Blog @ Work

I find myself using the verb ‘need to, must, ought to’ very often in phrases. In Dutch, there is one verb to describe this and it sounds a bit harsh in everyday speech. As if something is obliged to. In my speech, I can sound a bit strict, but that’s not the intention. So I have to be aware to use another word. I think I caught it from the use of words my father and mother used to use. Especially my father was very strict and I think I copied this from him. Not good at all.

I saw myself
Stepping onto a movie set of rain imitating rain
A central fiction
I never got wet
But the illusion was right there
A green screen
A musical
Singing in the rain!

I am not a parent, but I worked a lot with troubled kids in the youth sector. It is very difficult to raise kids and to earn their trust. Although I always knew they had a lot of secrets they were hiding from the adults. My parents only saw what they wanted to see, I never could be myself around them. In my youth, there was little trust between us. That changed fortunately over the years.

I am not musical at all, although I played in a gamelan orchestra for a year a long time ago. I can’t read music but gamelan uses numbers instead of notes, so I could do that. These days a lot of people play music on the computer without really knowing how to play. My brother started out that way, playing the piano, but now he’s taking lessons and is composing little musical pieces. Very neat. I always envy people who play an instrument. In school as a child, I didn’t want to start music with a wooden flute. So I never bothered. Now I regret not taking the time and effort to play that instrument. A few years back I bought a Moroccan bongo. I can’t use it; I don’t have much rhythm, so it’s just a nice feature in my house.

May first is Labor Day in my country. From 1890 onwards this day is celebrated because of the implementation of the 8-hour workweek. It’s not an official day off, but in recent years with a socialist government, I thought it was an official holiday. Not now though!

Wearing masks in the public domain is forbidden in my country. One has to show one’s face. Nowadays there is the question of wearing burkas for conservative Muslim women. On the streets, they can wear this but not at work or in the public domain. I like to see people’s faces. One time when I was working in an empty building during the weekend, I noticed two boys/men with clown’s masks approaching. It was kind of ominous since they wanted to enter the building. Fortunately, I had locked the door. I rang the police but they said it was probably kids playing. But since you don’t know what’s what with a mask, I was not amused.

People wear invisible masks all the time. They hide their true selves behind a correct public face. That’s the case with public figures who are arrested for crimes they committed. As public, you would have never guessed they were capable of committing those crimes.

One time I wrote something about a serial killer who was very well liked in his community. Nobody suspected that the nice man was indeed a vicious killer. Everybody, including his wife and kids, was surprised, astonished and appalled by what he did. Some people are a master in hiding behind a nice face.

This is what’s happening right now. I have to clean my house before anything else so I made a promise to myself to do my house chores tomorrow. I will spend the whole day cleaning my kitchen, doing the laundry, taking out the garbage, doing groceries and make my house a bit homier. When I finished that I can do my blogs, not before. The rest of the week I have to get busy on assignments for the Rising Star Program. Hopefully, I will get my Muse active when my house is done.

Once upon a time a writer was sitting at her desk, drinking coffee in the early morning. The sun was shining bright, the birds were singing in the trees and the sound of cars passing by filled the writer’s study. It was Saturday morning.

The dog tiptoed to the balcony and sat down.

It was a perfect day for writing.

But there was something wrong.

The Muse hid in a corner of the balcony and refused to make a move. She was enjoying the light and the breeze in the open air and could not be persuaded to come in and work with the writer. After several attempts, the writer started without her.

One big mistake.

The letters would not form words and the writer saw it was no use to continue.
So she gave up.

High up in the air, the bird views an overall view of the world.

I live alone so there is no daily interaction with a fixed figure. There are times when I don’t see someone, except for the cashier in the grocery store, for days. My friends and family, I see on an irregular basis. This weekend I see my sister again in almost five months, so I am looking forward to having lunch with her on Sunday. We have a lot to talk about!

There was this nightmare years ago. It re-occurred several times in that period. I always woke up screaming and in sweat. What I recall, it was about my body lying in a dark room and me not being able to distinguish the dream from reality. It was very frightening. This dream stopped and it didn’t bother me since.

