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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/178297-Ins-and-Outs-of-my-Life/sort_by/entry_order DESC, entry_creation_time DESC/page/9
Rated: 18+ · Book · Family · #178297
Ok so I am addicted...
I am addicted to this site. My housework gets overlooked. My finger are asleep as I surf hour after hour. I tell my kids, "Go play" so that I can read and write more. I can not stay away from my site. But hey, I know I am not the only Writing.com junkie!!!
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February 9, 2003 at 9:50pm
February 9, 2003 at 9:50pm
#226669
I am the type person who changes all the time. I change my hairstyle. I move the furtiture all around. At school, my kids think it is so funny that I change their desk every week or so. I have no reason why I am like that. I just am So it should come as no surprise that my journal's name changes quite often. Trouble is I can't think of a good one right now.
Oh well-- I'll name it what I am thinking.
February 8, 2003 at 11:40am
February 8, 2003 at 11:40am
#226286


I want to thank all of you who wrote to cheer me up. I do feel better today. I just needed the weekend to rest and quit being so grumpy. I won't lie. I was dog-tired last night. I took a long nap in the afternoon after school and then made myself get up to see about the boys and supper. Then after they were settled in with baths and all-- I plopped myself right back in the bed and slept like a baby. I do feel better too. Only thing is that when Craig came in from working overtime--he literally jumped into the bed-- a water bed --- and well you can just imagine. We are laying there for about 30 seconds and hearing this water sound. We jump up at the same time. The bedroom is flooded. Lucky us -- our water bed is the kind that has rows or cylinders of water. SO only one cylinder lost water. The top of it popped off. But it is still a mess. I have been shop- vaccuming up water all morning. On top of that my son has a virus this morning. But hey-- I am in a good mood so that's good!!!!
February 7, 2003 at 9:30pm
February 7, 2003 at 9:30pm
#226162


My life is kind of boring. I mean I love my life but it isn't anything to really write about. At least not to me. But maybe it interests someone. I don't know. Well I am getting good at expressing my feelings in this journal. I was mad last time. I am freaking still mad but now at one of my parents. I won't get into the details but I am just tired of her not being consistent in how she handles her son. And it isn't really the behavior thing as much as it is his study and work habits. And he lies about me. This morning she accused me of not helping him when he raised his hand. I blew my fuse and told her he was lying. She seemed shocked that I would be so bold and say it out. But I am tired of the way he makes excuses for his not paying attention and then when the heat gets on she doesn't staighten him out.
OK, well I haven't seen much of my husband this week as he is having to put in a lot of overtime. Then the one night he was off, I had an important meeting. I am on a committee at school that is really an honor to be on as I was picked by the administration. I am working with the board on making some reccomendations to improve our school. I have no idea how I was picked as I have only been at this school two years. But it feels great to be on this committee. I am enjoying the work that we are doing too.
February 2, 2003 at 9:29pm
February 2, 2003 at 9:29pm
#225061


I had to take a short break on last entry.
Ok< well I am mad mostly at myself for holding in stuff. Yeah it is just little stuff and I guess that is why I try to make a big deal about it so I won't sound so bitchy. But you know what I think. I think the bitch in me is ready to come out. Yeah,I mean I think I am going to really cuss some folk out tommorrw it they say anything about my housekeeping. I am going to tell them how I feel and it ain't going to be nice.
MY kids in my classroom better behave too. I have a pretty good class but they were in a mood Friday. I hope they aren't like that tomorrow. I am in no mood to deal with bratty kids tomorrow. My own kids better be good too. I am just tired I guess. I am mad that I am so tired and the clothes aren't dry yet. I am mad that I have to do progress reports. I am mad that I can't stay on this site much longer or go take a lonnnnngggggg bath and read a book. Oh no-- dare I take time for me. Even coming on this site gets a comment from some in my life. I may even use the F word to them if they say it again. " You on the computer again?" It isn't like I come on here often. It is really the only time I truly get to myself. Ok. Life will be better tomorrow. I am just going to smile and tell others to F*** off. No I won't say that and that makes me mad. But I won't take no more crap from anyone. I will only be around positive people who bring me up not down. And my husband better learn that real quick to before I give him an attitude adjustment.
February 2, 2003 at 9:16pm
February 2, 2003 at 9:16pm
#225053


