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Some rainbows are bright, some gray, some in colors you've never seen. |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The sun is always shining and there are always rainbows. If it's cloudy, the rainbow may be covered or in shades of gray. If the rain has just passed, the rainbow may be strong, clear, and brilliant. If the sky is crystal clear, the rainbow may appear in colors unexpected. Whatever is going on for you, there's a rainbow out there somewhere. Look for it. And if you find it, let it brighten your day. Keep it in your heart to tide you over until you see the next one. Gonna give this Johari Window thing a shot. If you think you know me or want to see what others think about me, follow the link then follow the directions. Life is words in motion: Flowing from mind, to hand, to page; Sung from heart, to voice, to ear; Life is words in motion. ~Douglas The Human Touch By Spencer Michael Free
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| Well, the worst of it is over. Tonight was the second - and final - women's concert. I have to admit that it was their best one. I actually got shivers running up and down my spine during a couple of songs. One of them, "It Don't Mean A Thing (If It Ain't Got That Swing)", actually caused me to shiver three times! Whee! That is my cue that a song was excellently done. After the concert was over, came the tear down. All the tape had to be carefully removed, the cords wrapped up, the light trees disassembled, the equipment gathered in one place and inventoried. Then all the pieces of the church front needed to be properly reassembled: chair, kneeling pads, tables, baptistery (Methodist church), and other accoutrements. Surprisingly, it only took us about an hour and a half to get it all done. Of course we had something like a dozen people or so working on it. So that helped to speed the process up a good deal. Now, with four concerts down, that means there is only one left - the one I am in next month. Let's see - the concert is on June 21; today is officially May 21; that means there is - GREAT GOOGLEY MOOGLEY - only 31 days left. And I have to be sure that all of that music (some 17 or 18 pieces) has to be memorized!! Well, one good thing about it all is that a third of it we have already sung in the past seven years. However, there are two newly commissioned pieces (one we only received this past Monday) plus the eleven songs of the focus piece (Metamorphosis) to memorize. I am beginning to wonder if I will be able to make it this time. I will just have to spend more time with my rehearsal CD. Lots more time. And the one more day it tomorrow. I only have a four hour shift at the office then about an hour and a half of church choir rehearsal in the evening. Once that is done, then my days should return to something resembling normal. For a couple of weeks at any rate. I will say that I will get a bit of a break this weekend. The office will be closed from Friday to Monday for the holiday. And Tuesday may be a short day depending on how much work the Artistic Director has for me to do. Most of the office work now is focused on next year's concert season, our thirtieth anniversary year- the Pearl anniversary. That is the "theme" that ties all the individual concerts together. I am not sure how just yet, but I have no doubt that I will find out before too long. Our Artistic Director always seems to have a trick or two up his sleeve with things like that. Finally, as for my ear infection, it is almost fully cleared up. The draining is lessening greatly and the pressure behind each eardrum is nearly the same. There is only a little fluctuation in my left ear now. And if I am any judge of my body in regards to recovering from an ear infection, everything should be fine within the next 24 hours or so. So things are looking good on that front. Oh, and one more thing. The handbells have come back from being refurbished. All nice and bright and shiny with all the oxidation gone (for the moment), sounding like new bells, and the inner workings all replaced. Two of the bells were discovered to have cracks in the casings, but since the cleaning did not cost as much as we had planned on, the balance is going to buying replacement bells. They should arrive within the next two or three weeks. Just in time for our first performance since they were shipped off. So that is pretty much everything. Hopefully, now, with the long weekend I will be able to catch up on all my writing and maybe even get more reviews done to add to the One (yes, only one) so far this month.  Until next time, I remain.... me!  |
