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Rated: 18+ · Book · Family · #178297
Ok so I am addicted...
I am addicted to this site. My housework gets overlooked. My finger are asleep as I surf hour after hour. I tell my kids, "Go play" so that I can read and write more. I can not stay away from my site. But hey, I know I am not the only Writing.com junkie!!!
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July 6, 2002 at 10:39am
July 6, 2002 at 10:39am

O.K. so I have almost 300 views, so I know I am getting read! But only 8 ratings. I haven't had any new ratings in quite a while. SO if you are reading my journal or anything else in my port., let me know what you think. If I suck, I want to know. If I am average, let me know. If I am great (which I doubt) I wanna know that too..

So I have been having these weird dreams. Good but strange as it is me reliving parts of my childhood. It is almost as my subconious has tapped into a part of my brain that has been laying low for many years. And I dream this stuff and when I wake up I remember it from my childhood. And it feels great too. The latest was I went in my Dad's old homeplace. This is what we call the homeplace. Now let me explain. It is this huge home that is across the road from my parents. When my grandparents lived there it was a grand home on a farm. It was well kept and all. AFter they died my aunt and uncle lived in it and I was a child. I would go over and play with one of my second cousins a lot. Well now thirty years later this house is falling apart. One of my cousins lives in it. He is a bachelor and just doesn't keep the place up. The home belongs to his sister who lives out of town and she hardly comes home anymore. I think she is ashamed because when she sees it I know she feels guilty about not spending money on it. But now she is getting a divorce and can't afford to.
Well I haven't been inside the home in a few years but in my dream I dreamed that I went over to see my cousin and he wasn't home. So I decided to go on in and wait. Well everything looks about the same and I go through the kitchen and see three loaves of bread and then I start having flashbacks in my dream. This is the part that is true but I was dreaming it. I remember going in my aunts room and playing with her make-up and being told not to do so. I remember the doors and windows were always open and it was such a wonderful feeling. I remember the old dogs walking across the floors and hearing their nails click. I remember playing office in the dark study that had lots of papers and books in it. I remember playing in the living room with the 1950's encyclpedia which were outdated in my eyes as I was born later. I remember all the furniture. Anyway, I relived a lot of my childhood in this dream and it was so real.
Then that night my husband and I watched Vanilla Sky which is a dream movie that I can't even explain. But afterwards it was strange the way it made me feel. Like I said to my husband, "Is this real or am I dreaming you?" I knew I was alive and awake but that movie does make you think strange. So even though I was annoyed at the movie because it was so weird, it was good because afterwards you are creeped out about dreams.
June 30, 2002 at 4:22pm
June 30, 2002 at 4:22pm

So, some person wants to take the "under God" out of the pledge. What is the nation coming to? We have got to stand up for our freedoms is the way I look at it. I mean one person took prayer out of schools. There have to be enough Christians to stand up and say something when folks are trying to pass these silly laws. I wish I could talk to this person and tell him that the only way he is able to take this to court is for the freedoms under God that so many men and women have fought for. And their blood was shed to protect our freedoms. And more important God sent his son many years ago and his blood was shed for our spiritual freedom. It all ties together if you think about it. God is in all! And I think he is going to very disappointed if this nation doesn't take a moral stand on some issues. I mean you can wear baggy pants to school, talk about sex, have body parts pierced, and other way out things yet you can not pray. I mean if we want to talk about rights let's look at everything that is offensive to everybody!! I am going to write my congressmen about taking a moral stand on issues!
June 28, 2002 at 10:50pm
June 28, 2002 at 10:50pm
Today, I had my first professional massage. It was like Heaven. I loved every minute of it. And to think I was apprehensive about going and being naked in front of someone I didn't know. One backrub and I forgot I was even naked. I even got my legs massaged and I think I liked that even better. I never had a leg massage before. Now, my husband can give some pretty good back rubs but this was entirely different. I think the warm oil was part of it. And the soft music and the darkness. I almost went to sleep. And it was the fastest hour I have ever seen go by. I am going back in a month and I can hardly wait. I gave everyone in my family a massage tonight. But I told them that they need to experience the professional kind! When I came out, my husband was in the parking lot wanting me to go to lunch. I felt bad but I already was late to a hair appointment and my mom had my kids and time was valuable. I mean I have needed a hair cut for weeks and highlights. So I told him I had to go. I think it really hurt his feelings but I told him we could go out tonight. But he saids I blew my chance. This hurt me because it isn't like we planned this lunch or anything. This is the only day I have had to myself without the kids and that is only because of my wonderful mom. We could go to lunch a lot of times, but I hardly ever get time to myself, so I had to take it. I had told my Mom I would be back out to her home soon. And if I didn't get my hair done, I was going to scream. I looked bad. But they blonded me up today. I actually have very dark hair without the highlights. I think my skin looks better with some blond in it. Ok I am rambling so I will go now.
June 26, 2002 at 11:06pm
June 26, 2002 at 11:06pm