I recently made a promise to myself that I would be better to myself. I would listen to my inner feelings and not shove them way in back. So I am pissed about a little of little things with no one to vent them off to or else they may think I am off the deep end.
First, I am mad about someone talking about my housekeeping. I get so mad about this because I work my a** off trying to clean but with a full time job and two kids it is just impossible. It curls my toes to know I can't catch up ever! I know my house isn't really clean but it isn't that bad either. Well someone was just joking but meaning it and it pissed me off. Then someone else joined in and it really ticked me off. I was nice about it though. Then my husband just kind of went along with what they were saying and I told him he could wash his own clothes. Then he was saying I leave clothes in the washer two days. I told him I wash at least two loads a day. I guess I wouldn't be so mad if all my efforts were recognized. I try so hard and just don't feel appreciated sometimes.
I am mad because I had several stars and now the people have cleared them . What gives there??
I am mad because I work my butt off yet I do not have any help as far as a maid or something. Damn, I am just going to take every thing to the cleaners!
I am mad that I even have to work yet the wives of these guys joking are at home to clean all day.
I am mad that I even have to work. I like my job but I feel I am missing out on doing more with my kids.
I am mad that I am cleaning tonight and washing clothes and fixing lunches and he is asleep. I think I will go in and wake him up for the h*** of it. Am I right to be mad? Yes, And why can't I just give these folks a piece of my mind. I am just too nice. THat makes me mad too.
January 21, 2003 at 10:16pm
January 21, 2003 at 10:16pm
#222357


First a little background to this story. When Craig and I were dating for the six years of our courtship ( long--- I know-- that is another story), one of our dearest folks in the world was his cousin, Shane. Shane was like a little brother. He is about 5 years younger. He went with everywhere for about five or so years and we enjoyed him. He was even with us when my husband proposed to me ( See that story in my port). Well he graduated and went off to college. We got married and still saw him from time to time but it wasn't as often with him being away at college. Then he went away to Medical School. We saw him only twice a year at most even though we talked to him. HE got married and had a baby. We saw his wife when she came to visit but he being in medical school-- he rarely got home. He is now a new doctor but still in a special school for one more year. Well he got time to come home and bought his two kids and wife. We haven't seen him in about five years. It was so wonderful. In one more year, he will be home for good to practice medicine in our town. We are all just anticipating being back in each others lives. He has been in school for over 15 years to be a heart specialist. I knew all the sacrifices were worth it. He is so bright and to see him tonight and how much he has accomplished is just wonderful. I do feel old though at thinking back on all the memories.
January 13, 2003 at 9:54pm
January 13, 2003 at 9:54pm
#220466


Isn't it funny how you look up to your parents? At least I always have. I had a good childhood and still continue to have a great relationship even though I am 37...they are 68 and 72,,,which sure seems young now as I am older. Anyway, My parents are my best friends besides my husband. I call and check on them everyday and share a lot with them. When I go home...I feel like a child. No they treat me like an adult. But I feel more like my authenic self comes out. I can relax and chill out just as I did as a child . I seek their advice. I listen to them. IT is an adult relationship but is is kind of like a parent thing still too. Well lately, my bubble has been burst. I am starting to feel like our roles are reversing in the last few years. Like when my Dad was real sick in the hospital and it was me who talked to the Doctor. THat was weird. And there have been alot of little things. But tonight I was visiting and it really hit me as I was fussing at my Dad as a mother would his son. My Dad received a couple of letters from two different classmates from over 55 years ago. I couldn't believe he hasn't written or e-mailed back. I was fussing at him that he better write a letter tonight. It was almost comical as my Dad grinned at me. Then I was talking to my MOm about the possiblity of war. As we talked I realized she had a lot of misconceptions about what is happenening. I won't go into that but I have had that feeling before with her when we talked politically but felt maybe I was not being fair as I do have my strong beliefs and she is entitled to hers even if they didn't seem right to me. But this war thing ...she is really mixed up about it. I have often seem my Dad smile at me when we get into debates (Mom and me) like he knows she is thinking different but she is so bull headed and he just stays quiet and keeps his thoughts to himself after so many years of trying to explain that she is wrong. I can hear her arguing a point now and not knowing what she is talking about even though she thinks she does.
So it makes me wonder--- has she always been like this and I always took every thing she said like it was written in stone? Or is she just starting to get on up in years and not up on things. It is an interesting point to ponder.
January 9, 2003 at 8:58pm
January 9, 2003 at 8:58pm
#219559


