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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/1381782
Rated: ASR · Book · Comedy · #1381782
Quotes from a small (and not so small) Monkey
From a very young age, Monkey has amused us with the things that he comes up with.  This blog was begun when he was quite small, and I have been adding to it (less so lately) for over seven years.

He has always had a precocious way with words, and a genuinely brilliant sense of comic timing. One of his first nicknames was Monkey, and the name stuck because it is so true. He's impish, funny, silly, and occasionally swings from a tree or monkey bars.

The first byline of this blog was "my son will someday be a writer." As predicted, he has become quite a talented young writer.

I hope you enjoy his antics as much as I have!
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 ... Next
November 8, 2017 at 6:30pm
November 8, 2017 at 6:30pm
#923516
Monkey (calling from the other room): Mahhhm! Are dogs better people than cats?
Me (walks into room where Monkey sits): Nooooo. Everybody wants to be a cat. Because a cat's the only cat who knows where it's at.
Monkey: *double snaps, winks, and two thumbs up*

July 9, 2015 at 10:48pm
July 9, 2015 at 10:48pm
#853867
Monkey's watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, part 2.

He's dancing around the family room going "where's the remote? I need to pee. Where's the remote? I need to pee."

He finally finds the thing . . . "don't die, Severus. I'm coming." And he runs out of the room, with Snape frozen on the tv screen.

*Laugh*

** Image ID #960978 Unavailable **
June 17, 2015 at 11:34am
June 17, 2015 at 11:34am
#851825
So Monkey was chattering away in the shower . . . and chattering, and chattering. And perhaps not actually doing anything resembling cleaning. There was some odd conversation about whether it was better to be sane or insane.

Me: You know what would be even better?
Monkey: What?
Me: If you'd be quiet.
Monkey: Why would that be better?
Me: . . .
Monkey: You got nothin'!


D'oh! I've got plenty, but nothing that I want to share with you!
October 24, 2014 at 11:28pm
October 24, 2014 at 11:28pm
#832220
Monkey was at the library with his friend this afternoon. This was our text conversation as they were heading back:

Monkey: We're coming home, we're coming home. We're coming home, coming home.

Me: Hee hee! We're here here here, we're here here here.

Monkey: Ok.....
We did re re re re re re
SEARC
H

Me: Monkey!

Monkey: bananananananananananaaananananaaabbagddhehxggwydgseg

Me: What happened to your banana?

Monkey: It turned purple.

Me: Oh dear. Like a minion?

Monkey. No they are pink

Me: No.. they're purple!

Monkey: No they are

Me: Dude. They're purple

Monkey: They are turquoise
:P

Me: Turquoise is a greenish blue. And nothing like pink OR purple

Monkey. Fine it's purpink


And thus, a new color was born. We shall at it to the list of colors made up by members of our family. When I was little, I decided lavatory was a color.


** Image ID #960978 Unavailable **
August 27, 2014 at 6:04pm
August 27, 2014 at 6:04pm
#826450
Monkey's playing Minecraft.

Monkey: No no no! It keeps trying make me eat the porkchop! I don't want to eat the porkchop! I'm trying to dig with it.
Me: you're trying to dig with a porkchop? Do you not understand the concept of porkchop? *Confused*
Monkey: But I don't have a shovel.
Me: Then by all means, use the porkchop.

April 9, 2014 at 5:31pm
April 9, 2014 at 5:31pm
#813202
We were in the car, talking about language.

Monkey: Onomatopoeia sounds like 'anonymous pee-er.' "Mom, there's an onomatopoeia in the bathroom!"

Goldilocks: . . . Flush.

*Laugh* I almost crashed the car . . . *Blush*

February 24, 2014 at 9:21pm
February 24, 2014 at 9:21pm
#808105
So Monkey came in the house to tell me a story, and I completely derailed him.

Monkey: So, Mom . . . our only tennis ball left . . .
Me: It left? *Confused*
Monkey: *Rolleyes*
Followed by 5 minutes of hysterics on my part. I can't breathe now.

February 5, 2014 at 4:24pm
February 5, 2014 at 4:24pm
#805973
Bob: Why is there a little whale in here?
Monkey: Oh that? It's just a little whale?
Bob: How long has it been in here?
Monkey: A little whale.

*Laugh*

November 26, 2013 at 2:21pm
November 26, 2013 at 2:21pm
#798791
My son has, in fact, become a writer. Here is 9 year old Monkey's poem about Hanukkah:

"Hanukkah [ASR]

May 20, 2013 at 9:02pm
May 20, 2013 at 9:02pm
#783114
Monkey was attempting to help Bob prepare a box to ship. As the packing peanuts (the only sort of peanuts he's not allergic to) clung stubbornly to his arms, he determined:

Packing peanuts are foamnetic.

Quick, somebody call Merriam Webster! *Laugh*

May 20, 2013 at 2:39pm
May 20, 2013 at 2:39pm
#783077
Today we bought a pretty wrought iron rack for a corner of the master bathroom. It has 4 tiers. As Bob carried it into the house, Monkey asked is that to put cookies on?

If you think I'm serving dessert in THERE you don't know me very well! *Sick*

January 9, 2013 at 10:23pm
January 9, 2013 at 10:23pm
#771080
*grumbling as he walks past me on his way toward the bathroom* Why is it that when I wash my hands I always have the sudden need to pee?

I dunno . . . magic perhaps?

September 7, 2012 at 5:38pm
September 7, 2012 at 5:38pm
#760232
This morning, while getting ready for school: Do these socks look good on me?

They're stunning, little dude. Work the socks!
March 2, 2011 at 5:11pm
March 2, 2011 at 5:11pm
#718919
What the . . . is that tree pooping out birds!?!

Oh golly, I sure hope not!

August 24, 2010 at 10:02pm
August 24, 2010 at 10:02pm
#704575
Bob: What does it take to put you to bed and get you to stay there?

Monkey: Twenty dollars?

Which was really a better answer than mine (duct tape).

June 27, 2010 at 11:23am
June 27, 2010 at 11:23am
#700215
After I prepared Monkey's pancake, this morning:

Man, you cut fast. I mean . . . woman, you cut fast!

*Laugh*

June 19, 2010 at 10:40am
June 19, 2010 at 10:40am
#699631
Just got this text from Bob:

Dad, Jake leaned over and whispered. I think I need a new girlfriend.

"Oh? Have someone in mind?"

Yes, her name is Frencesca.



Sure . . . I mean, after all, one simply CANNOT go into the first grade with the same old girlfriend. *Laugh*



June 13, 2010 at 4:16pm
June 13, 2010 at 4:16pm
#699080
Dhoc-li Llama : Jake, what will it take to get you to be quiet?

Jake: A dollar or two?

*Laugh*

April 2, 2010 at 2:22pm
April 2, 2010 at 2:22pm
#692073
After helping me figure out how to get the Cuisinart back into the box:

I may not be strong, but I sure am smart!


*Laugh* Can't contradict that one!

March 17, 2010 at 8:09am
March 17, 2010 at 8:09am
#690483
Monkey to me, after I said something humorous: Are you trying to be funny?

Me: Yes.

Monkey: it's not working.

D'oh!



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