I used to be so sweet. I mean you could just see sugar oozing out of me. I was always the one helping out others and letting others run all over me and laughing at silly jokes that really made no sense. I never said no to anyone. Well, lately I find myself in a few tiffs and damn it feels good. Used to I would be upset at hurting people's feelings. Well people still say I am sweet, but they are also saying things like, "What?' when they hear from me. I almost got in a fight the other day and my sister in law came to check on sweet little me. She said then she realized I was just fine! Some smart alect was being rude to my kid. Used to I would just let it go, but I got involved. Why? I guess I just realize that I am important and I don't need to prove myself to others. Also, I have my time and my family that are valuable to me and I don't won't anything to take advantage of it. So when that phone rings, I say no more often to voluteering. I speak up now when someone is trying to take advantage of me. I am so proud of myself. What is so funny is that now when I see a shy, quiet person, I think how weak they seem. Yet that was me in my early years. Over the years I have become like a butterfly. My self esteem has blossomed and I don't even know why is was so low to begin with. BUt it was. I used to be scared to even talk to folks. Now here I am telling them off. Good for me.
June 17, 2002 at 5:59pm
June 17, 2002 at 5:59pm

I just got back from a long vacation at DIsney World and visited with family down in Florida. It is good to be home and I am out for summer vacation. Today I slept late and just cleaned house. Something that I have wanted to do for some time. The phone must have rang 10 times so I really didn't get much done. But darn, it felt good to be home with no worries.
May 27, 2002 at 7:55pm
May 27, 2002 at 7:55pm

I know why I became a teacher. It is the kid in me for the anticipation of summer. Ok. so no, that is not the exact reason I became a teacher but those darn summers off sure are great. You know what I mean? You may not be a teacher but think about when you were in school and had the whole summer to yourself! You know that feeling. You wake up the first few morning at the "regular time!" You then remember that it is summer and you can sleep in.
Upon awakening, you just do nothing but maybe read or go swimming or just maybe nothing at all!
Well I do have two kids now so i have to do more than the above. But it is nice to have the extra moments to myself. I have 8 more days and then I am a free woman for 2 months. We are going to Disney World soon too. Fun in the Sun!
April 19, 2002 at 8:45pm
April 19, 2002 at 8:45pm

Yeah! It has been a long time for me to put an entry in! I come to the site every week but am always in a hurry and just read a few works and never really get some quality time to myself to read more, and to write! But I am counting down to summer and more time to myself! In fact, I am going to have a nice long weekend to myself. Well mostly to my self as I will have the three year old with me. But hubby and the seven year old are going on a boy scout trip.
Tonight I thought, " Gee, I need some time to myself!" So here I am.
Nothing new really. I think my hubby and I are having the time of our lives. He says I have hit my sexual peak in life. He also says it is about time. I tell him he is just oversexed. Whatever! But we are really getting a long well and so it makes the intimate times together that more special! We have always had a great marriage but i think it is improving with age. We met 18 years ago this week. We have been married for almost 12 of those.
We had a scare Sunday night as he got choked and I had to rush him to the emergency room. In his past, he has had surgery to correct a problem with his acid reflux, espohogus and stomach. He was very sick before the surgery a few years ago and we were so glad that his quality of life and health improved 200% We thanked God that he was able to get relief. And we learned in our early 20's not to take health for granted.
So this week when he got choked, we thought his old problems were back and he might need another surgery as it is highly likely he will need one every 15 years of his life. It has been 5 years. But it turned out to be a minor problem this time and we were so glad. Seeing him in pain was hard. I am so glad to have him in my life.
March 22, 2002 at 9:11pm
March 22, 2002 at 9:11pm

