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Follow my struggles and triumphs as I attempt to gain a healthy lifestyle. |
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Hello! My name is Carissa and I am third generation sweet tooth. The love of sugar runs very deep in my family, especially on my dads side. Consequently, diabetes also runs very high on that side of the family. Both of my grandparents had the disease as well as 4/6 of their kids. As a teenager I will never forget what it was like watching my grandma give herself a shot of insulin with a deep sigh right before she injected herself or the horror in my mothers voice as she tells me that my grandma is in the hospital because she passed out at a store; due to her blood sugar dropping too low. I also had an uncle pass away suddenly in his early 50's because of diabetes complications. He had a daughter, the same age as me, in college and a son still in high school at the time. In February a doctor told me that I have polycystic ovarian syndrome (referred to as PCOS) and pre-diabetes. This news is not surprising to me, but it still makes me tremble. I want to learn how to have a well balanced healthy lifestyle and still enjoy a sweet delicacy occasionally and have the hope of someday having a baby to call my own. Currently I am 28 years old, weighing a little over 300 LBS and I am using Dieting for Dummies as a workbook. Follow me on my journey for a newer healthier lifestyle. |
| I feel like today's blog is a 2 part blog. Part 1 is for yesterday day 20 and the other part is how I react today. The reaction is the most important because it will determine my progress. I am very proud of myself for how yesterday went. We were invited to have supper with my in-laws. To prepare for this I bought apple slices, a string cheese, and a bag of pretzels to eat before we headed to their house that is about 60 miles south of us. Then we traveled another 10-15 miles to the small town where the restaurant is located. The name of this restaurant is George's and it has never let us down. The food is always very good and it's cheap. My husband and I shared a 12' pizza and later he had cake but I passed on it. It was chocolate cake and I am not very fond of chocolate cake (of course it is my husband's favorite), but I know that if I don't have a piece I am going to be thinking about it constantly until I have cake and by the time I get the cake I like, I will have drooled over it for a while and will eat it uncontrollably. I decided to opt for a turtle sundae from Culvers instead. My thought process was that if I have something I like as equally as cake, then I won't feel like I missed out on anything and will be content with what I had. Once we got back to our house I had a piece of Dove dark chocolate and went to bed a couple of hours later without snacking. What's with the Dove chocolate you may ask. It is something I have been doing this last week to signal I am done eating. When I am done eating my meals I am savoring 1 piece of chocolate and as it melts I realize I am satisfied and do not need anymore food and it also ends my meal with a little sweetness helping me to not crave sugar filled foods. Day 21-The real test Eating out yesterday gave me a taste of what I have been trying to change the last few weeks. Personally I did not feel confident that I would be able to eat out and then return to my normal habits. Today is a very critical day in the aftermath of yesterday. I believe that if I can successfully eat healthy today that I will be fine. Tune in tomorrow to see how I do! |
| It all began with a miniature panic attack. I have a friend coming to visit me from the Chicago area at the beginning of July. She is originally from Iowa and moved there when she married her husband, so every couple of years she comes back home to see family and friends. Being excited to return home, she is already planning everywhere she wants to eat. I have been trying so hard on my new improved lifestyle, that I am worried sick this 1 week will give me a taste of my old life and everything I have worked so hard for will be for nothing. This is just the beginning of my thoughts resulting in a mini panic attack. Next, I start thinking about everything I have planned from now until July. My cousin is getting married Fathers Day weekend. In a week I will be attending her bridal shower, both events are sure to have cake and other food I should stay away from. Now my thoughts are racing and I really start to panic because next weekend I will be making the 90 mile trip southeast to see my parents for a week and help my mom watch my baby niece and 2 year old nephew while my brother and his wife go on a mini vacation. I will be spending a whole week surrounded with the bad habits that lead me to get into my current situation. Now I am pacing the room as it occurs to me that I have a dinner with my husband and his parents Saturday night. What am I going to order? Will this give me a taste of my old life and make me want to go back? I am not prepared to eat out 1 time and then instantly eat healthy again. BREATHE Carissa! Taking deep breaths I was finally able to calm myself down. Listening to some beautiful ballads also helped. I talked to my