I change everything! So it was only a matter of time before my journal title changed again. I no longer feel like "Sexy Mom".... so I got rid of that title for a while.
I had a nice Christmas. Husband said I spent too much on shopping but that's life....what should I do? Don't buy anyone presents. Yeah I am in a crappy mood tonight. But life is good.
My little guy has to have his tonsils removed really soon. I dread that hospital stay with a 4 year old.
School is good. I sent out report cards today. My own children did really well.
I am working on a novel. It isn't too good yet. I have the best part still in my head. I need to work on it some. I am thinking before I go back into the folder and write. I have not even edited anything but that makes for good story telling.
December 7, 2002 at 12:32pm
December 7, 2002 at 12:32pm
#211878


It has been reallly cold here in the South. Not just cold, but that bone chilling cold that takes your breath away and has a wet feel to it. I never thought much of it, but it is true that colder weather does make it feel more like Christmas. I know there have been some Christmas' where it felt like summer. It just didn't feel right. But it is funny. Jesus was probaly born on a warm night. I don't think they get snow it Bethlehem.
We are going to get our tree today. It is a nice quaint place where you take a hayride to the fields. You get a saw and cut down your tree after much debate in the family about which wit the best one. " That one is too tall." or " That one is too skinny." " That one has a hole in the middle>' Personally, I like a tall fat tree. The thing is my husband is allergic to the touch of a tree. So I get stuck decorating it. That gets to be a pain if you have a big tree.
The other day the students at school were practicing singing. We had tha whole student body singing " I want to wish you a Merry Christmas" It was without any practice and those kids sounded wonderful. I got chills up and down my spine and teared up. The other teachers said they did the same. IT is funny how little moments like that can put you in the spirit of CHristmas.
December 2, 2002 at 10:33pm
December 2, 2002 at 10:33pm
#210537


I am going to do something for myself. I am going to start saying "No!" THe next time someone wants me to watch their kid, I will say it. THe next time someone asks me to a boring outing, I will say it. The next time someone asks me to cook a dish to bring to something, I will say no and that I am not even coming.
Who am I fooling? Well I did make a start today. I typed up a couple of letters to give to my clients that I work with to tell them that as in Jan. I am not working for them. I tutor kids afterschool. I do it to help out the parents as well as the kids. Why? Because they asked me to last year. But I need a break. I am getting too burned out. I mean i am so busy that I don't even remember things I am supposed to be doing sometimes. I call that an overload. Now if I can just get the nerve up to deliver these letters, it will be a new start for me to turn in a different directiona and start taking care of my needs and those of my family. I need some quality time to myself and with my family and not doing things I have no time or desire to do anymore. WOW! I feel better. Thanks for listening.
November 30, 2002 at 7:12pm
November 30, 2002 at 7:12pm
#209878


So, I thought my journal needed a change. What to call it? I guess I have had a dose of too much of Dr. Phil or Oprah. I started thinking how I am on a quest to find my true self. S what am I? I am many things. But tonight I feel like the Sexy Mom I know I am. Funny thing is I never thought I would feel so sexy at 37. I thought in my teens and early twenties that I was the sexy thing and it would never get any better than that. Boy was I wrong. I feel sexier today than I ever have. Why? I guess it is my outlook on myself. I feel sexy. My husband makes me feel sexy with his flirting all the time. The sex is definitely better with experience over the years. I have a wonderful life. My two little boys are the joy of my life. I am so happy. I guess when you are happy the sexy side of you comes out.
November 30, 2002 at 6:52pm
November 30, 2002 at 6:52pm
#209874


I have been reading a lot of journals and there just seems to be a lot of depressed folks online. I guess I have my moments too. But what disturbs me is how many teens are depressed. It breaks my heart. I remember feeling some pains but not to the extent I see some of my on-line friends are experiencings. It puzzles me that they are seeming to look to others for happiness and not within themselves. I learned a long time ago to not worry about others and worry about my feelings and self esteem. Find things to make me happy! I pray the same for my young friends.
November 28, 2002 at 7:35pm
November 28, 2002 at 7:35pm
#209549


