I had a certain level of sophistication ~ as did the program. And now the only difference is that the program's and my levels of sophistication have both gone up. Comparing today's shows to yesterday's may be like comparing apples to oranges ~ they are both fruit, but the similarities don't go much beyond that. Perhaps with this type of thinking I can maintain the illusion that it was not I whose point of view was changed, but rather that of time and time alone. |
| I was so hoping someone would say this to me yesterday. I don't think I've ever had a cold/allergy attack that would not be affected by medicine. I was so miserable. Three times I attempted to write a blog entry for this lead and could not get past the first line or two ~ and I did not like any of those. So here I am, feeling somewhat better and making more sense in the entry ~ I hope. I can still use some fixing, but I think by tomorrow I should be feeling even better. But that is not the meaning indicated ~ either in the lead entry or in the title itself. That meaning is much more, for lack of a better word, malicious. To try and change someone who doesn't want changing, is an impossible task in and of itself. To attempt to fit someone into your own idea of perfection is rude and often make the one you are trying to change doubt your love for them. "I'm doing this for your own good." "I'm doing this because I love you." These are often the reasons given by the one who says "I will try to fix you." If you love someone before you want to make this change, it should be that you love all of who and what they are. Period. If you do see something that you would like that person to change, talk to them about it. Personally, if you want me to change something about myself, have a sit-down, honest, heart-to-heart with me and convince me what it is that I should change and why. Then, if I agree, offer your support in my attempt to change. But if I disagree, then either stand by me and accept my fault(s) as you may see them. Don't go behind my back and force me into a position that may cause me to loose a friend ~ you. From personal experience, I kinda did this with my mother back when I was in high school. I was the one who wanted to change someone for my own reasons, I wanted her to quit smoking. So I borrowed books from the library on how to quit smoking and ordered brochures from the American Lung Association to let her read. In as nice a manner as she could, she told me that she didn't want to quit and that what I did was insulting. Later in life, someone did the same to me, only with a stronger method. They went so far as to buy a nicotine substitute and the various pamphlets. (Yes, I picked up smoking even after trying to persuade my mother to quit.) I don't speak to that person anymore. (Though in truth, part of that is we live in different states and have not otherwise sought to resume communication. But it would be hard for me to continue unless they apologized first.) Other times, after talking with me, other people have gotten me similar materials to quit smoking. The key difference, though, is that by talking about it, I realized I wanted to try and welcomed their assistance and support. It didn't hold, I still smoke, but these friends are still with me and supportive and accepting. If I want fixing, or agree that I need fixing that you suggest, I welcome your offers and support. If I don't, don't even bother. Accept me as I am, or walk away. But if you stay with me, there might be a chance that some point down the line where I'll turn to you and say, "Do you remember when...?" And want to make that change. |
| The increasing price of oil is causing lots of problems financially between the gas pump, the electric meter, and the continued domino effect all the way to basics like the grocery store. One area that is benefiting from the price of oil is American jobs. Many of those which had been sent across the borders or overseas are now coming back. Why? Because of international shipping costs skyrocketing. It is just that much cheaper to transport goods within the country than the cost of the cargo shippers sailing over the oceans. But one thing that you might think would be the easiest to keep bringing to America would be ideas for good television. Tonight, network television brought some odd shows to the American viewers ~at least ABC did. Wipeout! and I Survived a Japanese Game Show. Actually, if you can look beyond the presentation of the shows by the program hosts, the basic premises are pretty good. In Wipeout! the premise is basically a strange but very physical series of obstacle courses to take 24 contestants eventually down to 4. And the winner of the final four takes home $50,000. This will happen every week. Two major problems with this, though. First, how did they manage to find enough people to take on this challenge? My guess is that they didn't give the potential contestants all the information about what was going on. Second,and this could also be Third and Fourth as well, is the commentary by the three hosts. The two male hosts stay in a studio and well away from any of the contestants and action and make snide comments about the action, while the sole female host is on the sidelines making both supportive and snide comments. With the obstacles being "stupid" enough, the dumbed down retorts of the hosts is just redundant and unnecessary.  