husband and the plan is for us to order pizza and I will get a side salad before it arrives in hopes of me not eating as much pizza. Yesterday's other struggle was that in the evening I started to become hungry, so I ate a bag of popcorn. It has been my go to this week and so far has really helped, except for last night. Shortly after I had my allotted 1 bag of popcorn I was still hungry, so I fixed myself some toast. I was still hungry and decided enough was enough, I needed more substance and with my mind made up I went to McDonalds and ordered a bacon mcgriddle and a small fry. The good news is I was finally satisfied for the night, but I question if I may have been able to make a better choice. It is instances like these I can not handle. Do I beat myself up for having McDonalds and try to plan for next time this situation occurs or do I accept it and move on without giving it another thought? |
| I am facing an odd problem. Over the last few days I have been doing really well and I expect to feel overjoyed. Unfortunately, the excitement I feel when I eat healthy is much less than when I am eating a food I really enjoy. Having the excitement of dad bringing in a ton of candy or going out to eat at my favorite pizza place gives me a rush of enthusiasm, but when I had done really well for a day I am left feeling emotionless and I do not know how to make myself content. This makes me believe I have an addictive personality. It's very difficult for me to try and be positive when I am feeling no emotions and just existing. My perspective is that having optimism should be combined with a happy/bubbly feeling, while acting pessimistic is accompanied by emotions of sadness. I may be struggling with being content, but at least I can be upbeat about how well I did on my 18th day! Yesterday was great even after I had to make some tough healthy lifestyle decisions. My husband came home from work yesterday and was in a bad mood. I believe it is due to the fact that he knew zucchini was on the menu and he didn't want to eat it. He is a picky eater with a fear of trying new foods. He has his few comfort foods and does not want to step outside of his comfort zone. He also improves his picky eating at the rate of a snail. It has taken him a year to go from eating 2 carrots to a spoonful of carrots, at least he is willing to eat them. He also had to mow the lawn, the grass was getting long and it had to be done before the predicted thunderstorm. Trying to show a little compassion I suggested we switch the menu around and have walking tacos instead of the pork tenderloin and zucchini. When I started making the tacos I discovered the beef had went bad and needed to be tossed. By this time I was getting very hungry and normally would have suggested pizza and to be honest I did but quickly dismissed it because I knew it would take an hour to be delivered and that would not help my hunger. I ended up making the difficult decision to stick to the menu and tried zucchini. I have to admit I didn't mind the new vegetable. The recipe was very quick and easy and turned out great. I will consider having it again. I cheated when making it and it still turned out great I am leaving the recipe for anyone who wants to try it. Garlic Lemon Parmesan Zucchini You Need: 1 zucchini a spoonful of minced garlic a couple of drops of lemon juice 1/3 cup grated parmesan cheese 2 tablespoons olive oil. Instructions Heat oven to 350 degrees. Line a baking sheet with foil. Slice zucchini in half width wise, then slice it in half length wise then slice it again length wise. You should have 8 sticks about 3-4 inches long. Place cut zucchini on pan. Mix garlic, olive oil, and lemon juice. coat the zucchini with olive oil mixture and top with grated parmesan. Bake 11 minutes on top rack. |
| Today I watched a TV show that I often try to avoid. This does not happen often, but every once in a while a show hits too close to home and I can not make myself watch it. One of those shows is My 600LB Life. The show follows a morbidly obese person for the course of a year, in which they endure gastric bypass surgery to save their lives. Watching this show terrifies me because I see a lot of myself and behaviors the people express on the show; resulting in me fretting that if I don't change my habits I too will one day be on that series. The woman on the show today was Kristen and her journey did not captivate me as much as her negative attitude. By the end of the show I was yelling at the TV saying, "Of course you are not going to lose the weight if you keep thinking like that." She was complaining about everything and the worst part was I could picture me complaining about the same things. Having the same attitude that I can do this on my own and not allowing anyone to help. I am happy to report that she did get help and that made a huge difference in her ability to lose the weight. At the end of the episode she cooked dinner for her family, a feat she hadn't had the ability to do for years. No matter how bad things got, she never quit. She may have done a lot of whining, but never gave up. This leads me to respect her. Seeing a person with a negative personality showed me how important it is to stay positive no matter what happens. On a positive note Today went very well. I snacked on healthy food like cherries, popcorn, and a turkey wrap. I snuck veggies in where ever I could and we didn't stray from our menu. Overall, I think I had a pretty fantastic day! |