Four ladies that I know all were due to have babies this very week. Two have and two more await the blessed trip to the hospital.
A new baby is so special. I only got to experiece that twice in my life. There is such a tenderness holding your newborn to your chest. The smell is one that you will never forget. It is a moment in time that you wish would not go away. But it does. They grow too fast, they really do. Seeing my friend with her new bundle really made me wish for another one, for a brief moment. But then reality set in and I know that another one in our family would just be impossible for me. I can barely handle caring for my two little joys now. If I did not have to work, it would be wonderful. But with work, it is hard to put the quality into caring for a child . If I had another, would it be harder to provide that nurtuing among the three. I see my sister in law with her twins and two other children and wonder at how she does it. Today I met a man who has newborn quads. What is so amazing is that they have four more older children all under 10. How in the world do they care for them? I mean in the way that a child needs. Do they sit with each child for homework? Do they sit at the children's bedside and read to them until they are asleep? Do they help those children get ready for school each morning? Those are the things I want my children to have from me in a most loving and with the quality it takes to let them be nurtued. I don't think there is enough of me for another one in my life.
February 16, 2002 at 11:39am
February 16, 2002 at 11:39am

I hate clutter. My house needs to be decluttered. It makes sense. I am in an emotional funky mood and I think I need to declutter my emotions too. They say when you are feeling disorganized in life with things that your house will look the same. Well I am on a mission to declutter two rooms a day. I hope I get finished within a couple of weeks. Then I hope my spirits lift too.
January 25, 2002 at 8:05pm
January 25, 2002 at 8:05pm

I am reading a new book and need to do a book review on this site when I get through reading it. It is Attack on America by John Hagge. I think that is how you spell his name. It talks alot about Israel and current events and it makes things a lot clearer. It touches some on the Sept. 11 stuff but mostly on the Middle East thinkings. I am so into it. I have read a lot of such books but this is by far the best yet. It esp. talks a lot about Arafat and the Palestines.
January 22, 2002 at 8:29pm
January 22, 2002 at 8:29pm

I know several couples that say they do not want children. One of them is my best friend. I just can't believe someone that is so close to me and I felt was so much a part of me doesn't want kids.
I knew I wanted kids when I was only four or five. I remember anticipating when I grew up and could be a mother. I have always had strong instincts in this respect. I can remember going around the house with my dolls and a whole bunch of stuff went room to room with me in order for me to fit the bill of a good mom. I had the clothes, the diaper bag, the food, the bed, the buggy..
When I met my husband, I knew we weren't ready to start a family, but if we had I would have been ready emotional.
There is nothing like holding that baby for the first time. I can remember someone saying that until you had kids of your own, you just wouldn't know the feelings of love you can have. I thought that was just bunch of crap as I was already working with young children and felt all the love in the world for them. But that person was right. I indeed love my kids more that my own life. And that is saying a lot as I am a happy person and dearly love life!
The joy of having a child is like no other. And as they grow, everything they do is just so wonderful. " Hey, listen did you see that? He burped!" And if they are hurting or sick, you wish it were yourself.
They are a lot of work but I can not imagine not having them in my life. I could not imagine ever not wanting them even before I had them. I only have two and will not have anymore. If I could afford to send more to school and college and care for them, I would have had more. As it is, I have two that I want to be able to spend on and they have a quality life. I just wish my best friend could feel the joy. OF course, it is her decision and I don't nag her or anything even though all my senses want to scream, "Are you crazy?" But then again I am sure when she sees me juggling motherhood she wants to say the same thing back to me!
January 19, 2002 at 11:03am
January 19, 2002 at 11:03am