With some fairly good hosting, this show would be worth the hour of time that is otherwise wasted.I Survived a Japanese Gameshow is something like Survivor meets America's Next Top Model in a television studio. Ten people are whisked away to Japan where, unbeknownst to them, they will be living the Japanese experience (including a household "Mama-San") while competing on a Japanese game show every day ~ or every other day if they are lucky. The games they play are just as whacky as you've seen through the wonders of cable television. The winning team gets a reward (tonight was a helicopter tour of Tokyo) while the loosing team gets a "prize" of their own, though far from being as glorious (tonight they had to be rickshaw drivers for two hours). But that's not the end of the day for the loosing team. They now return to the studio where they have to choose two of their teammates to play an elimination game and one of them are sent home. Again, the show has potential. I mean, we get to experience Japan through these ten people as they win and loose their competitions. But the ridiculousness of the games and, again, the snide side comments of the game host (done as asides in Japanese to the house audience) are enough to make this yet another waste of time. So how would I score these shows on a scale of ten? They would probably each rate a three. If the producers had handled the premises right, they could have gotten a seven or an eight. So what does this have to do with the price of oil? Not much. But it should be a hell of a lot easier to bring a good idea overseas from one country's television programing to America than a bad one. I guess the American scouting producers either are too busy watching their pocketbooks and the gas gauge, or they think that Americans are stupid enough to give these shows a second chance. Or both. I mean, just look at the teaser ads they have out now for other summer season television programing. Yep. The price of oil is even affecting American television ~ and not in a good way. |
| FtL - Monday, June 23 Hair: short. Cut: two or three times a year. Wash. Condition. Towel dry. Brush. Go. {e:whistle} Time to learn this is the best process for my own hair? Half a lifetime (and I'm forty years old now).  Fortunately, that same learning curve has not applied to everything in my life I've had to deal with. When I lived with my grammy in the last years of her life, I had to learn about her habits and preferences and mental capacity, and how to balance all that while getting her into a clean living environment. She had always been a pack-rat ever since her husband died in the late 70s. She was the longest lived of both her and her husband's families. But when they all started to leave this life, she began to spiral into a pit of loneliness that was not easy to bring her out of. The pack rat part of her, I believe, came from wanting to hold onto her past as much as possible. But that was not something that was easy for her to do as she began to develop senior dementia. I want to make it clear that, after watching her growing frailty over the three years I lived with and took care of her, I am convinced that she did not suffer from Alzheimer's, but rather a more curable illness had she been younger to handle the surgery. In common parlance, I believe she had "water on the brain", a build up of fluid in her brain which put pressure on areas which controlled various body functions (including bladder control and balance) and both long and short term memory. INHO, had she been to the doctor's when she was 80 or even 85 and properly diagnosed and treated (a stint inserted near the brain stem to drain the fluid), I think she would have had a much more fulling life in her latter years. And in the end during her final year, which she spent in a nursing home, she would not have had as much reason to want to stop breathing. Her daughter, my step-mother, had later told me that one day, Grammy asked her why she had to keep breathing. Ma told her that if she was ready to go home to Jesus, she could do so any time she wanted. Within three weeks, Grammy died of natural causes at the age of 94. In her younger years, she was a genius. She knew more about electrical engineering than... well, anyone I ever knew. She was a marvelous crocheter. And one of the warmest, friendliest, most trusting woman I've ever known. The world is all the richer for her having been here, as am I. May my learning curve last as long as hers did. |
| FtL: from Sunday, June 22 I had a vague idea what ameliorate meant, but now I know. Thanks for teaching me a 'new' word, ~j. As for the title, the only bed I have ameliorated in the past I-loose-track-of-how-long is my own whenever I change the sheets. I might as well admit it, perhaps I am a prude. I've been single and celibate for about a decade and a half. Well, maybe not single that entire time. I have dated a handful of times, mostly in the past year and a half, and I know several guys who wouldn't mind a bit more attention from me.Perhaps it is because I treasure their friendship to much to try and ruing it (I though I had typed 'ruining', but 'ruing' works better, I think.)But because of my decisions, while many ~even myself at times~ feel that I should be more willing to open up and take chances in developing a relationship, I feel that the friendships I have are ameliorated with the decisions I've made not to get involved with them. I can hear some of you thinking What happened so that you have been single for so long? All I'll say to that is this: If you dig around my port, you'll find the answer in a couple of items. What I learned from that incident, is that you really need to take care of your friendships. Be honest with them in everything. If you have complete and explicit trust with your friends, don't turn that aside if you need help and they can help you; don't spurn the hand held out to you every day in silent assistance even as yours is held for them. Your friend can better handle your embarrassment in asking for help than your rejection of their love and support for you. So back to the original statement... every bed you ameliorate... every day I remember that lesson before going to bed, I have not so much ameliorated the bed, as I have myself. |