| Today was a great day! It started when I made a menu for the week and I even added a few new dishes for us to try, such as garlic lemon and parmesan zucchini sticks and garlic parmesan salmon. FYI I LOVE GARLIC! So if a recipe says garlic, I am usually eager to try it. Both recipes are not in the menu until later in the week, don't fret I will let you know how I liked them as soon as I try them. In addition to making a menu I also went to the grocery store to buy all of the necessary items. Half of my cart was filled with a variety of fruits, veggies, and meats. Thanks to pinterest I have a lot of new healthy snacks to try that actually sound appetizing. Today I indulged in a tortilla with a little nutella and a banana. All you do is spread Nutella on a tortilla, place a whole banana on it, wrap it up, and slice it into bite size pieces. I'll admit I wasn't fond of this snack at first, however the more bites I took the better it tasted. I could get used to it. Tomorrow I want to spread peanut butter on the tortilla and then slice up a banana and heat it on the stove top like a quesadilla. Lastly, I didn't snack a lot today and when I did it was healthy. I have to admit, doing well feels really REALLY good. And to make that good feeling last, I bought a shadow box with a slit on top where I will make tiny notes of my accomplishments and then deposit them into the box. Seeing all the progress I have made should boost my motivation on the rainy days when it seems I can't do anything right. Great days like today give me hope that I can transform into a healthy lifestyle! |
| My dog is doing a little better today. He still doesn't want to put weight on his paws, but is slowly being a little more active on his own. In the meantime I am getting a killer back work out, due to us having stairs. At this point I know they would be to hard for him and I don't want him becoming more hurt than he already is. it's kind of cute, he knows when he goes outside he gets picked up and same for when he comes inside. He has started to stand on his back paws like a prairie dog allowing me to pick him up easier. The first time he acted like a prairie dog he nearly jumped into my arms. Thinking about my dog it is clear to me that as he starts feeling better he will soon be acting normal. He has not given up trying to walk just because his paws are sore and possibly his joints too. That is how I must look at getting healthy. I might be very sore and in a bad mood at first, fortunately it is only temporary and little by little I will make progress that will lead to a healthier lifestyle. It's also really easy to focus on weight and clothes fitting more loosely, however my main focus should be to get healthy from the inside out. I have looked up low carb snack ideas and there are a lot of them I like such as celery and peanut butter, almonds, cottage cheese, cucumbers and ranch, carrots and ranch, cheese, and the list goes on. I like all of those foods, now I need to make a point to eat them. This is my new goal. |
| First, I would like to wish all the mothers a happy Mother's Day. I hope you all felt appreciated. Day 14 I am slowly getting back on track. We didn't eat out at all the whole weekend, which is very unusual for us. We even decided to go on a walk. I'm not sure if they are doing this around the country, but in Iowa they are turning old abandoned railroads into walking/biking paths and they have done a very nice job. I like these trails since they usually go through a wooded area and provide some much needed shade on hot humid days like yesterday. The only thing I wish we would have done differently, not bring our dog. I know he needs exercise, although I am wondering if he doesn't have arthritis. In cooler weather he walks a mile or two no problem, on days like yesterday he barely walked a half a mile before seeming to be exhausted. We thought that he might have gotten too excited to go for a walk and that is why he was not walking well. he was going such a slow pace that I picked him up and walked with him so it wouldn't take all night to get back to the car, the only problem is he weighs close to 50LBS and your arms tire very quickly. I would like to get a doggie stroller or red wagon for him as he gets older, he's already 8. The worst part is that he has barely moved since yesterday and today I saw that he has a blister on one of his paws. I have been picking him and taking him everywhere. My heart nearly broke when I picked him up to take him potty and when he got outside he plopped. When he did get up he had little control of where he went and was in pain as he tried to stand to pee. We have overdid walks before and he would be tired for the night, but never has he been like this. |