| This has been one of the least pleasant nights I have spent in a very long time. Thursday, during the women's chorus dress rehearsal, I spent the evening setting up the lighting equipment and getting things ready for the Artistic Director to begin planning the lighting cues. That did not get started until after all the women had left around 10:30 or 11:00 PM. Once the sanctuary was emptied of people and the house lights were out, we found out just how well the air conditioning unit actually worked. Within an hour, I was freezing. I am actually surprised that the other two men there could not see my frozen nipples pointing out from the thin t-shirt I was wearing as I stood under the colored lights as they were planned and adjusted. Anyway, by the time I finally left the building at 1:30 AM, I could feel the beginnings of a cold start in my throat. About two hours after I went to bed, I woke up sweating profusely. I thought any possibility of further health problems were then resolved. All day Friday I felt fine (except maybe a little tired from only sleeping about 4 1/2 hours). All evening, however directly under my home window air conditioning unit, I felt what I thought was the cold trying to start again but with a twist. My ear started to hurt a bit, but not to the point where I thought I would need to be overly concerned about it. When I went to bed around midnight, I found and plugged in my heating pad in the hopes of the heat making my ear feel better. Ultimately it did -- but not before it got worse. Much worse. Within minutes of laying my head on the heating pad the pain began to increase. I took a couple of ibuprophen with the hope of easing the pain. You guessed it, it did not work. The pain continued to grow. By 1 AM the pain became absolutely unbearable. So much so that I am surprised the neighbors did not call 911 because of my cries. A full fledged ear infection but not like one I had ever felt before. At last the pain ended as my eardrum ruptured. Relief flooded over me, especially once I felt the drainage begin. Until I took a look at the drainage. I had never seen an ear infection discharge include blood. At that moment, I called a friend (a medical research doctor) and explained the situation.and because of the blood in the discharge, he thought it best that I go to the hospital. You have heard, or seen, the old joke I am sure. A doctor walks into the hospital waiting room, looking at a patient clipboard and calling the name he is reading but when he looks up as he calls the name again, all he sees is a bunch of cobweb covered skeletons. This was not much better. My friend and I spent nearly three and a half hours either in the waiting room or in one of the ER bays for a doctor to come along. By the time quarter after four rolled around, I turned to my friend and said that if the doctor did not show up within fifteen minutes I was going to walk out, blood or no blood. I was not kidding. I can only imagine that the doctor heard me from whatever hidey hole he was in, though, because five minutes after making that statement, he strolled in. I guess he did not want to miss out on his consultation fees for my visit. He asked a few questions, looked in each ear, then sent an orderly back in (after his five minute visit) with prescriptions for antibiotics and a few other things. Nothing he did was anything we were expecting as far as diagnosis and prescriptions. The only thing my doctor friend could not do that the ER doctor did was write out the prescriptions. As I looked through the stack of papers the orderly brought in for me, there was a list of four prescriptions (two for antibiotics, one for pain, and one for nausea (caused as a possible side effect of the other medicines). I also found a four day work release and medication information sheets. When we finally made it out of the hospital and to a Walgreens, we were in for yet a bigger surprise. The pain medication and nausea medication were fairly inexpensive at ten to fifteen dollars apiece. The antibiotics (one in eardrop form, the other in capsule form), however, threw us for a loop. They cost $135 to $140 apiece. Great googly moogley. That was even more painful than my eardrum rupturing. So now here I sit. Three hundred dollars of medicine sitting on my nightstand, and I contemplating going to bed finally having been awake for twenty four hours already. The pain is gone, but the blood is still in the discharge. I am going to have to miss one of the two events I had scheduled for today. The other one, the concert, I have to go to because I am the only one familiar enough to handle the automated, push button, electronic house lighting. Tomorrow (Sunday, that is) I hope to be fully back on schedule. As things stand, even though it is 7 AM, I bid you all good night. |
| Is there in truth no justice? I don't know how it happened, but I managed to get "a talking to" three times in the past 18 hours at my job and volunteer work (all for the same 'company') for similar but different reasons. Get this: 1) Last night, I was trying to call out the specific numbers of the lighting board switches for the directions the Artistic Director was trying to describe to the stage manager. The stage manager effectively told me to "shut up" because he was confused enough trying to figure out what switches the AD was wanting. 2) This morning, the General Manager was talking with the IT man about the different types of reports she wants to be able to pull up as I finished my current job. To keep from interrupting them, I remained quite as I waited for them. The GM told me to "speak up" because what she was doing was something that could be interrupted. (The IT guy momentarily forgot what he was talking about at that point of interruption.) 3) Later in the morning, the GM said that the Accountant was upset because I did not immediately make a spreadsheet she had requested yesterday afternoon. I said that when the request was made, I pointed out that the information/type of spreadsheet the Acct. was requesting was something that could easily be found in the program now because of a spreadsheet/program that I and the IT guy developed nearly half a year ago. When the Accountant didn't reply, I put the request out of my mind because I thought she understood as she didn't reply back or expand on her request. So I got in trouble for talking and not talking all at the same time. So my question is this -- when the hell am I supposed to speak up or be quite without getting a "talking to"? And how the hell am I supposed to know the difference with less than a week on the job? I'm sorry your Executive Assistant, with whom you had a well oiled machine figured out, quit on you. But don't come down on me, your temp worker for interrupting the flow that you are so familiar with because I don't know when it is legal to talk or not. Sheesh! |