I've only ever been called to jury duty twice in my life. The second time I arrived at 7:30 just like they wanted and was walking out to go home by 9:30. Not just me, but the entire pool of almost 400 people. I don't remember what happened, but my memory seems to tell me that there had been some sort of computer glitch (human glitch more likely after they explained). Our summons' were not meant to have been generated and sent out.  What? Whatever! At least I got a paid day off of work.The first time, though, I actually made it all the way through the selection process and was easily dismissed by the first round of elimination. I think it may have been the prosecuting attorney who excused me. I may have been looking to be excused, but at least I didn't lie to do it (like others obviously were). The case was one of drug possession by a black youth. I can say youth because he was still only about 19-20. Anyway, the question put before me was, how convincing must any potential testifying police officer be to get me to believe guilt. I answered that I my brother-in-law is a county prison sheriff and have heard plenty of discriminating comments and stories from him. Now, as a general rule, I don't believe him to be prejudiced in the public realm, but when it comes to his job he certainly is. And he doesn't deny it either. So I answered that the police would have to be more persuasive than the normal person. Thank you for the $8 and the waste of my day. <> <> <> <> <> Tonight is the last official concert of the 07/08 season for GMCH. We will be performing Metamorphosis written by Robert Seeley and scored by Robert Espinosa. We will also be performing the world premier of two pieces scored by Alan Shorter; one is based on a poem written by one of our own chorus members, the other based on a personal experience of who stood at the steps of the San Francisco city hall the first time hundreds of gays and lesbians lined up to get married. A beautiful song, and timely especially since the state of California started to issue same-sex marriage licenses again this past Monday. But I am kinda pissed at our Artistic Director just now. He had told us that there would be a dancer and video during the concert this time. However, what he failed to say was that there would also be a dramatic interpretation of some of the songs as well. And a majority of these take place right in front of me. After last night's dress/tech rehearsal, I've come to the conclusion that it won't matter if I know the music or words. I'm not going to be able to sing because I'll be crying. Yes, the combination of the music and the presentation is that powerful and still plays off of fears I hold in secret places in my heart. So, here's to a day of manning the phone line at work all day then standing on stage and singing with 60 other wonderful men (and forty women for two songs). I'm gonna be so exhausted by the time 10 PM roles around today. |
| Innuendo. Freudian Slips. Faux Pas. Depending on the situation, and whether you are the observer or speaker, they can be hilarious or embarrassing. And we all make them at one time or another. I'm not going to speak of any of mine ~ honestly, while I know I've made them, I can't remember any of them at the moment. But I want to share one made by a friend. Hopefully, the rating only applies to the words used and the intended meaning rather than the taken meaning. November 2002: During a rehearsal for the upcoming Christmas concert of the Gay Men's Chorus of Houston, we were beginning to learn the movements to be incorporated into the show, what we frequently call "choralography". Our Artistic Director had gone over the movements for "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" and was now trying to get us all coordinated so the movements looked smooth on stage. At one point in the song, each voice was supposed to bend over slightly and place our hands on our knees on a different word. The basses and baritones were to make the movement on 'coming' and the first and second tenors on 'Santa'. Well, I'm proud to say that the basses and baritones were successful in remembering and acting upon our proper cue. However, the tenors somehow managed to constantly make their movement either too late or too early. Frustrated that they weren't getting it right, the Artistic Director finally exclaimed, "No! Guys, how many times do I have to tell you? You go down on Santa."  |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Haughtiness is a garish robe worn by the insecure. It is neither flattering nor well-concealing. ~Dughlas Knowledge is experience bestowed on us by life. Wisdom is knowledge bestowed on us by others. ~Dughlas It is not the hopes and dreams you have that are unfulfilled, but the inability to appreciate what you already have that desecrates your life. ~Dughlas Upon seeing thy guest book keenly solicited within the column entitled Reviewer Items, methought 'twouldst behold me to quest forth and visit thy portfolio and said book and bring forth unto thee greetings and salutations using overtly florid language and nigh obsolete vocabulary and forty-sterling words and as gracious speech as I may muster and thereby either verily impressing thee with such usages or inducing thee to guffaw uproariously at these antics of mine and my foolhardiness which, prithee, I may have succeeded. By the god's teeth, methinks that is the longest single sentence I have ever written. ~Dughlas FRIENDSHIP: Finding Reality Intimidating? Earnestly Needing Diversions? Sharing Halves Individual Problems. ~Dughlas Caught in a web of twisted lies, Not e'en the spider can un-weave, The fool who laughs at the pain of others Is one whom others won't believe. ~Dughlas A dull knife cannot cut cleanly to the heart of a tomato. A dull mind cannot cut cleanly to the heart of the truth. ~Dughlas OK, so I cheated a little here by going back into another item of mine and pulled all these out, but I needed some inspiration this morning and thought I'd use my own words to try and kick start my brain since I've only had one cup of coffee so far. At any rate, I find it amazing how philosophic we are in our everyday lives. Things we say can have deep and intuitive meaning whether we realize it or not. I try to imagine, often without much success, what life would be like if the profession of philosopher were more common today as it seems to have been in ancient days. Can you imagine being paid to think deep thoughts for a living? What might life be like for Plato or Socrates if they were alive today? How would their great deep thoughts of way-back-when be affected by the modern world? The various quotes of mine above range from the sublime to the silly, from an everyday guideline to a colorful observation.They are not all necessarily well written, but the thoughts expressed within each holds a particular meaning for me even if no one else understands it. I may sometimes end up expressing my thoughts in a pithy manner, but the underlying sincerity of the thought, for me, is the important thing ~ and therein lies the lesson about which I am trying to remind myself. (Winston Churchill would surely approve of that last line.  ) |
