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Rated: 13+ · Book · Other · #942302
Sunflower's Blog
I am Sunflower, and this is my blog--for what it's worth.

The philosophical beachbum journals to public.
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May 8, 2005 at 12:39am
May 8, 2005 at 12:39am
#345854
I have a friends,
who's a blessing and a curse.
We've know each other for years
Almost for better or worse.

It's nice to have somebody
To tell your troubles to,
Some one you can count on
To chase away the blues~

somehow
.
May 6, 2005 at 1:02am
May 6, 2005 at 1:02am
#345479
No time to write. I'm on a reviewing jag. *Smile*
May 2, 2005 at 3:23pm
May 2, 2005 at 3:23pm
#344770
It happens every so often. I go to sleep one day, and wake up two days later. I would have expected it if I'd thought about it. Just started a new regimine of psych meds. None of the doses are that strong, 150 mg, 1/2 mg, 150 mgs, but it was enough to knock me off my regular sleeping pattern for two days of sleep.

When "they" talk about bipolars who aren't compliant with their meds, "they" never talk about the reasons why. I just lost a day of my life, and woke up to four very hungry pets. The kind of sleep that meds sets me in to isn't something you can just wake yourself up from and start moving. I've been awake for two hours now, and my head feels like I drank a bottle of bourbon--but I didn't. I just took my meds like the doctor told me.

With time, if I can make myself keep taking my meds, and upping them along the way, my body will get used to this new anitpsychotic cocktail. But it doesn't seem right. Why do I have to be this messed up, in order for the world to label me okay?

April 29, 2005 at 2:33pm
April 29, 2005 at 2:33pm
#344219
Well, with finances being the way they are at my house, I came to the conclusion that a part-time income could make my life much easier. I don't want to be so involved in work that my writing time gets taken away. I'm not giving up dreams of being a published writer. I'm merely succombing to the obvious solution to financial problems

The GNC close to the Tom Thumb I frequent had a "help wanted" sign on the door. I thought about it last night after I saw the sign. I was dropping off a prescription near there today, so I went inside.

A nice, short, young man, dressed in black pants and a red polo shirt, asked if he could help me find something. He said he's going to another store soon, and said the manager was looking for part and full time help. It sounds like there may be several openings. I do have experience using a register, but it's been many years. I'm trainable, if I haven't just taken all my meds. My new doctor told me to take all my meds before I go to bed. If I can wake up without a med hangover, my bipolar disorder shouldn't keep me from employment.

The GNC never seems to have many customers, so I don't see this as a high stress job. I have enough vitamin self-study behind me that I wouldn't feel uncomfortable or uneducated about which vitamins are supposed to do what.

The stores in the strip center seem to not have many customers, and I might worry about getting robbed. I guess I should just ask the employer what they'd want me to do in that case, and their preventative measures, and it shouldn't be a problem to lose sleep over. I wouldn't want to get shot for minimum wage, as I suppose that's all it pays. I said I could work 20-30 hours per week.

It seems like jobs are more difficult to get than they used to be. I have a few young friends, just out of high school, and they haven't had much success. One of them is in a whirl over looking for an employer who doesn't test for drugs or do a background check. He wasn't ever very motivated, but he's filled out lots of applications. 19 and not employed yet. I was offered a job at Starbuck's when he applied there. Too fast for me. Him too. I need to work at a slower pace, but I can be trusted to be responsible. I'm not one to pilfer from a job.

So the manager will be in all day tomorrow--Saturday. I'll do some checking on the company on the Internet, get my head geared into a good self-image presentation, and get up and at 'em before the sun hits its height in the sky on the last day of April, 2005.

All prayers and wishes for luck gratefully accepted!
April 28, 2005 at 5:39pm
April 28, 2005 at 5:39pm
#344039
Finally I have done good for earth day. I may have been off a few days, but I planted almost a dozen trees.

The trees came from the National Arbor Foundation, gratis with a yearly membership payment. Luckily, the postman caught me outside on the day they were delivered. They arrived in a lare white rectangular plastic shipping envelope. The package wouldn't have fit in the mailbox, and even April sun is scorching enough to bake if you're inside a metal mailbox. So the trees arrived on a timely basis, and in fine form.