| As I expressed yesterday I have been dealt a rough hand, but that is no excuse to give up. I have to admit one of the first things I was thinking when I read the letter saying unemployment wanted their $1000 back is, ohh s*** I'm going to be living on ramen noodles. I still feel a little depressed, but at the same time I have came to the realization that while we might have to be a little more careful with our money I do not have to survive on ramen noodles and easy mac. Day 13 was not a horrible day there were a lot of things a normal depressed Carissa would have partaken in, but I did not. Most likely I would have wanted to eat at a restaurant or order pizza. I did keep snacking to a minimum and I do feel good about that. My stomach was a little upset from the poor choices I made the day before, so while I had thought about going on a walk with my husband, that idea was quickly vetoed because our stomachs were unstable. I feel a little better as time goes on and hopefully tomorrow we will go on that walk and life can once again be happy. |
| On April 9th I was fired from my job as a teller at a local credit union. This was my first employment at a credit union and it was very different from working at the 2 nationally recognized banks I had been at previously. Both of the banks were large volume locations, keeping me busy. The credit union was completely different. I completed the same amount of transaction there in a month as I would complete in a normal week at the other banks. I was often bored having to do paperwork causing my mind to start to wondering very easily. Being focused by other thoughts, that I tried to limit and control at no success, I made very dumb mistakes that were easily corrected and could have been avoided. This is what lead to me being let go. You may be asking yourself what does this have to do with getting healthier. I have received 3 unemployment checks totaling $1000. The credit union is fighting unemployment and now unemployment wants that $1000 back, problem is I used it for bills. Now my husband and I have through June paid for. With that being said our budget is now extremely tight and we are focused more on price than health and I am uncertain what the future brings for us and this blog. |
| This is the first day I am truly dreading writing this blog. My frustrations are high resulting in me wanting to eat junk I know I shouldn't. Day 11 wasn't terrible, but of course could have went a lot better. I had joined weight watchers back in October. Of course, I was pumped up and determined to do well. I have always struggled with counting calories, before I signed up I had to prove to myself that I could indeed keep track of what I ate and I did for 3 weeks straight. Then I went to a meeting that was about how to get back on track when you come up short. THAT WAS A DISATER! I was feeling confident in my abilities until that particular meeting, because of how I am wired I simply can not stop replaying the part where my leader said, "at some point you will undoubtedly mess up." PERIOD, that is all I heard and the stress began. I had worked all summer long to get me to this point and now a tiny little sentence was going to haunt me until I stressed out to the point where I really did fall off the horse. In the worst possible season: Thanksgiving/Christmas. At new years I was determined to start going back to the meetings and do well again. I forgot that that is when everyone else decides to as well. My already large meeting exploded with people. Before, you could walk in 5 minutes early, get weighed, and find a place to sit. Now, if you arrived 5 minutes early you had to wait in line for 15 minutes just to get weighed and by the time you were finished it was standing room only and by the time you got to the point you could enter the meeting, it was already half over. I never liked the size of the meeting, but it was the only one my husband and I could attend together. My other issue with the meeting is petty but true. I hated going there and seeing all these other woman who just joined losing 13lbs in their first 2 weeks. It felt as though I was working just as hard as they were, but I was forced to sit in the stands as they were playing ball. I started just trying to keep track of points but little by little that whittled away as well. It was previously stated in a comment that counting calories might help me with my evening snacking. I appreciate the comment and have started trying to track my points again. During the day I am doing great, but when evening comes a switch turns in my brain and tracking is not a thought anymore. It might just be me, but this seems like a very depressing post. I'm not a fan of depressing so let's find some of the positive! Back in October I was doing very well and tracking religiously. If I did it once, I can do it again! Right now I track until supper time then it becomes more difficult for me to track. My goal is to track past supper, I can build myself up to tracking all day. I still want to practice asking myself if I am hungry before I eat. I still feel a little depressed but my spirits are better now. I CAN DO THIS!!! P.S I finished chapter 1 of my book, I think it's pretty awesome and would love for you to check it out. It's called, Surviving Death and it's based in a kingdom where the day you are born you are also assigned the day you will die, but a girl is born with a purple skin tone and...you'll have to read it to find out :) |
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