I really think it depends on the person and the relationship. If you have committed to be monogamous and the other one cheats it’s over for me. Cheating is a choice. But if the relationship is open and the other has a fling I would worry less. So there are different approaches. I have written a story about a character that cheats: "She wanted him"  [13+].

The sky is blue. It’s a soothing color. I love the color blue in the painting of Vincent Van Gogh’s Almond blossom  

A year ago I won a local writer’s contest with a story about my neighborhood. I was very surprised and thrilled. The prizes were a workshop on storytelling and two tickets to an important writer’s festival down town. I was really looking forward to both events. It made me feel special as a writer.

Unfortunately, I got the flu right in the week of both events so I had to decline the whole thing.

Laughter is very healthy and good for the spirit. It can turn around an unpleasant situation or a bad hair day. It is refreshing for the soul, it gives air and light. Unfortunately, I am a very serious person and I don’t laugh a lot. My bad!

Writing something funny is also very difficult for me. For the Rising Stars Project we have to write a stand-up comedian piece with jokes or a funny story. I am dreading this assignment since I absolutely have no clue whatsoever to write something funny. Sigh! So what am I supposed to do? I think you can’t be forced to write something funny, because it won’t be funny. But this assignment is mandatory. Help!

It would be sheer luck! Having a perfect companion for me would be awesome. I don’t think I would be bored because the robot would be perfect for me. That doesn’t mean necessarily he would do anything I wanted or in a way I wanted it to happen. That indeed would be boring. But then again he wouldn’t be perfect for me.

I already have a perfect animal companion, my dog, so to have another one that fills my needs would be wonderful. If I couldn’t make out the difference between him and another human being I would be very happy. But that would be the deal breaker: he must be talking, acting and looking like a human being. If not then there is no such thing as an ideal companion. He must taste, feel and touch like a man. So it must be a sophisticated robot, not the metal creatures that are developed right now. That won’t do. But I doubt I would be able to fall in love with a robot, so it’s all very hard to imagine.

If the person I was most compatible with turns out to be a robot it says something about me. I am not totally sure I would like what I have become then.

”It’s not all about you” might refer to you being egocentric. The ‘it’ probably means ‘life in general’. Some kids or people are totally involved with their own affairs and don’t have the time or the feeling to be interested in others. If that is the case all the time you may want to correct them and say”It’s not all about you”.

But egocentrism is hard to break in adults, so I doubt if it would be successful to say it. I know that for me I don’t say it to someone who only has eyes for themselves; instead, I distance myself from that other person.

Shame can be a cover for anger. If you feel shame that is a painful feeling about yourself or your actions you may want to cover up this bad feeling and the disguise can be anger directed towards others instead, or yourself. Anger is less painful to feel. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mindful-anger/201607/is-your-anger-cover-sh...

In my dream, I saw a ghost at the piano studying. He won a gaudy prize for it. I was bewitched by his excellence and wanted to enter in his footsteps. I was blushing at this daunting plan, bit my tongue and started playing as well. I woke up soon afterward.

This is a rather difficult question since I never married. That has its reasons obviously, one of them that I don’t believe in the system of marriage. But it’s fair to say although I had an offer once I never was tempted to marry as well. I simply have not found the love of my life (yet). If I was so in love with somebody and that passed on to loving him deeply, I now would consider it, probably to do with my age. The chance of this happening is nearly zero; the chance it will happen twice is almost non-existent. So my mind says no to this prompt. But you’ll never know for sure. Although it is a romantic idea that there is a soulmate out there for everyone. To meet that soulmate is difficult (in my case), to meet two soulmates in one life time? What are the odds?

Two giant panda’s arrived last week in The Netherlands. Wu Wen and Xing Ya came from a zoo in China and they will stay here for 15 years. It took the zookeeper fifteen years of negotiations before they could come to their newly build Panda House in Rhenen. They come with a price, though. They cost two million dollars a year which the Chinese government will use for research. The initial costs were 7 million dollars. Wu Wen (beautiful and powerful cloud) and Xing Ya (elegant star) will stay indoors in quarantine for a few weeks before they are shown outside to the public. That way their caretakers can do research on their physical and mental state, their condition, illnesses and so forth. With only 2060 animals living in the wild, it is very important to save these giant pandas from extinction. They must eat from 26 to 84 pounds of bamboo every day.