It has been a few years since I bought a tape or cd for me. I mean I am always picking some up for gifts, for me husband and kids. But I haven't bought any for myself in a few years. Why? I have no idea. But yesterday I picked up Enrique Iglesias' Escape. Now the funny thing is that in the last few years I have listened to country mostly so you would think I would pick up a country music CD. But I guess one of the reasons I got this one is because I do like his music and he is not on the radio station I listen to. So... I bought a C.D. He's a hottie. It is nice to have done something as simple as buying a C.D. for myself. I am enjoying the change in music too. I used to listen to this type of music but it has been awhile.
November 25, 2002 at 9:43pm
November 25, 2002 at 9:43pm
#208944


I think a good author is one that can describe things in life that you would not think about but when you read the way they write it and tell about it, you think--- yeah, I know that feeling or that experience. THe thing is how to put the right words on paper to make the reader feel it. I think Laura Ingalls did that well in her children books. I can remember reading a about winter on a hot summer day and really be feeling the cold.
It has been cool lately and I keep getting into the car and these memories come back to me. They are just little no nonesense things but memories and feelings that would make a good part of a book sometime. O.K. I know I am rambling. But think about this. You go out to the car at night after a movie and you get in the car and it is so cold. The seats are cold and your teeth are chattering. How do you describe that? What kind of feelings or memories does it conjure up in your mind? I think about all the nights of dating and my husband taking me home and me freezing until the heater kicked in. Or going parking and the car getting cold after a while.
Now how about those times as a kid and your Mom goes into a store and you stay in the car with your siblings. I know I did this as a child ( before the world became too insane to leave a child in the car) and esp. as a teenager. Pretty soon on a cool day or evening, the seats start cooling off as you are waiting and you are thinking that your mom is never going to come out of that store. I can also remember being on long trips and laying down on a cool seat and sleeping to the hum of the motor. The other day I was walking out of Walmart and saw some kids waiting in the car and these memories ---sweet memories came flowing back. I couldn't help but think how nice it would be to just be able to sit back and wait like that again. Now my life is so hectic that I don't have time to sit and wait for anyone or anything. I guess I long for that carefree attitude I had long ago. Sitting in a cold car!

My parents still live in the house I grew up. It is a farm. As soon as I turn onto their dirt road which is the farm, I get these childhood feelings of security and contentment. I remember rambling through the woods and pastures. My son is like that. I think next week when I have some time off, I am going to take him hiking around the farm. I haven't been on some of that acerage in ages. I think I need a good dose of some country living. It will be good for my emotional state and physical state and my writing.
November 14, 2002 at 9:20pm
November 14, 2002 at 9:20pm
#206243


I am a workmule and it is not my choice. I have come to the conclusion that I am not happy because I am too busy to enjoy my life. Does that make sense? I am fighting just to come in here and take about 10 minutes out of my day to spend on line. And Damn I am going to use every minute of it. So, have you ever thought about your daily routine. Does yours change. Mine has changed over the years. Here is mine now so that one day I can look back and see the change.
6:10- alarm rings, hit snooze, feel guilty about laying there so get on up.
6:15- Put in my contacts and head to kitchen to fix breakfast for the boys. Run back into bathroom and start getting ready for work.
6:30- Check on breakfast-- get it ready and run back to continue to get ready. Look for clothes for my boys.
6:40- Wake up the boys and listen to them fuss about getting up. I go get dressed.
By 7, I am ready and start dressing the youngest son and pointing out directives to the oldest. Make sure that hubby is up now. Very stressful time now as my boys like to slack off. I usally am looking for some lost thing such as shoes, socks or bookbags. ( I swear that happens almost every morning) I make sure shoes are on feet and brush hair and get them to brushing teeth.
7:30- We walk out the door and drive to the school which is 3 minutes away (Thank You God) I am stressed now as the little one cries every morning about me carrying him and I have my hands full with all my school stuff.
7:35-7:45 I get my stuff ready for the teaching day. Take the youngest to his class.
7:45- Students arrive and I am busy giving out morning directives. By 8 I have them all working away and am able to take a minute to catch up on morning paper work. By 8:20, I am teaching a lesson. At 9:45 my students go to P.E. but I usually am giving make up work or tutoring so I don't really get a break. They come back and I teach some more until 11. Lunch time and I have duty everyday. We have about 60 kids in one room and it is so loud for lunch. I teach until 3. I stand out front until 3:25 waiting for my students to be picked up. One child stays with me until 4 or so. I tutor 2 or 3 children a day afterschool. When I get back to my room I take all the students I have for tutoring and afterschool care and my own two sons to get snacks. By 3:35 I am tutoring for an hour. They leave and I clean my room. We go home and sometimes I tutor one more child. THEN I start homework with my son. Then I see about supper. Then I do a few chores. Tonight I am trying to wash some clothes. I make the boys' lunch for tomorrow. I get online. I take a bath and go to bed. Sometimes I read a few moments. Then go to sleep around 10 or 11.
Now where is the time for me. Like I said, I think I am too busy to be happy!
November 13, 2002 at 6:29pm
November 13, 2002 at 6:29pm
#205955