| I am so achy right now. And it all has to do with why I've not been here very much the past couple days. No, it's not my new job. It's the volunteer work I've been doing to get things ready for the BCWC (Bayou City Women's Chorus - sister chorus to the GMCH) concert this weekend. The concert is in the venue is the Bering United Methodist Church which is where the GMCH used to sing six years plus ago. Tuesday, I spent the day setting up the light trees, cans, spots, et cetera and laying and taping power cords and cables and various other wires from the stage area to both the sound control board (near the narthex of the church) and light board (in the balcony). I also had to lug all the segments of the wooden risers from storage off the balcony area down the stairs (no elevator) and to the stage area and figure out how to set them. Oh, and before any of that could be done, the podium, the lecturn, the communion table, 8 chairs and a small pew and all the rest of the church accoutrements had to be removed from the stage area and tucked away into various closets. (There's a joke in there somewhere.  ) I'm sure I did some other things, but I don't remember what it might have been just now. Anyway, all that had to be completed between 10 AM and 5 PM. Why? Because the women had their rehearsal from 6PM to 11PM. During that time, we (the stage manager and stagehands) had to focus the lights and block them off and this and that and the other. Our sound man pretty much had everything up and ready to go so all he had to do was plug the chords into the board and begin setting the various microphone levels. (Lucky SOB. He had the easy job1). The three of us dealing with the lighting ultimately determined (once we saw the ugly number of shadows on the singers) that the trees had to be moved further back -- which meant... Last night between 5PM and 7:30PM we had to disassemble the trees and move them, refocus, block, shade, and et cetera the whole lighting thing. (And for me that was after a full day at the office.) Then, when the Artistic Director got there at 8PM (late), we had to run through all the various settings available for him so that we could begin to plan how to light every song. The biggest confusion/discussion involved what gobols (spelling?) to use and the colors of gels to be used. Which means -- Tonight during the women's dress rehearsal, we will be working to mix the lights and make sure all the lighting gels are the same color, and that they all blend well. We have to be sure we can make all the necessary changes between acts of the various gobols (without knocking the lights on the trees out of position). And finally (hopefully) write down all the cues for the entire concert. Damn! I forgot we still have a bunch of taping and spiking to do too so that equipment can be moved to exact positions during the concert and make sure that people won't trip over the various wires and cords that are roaming the floors of the sanctuary. Tomorrow will be a night off -- for which at least the four of us who have been there all this time -- will be very glad for. Saturday, I have a one-day day-long church retreat (at my church) that is in association with the Excel group that I am a member of which will take me from 7AM to 4:30PM. Then from 5 to 7, I'm back at the "concert church" to go over any final changes and last minute details. The house will open at 7PM and the concert will be from 7:30 to maybe 9:30. And when the concert is over, we have to take down microphones and stage risers and such to reset a few (thankfully not everything) of the church stage for services on Sunday. Then next Tuesday, we have to be back early (probably mid-afternoon) to reset the stage for the final concert that night. And when the concert is over, we have to tear everything down and fully reset the church which will probably take us until near midnight. And that's not even taking into account what I have to do in my own life. Sunday, I have to sing in both services in church. Which is immediately followed by handbell rehearsal (our bells are back -YEAH!), lunch, and a handbell concert by another group somewhere on the west side of town. Thursday, Friday, Monday, and Tuesday is work at the office. Monday night I have my own chorus rehearsal (GMCH). And to wrap it all up, next Wednesday PM is church choir rehearsal. I think that's all my real-life things. Finally, somewhere in all of that I have two days to make up for on my 500 words journal, a couple of contest entries to make for this week, and keep tabs on my raffle. I am kinda thankful that my muse is understanding of my sore muscles and not goading my mind into overdrive when I get home at night right now. Though in some ways it might be better if he would. That way I'd be focusing on something other than my achy muscles. Ugh! |