On Earthday I like to remember the difficulties people face to ensure that species are kept alive.

This potion is for all of us writers who lack a little confidence for the day. A few drops will guarantee confidence that will last a week. Wow, I wished it was that easy.

The ingredients are easy to come by. Go to your local grocery shop and ask for the wizard in the back, every shop has one although not many people know this. For fewer than 5 bucks you can purchase these items. Be careful when leaving the shop though, spies are in place to undermine your intentions. Run home and follow the video. It will be worth your while.

Language and fashion…a relationship I have never thought about. Which is weird because fashion too makes a statement on who you are as a person. People choose clothing to feel comfortable in or to work in or to identify their true self. They both are tools for expression. Usually, they are congruent which means that the way somebody talks and the way somebody dresses are in one line. I had one experience years ago where a beautiful girl, dressed up really nice started talking and what came out of her mouth was such foul language and in such a horrid way it made your skin crawl. It was a real shocker.
But usually fashion and language both define your thoughts on the body of that person. You place somebody into some category based upon their ability to use language and the way they dress. Sometimes you make mistakes, for example when you look at a homeless person with shabby clothing on the street you often make the mistake they are not literate. If they suddenly speak out eloquently and civilized you are kind of surprised. That’s a wrong attitude of course, and it shows that first appearances are not always right.

A woman with ice in her veins would be a very cold chick. She probably would not have had a warm personality. It would be a handicap of course, body temperature would drop immediately and she would be an ice queen in her thoughts and behavior. I cannot imagine a job or profession where it would be a benefit to have ice in your veins. She probably would die alone and cold and sudden, because it’s not a healthy state to be in. Maybe as Queen of the Underworld she would survive.

So far so good for astrology signs: it is a complex match. Virgo and Sagittarius   I myself am a Lion. That mostly means the stars think I am reliable and very loyal. I don’t especially believe in the zodiac but it’s always fun to see what the horoscope is saying. I sometimes ask the Zen cards to predict a certain day or answer a question. Just for fun, I don’t let the cards rule my days.

When I took the job as a counselor for the juvenile court I thought it was a real challenge. It combined the work I already had done for kids in problematic situations and my education as a psychologist. They warned me about the amount of violence involved, indeed we spoke about that aspect during the interview. I thought at the time, that since I was not spooked or frightened easily this job would be the one for me. In retrospect, it was my biggest mistake. When confronted with the violence of a drugged pupil of mine and in dealing with this criminal family I completely lost it. In retrospect, I am not good with violence,( is anybody ever?) but in my case, I could not handle the pressure of dealing with it on a daily basis. Could I do it over again, I would not have chosen this job and stayed out of the messy world of broken criminal families with multi-problems within the judiciary system. I’ve learned that you bring your soft spots into your work. Some jobs are not for me. Direct violence and the threat of it are aspects I cannot handle.

Space Salad
When opening
my fridge…
It is indeed
growing!

“How are we to know that the mind has become concentrated? Because the idea of time will vanish. The more time passes unnoticed the more concentrated we are…. All time will have the tendency to come and stand in the one present. So the definition is given, when the past and present come and stand in one, the mind is said to be concentrated.” – Vivekananda.

Dream-time is a concept borrowed from the Aboriginals to understand the time of their ancestors. I also have seen it used in dream interpretation. There is a group of people who believe that our knowledge of the world and indeed our very existence is but a mere dream. We play a part in that illusion we call the wake state. I find that an interesting thought.

My dog Arie is the most important in my life right now. For the last ten years, I live with Arie on a daily basis. He is there in my home 24/7 and I take him with me whenever I can. He gives structure to my days because I have to take him for a walk 4 times a day. A 12-year-old Farmer’s fox-terrier with lovely brown eyes, medium size and an easy character except towards other dogs. I love him to bits. My life would be so much less without him. If he was gone, and I have to take into consideration his age, I would mourn. But I would immediately search for another dog. I love it that there is a creature in the house I am responsible for and I have to take care of. I love a dog as a companion and a friend for life. Without that my life would be very empty.