Of course, trees don't come full size. They are very small--the largest at 8-10 inches, with a diameter about half the size of a pencil--about the size of the lead in the pencil. About 4 inches of root grows out one end, and the other looks like dead limb. With a little bit of damp clay soil, and a few twist ties, it is difficult to imagine how these will grow into trees. Takes time. Lots of water. TLC.

Crepe Myrtle, pink and white dogwoods, and pear trees all look the same when they're young. I'm not sure what I planted where, as the twiglets weren't marked by name. I laid the plants on the new emerging grass and leaf matter while I dug many little holes in the flower bed. My dogs are presently suspect as baby tree thieves, because I didn't dig twelve holes when I finished planting from the little pile.

I have a first year pecan tree with four leaves growing in the front yard. My new Arbor Foundation trees are in the back yard, waiting for enough time and water to get over planting shock and grow some green of their own. Watching them come into their own will be a rewarding experience.

I always wanted to contribute at least a tree a year to the environment. When I moved into the house, I finally got the ground to do it. Planting trees is one little thing I can do to leave the world better than I found it, and it's something everyone can do. Wish me some rain, will 'ya?

Plant on.
April 19, 2005 at 4:11pm
April 19, 2005 at 4:11pm
#342171
A new pope has been elected by the Cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church. I prayed for a good Pope before I went to sleep last night. I was doubly saddened when I realized that the tears I shed upon hearing the announcement were not tears of joy. It doesn't make me proud to say this. I don't speak as a Catholic, though I was raised in the Church. The Catholic Church will continue to espouse doctrine that is out of step with the needs of its people. I was hoping for more. I guess I was expecting a miracle.

Sometime during my college studies of history, I realized that those who represent God on earth are only human, full of the frailties of earthly beings. My Catholic schooling from kindergarten until grade five, told me WHAT to think, not HOW to think. All these years later, there are no changes.

As far as the many expatriot Catholics, this Pope would rather have a smaller gathering of the truly faithful, rather than getting in step with what the 21st Century populations of the world want and need. Government, politics, and war will continue as they always have. It would seem that the United States may be the proving ground as to whether church and state can be separate. Our new Pope spoke against John Kerry. Abortion is a sin. The Pope's position is as stone. There is no negotiation when the word has been given.

As a Cardinal appointed by Pope John Paul some thirty odd years ago, Georg Ratzenburg served as a theological advisor to his predecessor, and has done much writing on the doctrine of theology. His contributions to the Vatican Counsel are vested in conservative thinking. At age 78, one assumes his reign will be relatively short. Let's hope that he can bring the peoples of the world together, rather than using his religiously political position to thicken the dust of theocracy, and the miriad divisions which tears people's apart.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. There will be no wide open arms to welcome women into the Catholic church as clergy. Similarly, the concept that each act of love-making should result in procreation is simply out of touch with the 60s saying of make love not war. The elder, the virtuous of nature, those above participating in the human act of creation will stay aloof, in their ivory basilicas, far from the porn movies and live sex chats. How can those people who place themselves above the passion of humanity dictate what they supposedly have never known? But this is the word of the Church, and THE WORD it will stay. People of personal conscience will find God where they always have, in the love of one for another.

The politics of Rome will remain the same. I only pray that in this man's earthly mission, God will give him the sense to speak words of peace and comfort.

By saying that other religions are "less," Pope Benedictine XVI is not opening a dialogue with his Muslim brothers and sisters on this earth. Neither is he welcoming those who chose a faith based on the traditions of Methodists and Baptists who worship the same God in a different manner. The church will continue their tradition of being blind to problems, in hopes that they'll go away of their own accord.