I have taught for several years. I was always in a public school or in a daycare setting teaching the Pre-k program for the state. One thing that always bothered me was how I was not allowed to talk about God nor pray. It is against the law. THis has always bothered me for I was brought up in a school where we prayed and had devotion and learned right from wrong. It was a carry-over from what our parents were teaching us at home. I can not understand how in reality you can really seperate the two. For instance, I learned at home that God doesn't like for us to lie. It is one of his commandments. So I learned this and if I ever lied at school, my teachers would have brought in the disciple through that angle. ( that God doesn't allow us to lie and I need to ask for forgiveness). Or how about the one about "Do unto others as you would have them to unto you."
My school was not a religous- oriented or founded type school. It was just a regular private school. But my teachers had devotions and we prayed together. My personal belief is that without prayer there is nothing. So growing up I learned at home and at school the Christian principles to live not just at home or in my spare time but throughout my day, each day. I learned to depend on God. To think about others.
Having taught in the public system, I see many kids are not allowed this wonderful lesson in life. Many are not even taught right from wrong at home and have no foundation whatsoever to think about others. That is why there is so much trouble in schools. A teacher can not even say, "THat is against the ten commandments." or "Let's pray about it." It bothered me so much. And I like other teachers I know would break the law sometimes by maybe sneaking in a blessing before a meal or saying "That is wrong in God's eyes."
This country was founded on God. The Pilgrams left England and went to Holland and then came to America for the Freedom to Worship. One lady took my Freedom away from schools. The heck with this state and religion thing. Everyone or should I say the majority of Americans believe in some higher power. Everyone should be able to practice their own religion at all times.
My child goes to the same school I went to. A lot has changed. It is even better. It is now an official CHristian school. They have chapel once a week and Bible studies and prayer everyday. All day the children are taught with putting God first. They are taught to put Jesus first, others second and theirselves last. IT shows in the disciple and the personalities.
THis year I took a teaching job at this school and I have never been happier teaching. My kids and I are so close. We pray everymorning. We talk about their lives and we solve problems the Christian way. We have motivational chapel services that just add to what we are doing in the classroom. We learn about people in the Bible and some scripture. All this takes about 20 minutes of my day and then we take up our subjects. But if anything comes up, I am able to say, "Remember what we learned...!" I don't care what anyone saids these children are better off having this in their daily lives all day. I have seen the difference with my own eyes.
January 14, 2002 at 8:38pm
January 14, 2002 at 8:38pm

I am a pretty decent Christian. I mean, I really try to be there in service for the Lord and others. I have taught Sunday schools, gone and trainned a lot on visitation. I am always learning more about my God... but I have one downfall. I am not as consistent in my prayer life as I should be. I often share this with my fellow members of Sunday School. IT is something I have struggled with. Thank goodness, I do have a loving Father that is patient with me. I think of it like it being a family member like my mom or husband or something. THey know I love them even though I may not communicate with them as often as I should.
The thing is I know that I am missing out on a lot when I do not seek out my Lord for that special prayer time. Oh sure, I pray most every day but my prayers are usually what I call "dart prayers." I call them that because they are one liners or short and sent straight to Heaven. For example if my son is upset, "Lord please help him feel better." I find I do this a lot.
The prayer I want with my Lord is that of praise and adoration for him. I want it to be feeled with THanksgiving. I want it to be at least 15 minutes, not hurried. I find I am lucky if I pray to my Lord like this once or twice a week. But is that enough for a good friend that wants to hear from me. He wants to be more a part of my life and I need to make time for him. I shall try to do that more this year.
January 13, 2002 at 8:44pm
January 13, 2002 at 8:44pm

As of today I feel inspired to write again. Trouble is my server keeps going down and i would hate to work on a piece and then lose it so I will wait for a day or two. I hope i still have the inspiration. Funny thing that I got the inspiration in church today. The preacher said a few things that got me thinking and that just got me really going with inspiration. I am so tired today. I forgot to take my thyroid medication for a couple of days and now I am paying the price. I can hardly function. I feel like I did the couple of years I did before i knew something was wrong with me (low thyroid function) I knew I was tired but was so used to it that I didn't know it was anything serious until it got to where I couldn't hardly function the last couple of months before I went to my doctor about it.
I feel for people long ago who did not have medications like we do today. How did they survive? I have thought about that often today as I feel so rotten. I took my medication but I will have to get it back in my system a day or two to feel better. I will not do that again (forget to take it)
January 11, 2002 at 7:47pm
January 11, 2002 at 7:47pm