| First, let me say to all you Mothers out there, Happy Mother's Day. Second, if you celebrate it on the Christian calendar (and I'm not even sure if it's appropriate to say, but I'll say it anyway), Happy Pentecost. Finally, Happy WDC birthday to me. Yep, it's my first. And I got a b-day present yesterday on one of my forums that I could have done without - someone 'rated only' my raffle with 1 star. ONE STAR!! WTF! It's enough for me to want to go through every item in my portfolio and set it to Rating Requires a Review. I already made sure all my raffle items are set to that. I keep telling myself that it was given by someone who was unfamiliar with the rating system and mistakenly thought that 1 star is a higher rating than 5 stars, but I can't seem to make myself believe that's true. Not even in the real world is 1 star a higher rating. At any rate, even with everything that is happening today, I am glad that I can rest today. The Gospel Ensemble is the group leading the music in church today, so I don't have to go to either service; handbells won't have enough people present today, so rehearsal this afternoon has been canceled. So unless a surprise comes up, the only thing I'll be doing today is try to get a bunch of writing done today. And maybe try to catch up on some sleep with a nap later on (not an unusual Sunday event anyway  ). |
| Daughter, Sister, Mother, Christian, Lesbian, Leader, Friend, Lover. These are just a few of the names among many worn by a wonderful lady I have had the joy of knowing over the past year. Angel is now another. I just got word that this lovely saint, Kelly C., passed away in her sleep last night. She was out on vacation with her lover at a lake having a wonderful time. But this morning, her life-partner discovered she wasn't breathing. An ambulance was called, but there was nothing that could be done. Kelly had already left this troubling world to meet her Creator. I've only gotten to know Kelly over the last 7 or 8 months since my first Excel Weekend (patterned on the Crusillo). She had been involved with the group for many, many years and was on the team for this year's weekend retreat. An event we have been working on since January. Kelly always had a smile for you no matter what situation she herself was going through. Her arms were always open to provide a hug. A joke was alway on her lips to get you to laugh. And she had such a contagious laugh and smile. Her smile wasn't one of those that only touched her lips and cheeks. Her smile started in her eyes and spread out from there. She was also a wise-ass and not afraid to speak her mind. Whether she understood a situation and didn't like it, or she had no clue to what was going on and she wanted to know. Nothing could keep her sharp wit and tongue quiet until she said what she wanted or found out what she needed. But, she wasn't closed minded. No matter how loudly she spoke on a subject, she was willing to equally hear you out. Even to the point where she may change her mind if you presented a fair and valid argument. Kelly was one of the sweetest ladies (and she'd blush to hear me call her that, while denying the "lady" part) and she will be sorely missed, especially at our monthly meetings and upcoming Excel Weekend. She will be missed in church. And she will be missed in our daily lives. But we know that she is with Christ now - finally able to sing all the songs she wants (and in tune) with all the energy and spunk of someone 1/4 her age. The next time I sing "The Arky Arky Song", or "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" in double time, I will sing for you, Kelly. All because you helped show me how important it is to keep the child inside alive while worshiping the Lord and throughout our daily lives. God give you good rest, Kelly. And I'll see you on the other side. Kelly, now you sing with the angels Even though you have ever been an angel to us Leaving us to follow in your unmeasurable footsteps Leaving us to feel the empty place Your leaving leaves behind within our hearts this day |
| I just had a bit of good news come my way. It's not a permanent fix. It's not a full time fix. But I was just offered a part-time temp position at the office of the Bayou City Performance Arts - the umbrella organization of the Gay Mens Chorus of Houston - the group I sing with. It starts (most likely) this Thursday, four days a week, 4-7 hours a day with the possibility of going up to 30 hours a week. And it will last at least one month but may go longer. Now the money won't cover all my expenses, but it will certainly take a bit of the burden off the shoulders of the friend who has been helping me this past while. I worked there in December and January and thoroughly enjoyed my time there. And they enjoyed having me and the work I did. So when the temp position came up, and knowing that I was in a bad spot, my name was immediately brought up after someone mentioned contacting a temporary employment service. So, yay! I got a job and despite the limitations, it's one that I want and one that may help me in the future. I am so looking forward to this. |
All right, all you wonderful writers and authors who stop by here. I need a bit of help. I wrote a short story for a contest and had to cut 160 words off of the first draft to stay within the word count limit. However I feel as if I've lost some of the power, some of the "umph" that it originally had. If you would be so kind as to R,R&R the current draft I'd be ever so grateful.