My father died one year and 4 months ago, suddenly from an aneurysm. He was gone within minutes. His wife was with him at the time, but I never had the chance to say goodbye to him. My last memory was from two days before, saying goodbye in the tram after a visit to the theater. After his death, we deleted the voicemail message on the telephone, but before that, I listened to it a few times. That’s how I recall his voice to this day. The only words I actually can hear him speak: “This is the voicemail of … We are not in right now, please, leave a message after the beep. “ His voice sounds a bit metallic and is high pitched, somewhat stern but exactly as it was. This is his voice as it plays in my head. My father’s voice; the rest is too faint to remember but I cherish those few words in my memory.

The use of irony to mock or convey contempt. I have a troubled relationship with sarcasm. I find it most of the time not funny but rude and out of place. The difficulty with irony is that it should be recognized as such, otherwise it is just wrong. Mockery or contempt disguised as fun won’t do. So you have to know the person who uses sarcasm very well in order to know s/he meant it a certain way. When it’s used properly, like a good stand-up comedian, then I like its clean cut version of fun. Otherwise, it is merely offending.

When overcoming a struggle there can be progress, but not in all cases. Sometimes progress is obtained gradually without struggle. In learning, progress is obtained in phases, gradually. But with some other life challenges, there is struggle first. It all depends on what part of Life you’re talking about. Douglass is right sometimes.

For the past decade I visited my father and his wife on Easter Sunday. This year is the second Easter without him. So I visit his widow for an Easter lunch with bread and eggs. There is nothing special about this day apart from the fact that it’s a national holiday. Since I am not religious I don’t visit the church either.

In my country, there is a television tradition around Easter called The Passion. It’s an outdoor spectacle with thousands of visitors in a different city each year telling the musical tale of Christ. This year millions have watched this so it is kind of a tradition. A lot of people attend to the Matheus Passion as well, in churches or buildings. I’ve been there as well a few years back. It’s a great way of celebrating Christ and the beginning of spring.

If I was by car I would turn away and drive back to where I came from. But if I was by foot or by bike I would try to find a spot to hide out the storm. The storm represents a turbulent time in my life. What I learned was that the storm is there no matter what, you better let it pass. It will go eventually. The road is the path you came from, your past, and it is where you’re heading, your future. But you can always take a little detour to avoid great trouble and hide a while till you are back on your feet to the big road again.

On Saturday morning I went to an action of different items. To my surprise, there was a robot for sale. A cybernetic man with a smile on his metal face. He was definitely there to make my life better, so I bought him and took him home. He was more convenient than his genetic life counterpart. My domestic help had just falsely accused me of being a bully so I had to let her go. An expressive move on my part, but with the new robot in the house everything was okay again.

When I am sick, which is not very often, I take it very easy, stay in bed all day as much as I can. The only thing that’s on my mind is how to get through the day and get better. I leave the chores for later, although I probably have to walk the dog and do the groceries for the day.

Why is there no ice at the bottom of the ocean? Because the earth is warm and the water down below is therefore not that cold. Water freezes from the bottom up.

Why don't clouds rain fire over the desert? Clouds are always made of water/rain, not fire. Water evaporates and forms clouds, then with the right temperature, the cloud let go of the rain again.

How deep do you think the deepest human bones have gotten into the earth? With the thousands of years dirt, earth and rubble got buried over the bones.

Yes, I agree. Unfortunately, we’ve lost touch with the earth and Nature. In Nature, I feel closest to the earth and my place on it. Walking in the woods or on the beach, which I don’t do as often as I would like, always makes me feel very happy. Interacting with animals or just watching them brings joy. I think because it reminds us of our place among the stars and that we are not alone on this earth. We have a responsibility towards the earth and Nature.
I live in the city, away from nature. But every tree counts and every bird is a creature of this earth. Watching that makes me feel humble. Just feeling the wind on my skin and the sun on my body reminds me of that greatest gift of all. Life!