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 |  I write, therefore I am |
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I write, therefore I am. I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough. PLUGS:
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| So it has been a rough week or so. I want more than anything for my Angel to stay and not leave. I have been at a loss for what to do. I want to be with her, but I don't feel that marriage is the way to go about it. It's too soon, just too soon. I want to go with her when she leaves, but I don't want to leave my family behind. They are really important to me. How can I in my right mind put one before the other. I am torn. So we were sitting in her house the other night the little Angel was asleep. We were watching a movie and I was holding her close as she hugged my arm. I pulled her close and kissed her on top of the head. She started crying and pushed me away. She left the room and went into her bedroom. I sat there for a few minutes to give her a moment, she doesn't like for me to see her cry. Slowly I walked into the bedroom and found her sitting against the backboard holding a pillow against her crying. I asked her what was wrong. She said that I was what was wrong. She wanted to know why I haven't asked her to stay and not leave. She wanted to know why I didn't want to be with her. What could I do. What could I say. I sat on the edge of the bed near her and I pulled the pillow away from her. I told her that of course I didn't want her to leave. I told her that she has made me happier in the last few months than I can remember being in a long time. She wanted to know why I hadn't asked her to stay. I told her I hadn't asked her to stay, because it wouldn't be fair to her. It is hard enough to move half a country away, even if it is near her parents, without me clouding her mind by asking her not to leave me. I told her I loved her too much to be that selfish. I told her that if she felt she had to go to give herself and the little angel a better life than who was I to stop her. Well I won't get into the rest of what happened since this is a family show, but I think you can get the picture. Quote; I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. Noah (Ryan Gosling) - The Notebook |
| or, How I learned to stop crying an except the inevitable. Do you believe in foreshadowing? Premenitions? A few weeks ago I had a dream. Not a nice dream, but a dream all the same. I had asked the Angel to marry me she started to cry and said yes. The next day I come around and there is a note saying that she had decided to run off with an ex-boyfriend to get married. Then I am asleep and she is holding me. Still asleep I ask her to marry me, she slowly shakes her head no. I begin to cry in my sleep, but I love you. Your love is not strong enough she says as she pulls away and leaves me in the bed asleep struggling to awaken. Then I am outside with a group of people and I am looking all over for her, but she is no where to be seen. Finally I see her and another standing on top of a hill. I run to her and as I come near they fade away. The last I see of her is tears in her eyes as she waves goodbye to me. That dream troubled me for a while and I was afraid to mention it to her. Last week she told me that she was given a promotion at work. I was happy for her, but I could see that she was not entirely happy. She said the promotion would mean she had to move to another store in Ohio. She said that she was taking the job because it would mean she would be moving near her parents and she wanted the little angel to be able to know here grandparents. I told her that was okay we would still talk and all that long distance jazz. She said that she didn't want to do the long distance thing because she did that with her ex when he was in the Navy and she hated it. So here I am once more on the dark side of the moon, once more a return to dark days of loneliness and fear. The pain of lonliness seems much stronger than I remember. Quote; The silence of a falling star Lights up a purple sky And as I wonder just where you are I'm so lonesome I could cry Hank Williams - I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry |
| It took about a week, but the pain in my neck from the accident has finally gone, though it still feels like it could use a good cracking. I finished reading the Way of the Peaceful Warrior and I have to say that it is an interesting and thought provoking book. I don't think it is even 200 pages but it is full of all sorts of really cool quotes and anticdotes. I would suggest everyone to read it. Well I am off to bed for I am tired. Quote; You wrote that the world doesn't need a saviour, but every day I hear people crying for one. Superman (Brandon Routh) - Superman Returns |
| Well happy frikkin birthday to me. lol. It's hard to believe that it has been a year already. Time flies. |