There is a link to the original draft if you want to compare the two versions, though that is not necessary. Thank you so much. Dughlas |
| We all do it. That's what this website is for. Now challenge yourself to write 500 words everyday when most of what you write (in true creative fashion) is poetry. Is it any wonder there are so many forms of named poetry out there? Today, in order to make my word limit, I wrote 5 poems. Personally, I'm not wild about any of them. I tried using 5 different types of poems. And while all of them have the element of free form (one can even be considered to be only freeform), I did make the attempt to write in different styles. I think I may have even invented a couple of new styles - or at least variants of styles. All of them are available if you go to my 500 word journal, but three of them I did put in "Invalid Item"  , my collection of flash fiction and quickly written poetry. In the first one, "Invalid Entry" , each line starts with the last two or three words the previous line ends with. And the last line provides the beginning words of the first line. A wrap around technique. I think I've seen this before, but I don't remember where. Of the five poems, I like this one the best.Next, "Invalid Entry" , is a shaped, tribute poem. Over the head of my bed, I have a poster of a prowling black panther. Ever since I put him up back in 2000, I have had zero to only a handful of what would be considered "bad dreams". So I wrote a poem to my dream guardian shaped like a watchful eye. Not a bad effect, but the poem itself is (to my mind) only mediocre. Maybe one day I'll go back and touch it up. Make it a more worthy tribute and less a tribulation.Finally, I did a variation of an alliterative acrostic in honor of one of my favorite games here on Writing Dot Com: "Invalid Entry" . Every line starts with a word that begins with the same letter. (You may just have to see it to know what I'm talking about.) Again, it is a tribute poem of only mediocre quality but I think that was more from the challenge I set before myself in creating it. However, if Kraken ever found his/her way over to see it, I hope disappointment would be minimal.The other two I wrote, I didn't include in the collection book. They don't even qualify as being mediocre in my opinion. I was just more or less writing while trying to make some sort of sense. These two were a basic acrostic poem (In the Closet No More) and free form (untitled). Again, maybe someday, with the proper inspiration, I'll revisit them and see if I can get them up one more level. But I'm not holding out much hope for the free form one. Sometimes it is best to just let a writing go from the beginning. Get the bad work out of the way so you can really create something amazing. Still, I love playing with words like that. It still stretches the imagination. |
| One of the things that my chorus does on occasion is to ask its members to think about why they are a member of the Gay Men's Chorus of Houston. "Why I Sing" was initiated by our current artistic director (AD) during a weekend retreat in 2002 as we prepared for the spring concert which followed two months later. The major piece of the concert was the impetus for soul-searching by many members of the chorus. It was called "Naked Man". All the songs were taken from writings of the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus when they were asked "What does it mean to be a gay man today? How do you practice religion? What trial, triumphs, and tragedies have you gone through? What are your personal hopes, dreams, and aspirations for the future?" From the submitted answers, lyricist Robert Espindola and composer and life partner Robert Seeley wrote what would become the first of a three-part series of cantatas. The two which followed are called "Exile" and "Metamorphosis". Well, back to the retreat. On the first night after a bag dinner and a short rehearsal, the AD gave more history about the songs from "Naked Man" that we were singing. He then opened the floor to the membership to talk about what these songs were meaning to the singers; a continuation of what he did at the end of each regular rehearsal. Men of all walks of life stood and talked about how their lives were changed or were in the process of changing because of the songs, or how the songs related to their own personal pasts. As a personal aside, I said nothing on this night. However, because of the strength of this new brotherhood in which I found myself and the power of the songs, a month later I would write to both my parents and my sister and come out to them. The next night as all the activities and people were winding down for the