| FtL: Day 12 OK, this sounds interesting... Porn videos o_O? Uh...tmi...tmi...TMI La lalala lalalala laaaa... oh, shit! I can still hear myself reading your blog! (Is it really? No. No. I don't want to know that. {e:shuteyestight}) Oh, that's where it was all leading to. Ummm... ok.... hmmm. That was honestly my thought process as I read today's lead entry. But I'm glad I made it all the way through because the conclusion, being about the need to be able to relax, was a valuable lesson indeed. I wouldn't say that I'm a prude when it comes to sex, but I am old-fashioned. And when it comes to hearing about other people's sex experience, I've always been a strong advocate of "keep it in your bedroom". However, if I'm going to be a voyeur into someone's blog (really, a private diary made public) I need to be able to relax my own personal rules, standards and values to allow for another person's standards, values and freedoms... and openness. (This is beginning to relate back to AL  's lead "On Censorship", isn't it?)But once I read the whole article, another thought came to my mind, though along similar lines. Learning to relax one's own point of view to accept another may be hard for some people because they don't want to think that their opinions may be completely wrong (at worst) or only slightly inaccurate (at best). It all ties to the dislike of being "second banana" to someone else. A stretch of imagination? A bit of fuzzy logic? Maybe, but not by much. Think about it. To be second banana to someone, for some people, means they are not as important as they thought they might be. Similarly, to think one's opinions may be wrong, to any extent, puts one in a subordinate position. However, that is not alway a bad position to be in. If you recognize that there is always something that you can learn, and are open to being able to change your mind, then when you find yourself in a "second banana" position, you actually come out on top. Your flexibility could well become respected and your own opinions may be given more credence ~ and you may be more readily listened to. At the very least, people will recognize that, even if you don't change your opinion on something after you have fairly heard another's, you are at least willing to hear them out and allow them their opinion. And a reputation to "agree to disagree" is not a bad thing at all. Truth be told, that is how some of my best friends and I have become "best friends". And together, we are both "top bananas". |
| FtL: Day 11 How many "step one" processes do I use? Quite a few, actually. With inspiration coming from so many different directions, how I begin the writing process can frequently change. But here's my favorite: A single character comes to me and begins to tell me his or her story. One story, "Ascension"  , began with a piece of art a friend of mine had made and said that she wondered what the subjects' stories were. As I looked at the picture, a young man came into my imagination, much as a stranger will step up behind you in an art museum to comment aloud on the piece you are looking at, and said, "That is my grandmother and her twin sister. And that image is of a moment at Grandma's funeral when she finally went to be with her sister."His introduction intrigued me. So for the next few days, as my scheduled allowed, I would sit in silence and listen to him (his name is Darren) tell his story. And from that, I would turn on the computer and start to transcribe his tale. In instances like that I feel more like a ghost writer than the author even though there is no one physically there to talk to me. In another similar situation, "Invalid Item" , the subject in another of my friend's art pieces actually came to me herself to tell me of two particular tales: her own from centuries ago, and one of the modern age in which she also had a part. Again, I was nothing more than a ghost writer for her (Kate, as she likes to be called now).When I take the position of the ghost writer, I often feel that the story I am committing to the electrons of the internet, or sometimes even to actual, physical paper, flow more freely than if I have write as a reporter (someone who takes an idea and chases down the characters, events, and facts). The book I am working on (or rather, worked on a couple of month ago ~ I really need to get back to it), while it is being written in the first person perspective, I am tackling in the roll of the reporter. In "Invalid Item" , the person I am interviewing is actually myself as it is vaguely autobiographical. Oh, the people and places are fictional, but many of the events are based on personal experience. The rest of the events are based on my imagination and how things might have turned out if I had made different choices in those or similar situations.But all of that is only for stories, no matter the length. Poetry is another monster altogether. Quite honestly, my poetry has to be inspired by outside sources. Rare is the instance when the poetry I write comes straight from me without someone else making a suggestion. "Invalid Item" , however, is one of those situations where I devised the initial inspiration.But the majority is, as I said, outside inspired: "Invalid Item" is a WDC contest inspired piece; "Invalid Item" came from a celebrity quote and the movie he was referring to; and a song series, combined with the Gay Pride Month, planted the seeds which brought forth "Invalid Item" .Well, enough of self promotion. As you can see, my first step in writing takes many forms. One day I will have to try writing a list of things I would like to write about and see if I can follow through on one of them. A change of scenery and inspiration sources may be a refreshing new start. |
 Log in to Leave Feedback |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