I still pray that this Pope will have a positive impact on humanity. The sanctity of life cannot be dictated from Rome. It is the teaching how we humans are the same, how good can come from struggles, and how we can best love our fellow man that a representative of God can spread peace. He'll be in my prayers. So will the conglomeration known as humanity. God bless us all.
April 19, 2005 at 3:34pm
April 19, 2005 at 3:34pm
#342165
The History Channel's series on Franklin D Roosevelt offers a good inside guide to what made him a great President in the 20th Century. Since his terms as Head-in-Chief were before I was born, the several hour series hits the many highlights, with an attitude less invasive than that of today's media, and proved time well spent.

Roosevelt's Fireside chats were the first time people could actually hear the voice of the President. Today we are so deluged with info on all sorts of media fronts, but those fronts didn't even exist a generation ago. The footage in color and black and white is clear, and well woven into the script of so many vital events.

Depression's financial problems were finally overcome by expanding the government so that a great number of people worked for the government, as in the CC Camps, which I remember hearing my step-father speak of like it was another family.

NOT entering into WWII until after Pearl Harbor gave us no choice but to get involved. History books tell facts, but this tv presentation brings meaning to the facts.

Roosevelt's affliction of POLIO, the devastation of which has been forgotten with the advent of vaccines, is covered in the progression of time.

The choice of Truman as VP in his final term, as Roosevelt's health was in such decline, with the pain of illness, weakness, and a drifting mind at Yalta.

The History Channel is worth watching!
April 16, 2005 at 8:50pm
April 16, 2005 at 8:50pm
#341660
Probably the most reasonable eating out option is the cafeteria. With the all-you-can-eat option, a multi-course meal is a value at $6.49. Salads, meat entrees, hot veggies, bread, and rows of dessert temps you through the previewing line. As many people as there are, there are that many variations on the meal.

Cafeterias have good and bad days. On a bad day, or at a bad cafeteria, you could decide the concept is better than the food. I grew up in a cafeteria family. As a young adult, I hated cafeterias. The atmosphere is so bland.

This afternoons outing left me full and happy at the local Furrs. I wouldn't suggest it for a date, but it's a place to sit and eat and watch other people. Families with children wear their problems on their sleeves. A cup of after dinner coffee, a pen and journal, and the latest world problem to solve! It's great to have weekends!
April 12, 2005 at 8:55pm
April 12, 2005 at 8:55pm
#340893
One day is much like another. I have a doctor's appointment in three weeks. I'll run out of meds before then. Tsk, tsk! I'm doing the best I can in my current state of depression. It's an effort to do anything, and there's nothing that particularly gives me pleasure. Classic depression. There'as a pill to make it better. Time will get me through this. I'm not in horrible shape, just way far from my best.

I'm keeping a routine to stay ahead of the dog hair. I love my two big dogs, but they shed so much. Every day or two I get the broom, mop, and vacuum cleaner over everything.

The old kitty has been sitting on the back of the living room sofa with me the past few evenings. She's been with me over 19 years. We have lots of experience relaxing in entertwined positions. She always sits where I can scratch her chin. After a couple of hours and scratcing and petting, there's a light gray layer of hair in every direction. Since her visits have become nightly, the first thing I do when I get up is vacuum the sofa. Yesterday the Hoover broke down, so today I used the old Rainbow Vacuum cleaner. I think my mom gave it to me when I went away to college. She sent me off with a vacuum cleaner and a microwave. Funny the priorites parents have for their kids.

I spent awhile in the back yard pulling weeds. Amazing how green growth takes off so quickly. Knee high weeds already. There's more gardening in my future.

My other ongoing project is an acryllic painting. I think it's eventually going to be a field of sunflowers. I wouldn't say I've got lots of artistic talent, but I've got lots of raw potential. Painting is a way to keep creative when the words won't come.
April 9, 2005 at 7:25pm
April 9, 2005 at 7:25pm
#340194
There aren't enough cigarettes in the day.
Piles of leftover ash, fallen like snow,
Across the coffee table, of necessary clutter.
I sit in slow motion, obsessed with the mundane.

Layers of dog hair, so many wisps in the breezes,
Waving about, but not giving in to release,
Stuck, until the vacuum cleaner sucks some of it away,
Then I pet my dogs, and it all begins again.

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