Tonight my husband and I went out to eat and are childless until 9 in the morning. We must be getting old as we decided we would rather come home than go do something else like a movie or something after dinner.
The kids got picked up at noon ( half day at school) so it gave me time to grade papers and all. I actually feel good about having my work done ahead of schedule.
Nothing new is really going on. Just a regular old life. Nothing new.
January 7, 2002 at 9:12pm
January 7, 2002 at 9:12pm

Back to work today. I will be glad when Summer gets here just to have some time for me. I am so tired tonight. But we had a good day. I think my students are so smart. I have never had so many smart kids in one class. It is hard to keep them busy .
January 6, 2002 at 10:38am
January 6, 2002 at 10:38am

I had a whole entry and was fixing to press Submit entry when my computer just crashed for a moment and I went offline and lost the entry.
SO I was writing about my latest dreams and how corny they were. I am not going to retype that whole entry but basically I had told my latest dreams and how they made me think of their meaning in real life.
I think there are meanings in some dreams. They help you understand yourself as they tap into your mind when you may not do that for yourself. Even in the Bible there are interpretations of dreams.
I felt from my dreams how much it bothers me when my husband will not listen to my advice. He will have on some clothes that are too wrinkled or don't match and if I say anything that he should change, he gets mad and wears it anyway. But if someone else says something to him, he will more than likely go change. In my dream he was driving this old beat up car and I just ignored it as I do most days now about his clothes. THis car in my dream was worn out and not fit to drive and when his mom said it was dangerous to drive, he listened.
Other things in my dream were that my husband was very sick and I didn't know. THat is a lot like real life too as he doesn't let me know when he is feeling real bad. He used to have stomach problems and I would worry about him. So this dream also mad sense.
ANyone else have strange dreams that you can see mirror real life?
January 4, 2002 at 9:43pm
January 4, 2002 at 9:43pm

O.K., so I last wrote about feeling like a kid again as I played in the snow. I felt like a kid again this morning and last night.
I am a teacher and the day we were due back was Thursday but we got snowed in. SO then comes Thursday night. THe weather forecaster saids that the roads will be icy Friday and there is a warning out to be careful. Well this is usually the reason to close schools around here. I watched impatiently as school after school closing went across the T.V. screen. I looked at the phone willing it to ring and be the school telling teachers not to report..
O.K. so it gets late and I go to bed thinking they will make a early morning decision. I wake up at 6. No news. I feel like a kid. " Do I have to go?" After all it is Friday and we have been out for over two weeks. What can fI start on a Friday? No new lessons can really start until Monday. My son and I drag ourselves to school. Over 75% or more students weren't there. Just about all the other schools in the area were closed. We are a private school. Only one other county opened. I did have a good day and enjoyed seeing my kids again. I only had 11 there today. I usually have 17. WE just talked and wrote about our holiday and snow adventures .
THen I reviewed spelling and a few other things with them and boy how the day flew.
I was sad as I watched the snow melt and really
felt like a kid when I drove up in my yard and saw almost all of it was melted. Our snowman is still standing. I remember about 25 years ago driving up in my childhood home and seeing a snowman in that yard and feeling that same feeling I felt today.. I had forgot that memory until today.
I guess you can tell I am very sentimental. I remember (or at least try to) a ot from my past. IT makes me enjoy my present even more to relive things such as snowball fights. I am so glad I had a great childhood.
January 3, 2002 at 4:58pm
January 3, 2002 at 4:58pm

I think some of the best times in one's adult life is when we can relax and just enjoy life. I think most children live life that way as long as they have a good childhood with no abuse or needs. I know I had a great childhood and am still blessed to live a great life full of blessings. But sometimes, as most adults do, I don't think about relaxing and just living.
The snowfall in the south has been a blessing. I have relived a lot of childhood moments by playing in the snow with my kids and friends and husband. We have built snowmen and had a lot of snow ball fights. I can remember as a kid having so much fun whenever it snowed. Well now I am having it again. I am glad the Lord blesses me with such opportunity.
January 2, 2002 at 7:16pm
January 2, 2002 at 7:16pm

We woke up to snow! We have had a ball! I will maybe try to put some pictures on but not sure when! We made a snowman and had snowball fights.More later.

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