As a Christian, it is important to me to find time to be with God in spirit. I like to take time to pray and read my Bible and just listen to Him. I find it is so difficult with my schedule to do just that each day. In fact, I rarely get a chance to. I tell others about God. I teach about Him almost each day in the classroom of the Christian school where I teach. But as far as having a conversation with him, it is just like an acquaintance instead of a relationship. I think about it like a dear friend ( as my Lord really is). To be a friend, you have to spend quality time together. Just giving a friend your left over time isn't going to mesh much for most folks. God saids He is a jealous God. I know he means this as we should not put other things before Him. HE is the awesome one who made us and we need to come to him as much as possible. He wants to hear from you. And he wants to guide and help you through life.
How often, I tell others that but i forget it in my own life. Last week, I felt so burned ot and emotional I felt i was on the verge of a nervous breakdown as I have so much going on and I can not even take time for myself ( or my Lord). It came to me briefly through thought that I should go to the Lord in prayer about my state of mind. I found myself shooting an " arrow prayer." instead. I call short, short prayers that you say in passing those. For example, if my son is going away for a trip, I tell him bye and say a short prayer, " Lord protect Kaleb." It is as I am shooting it straight to Heaven. Well I briefly prayed as I did another task to " be with me Lord, I am having some bad days." The Lord seem to bring to my mind that I needed to spend more time with Him as I had these guilt pains run through but I put it in the back of my mind thinking , yeah yeah, I will have a good prayer and study time soon. Well soon never came and even though I felt somewhat better, I still was having a strange life with anxiety hitting me every which way. THat is when the Lord spoke to me through a friend. She said she had had a rough week ( she knew nothing of mine) and the Lord had told her that she had not been coming to him and that is what happens when we don't let him carry some of the burden. It was as she was talking about my life and I know the Lord inspired her to tell me that. It is amazing how he works. I am starting to spend more time with Him now. Life is looking a lot less stressful with Him carrying me through it!
October 28, 2002 at 10:16pm
October 28, 2002 at 10:16pm
#202302
One thing about a journal is that you can write things that you wouldn't share with people in person or else they might wonder if you had a screw loose somewhere. O.k. we all do things or think things. One thing I tend to think about is strange. It seems to come in my thoughts late at night when I am in a halfway state of sleep. You might say it is kind of like a dream. I have this thought usually when I am stressed or very busy in my life. I dream that I have fell into this coma and no one can figure out why. But I can hear everything yet I can not wake up. That last sentence is true for i am usually dreaming it but can not wake up. I feel in my dream and in real life at the time I am dreaming paralyzed and can not move or talk as hard as I try. In my dream I am trying to talk to my husband but can't . But the nice thing is I am enjoying the sleep and rest that the coma provides for me because I never get to rest. My husband is whispering sweet nothings to me. He does do that in real life. But he is talking to me in my dream too.
So when I wake up I try to analyze this dream and think how dumb it was. Yet I thinkthe thought of enjoying being in a coma in my dream -- it comes from me not having time for myself in my life-- what with being a mother, wife, daughter, sister, teacher and so many other roles that I can not begin to even think about. I think I do get tired and run down. It would be nice to just sleep for a while and then wake up and live my life refreshed. Has anyone else had strange thoughts or dreams? I call this a thought because after I dream it-- I think about it. Even though it is corny. I know in reality it would be horrible for my family and for me. I would miss out on so much, esp. my children even if it is only a couple of months. O.k, I think I will just take a mini vacation instead of the coma thing!!!!! Our brains can be so weird sometimes. I know I have been in a tired stage as I can't catch up on my sleep and I feel cranky lately. I guess our dreams tap into that subconscious part of ourselves. I know I am in a tired mood as I can not even think straight lately. Tonight I could not even remember where a resturant was in town that I have been to several times. I really think forgetting to take my cholestrol medicine may be making me feel like this. Someone told me that when you have high cholestrol, your memory can be affected. I didn't think much of it. But since i had been on the medicine, I had been so much better with the brain fog and being tired. I went a week without the medicine and it is all back. That may be why I am having the coma dream AGAIN!!!!!