day, the AD asked us to answer the question, 'why do you sing?' My own answer was rather trite. It was not something I had ever sat down to think about. Singing was just something I did. Something I had always done. It was a way for me to share the gift that was God given. But many other men had thought about it and their answers, whether profound or humorous, had a depth and sincerity that I didn't feel mine had. This exercise has been repeated once or twice in the intervening years. Our women's chorus has even done it on their retreats. A couple of weeks ago, one of our member's thought, with the conclusion of the Espindola/Seeley trilogy being part of our concert for this upcoming June (Pride month for the LGBT community, it was time for the chorus membership to ask themselves once again, "Why do you sing?" I think I'm still working on the answer of this. All the same, here is why I sing and why I stand on stage in one of Houston's best known theaters with this group of men up to three times a year. Believe it or not, it has taken me seven years of singing with the Gay Men's Chorus of Houston under the direction of our AD to figure this out. Every concert cycle, no matter the theme of the concert, no matter the type of music we sing, our AD manages to bring in the (or a) message of the struggle of the LGBT community to be accepted for who we are and nothing more. We sing love songs as men to men. We sing of the terror of hate crimes. We sing of our weariness in our struggle with HIV/AIDS. We sing of a future world of harmony where the color of our skin, our choice of religion, our deformities and handicaps, our desire for persons of the same sex, our desire to show the world how we feel we really are on the inside is no longer taken into consideration when we are judged as a person. Each of these messages, individually, hit home for me. Some stronger than others. And it sometimes feels as though I have to be reminded about each message each time it is brought to the fore once again. But - what if I were to look at, to read, each program from each concert every time we started a new cycle? Would the AD have to take out his musical hammer every time? Probably, because every cycle we have new members and the AD's connection of song to the LGBT life is not alway clear on first examination. By way of example, to be able to sing a classical and religious song such as Dona Nobis Pacem (Grant Us Peace). Well, that right there is a struggle many GLBT people have to face as the churches they grew up in kick them out. To sing that kind of song becomes a balm to the wounded soul of the Christian GLBT. While being able to sing Adonai Roi, Lo Ehsar or Bashana Haba 'Ah grants peace to the Jewish GLBT. Singing Michael's Letter to Mama brings the courage to be able to come out to family ~ when we are ready and able to ~ and know the relief of no longer having to lie to keep others happy and comfortable. Or finding the strength within ourselves to just be who we are when we sing a "gay anthem" such as It's Raining Men or We Are Family. Or acknowledging to the world that we can be just friends (without "benefits") with For Good from the musical Wicked. The messages are all there. And yes, sometimes the song is sung out of context to apply it to ourselves. But then we'll sing another song, in context, to show that the music doesn't matter. Only it's message. But where is all this leading to? Isn't the question at hand not Why Do We Sing, but rather Why Do I Sing? I sing to join my voice with my brothers and sisters, my chosen family, to express our sorrow, our rage, our love, our denial, our wants, needs, and desires. I sing to change the life of one person in that 1000+ audience by letting them see and hear that we face the same everyday struggles as they do and that we deserve the same chances they have to work through it all and have the same opportunities. I sing because it releases my soul and let's the world know who I am and that I am not ashamed. And neither should they be. But I think most of all, I sing to change one life, one soul, one person. Myself. You see, sometimes I am that audience member who need to have his eyes opened to the larger picture of what is going on in the world around me. I am the person who has looked askance at someone else because of a perception I was taught to believe, when the truth of the matter is something else and often very individualistic. I am the one who won't allow myself to be proud of who I am, but to be ashamed. I sing to change myself. I sing to learn. I sing to love. I sing to grow. Why do I sing? Because sometimes that is all I can do. |
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