| Well there goes that plans of Mice and Men. I was so determined to post everyday this month in celebration of my upcoming Birtday here at WDC, but things happened to change that. First I missed a day or two, then I was in a car accident. Everyone was fine, I'm the only one who was injured, my back and neck were sore for a few days. The most horrific part of the accident was The Angel was driving and the Little Angel was in the backseat. Luckily they are both smarter than I and they were wearing seatbelts or secured in their childseat. Things happened so fast it was a blur. A car pulled out in front of us and we clipped eachother their passenger front end to our driver front end. The other car spun away alittle but we were knocked passenger door into a nother car. The other car backed away and I was quick to check on the angels. The girl in the car that pulled out in front of us was joined by her boyfriend who worked in a restuarant at the shoping center where the accident occured. He began to give us dirty looks and I told Angel just to ignore him, then he started cussing at her and yelling. I pushed open my damaged passenger door and stood out all 6' 3" near 300 pounds of me and asked him what his problem was. After asking a second time he shut up and began to study his girlfriends car. The girl was ticketed for pulling out in front of us and as her boyfriend and his mother, who also gave us dirty looks, pulled away in their car they got into another accident. Karma? After the accident we went back to the Angels house and she gave me a book to read. She said, maybe it would help me control my anger. I told her I didn't have a problem with my anger, but I wasn't going to let that guy sit there and cuss at her in front of her daughter who was already shaken up. She said and do you think your yelling at the guy, calmed her down. Well, at least she is smart enough for the both of us. The name of the book is, The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, by Dan Millman. It is soon to be a movie called Peaceful Warrior with Nick Nolte and Amy Smart. Quote; Everything has a purpose, even this, and its up to you to find it. Socrates - Nick Nolte (Peaceful Warrior) |
| They say that eventually every dam must break. I think mine is beginning to show some fissures. I have the opening for a story in my head, but I can't seem to move past the opening. "From a distance he watches her wearing her pink outfit like it was a privilege. He watches her as she moves through the store with her pink shoes matching the pink of her shorts and lipstick, but not the pink of her too tight top. She walks with her head held in that snooty I'm-too-rich-to-be-shopping-here way that people of money seem to have. He watches and he hands ache to hurt her, his tongue swells in anticipation of the taste of her fear." Okay that's as far as I can get. I try to go further but it seems to evaporate away to nothing when I do. Well at least it's something. |
| Somehow, well not somehow, it was because I am an idiot, so, somehow today I managed to wipe my computer. So I had to reload all the old disks back on. Well guess what I don't have my old disks. SO I had to call someone over with more computer knowledge than a six week old baby, like myself, to fix it. Sometimes man I swear, as my Uncle would say to me growing up, "Damn boy you would mess up a wet dream." Oh well. I still have some downloading to do so, a reeba der chee. |
| Well so much for a blue month in celebration of my last month before I turn a year old. You know I don't remember writing in here being so difficult. I used to always have something to say. Last night I went to see a movie called, Brick. If you get the chance to go see, well, go see it. It is a noir film taking place around a high school. It has all the noir cliche's; the femme fatale, the tough as nails anti-hero who takes a beating, but keeps coming, the 40's lingo, the twist ending. ALl in all it was a great film. I am ready to go see it again. If any once else has seen it drop me a line and let me know what you think about it. Quote: When the "Upper-Crust" does shady deeds, they do them all over town, and the pitch is, they got these little symbols so they can tell each without word getting around. The Brain - Matt O'Leary (Brick) |
| I have tried to go back and read some of my favorite peoples BLOGs and I have noticed that a few of them are no longer here. It seems like WDC is much like everything else in life. We are constantly passed by people who influence us, only to have them go on by never to see them again, while every once in a while they return seemingly better then when they were here the first time. I hope they all can return if not I wish them all the best. |
| It's funny how being happy and content can steal the words away. I find now that I have nothing to write about as I sit here. Really it has been that way since I put my life story to BLOG. I have missed my time here. I have missed reading the adventures of CC and TOR. I have missed reading the Blogville Weekly News. And I have missed all the friend that I have made here in the last almost year. I plan to go out the last month before my Birthday strongly with a blue month. I just wonder can I do it? I hope so. Quote; I woke last night to the sound of thunder, how far off I sat and wondered. Bob Seger |
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