October 22, 2002 at 9:17pm
October 22, 2002 at 9:17pm
#200804


I have often thought about smiles. I know that I smile a lot. I smile almost daily to my co-workers. I smile to strangers in Walmart. I smile at my students in class. Sometimes I mean it. I mean it as a greeting and that I am happy to see them. Sometimes I smile because it is the nice thing to do. But I think sometimes if that is the right thing to do. I mean if I feel like crap, should I still smile or shoudn't I maybe just frown?
People often in my lifetime have told me I am a very cheerful person, especially in the workplace. I can remember my first interm job in college, I worked at a Food stamp office. My co-worker remarked that I was like sunshine in the office everyday. The other day my receptionist told me that I was always so cheerful. It is funny they say that as I often have looked at myself in the mirror and thought I have that grimance look. You know what I mean. Those folks that look kind of mad or in a bad mood because of their facial expression. It could be they are a happy person but their features just make them look like they aren't a happy person. I know a lot of people like that. I want to have that warm inviting look on my face that saids, " Hey, I am a kind human!" I guess it is really actions that matter anyway.
Tonight when I was shopping, I had about six or seven people just smile at me. I started thinking, "OOOOO.KKKKKKK. so what are they smiling at?" I even looked in the mirror when I got home to make sure I looked decent. You know? No hair sticking straight up! Nothing sticking out of my nose? Nothing on my clothes?"
It was strange because I used to smiling at strangers but it is strange for people to smile at me first. Well yeah, maybe one or two on a shopping trip. But this was around seven or so different people. So, what made them smile at me? Maybe because I had on pink. It is a friendly color. Maybe it was the Halloween pin I wore that says "Boo to you!" But I doubt that as most people smiled before they had a chance to look at my pin. In fact, all looked at my face when they smiled. Hey! maybe it is my face. Could it be I do have a warm friendly face after all? I like to think so!!!
October 22, 2002 at 9:00pm
October 22, 2002 at 9:00pm
#200800


I sit here and am listening to my youngest son play trucks. He is four. He is pushing trucks over a big make shift ramp and just to talking to himself. I am tickled as he is just in his own world. He pushes one truck at a time and talks about what happens. " Oh, that one got trapped! O.K. now let's see the big one. Man that went fast! Whee, next, O.K. helicopter your turn." Then he asks his trucks all in a pile. " You want me to get ya'll out?" He answers for the trucks. " Yeah, cause we want to play some more." " Hey, who made that noise?" he asks. " The motorcyle did." his helicopter answers back.
On and on he is talking away. Oh to be taken into his make-believe world. I do remember those moments of pretend play. Weren't those fun times as a kid? I loved to play House. I had a bunch of baby dolls and they and everything they owned went around my own house as I pretended. Sometimes a sister or friend would join. But more often I was just as happy playing in my own world.
Oh how I want my little ones to enjoy these years. They do go by fast, even though as a child you can't wait to grow up. I love being a grown-up, but even more I loved being a child. So carefree and happy. I gringe that many of America's children do not have that happiness and carefree and innocence like I did and like I pray my boys to always have as children. I am thinkful for my blessings and I do not take anything for granted. As a teacher, I have seen to many unexpected things come up in people's lives that changes everything. Anything from a death in the family, a family member going to jail or getting sick or leaving the home in divorce or anger. I do not think any of those things will ever happen to my happy family. But hey, did those folks it did happen to ever expect it to happen to them? So there is one thing I have learned and that is to not take anything for granted. I pray often to my great God that he is so good to me. I am able to relive a part of my childhood through being a mother.
July 16, 2002 at 6:30pm
July 16, 2002 at 6:30pm
#179754


I like change. I do not know why but I do. I try to figure it out, but I don't know what it is that attracts me to change. I change jobs a lot but always for the better, so that is understandable. I change my haircolor. I change the paint in my house. Mostly I change the room arrangements of my home and work place. Everyone knows me for that. I can just get so down on how the room looks and it is something about changing the furniture around and even redecorating that does something for me. It is strange. Well, gotta go. I need to go change around my den, now that I think of it.

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